Your Symptoms...

[Kyan]

Hey beautiful girls and guys afflicted with our shit!

There have been some topics, I have noticed, of what everyone's diagnosis is and therapy, etc.

As with every diagnosis, not just BPD, each individual exhibits certain things more than others. Some aspects of the disorder, while apparent, seem negligible compared to others that we possess.

So this thread is for you to post what aspects of ANY diagnoses you most commonly experience and the aspects that affect you most. Hopefully, apart from helping you get things off your chest, this will also shed light on some symptoms which many of us have that don't really fit into your diagnosis/ses.

So forget about what you've been told you have; focus only on what actually made you see a professional in the first place.

I'll start to clear up any confusion.

- I remember things that never occurred, in vivid detail.

I recall going to the store to buy a lot of chicken for dinner, and having to ask for a separate bag to carry it in as it was a large amount. I got to my car holding nothing. I ran back to the store, thinking I dropped it, but the cashier tells me I only bought a pack of cigarettes. I remember locking my bedroom door- an old, wooden door that uses the old iron keys- and it took me 5 minutes to do it. Finally, after having made sure it was locked, I remembered my wallet was in there. I went to begin the arduous process of unlocking it, to find the door ajar. My mother asked me to vacuum the house. I procrastinated for a while, and then began the job. She stopped me. Turns out I had finished vacuuming an hour ago.

- I forget things.

Conversations I’ve had with people, only hours or a day ago, I do not recall whatsoever. I don’t remember taking money, borrowing items, making threats.

- I can’t remember what happened first; my grip on the chronological order of events is very loose.

I don’t know what day it is, if I went to the store yesterday or last week, whether or not a particular event happened 2 or 6 days ago, or if several events occurred over a period of time, what order they occurred in.

- I feel the presence of people that aren’t there.

In the corner of my eye, my peripheral vision. I see glimpses of people. Faceless, dark. I can’t see who they are. When I sit down across from my father and someone else at the dining table, using my laptop, he starts talking. He talks for a while, but then stops. I look up, and he’s looking at me. Expecting an answer. I look to the left, thinking he was talking to that other person. No-one’s there.

- I’m paranoid.

Sometimes I check my drinks before every sip for bugs, poison, ash. When I’m alone I get up every few minutes to check that someone’s not watching me, around the corner or through the window. The medication I’m on, they call it citalopram. I think it’s just a placebo. Sugar pills. Maybe all “antidepressants” are nothing but sugar. Then I think I’m being stupid.

- I get “anxiety attacks”.

I’m watching TV, or trying to sleep. Suddenly a random object catches my eye; an empty coke bottle, a piece of decor. My head spins, my heart races, and everything but the object gets blurry. I feel an intense rage towards it, and I want to destroy it, cut it, smash it, chew it to pieces. Then, 30 seconds later, it all disappears.

- Am I dreaming?

Some days, maybe once a week, I feel like everything isn’t real. I feel heavy and slow and different. Unsettled, but chained. In the centre of my chest is an anchor, a heavy weight. My surroundings seem fake, hazy, and surreal. Like a pane of glass or a veil has been drawn over everything. People’s conversations don’t make sense, even if they’re simple. I feel like I’m dreaming all day.

- Breathing difficulties.

About once or twice a day I suddenly find it difficult to breathe. I can inhale fully, but it feels like it’s never enough air and I start hyperventilating. These episodes last only a few minutes.

- I feel empty.

Like something's missing. Feeling bored even when incredibly busy.

- Hopeless.

We are all as ants on the face of the earth, running like clockwork to a design we have created. We enslave ourselves to it. Our “prefect ideal” is to spend one third of our life studying, the next third working, and the last third, when we are old and tired and spent, actually doing what we want to do. What’s the point? The REAL fucking kicker is, the ultimate goal is to escape this self-imposed prison society has created. How? Via money. We earn money, the more we have, the more things we can do that we like. Even retire early and actually LIVE.

- I am a mirror.

A mask. My life is nothing but a charade I put on so we can all get along.

- The vast majority of my friendships, romantic interests, and other relationships end within 2 months of beginning.

My views and feelings towards someone can change dramatically and very easily- one moment I love them, as a mate, or as a lover, or as a person- the next, I want them to hurt so much that they would rather die. This is usually triggered by something that they do, whether intentionally or not, that I see as negative towards me. If a good mate of mine doesn’t invite me to a party, or doesn’t offer to share his drink when I have so many times, or ignores me, I hate them. If they would rather spend time with someone else, I hate them. Then, if they redeem themselves by inviting me out, or calling me to chat, or buying me a coffee, I admire and respect them immediately. There are only 1 or 2 relationships that do not suffer from this.

FYI, my DX is Depression, Anxiety, and BPD. But as you can see, some of my symptoms don't really fit into those.

Hope this helps us all gain a better understanding of what each of us is going through.

Love and light,

Kyan

[an9i]

Hi Kyan, thanks for your post

My symptoms are as follows:

I am very impulsive - shopping, drugs, sex, eating, not eating - if you can enjoy it, I'll get addicted to it. And compulsive too. My t said impulsive is when you can't stop yourself starting something and compulsive is when you then can't stop it . I said I'm both of those!

I feel unsure about who I am. I'm even unsure about how unsure I am - but I don't have a strong identity and as a kid I remember trying to 'be' someone else (lucky I didn't get MPD eh) as I didn't want to 'be' me. If that makes any sense at all.

I get obsessed very easily. Either with people, eg romantic relationships, people who I want to be like etc or with things eg I got obsessed when the london bombings happened and couldn't stop thinking about them. Or I can get a new hobby, get completely obsessed with it for a few weeks and then drop it completely. It's like there's an on and an off switch but no dimmer switch.

I don't 'get' relationships. My romantic relationships have been sparse, I tend to fall out with friends a lot, I 'court' abandonment and rejection (working on this one with t at moment)and see it everywhere and then project it out there. I do the splitting thing - eg someone is my good friend but the minute they don't want to spend time with me then I convince myself that a) they don't like me and they're horrible.

I have an eating disorder - actually two I think. I used to overeat, now I'm more into undereating. My weight has never been stable. I can never buy clothes more than a few months in advance, eg in the sale for next year, as I have no idea what size I will be! I used to have a wardrobe three times bigger than anyone elses as I had to have three sets of clothes for my differing sizes.

Empty - I think I get the empty thing now (posted a thread on what is it a while back). Yes I get this, just feel bored and that everything is meaningless. It's like I can't enjoy life. Like trying to eat something delicious with a mouth full of anaesthetic.

Deep deep depression, suicidal ideation. Every now and then I'll fall into 'the hole' where I think the world has shut me off (abandonment) and I'll start to think about killing myself, but I've decided not to do that this lifetime so that's as far as it goes.

Lack of interpersonal sensitivity - sometimes I will do things that upset other people with absolutely no idea that I have dones so, it's like I lack the awareness of how it will come across to them. Not completely, but I have to think about it it's not like it's automatic as I imagine it is for so called normal people. This gets me into trouble at work and my career heavily relies on it so I'm thinking about whether I need to change career, but all jobs involve working with others to a certain degree don't they.

Dizzy - I'm very dizzy. I can't organise anything, I lose everything, I don't think things thru to the same extent other people do. Some people see this as endearing - until I borrow something that isn't theres or forget to do something like turn the gas off before I go out.

Emotional Lability - My emotions are a rollercoaster. I used to overeat to self medicate, now that I no longer do that I get to feel them intensified. If upset or angry it is a very physical reaction and takes ages to calm down. I feel like I have hardly any emotional control. My emotions often feel overwhelming.

My t says I have a 'moderate' case of BPD but am high functioning and also very self aware and willing to work on myself so she says that bodes well for recovery. I also have ED, as mentioned, and have beeen diagnosed with depression. Given that I also have physical condition (diabetes) that's enough dx's for me!

[Data]

I get drunk nearly every night. I am overweight and eat too much.

I pick the skin around my fingers until it bleeds and is scarred.

I argue all the time with my wife (who also has mental health problems). I have sexual problems.

I have anger issues. I have frequent intrusive violent thoughts that disturb me.

I struggle to relate to other people so have virtually no friends (well all my friends are 'virtual' lol).

I have self esteem and guilt issues.

I have issues in my work with concentration and motivation. I can't see the point in things any more.

I have mood swings, including suicidal ideation.

I don't cope with stress very well.

[Kyan]

Thank you both for your input. To be honest I was worrying that people wouldn't like the idea of this and a mod would lock it. Paranoia maybe? Hahaha.

Angi, I can empathise with many of your symptoms. I experience many of them also, but as I wrote earlier, the things that I feel mostly affect me are in my list. Thank you for writing that : ).

Meme, thank you also. I'm sure we all share many of these symptoms, but it's good to know, for yourself and others, what you feel is most impacting to you and those around you.

Love to you both,

Kyan

[wordsmithy]

i get suicidal. i have thoughts or i have plans. or both.

i get inexplicable drops in mood.

i self-harm, i overdose etc.

i find it hard to stick to a course, therapy, or any kind of goal in life. i procrastinate to the point of doing nothing endlessly.

i have issues with eating. i dont eat enough and i cant bear the thought of gaining weight.

i suffer from social phobia. i dissociate when in groups of people. i hate social situations.

i drink to self-medicate bad moods etc.

edit. ooh anxiety, i get very anxious in most situations, sleep, walking around outside, family, and i dissociate a lot to compensate.

[gothicangel]

Hey Ky, great idea for a thread

Here goes:

1. Irritation

I am extremely easily irritated by very odd things. Like repetition of a word or phrase (for example, in an advert on TV or in a song) I cannot STAND, it makes me want to scream and destroy everything around me. Talking to me in an high pitched or (what I perceive to be) aggressive tone of voice also really riles me up and I am more likely to snap at you. People laughing for a long time when I am not also has a strange effect on me, when I was little I used to find it frightening and I sometimes still do. I can't stand the sound of a phone ringing for too long.

2. No sense of direction

I frequently get lost, even in places I have visited countless times before. If I am driving to somewhere where I don't know the way really, really well I always have to have someone with me. My spacial awareness is very, very bad too.

3. Extreme compulsiveness

I am compulsive with almost everything I ever do. When I drink alcohol I don't stop until I pass out/run out. Same with cocaine, speed, ketamine, mdma etc. When I tidy (which I don't do very often tbh) I don't stop until everything is perfect. I am a complete perfectionist and I'm obsessed with correct spelling and grammar, incorrect spelling makes me angry (English is your first language, so treat it properly damn it! lol) I constantly correct my friends' spelling and grammar. When I start writing I can write for hours and hours, as I can with reading. I compulsively pick my split ends and pick and peel my nails, even though I know it will damage them and I hate having short nails.

4. Addictions

I can get addicted to anything. Coca cola, watching Jeremy Kyle every day with tea and biscuit, and listening to my ipod for exactly 30 minutes (no more, no less) are some of my current ones. I also get addicted to people who I perceive to be exciting, wanting to spend every day with them. This usually has the effect of scaring them off pretty fast, as one would expect.

5. Vicariousness

I am obsessed with death and destruction, partically plane crashes. I watch every programme about aircrashes and I've watched footage of 09/11 hundreds of times. I know it's sick but witnessing that amount of death at one time exites me. Maybe it makes me feel more alive or something, I don't know. I also have a fascination with serial killers. I have read countless books on people like Fred and Rose West. There is this website called mydeathspace which lists the myspaces of dead people. I like to go on and look at them, especially the suicides, to see if there are any clues to their depression on there.

6. The World is a Dream

I also have days where everything feels like a dream, I go into a kind of zombie like state and don't really understand what is going on around me.

7. Observing Life

I rarely feel like I am 'part' of any given moment, merely an outsider observing life from a distance. Even at parties and social gatherings, unless I am completely off my face, I feel this way always.

8. Picking fights

In relationships, and also with my mother, I sometimes pick a fight for no reason. I invent a reason why I am upset, and provoke them to argue back with me. I have no idea why I do this. I am a nightmare in relationships.

9. Ditzy

I am an intelligent girl and perform very well academically but I lack any form of common sense. I forget what people have just said to me and lose absolutely everything. I make really silly mistakes with everyday things which in hindsight seem completely ridiculous.

10. Empty

There is nothing inside me, I feel that my emotions are superficial as they come and go so easily, they are nothing more than a sudden chemical reaction in my brain, no meaning behind them. I live off my impulses and nothing more, everything is meaningless.

11. Hypersensitivity

I am extremely sensitive to people's facial expressions and tone of voice to the point of paranoia. If someone changes their expression slightly in a certain way I'll be convinced that they hate me. Only recently have I realised that a lot of this is in my head, so until now I avoided a lot of people that I was convinced hate me. I don't like it when people don't speak to me in a calm manner, it upsets me. On the plus side it means that I am very sensitive to other people's emotions.

Wow I've really gone on here, apologies. Message me if you can relate to any of this and maybe I can feel like less of a freak, lol.

[Wobbles]

I agree, great idea for a thread and i'm enjoying reading about everyone.

I was diagnosed with BPD and Chronic Dysthymia 8 years ago, and am only just starting to be able to pull apart my symptoms, give them names, recognise them for what they are, instead of just being in a haze of intense confusion.

Myself, in order of prevalence:

1. Anxiety

Anxiety is the only reliable, predictable and constant emotion. I know that no matter what is happening, whether it be good or bad, i will have anxiety. It causes me a great deal of physical discomfort as well as emotion and psychological and is chronic.

2. Emptiness

Chronic, just like the anxiety. I get desperately bored, lonely, frantic and frightened because of it. I've described what it is to me in a previous thread so won't repeat it, but regardless of my moods and what's happening in life, the emptiness never fades, not even slightly.

3. Emotional Deprivation and Suppression

This causes a great deal of fear in my life. I am afraid of life, i am afraid to feel. My experiences with emotions have always been negative and overwhelming, so i now go to all lengths to avoid experiencing any type of emotion. This has lead to relationship problems, a lot of self loathing, guilt, shame, avoidance and anxiety.

4. Unstable Relationships

All friendships have ended within months of beginning, more often than not because i push the person away. Convince myself they never really liked me, they have ulterior motives, are out to take advantage of me, and i perceive any slight on their behalf to be a complete and utter rejection. Which leads to me splitting, and the relationship ending. This is why at 29, i have no friends, and the people i know, i feel nothing for.

5. Self Sabotage

I have never finished a course in my life, i have worked for a total of 2 years since finishing high school 12 years ago. I have a great habit of talking myself out of things, convincing myself i'm not capable, or worthy and so i give up. I have no qualifications, very little experience in the workplace, and am completely unemployable.

6. Inability to handle stress

Even the smallest amount of stress i flip out. I go to the shops, i get overwhelmed, especially if there are lots of people out, and i go mental. My son won't do what he's told or he gets whingey and clingy, i panic. The mere mention of my mothers name makes me panic. Small stresses are exaggerated and i fall apart. Which leads to:

7. Suicidal thoughts

In what i call my 'crisis moments' - which are the times i get overwhelmed with any type of emotion, panic and start to shut down, i get suicidal. Thoughts like 'I can't handle this, everybody would be better off if i was dead, i should have done it years ago' etc.

8. Anger

I have always been afraid of my own anger. Worried about what i'd do if i lost control, worried about who might get hurt. I am able to control it a lot more these days, especially now that i have my son, but i become enraged at an inappropriately extreme level at small things. For example, someone doesn't use their indicator on a round about whilst i'm out driving. Depending on my mood, i can fly into rage which involves me lashing out with horrendous swear words, adrenaline running, heart racing which will last literally for hours and it's debilitating.

9. No sense of identity

I have no idea who i am, where i've been, where i'm going. I feel like i was literally born 3 seconds ago and i'm a complete stranger to myself. I have no words when someone asks me who i am. I am detached from myself and often feel like a separate entity to my body when i look in the mirror.

10. Severe lack of memories

I do not remember my life. Certainly nothing before i was 5, and then only two or three between 5 and 14. Then only a few more from 14 to 26, then a few more since then. I've been detached from myself and life for such a long time, i've learnt to dissociate from such a young age that i have lost the ability to live in the moment, experience life and all that involves, and retain memories for recall at a later date. This is disturbing for me and contributes a great deal to my lack of identity. I don't know who i am, because i don't know where i've come from. I don't know where i've come from because i have no memories or attachment.

11. Very easily irritated

I become irritated with trivial things which creates a panic within myself,raising anxiety, stress, and i flip out.

12. Obsession with death

Murders, in particular. I like reading and watching documentaries about serial killers. I get very agitated when i don't get enough detail, and often wish i could see forensic photographs of the victims. A morbid fascination which leaks into my everyday life. I often look at rotten.com, and despite any ill feeling i may experience looking at mutilated bodies, i force myself to look. Maybe a form of self harm, but also very interested generally about criminal psychology.

Of course each one of these major symptoms have sub-branches of symptoms and would literally take days to think of them all to list.

This has been very useful for me to do this exercise as i've never sat down and taken the time to do it. It is helping me understand myself a lot better and figure out what major, life impeding difficulties need working on.

[an9i]

Hey gothicangel, we can be freaks together because I relate to so many of those!

I totally get the obsession with death thing, as I said in my post earlier I got obsessed with the london bombings, also got obsessed with nazi genocide (from the victims point of view, reading survivor stories and the like ) and trying to understand the motivations of the perpertrators. I've also been obsessed with suicide, but then seeing as I was kind of suicidal I suppose that makes sense. Maybe it's all about what the meaning of life is?

Spatial awareness I'm like a zero which is mad because I score high on other measures of intelligence like reasoning. I'm incredibly ditzy and totally relate to you on that one.

Don't get the irritation one quite as much but sometimes I feel quite sensitive as if the world is too loud or too bright and I wanna turn the volume down. Maybe something to do with heightened emotional sensitivity.

I also do the split ends and nails and cuticles thing too.

Thanks Kyan for starting this interesting thread

Angi xx

[Kyan]

Wordsmithy, GothicAngel, Wobbles- thank you all for posting here.

I can already see how some of us have more in common than we thought. When someone says "I have BPD" or "Depression", it gives you a general idea of what they're experiencing but as it's different for everyone, you only have a vague grasp of their feelings/symptoms/lifestyle.

Even if this was only somewhat cathartic for you and you alone, Wobbles, I'm so happy something I started could even give you tiny bit of introspective thought.

And thank YOU Angi, for taking part. : )

Love to you all,

Kyan

[ktspike]

I'm new on here and finding this all really helpful/insightful etc. I will post on this thread cos it interests me and is relevant, just gonna take me some time to get my head around my stuff. Pin pointing this doesn't come easy! Cheers tho! x

[AveMaria]

Oooo I like this, great idea!

Emotional Surpression

I get this the most, which seems to lead to many other problems. Growing up I'd get in trouble if I ever showed any emotion unless my parents specifically told me to, so I try to block out any emotions I may be feeling. When I begin to get angry, I immediately begin to block it out or else I panic or dissociate. If I start to feel sad, I get so upset with myself I get suicidal or once again dissociate... which ironically is also usually suicidal. If I begin to be happy the guilt and voices start letting me know I am too worthless to feel any positive emotions...etc.

Emptiness

I feel empty a lot! Or else I get where nothing seems real, or that they world seems to be moving while I am stuck. They all seem similar to me.

Sabotage myself

I mess up everything in my life, no matter how small it is. I panic a lot and feel overwhelmed. I dissociate a lot and then don't know what has happened except that I didn't do whatever I was supposed to and it is hours after it ended/closed. I hear voices that make it impossible to concentrate.

No Identity

I have no idea about who I am. I don't know what I enjoy or what I am good at. I don't know what my goals, hopes or dreams are.

Cannot handle stress

Feeling stressed is my biggest trigger! When I am stressed, it is almost guaranteed that I will either mess things up or go totally crazy... or both.

Many Masks

I don't really feel that they are masks because I don't know who I am... so how can I act like myself or not like myself? But, I have many different groups of acquaintances that only know one side of me and probably wouldn't even recognize me if I was out with another group.

xxx

[lostandempty]

I feel empty and lonely most of the time.I can be in a room full of people and feel so isolated and struggle too make conversation.Also feel as if I am in a dream like state and things, people around arent real.

Recurrent thoughts off harming myself.Either self harming or feeling suicidal.

Food is a nightmare.I either dont eat or eat and get rid off it.

I get anxious quite a bit and tasks like getting a bus,going too shops are dificult sometimes too do.

Most relationships I have dont last long as I find it hard too trust people.I attract unsuitable partners who are either physical or emotional abusive.Also find it difficult too open up too the few friends I have as I have a fear of being rejected by them.

Stress i dont handle well.I get pretty anger when stressed and feel like smashing things around my house too feel better.

I feel depressed alot and find it difficult too see light at the end of the tunnel,as it all seems too bad.all I wanna do is curl up and hide.

[Tillie]

Amazing... this may sound sick but I sorta feel like I actually fit in... I've found people that are like me... (instantly creates feelings of ooops, said the wrong thing, you're stupid for saying that, shut up, oh, no now they won't like me... I could just cry and yet I won't erase it -- this is what BPD does to me)

Ever since (about 2 months ago) I was diagnosed and started reading and coming here, etc. I have had a hard time knowing anything. I have just given in to the idea that I my thinking/reasoning is faulty/wrong/sick whatever and I can't rely on myself with any amount of confidence for any kind of self direction or guidance. I can't believe the voices in my head and yet, they are all I have... here's what haunts me the most:

I'm hyper-vigilantand because of my thinking errors I can read anything into nothing... a person can simply look at me and I can create a whole scenario, usually negative, about what they think of me... I am so busy watching the world and adjusting my behavior that I'm constantly exhausted.

I cannot regulate my emotions. I live on a roller coaster with constant ups and downs. I can actually feel the shift in my body and sometimes it takes only a song on the radio, something said, a look or any perceived slight against me... I'm afraid to be happy and if I feel good I immediately start attacking the happy thoughts/mood but when I'm down -- my whole being is convinced this is the true me and I should kill her immediately, she's a horrible person, be gone with her... blah blah blah

I'm alone so everything is about ME. I am my only friend, companion, etc. and I know there is some faulty thinking here but I feel so alien and have very few friends that I am constantly trying to adjust me to fit in, trying to fix me and/or consoling me when I'm down... so it's always about me, me, me... I can never get away from me. And, I believe it's awful to be self-absorbed so I'm awful for always thinking about me.

About being alien... only here have I started to see that there are other people in the world that think like me, feel like me and act like me. I have spent the greater part of my life either feeling sorry for myself or angry at myself for not fitting in, not finding my niche in the world or not being about to join in or be connected to others in any meaningful way. I've never felt authentic or real, I am whatever the situation around me dictates... I'm a chameleon and as good as I am at it the worse I feel. I feel like I'm hiding my real self yet I don't know who that "real" self is...

I do get irritated frequently. I get super annoyed at people for simple dumb shit... the way they drive, the way they talk, the way they eat, not being able to make a decision... just about anything given my mood. I want them to stop and do things my way, have no idea why my way would be the right way.

I can feel impulsive but rarely act on it... I think it's just my age that stops me from being impulsive. If I'm angry or hurt I want to destroy stuff or hurt myself, I often want to buy things to make me feel better, I want to eat my feelings away or starve myself as punishment, I want to yell, scream and let my feeling loose but I don't... instead I sit on the feelings and eventually they go away but it eats me up inside.

As I read my list and then read the previous lists... we are all saying just about the same things. I think I could go on and on. I'm miserable that's the biggest symptom. Life is just too hard and I'm not very good at navigating through it.

Til

[Tillie]

As I added to the list, it occurred to me that none of us mentioned anything "good" or how a symptom was more of a positive in our life...

I am bright and intelligent. Ooooh, how hard it is to say this... my hair raises on my back like I'm betraying my very soul by saying something good, but truth is I am smart. I don't know a whole lot about anything but I know how to get information and find resources. I can put 2 and 2 together and usually come up with the right answer.

I take extremely good care of those around me... I treat people like I want to be treated and although it usually back fires because I overwhelm people... I do give of my heart and am there if asked. Other people are more valuable to me than I am and I will do without to help someone else. (guess, this could be as much a good thing as a bad thing) Being hyper-vigilant really works well here, too.

I have a strong work ethic and I do good work. I can use my obsessiveness to do a kick-ass job. I want approval from my supervisors so I will work my butt off. I burn myself out on jobs because I want to be the perfect employee. I work hard and will work to the point of exhaustion. Same with being a tenant... I am a landlord's dream.

I am very creative. I really believe that my need for approval is the impetus that drives me to achieve. I watch the world around me and I take note of what is right/good or wrong/bad and I make adjustments in my life. I watch people and question their motives just to get insight. I love reality shows because I need to "get it right." So... I am able to put the right clothes together, arrange furniture, make jewelry, write prose, pick the next trend, design and/or create just about anything... I have tried all sorts of creative outlets and I'm successful at them but I stick to none.

I do have black or white thinking, the all or nothing and sometimes it really works for me. I can see two sides of an argument, I'm pretty good at problem solving because I start with extremes and eventually narrow it down to more of a consensus of the two. I make decisions quickly (not always good, but... ) I am a great debater and can choose a side and pretty much stay there.

This is too hard, but you get the idea... we aren't all bad... I can say this intellectually but I can't feel it emotionally -- it's too dangerous and I want to freak out.

Til

[Jaimie_CS]

tillie, you could not have described my good qualities better.

I have this suspicion, that while our behaviour makes US miserable, it actually make the people around us happier. (although perhaps not those closest to us.)

[Aneurysm]

Chronology

Even recent events I get very confused about what order things happened in, which makes DBT chain anayleses very complicated and annoying.

I also don't know how long ago certain things happened, whther a few weeks, or months...

Death and Suicide Obsession

I think about suicide several times a day, regardless of my mood. I also fantasise about my own demise. The deaths of young people, around my

age, also really intrigue me.

Insomniac Self Torture

When I can't sleep at night, my mind will replay lists of horrible events, which means I have to get up and watch a film or something to stop me thinking about it. I normally have to be exhausted to sleep without interuption. Or drunk off my face.

Obsessions

It can literally be anything. At the moment it's the seven deadly sins. WHY??

Obviously this doesn't include the traditional borderline symptoms.