A Story I Wrote In 2004

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The Rainbow Window - An Introduction

The story below, which you are about to read has been written by David. David wrote the The Rainbow Window story when he was twelve years old. I met David as a man in his forties and although I seldom see him nowadays, this story will stay with me forever. I am sure anybody who reads it will be glad they did, as it is an absolute treasure of a story. I am honoured to share it with you now. .

The Rainbow Window

My name is David and this happened to me three weeks after my twelfth birthday.

I knew a man called Zodor. Nobody had ever met Zodor except me. My Mum and Dad just thought he was some make-believe playmate I hadn't grown out of. "There's no Zodor!" they'd scoff. They though I was talking to myself. I never had many friends; kids called me names and bullied me because they thought I was a weirdo. Sometimes this got me down so you can imagine what an awful time I had at school. I was sharp in the classroom but a dunce in the playground as I just did not know how to look after myself most of the time, except when Zodor came to me. Then I knew just what to say to those kids. The trouble is, I couldn't always rely on Zodor showing up and when he did show, he would disappear. For a long time, I never understood just why Zodor vanished the way he did.

Zodor was strange because he wasn't a real person as such. For a start, he looked and sounded weird. He was a wheezy breathless old man and wore a long robe; he had long bluish-lilac hair and a long beard in the same colour. In fact, all of Zodor was a bluish-lilac colour. I didn't know his age or where he came from. He said he had come from everywhere and all ages. I liked Zodor because having a friend like him was like having a guardian angel. Zodor wasn't your typical guardian angel by any means. He has guided me and helped me enormously but I couldn't shake off the frustration and annoyance I felt at his unreliability. At the first sign of any bad feeling, Zodor would start that annoying wheezing, he would get very short of breath, and then just fade, just like that! He always vanished at times when I was stuck for an answer to the bullies, and the times when I get made to feel stupid by Mum and Dad for talking to myself or being a naughty boy in church.

Every Sunday morning, I had to go to church and pray for an hour to God. God lives in heaven above and we were told he loved us. It was him that kept us from doing bad things. Church got in the way for me, it stopped me doing things that I wanted to do. The prayers were long and boring, and we were told to believe stuff because some one said so. There were some good bits though, nice songs and some of the ladies there gave me sweeties which always tasted very nice, as long as I sat still, and wasn't a naughty boy.

The man at the front, who everybody had to listen to, stood on a big platform, and told us we had to be kind to all people and to have faith. I never really understood his stories or sermons and I got bored and stopped listening. I would always promise to be a good boy and to keep still but it never lasted. Before long, I would bet bored with the droning from the man at the front and I would start fidgeting or looking round the church and laughing. Here was this man, standing on his platform, at the front, telling us to be good to people. I was being told to be kind to all people, including those who treated me badly, I didn't understand and felt cross with the whole thing.

One of these Sunday mornings at church, three weeks after my birthday, I had been sent in the back vestibule thingy for shuffling about too much and being a naughty boy. My parents were very cross with me for embarrassing them in public. I was sat on the small wooden bench in the corner by the window, bricking it and shaking like a leaf. I had almost an hour to wait before my Mum and Dad would punish me. I was very afraid of both my mum and dad. They were very kind parents who gave me lots of gifts and told me often that they loved me, they cuddled me, sometimes too much, but if they were cross with me they let me know it for sure. I would always feel bad about myself after a telling off from them as they would tell me again, I was stupid for talking to myself and that the kids were right, I was a weirdo. Sometimes their cruel comments hurt me deeply. Although I was overcome by the fear of what punishment was waiting after church, somehow that fear was overpowered by a sudden "wow" feeling. Maybe it was because of the window. . .

It was one of those bright, clear and freezing cold days outside and the sun shone through the rainbow stained glass window right next to the small wooden bench where I was sitting. Brightly colored beams of light were dancing on the wall and floor next to the window because the sun was shining through. Even for a worried, upset boy such as me, this light show was amazing. Dark, yet bright red, changing to dolly mixture violet into the most beautiful shades of deep royal blue, turquoise, emerald and onto the most golden egg-yolk yellow you ever saw in your life. It was odd because all of this seemed to happen in a second and the fear I felt was totally forgotten for the time being. I then felt a cold draft to the right hand side of me as the door opened quietly and in walked a scruffy old woman dressed in an old grey coat which was far too big for her. It was frosty outside and she said she wanted to warm herself. She came and sat on the bench beside me and took off her grimy, bottle green fingerless gloves. While she was rubbing her hands, grateful to be out of the coldness of the bright day outside, she too admired the dancing coloured patterns made by the sun and the window. She turned to me, and whispered "You're not a naughty boy" she then looked through the glass doors ahead, and on inside, right over to where my parents were sitting. She then whispered to me

"They just think that you're a naughty boy". In truth, they just don't know"

"What don't they know?" began my anxious questioning. "How do you kn…."I had an odd sense that his old lady seemed to know me. We'd only just met.

She slowly put up her hand, as if to reassure me, and told me that her name was Faith. She put her hand in the pocket of the old coat she was wearing, and gave me a bluish-lilac sweetie. I ate this sweetie which tasted a bit boring, to be honest, not as nice as the sweeties I got off the ladies through there, I thought, as I looked through the glass doors onto the praying people inside the main church. I didn't mind the boring taste though, because all at once I felt warmth, and love towards this scruffy woman. I also knew right then that she loved me. Then, without warning she put her arms around me and said goodbye. I thanked her and asked if she would see me again, she went without saying anything more and all that was left was this warm feeling of being loved.

For the first time I can remember in my life, I had a sudden strong yet very soothing feeling in the whole of my whole body, and the same time I realised that my breath had slowed right down. In fact, my very own breath seemed to be soothing me more and more. I was for the first time aware of how I was actually feeling, and all of this because of "Breath!" How weird was that?

Zodor came to me then, right there, in that little vestibule thingy at the back of the church. He told me his chest was feeling Okay at that moment, and he also told me the importance of breath.

He said in a quiet voice, "Its about faith, true faith, which you have to feel, for yourself, from inside of you, in your body as well as your soul. Breathing and feeling are vital in opening the way to true faith".

He looked into the congregation ahead, through the glass doors, and said

"It cannot be fed to you from anybody else, no matter what position of authority they hold. All it takes for us is to breathe deeply, and to be aware of our feelings, both bodily and emotionally, then we can feel this faith. It is from this faith that right actions and true feelings of love spring. Help always comes!"

This comfortable body and peaceful minded feeling, is just what I felt, while listening to Zodor as he was talking. Then, suddenly, bad thoughts forced their way into my mind. Thoughts of the fear of what punishment was to come from my parents, thoughts of bad times before, when Zodor seemed to just fade away - when I needed him most.

I seemed to lose this new found faith then for one moment. A tight, angry feeling welled up in me, and I spat, "Zodor! when I need help the most, you wheeze and wheeze and don't breathe properly and its you that fades away, so don't go giving me sermons about faith!"

Zodor began to fade away again, but I don't know whether it was because although still feeling angry at Zodor, the warm fuzzy comfortable feeling was still lingering there, deeper, below the anger.

The rainbow window seemed to shine even more beautifully and the reflecting coloured beams of light were still dancing on the wall and floor.

Then Zodor re-appeared, his bluish-lilac colours even more vivid than before.

"I fade away when you get upset" said Zodor.

"We don't breathe properly when we are upset, As I was telling you earlier, David, only if you, stop, breathe, and make yourself aware of how you are feeling, right at that moment, will you feel faith. These are the times I stay. This is because I am you, David! your Mum and Dad are right!, there is no Zodor!, I am you, you don't need to think about what you will do in response to bullies, about what you will say to them, and how you will say it, you don't need to worry about how others are going to react and you don't need to worry about how you will feel - You only need to remember to breathe, to feel and to be aware!"

I thought for a moment, and looked at a big poster that someone had put on the far wall.

"Third world countries need your help," this poster said in big red letters.

I thought of all the suffering in the world and the pain we humans inflicted on each other. I took a deep breath and asked Zodor about how this related to the world out there.

"Its hard to have faith in an evil world, full of wars and starving, sick people, how can my breathing help there?"

"The people have no faith because they feel no faith", Zodor replied.

"They are unaware and full of doubt, evil flourishes in a place of ignorance and doubt, the people do not they have nothing to believe in, and are afraid. They get angry and hurt each other because they are afraid, they are afraid because they doubt. Zodor again, looked through the glass doors ahead, into the congregation and said to me:

"I repeat, David, Faith has to be felt from within, it cannot be fed to you. We open ourselves to this faith by feeling comfortable, we feel comfortable when we breathe deeply and are aware. It is up to you now, David, to try it for yourself, I can do no more. We feel comfortable when we breathe . . . . . . .. ."

Zodor did not get breathless this time when he left. He walked to where the rainbow beams were making brilliantly coloured dancing patterns on the floor. He seemed to move with them and to merge into them...

I never did see Zodor again, but nothing in my life was the same afterwards. Now I knew how to help myself.

Anyway, back to the Sunday three weeks before my birthday . . . . ..

After what seemed like the most enjoyable church service ever, somehow, there was not so much power in that horrible feeling when "awaiting punishment ", yes, I had the heebie-jeebies, but it somehow did not have as much control over me as it usually did, I wasn't trembling.

After the service had finished and my parents and me were walking home, Mum kept looking at me and shaking her head. Dad stayed quiet for now. I could sense that she was anxious herself as to what Dad had planned for me. She was afraid of Dad herself. I noticed her face was pale and she was breathing very shallow. Dad shook his head and rolled his eyes upwards slowly. He would wait until we got home before punishing me. This time, I somehow knew more. In fact, I then realised that my parents were behaving in this way because they themselves were scared, and straightaway I started to feel pity for them. They did not know they were stuck somehow, they wanted to do the right thing but were ignorant about true faith. Could they ever be lucky enough to find what I found today.