melbadaze Posted August 12, 2009 Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 Does anyone else struggle with reality in cyberspace...like theres some forums where everyone is trying to sweeter and more understanding then the next person and I wonder how if they are so in control of their lifes (inner) how comes their posting aobut mental health issues? I dunno maybe Its me but I don't equate civility with mental health issues automatically...I mean I Have a lot of anger and rage and blah, blah, and yet at times I can feel ostridiced because I'm not playing the "LIttle house on the pairie" game....is it me or do others get where I am at here??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley Posted August 12, 2009 Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 No, it's not a competition....you get what you give, just like in RL. It doesn't take much to be civil to people, even if you are suffering from a mental health problem. This is a support forum, you give support and recieve support. It's that simple. I don't think anyone here is playing 'little house on the prairie'. Far from it! There's a sub-forum called Venting for letting out anger and rage. A lot of people, like myself find it easier to talk on an internet forum, than RL, because a lot of people have social anxiety's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
placebo69a Posted August 12, 2009 Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 I agree with Anna - Are you sure you're not mistaking kindness and manners with being unreal? I was brought up to be polite and I've made the decision to be kind to strangers. That's me, that's who I am. It doesn't make me any saner than anyone else on here. It's as real as I can get and I still have very serious mental health issues. Do you think that well mannered, kind people are all mentally fit? Is that the measure of one's mental health? How well they play with others? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted August 12, 2009 Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 I agree with Placebo 3,00000%%% I get totally judged for being refined and well spoken. Pre-judgement is not good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted August 12, 2009 Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 i work with people with mental health problems, in recovery but still have replapses, and although a couple can be agressive most are very polite and considerate, almost to a fault. i think people with mh worry v much what others think of them, and although this can cause paranioa and perhaps agressesive reactions from that i think often it means people feel they have to be super sweet, diffeent for everyone ofcourse and probably differs also depending on dx and how a person is at a particular time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted August 12, 2009 Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 yep yep what they said ^^^^^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted August 12, 2009 Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 I get where you're at. I myself struggled at first with all the kisses, smiles and what seemed to me to be 'pretend' friendships and little house on the prarie posts. I have resolved myself to the fact that I'm simply a believer in radical honesty and for that reason I find it hard to 'be nice' just for the sake of it. I would rather be honest and respected for my honesty rather than be worshipped and loved by people who believe they 'nicer' than me when in reality, they are not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilverRaven Posted August 12, 2009 Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 I feel that way too. not so much this site, well at least not yet, but another site I've been on for years. and the minute you aren't all lovey dovey and stuff like that, people turn into something else. or maybe not and that's just me talking. all because I start seeing cyberspace as reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted August 12, 2009 Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 sanctuary, honesty is a great thing, but i wouldnt say im nice to people just because i feel i have to be, in rl, i dont have any contact with anyone really, not on a friendship level, so when i give out my hugs and kisses on here i give them freely. but not to every one, i choose who they go to, and i would never presume to think i was nicer than you, and im sure other people on here don't think that either. infact i be the thought hasnt even crossed they're minds. but its ok, i'll still keep supplying you with huds and kisses even if it you don't want them, because they're mine to give. what you do with them when i am not looking is up to ((((((((((((santuary))))))))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted August 12, 2009 Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 So what if you are honestly just that nice? Is that so unbelievable? Just a question not having a pop xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted August 12, 2009 Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 Hey Roses, Piuma, dont get me wrong. I'm just voicing my view on this as everyone who has posted has. Please don't take offence. Just be comfortable with who you are. It doesn't really matter what anyone thinks, me included. Like I said before, we can't all be friends but being nice is something I just have an aversion to because my mum is a fake like that. So it's a personal thing for me. Totally my issue and all that. You know, even niceness can trigger sometimes Please don't take it personal. I am warming to people... or at least trying but I too find it unreal sometimes. Doesn't mean it ias or it isn't. Just a feeling from within me that probably stems from childhood. Usual therapy stuff lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted August 12, 2009 Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 sorry bout that sanctuary, i find people in the real world hard to trust when they are nice. but i find the opposite on here, because we dont have to respoind to anyone. i could just ignore meassages. posts. but when i do respond its cos i care. i do understand, but only in terms of real life. like i said. dont worry wasnt offended. just sad. that your mother has made you doubt the world. i know my parents made me doubt the real world. but like i said on here, i feel safe i do get whatcha mean tho Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marchmadness Posted August 12, 2009 Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 Hey - I guess I just wanted to add that in RL MH issues come with a label attached to them. We get dumped on because of having MH issues. Here we can all relate to each other, a place where we can just be ourself and not be judged for it. March Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benway Posted August 12, 2009 Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 hi and welcome melbadaze, oh, sanctuary, ty for the link- its a good concept... (goin back to read more on rad honesty) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted August 13, 2009 Report Share Posted August 13, 2009 im never nice just for the sake of it, am allways blatantly honest, but there are a bunch of people i think a great deal of and so to them i think im prob caring and send hugs etc but thats genuine,never fake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted August 13, 2009 Report Share Posted August 13, 2009 I understand Sanctuary I guessed you had experience of the absolutely insufferable 'false' niceness that just makes me want to puke. I grew up in Surrey/Hants area so the air kisses and all that shit don't wash with me either. I asked a leading question cos I just wanted to say that I understand, but some people are just nice, but truly nice not false. And yeah, I think it is important to remember that we have to put ourelves first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted August 13, 2009 Report Share Posted August 13, 2009 also some people are pleasers. that doesnt make them bad or false. i know lots of people who are pleasers adn very sweet, a little gullable at times and naive, people say to me are they really that nice, and ye they are. but like i said and dont do friends in RL, so on here, its invaluable. jees if i wanted abuse or someone to be mean to me, i could just open my front door. so i guess i come here for that, the support i dont get anywhere else. so maybe on reflection it is a little unreal, maybe people are tired and dont want to write much so give hugs in stead, when in real life the last thing they would wanna do is hug. i guess it is. but. i still stand by what i reply to people is genuine, no matter how big or small, it's cos i do care. and the hugs and extra kisses are just me practicing for RL lol, oh i dunno im rambling and tired lol i think im trying to say i get ya, kind of lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melbadaze Posted August 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2009 Reading the replys I felt less then reasured...I guess I think perhaps what I'm trying to say is not quite what I am meaning..totally my fault here...I dunno...having been raised by a narcissitic mother that could be as nice as anything on the outside unyet to me it was torture...I think I am still battling my inner demons...I sense my adoptive narcissitc mother everywhere....I look for safe people...sanctury (sp)...your post was the only one I feel I could trust...no disrespect to the others...I think this is an interesting topic....I feel to damaged to ever do the little house on the pairie act...my MH issues dont leave me feeling afraid of what others think of me...I've lived what others think of me...can't hurt me now.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted August 13, 2009 Report Share Posted August 13, 2009 why would we wanna hut you. and im sorry but i find you term 'little house on the prairie' act offesinve. its one thing mocking us when we are trying to be compsionate and empathising with people. some people genuinely find that difficult on here, but they challenge they're views. I find it even more offesive that you call it an act, like i said people do not have to respon to you or anyone else on here. maybe you dont feel comfortable accepting this kind of response, cos you see it as fake, im sorry but that is your isse and if you aren't prepared to challenge it, then i think its unfair you should ask me to. not that you did personally. after my first post, i tried above to see it in another way, tried to relate.open my eyes to other ways of thinking. i just find that you are judging people on here who may already find it hard to post, adn now, after reading this, if they are worried or insecure, may feel that when people give genuine replies, they arent to be trusted. i think thats unfair of you. this topic is interesting, i actually do understand what it is like to have a narcissitc/maunchausens mother, she was a nightmare. and at times can still be very fake and false, she was pretty evil to me as a child. how ever my main problem is with her. not the rest of the world. although i do find people in rl to trust. like i said, on here, i feel safe. what do you think it would take you to not find us false? no hugs, no kisses, does that really make what a post or a reply is about and weather its worthy of trusting or not! i am not very articulate and i struggle with stuff like this cos i cant get it clearly, but i hope you understand my poin. not a nag, just a disagreement with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted August 13, 2009 Report Share Posted August 13, 2009 I find it very interesting that when someone posts a post looking for people that can relate to something which they clearly feel they are alone in feeling, it tends to be people who cannot relate that end up posting comments. It's simple if the post is about self harm, suicide, feeling shit, because most of the people on here can relate. The majority of posts are easy enough to relate to but.... When someone voices their own opinions about something which is obviously alienating them (anyone who complains about the unreality if cyberspace is clearly in the minority on a website forum), why do people rise up and challenge it? Why not leave your comments for another post and let this one get the little attention that you feel it should. Why take a post that is asking for validation and make that person feel invalidated. If you beleive that support for this original post is in a minority, then why not let the minority reply. It's SOOOO obvious that those who have taken offence at this post have real issues with interpersonal relationships and your way of dealing with it is all so different. But to me, it's equally obvious that someone who was brought up with fake niceness is bound to have issues with cyberspace. Before this gets out of control, why don't we all appreciate that we have opposing views on the complexity of cyberspace communications and let people have some validation for their own feelings on the subject. There are enough people here who practice cyber friendship to back each other up. Why not let the people who find it odd express their views too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted August 13, 2009 Report Share Posted August 13, 2009 fair enough sacntuary. point taken, will never leave a post that i dissagree about again, and i'm presuming you wont either :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted August 13, 2009 Report Share Posted August 13, 2009 fair enough sacntuary. point taken, will never leave a post that i dissagree about again, and i'm presuming you wont either to you too If I can stay as true to myself as I would like, then I would be a very happy bunny up there in the mountains of little house on the prarie.... alas, I can't see myself ever living that kind of life. I'm too contentious! :wacko: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted August 13, 2009 Report Share Posted August 13, 2009 I find it very interesting that when someone posts a post looking for people that can relate to something which they clearly feel they are alone in feeling, it tends to be people who cannot relate that end up posting comments. It's simple if the post is about self harm, suicide, feeling shit, because most of the people on here can relate. The majority of posts are easy enough to relate to but.... When someone voices their own opinions about something which is obviously alienating them (anyone who complains about the unreality if cyberspace is clearly in the minority on a website forum), why do people rise up and challenge it? Why not leave your comments for another post and let this one get the little attention that you feel it should. Why take a post that is asking for validation and make that person feel invalidated. If you beleive that support for this original post is in a minority, then why not let the minority reply. It's SOOOO obvious that those who have taken offence at this post have real issues with interpersonal relationships and your way of dealing with it is all so different. But to me, it's equally obvious that someone who was brought up with fake niceness is bound to have issues with cyberspace. Before this gets out of control, why don't we all appreciate that we have opposing views on the complexity of cyberspace communications and let people have some validation for their own feelings on the subject. There are enough people here who practice cyber friendship to back each other up. Why not let the people who find it odd express their views too. obviously if people feel something is wrong they are going to speak up, why would we not challenge someone who say claimed that the sky is falling? there is no difference, we have a right to give either a reply for or against as we see fit, taht does not stop many others posting there perhaps opposite view, as long as no one is being offensive of dissmisive which i dont see here. to sugest that those with oppisite views have 'real issues with interpersonal relationships' is beyond nieve. as it is i dont like fake niceness, but i dont think all here fit that catagory either, hence i have a right to say so, and that says nothing about my relationship skills. like piuma my m was also npd and muchuasans, evil in the extreeme, with a premeditated false front, so it is hardly something i find palatable either, but to stick us all in the same box is unrealistic and misses the point entirely Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted August 13, 2009 Report Share Posted August 13, 2009 I myself have real issues with interpersonal relationships so I didn't mean to offend although I appreciate the choice of words there was very poorly chosen. Apologies to anyone offended by this. I am only human afterall and say things thoughtlessly sometimes. Everything else, however, I stand by. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
placebo69a Posted August 14, 2009 Report Share Posted August 14, 2009 I'm sorry but the last 4-5 posts just made me laugh. I think it's funny when people think it's their job to "police" the forums, telling people what topics they should be replying to and what topics they should skip. I also think it's even funnier when people "police" these very same people who made such efforts to police the forums. It's like internal affairs or something . Here's a thought: Let's all let the moderators keep the job of moderating the forums. If you feel someone is breaking the rules and you want to bring it to their attention there's a nifty little Report button. It can't be traced back to you and you can voice your concern and get a professional response. You'll be able to satisfy your need for justice and avoid drawing fire to yourself, as reports are seen by moderators only. I'm sorry you feel you like you can't trust most of us who replied, melbadaze. I hope you'll some day realise that we are none of us trying to create a false impression with you. We are just being ourselves and for some of us, that means being kind, even to strangers. I assure you it's not act and we are genuine in our positive sentiments. But don't take my word for it, read some of our posts and see for yourself. If it was an act we couldn't keep it up all the time with everybody. See for yourself if we're being consistent in our attitude, to you, to others who have joined our community and to our friends who we've known here for quite some time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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