thesloaneranger Posted August 15, 2009 Report Share Posted August 15, 2009 in the past 24 hours ive had a few things happen which, over the past few months, would have sent me spiralling down....but this time i kept calm and it feels like im starting to see the wood from the trees. i know one swallow doesnt make a summer, but hey, ive gotta start somewhere! since sunday night ive been plagued with a horrendous headache. the hospital wouldnt give me anything for it, and since being discharged on tuesday its actually got worse. found the courage to go and see the doc yesterday (yet another one ive not seen before!), and although she knew what id done last weekend, she was really nice. she told me i could have some of my beta blockers again and some strong painkillers, but for ovbious reasons, i was only getting enough to last me til monday. instead of taking it personally, i laughed and said i totally understood! when she asked about my anti depressants, we discovered that the psych team had me assessed by a doctor that had no authority in which to do so. when she asked about my discharge papers from the hospital i said i wasnt given any, despite checking with the staff...the list just went on. id been let down by everyone, and apparently it was no surprise i was struggling! again, despite going over a few sore points, i found myself laughing and joking rather than saying i deserved crap service etc etc. the doc was hitting the roof at the way ive been treated, but i told her it doesnt matter now and told her to have a good weekend. she said one of the psych team was next door and she was going to speak to them asap - i asked her to wait til id made a hasty retreat as i didnt want to see the fur on the carpet! lol! still feeling ok, i picked up my husband from work, dropped him at the pub and decided for the 1st time in months to go and visit a good mate of mine. we had a great laugh, and when i got home i found my hubby back already during the night he cuddled up to me for the first time in ages and at one point woke me up cause he thought i was dead! seems he had forgotten what it was like to see me sleeping soundly!lol! instead of clobbering him with a pillow for waking me up, i just cuddled in and went back to sleep. i could go on for ages, as its been the little things that have upset me so much lately, but even having jehovas witnesses at my door this morning didnt get to me! lol! ive not SH in a week now and have also applied for some college courses to give me a change of scene and get away from the woes of my business. of course, part of me is dreading the next trigger as i know ill fall and hit the deck harder, but ive made it through what would ordinarilly be a difficult chain events smiling, so i hope i can keep on this track sorry ive rambled on, but it feels good to be able to say something positive for a change! lol! thank you to everyone here too - i couldnt have got this far without you, and if everything goes pete tong tomorrow, at least i can say ive had a good day today xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted August 15, 2009 Report Share Posted August 15, 2009 Thank you for posting. It is really positive and I am can really relate to this! I can't tell you how much progress I think you are making because I do not know you, but from what you have said, it sounds like something deep has shifted inside you. That is progress no matter what part of the road to recovery you are on! To be able to rise above the challenges and let someone else take the helm in your defence (in this case the doctor you saw) means that you have really let go of the victim mentality on this occassion (not sure if victim mentality is the right word but you get what i mean no?) and you have seen the bigger picture. Congratulations. I am no expert but having been through similar revelations myself, I can assure you that every little step in the right direction is like a building block to a new foundation. Yes, we may take steps back, but when real progress is made, something inside us changes fundamentally and I believe that even just having the memory of this experience will alter your perception of future events. I am so happy for you and really pleased that at least on this occassion you were able to step back from the battle and even laugh a little. It could be said that the doctor in your charge was a massive help, but I am a believer in a concept that how we portray ourselves alters the response we get (sometimes) and I have no doubt in my mind that in this instance, the person the doctor saw walk into their office, exuded an air of someone who is really trying to get better and that warranted the reponse and support you got. Excellent to hear your story. It's a real inspiration to me so thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted August 15, 2009 Report Share Posted August 15, 2009 that is so nice to hear sloane my friend, i think you are fab and im soooo happy you got things on track right now. i can totally understand what sanc said about people responding differently to you when you are trying harder. i know the last two weeks i seemed to have improved heaps, now when i say something they listen. i really hope things continue on this path for you. love steph Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thesloaneranger Posted August 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 15, 2009 thank you for taking the time to read and reply sanctury - means alot *hugs* progress is massive btw - this time last week i was in a deep dark place and couldnt take anymore. since getting out of hospital ive flipped 180 degrees and, despite the headaches, ive changed so much. i looked bloody awful going into the docs yesterday, so i half expected to be treated the same as usual. i think because she was so nice and not like the other GPs in the practice, i was able to just relax and let her hit the roof for a change! lol! it was good to feel that someone did agree that id not had the service or treatment i had begged for for so long, and that as id been honest and open from the start, it made things doubly worse, as i kept going back for more. its in my notes how i felt, but no one seemed to take them seriously and so much crap could have been avoided if only someone had done their job properly months ago. however, because id been pushed so far to the edge, it has changed my outlook so maybe its not necessarily a bad thing. ive got a possie mindset now, and if my doc does kick up and i get some half decent care, then who knows what the future is going to hold? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thesloaneranger Posted August 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 15, 2009 thank you piuma hun *hugs* ive always reached out and asked for help, stuck to the rules as best i could,tried to do things myself etc....i think its sad i had to go to such extremes to almost prove how unhappy i was, but thats the past and nothing can change that. i have now found a top GP who is on my side and hopefully ill never be in such a dark place again. she has even let me continue to keep off the anti depressants just now - had none for a week, and after the washout phase, will give me something different herself and not leave me in the incompetant hands of the psych team again :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted August 15, 2009 Report Share Posted August 15, 2009 Just wanted to say loan ranger, nice to see positives. thanks for bringing some sunshine, also the other topic you started on pictures. They mean alot to me. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thesloaneranger Posted August 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 15, 2009 thanx BB hun...although it wasnt me that started the piccies thread! glad your getting some sunshine, regardless of where its coming from :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted August 15, 2009 Report Share Posted August 15, 2009 thanks again loan, dont know where my head is today, not sure why i thought it was you, so i will thank the other post to other member lol xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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