Data Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 I just want to be accepted for people for what I am. I'd like to be part of a group where I have fun, can talk about feelings, can make plans for the future, reminisce on the past, ask for advice, offer advice, share experiences, have a laugh and just generally chat. I'd like to think that I don't have to filter what I say with these people. I'd like to think I can relax and they won't find who I am unacceptable, triggering, or wrong in any way. I'd like to think they would accept me for my faults and cherish my strong points. I'd like conflict to be dealt with in a mature way: "time out" if necessary and the two (or more) people discuss their feelings, and both parties are supported within the group. I am fed up of being stigmatised, ridiculed, ostracised, ignored, verbally abused, and thought strange/odd. I want affirmation, support, attention, a listening ear, and I want other people to want these things from me. I don't want people to tolerate because they have to (or whatever reason). Is this too much to ask? There must be somewhere on this fucking planet that I can get these things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 That's what we are all seeking *sigh* ((((((((((((((meme)))))))))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 i hear you meme. I havent found that place yet. I am going back to AA tonight, even though the group i am going to, one guy there, did all of that to me, judged, stigmatised me, put me in his little box. I walked out of that group last year, but u know what, fuk it i am going regardless of this man, as the rest of the group was nice and did except me for who i was. Did that make sense meme? There will allways be one or two or more, its called being human ive been told. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 I want peace on earth, but it is nigh on impossible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medea Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 Hey Meme, I know exactly what you mean, I wish I could have those things too. It's never going to happen for me though, because I don't allow myself to be accepted and I look for and misintrepret signs of ostriciscm (not sure if that's a word!) I think this is because I find myself 'unacceptable' does that make sense? Ah well. Take care xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 with you on that medea feel exactly the same Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted August 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 Hey Meme, I know exactly what you mean, I wish I could have those things too. It's never going to happen for me though, because I don't allow myself to be accepted and I look for and misintrepret signs of ostriciscm (not sure if that's a word!) I think this is because I find myself 'unacceptable' does that make sense? Ah well. Take care xx There is an element of paranoia and over-sensitivity to criticism within me, yes. And I have low self esteem also, so I don't accept myself. However I work hard to try and accept other people, regardless of their own opinion of themselves. I don't bully people, and compound their own feelings of worthlessness, for my own gratification. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medea Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 Hey Meme, I know exactly what you mean, I wish I could have those things too. It's never going to happen for me though, because I don't allow myself to be accepted and I look for and misintrepret signs of ostriciscm (not sure if that's a word!) I think this is because I find myself 'unacceptable' does that make sense? Ah well. Take care xx There is an element of paranoia and over-sensitivity to criticism within me, yes. And I have low self esteem also, so I don't accept myself. However I work hard to try and accept other people, regardless of their own opinion of themselves. I don't bully people, and compound their own feelings of worthlessness, for my own gratification. I know how hard you work at it and it's a credit to you. I would never judge anybody as harshly as I judge myself and I'm pretty much accepting of most people - just not me! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 That's pretty much what all of us want. You have been verbally atacked on here more than anyone else. And I understand the triggers/triggering in your marriage. So it will seem like you have nowhere to turn. ....but I hear you, and understand you. (((((((meme))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 That's pretty much what all of us want. You have been verbally atacked on here more than anyone else. And I understand the triggers/triggering in your marriage. So it will seem like you have nowhere to turn. ....but I hear you, and understand you. (((((((meme))))))) agreexx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverwolf Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 ((((Meme))))) I think like others have said on here, that's what we all want and are striving for. *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 I just want to be accepted for people for what I am. I'd like to be part of a group where I have fun, can talk about feelings, can make plans for the future, reminisce on the past, ask for advice, offer advice, share experiences, have a laugh and just generally chat. I'd like to think that I don't have to filter what I say with these people. I'd like to think I can relax and they won't find who I am unacceptable, triggering, or wrong in any way. I'd like to think they would accept me for my faults and cherish my strong points. I'd like conflict to be dealt with in a mature way: "time out" if necessary and the two (or more) people discuss their feelings, and both parties are supported within the group. I am fed up of being stigmatised, ridiculed, ostracised, ignored, verbally abused, and thought strange/odd. I want affirmation, support, attention, a listening ear, and I want other people to want these things from me. I don't want people to tolerate because they have to (or whatever reason). Is this too much to ask? There must be somewhere on this fucking planet that I can get these things. i am happy to hear your advice and experiences I would LOVE it if conflict was dealt with maturely here, but thats not something any of us have direct control over, only our own part in it and if others dont want act reasonably we can only step back and not play there games i dont think you're any more strange or odd than anyone else i dont think you, or anyone else for that matter, should worry about whether or not what they write will be triggering, its impossibel to communicate openly and honestly if we're allways worrying about how it sounds. that is ofcourse with the exception of people who are intentionally being triggering to be nasty. if people find things triggering then you say sorry and if they continue to use that as an excuse to have a go then tell them to get lost and dont waste your time or energy on them. you are not responsible for others reactions to you, and you can not make unreasonable people act reasonabley, none of us can if people are unwilling to listen then thats who they are and we need to recognise that and move on to people worth our time. im willing to bet theres tons of reasonable and likeable and interesting and valuable people on here who would be more than happy to share there time with you, but i think you'll only discover that when you give up on people who continually hurt and disaapoint you. and i think thats proably true for alot of us in some context or other Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bibiddi Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 . I want affirmation, support, attention, a listening ear, and I want other people to want these things from me. I don't want people to tolerate because they have to (or whatever reason). But you do get this, but not always from everyone. Sometimes, it feels like you don't hold onto, and accept the people who give you these things, and concentrate on the people who dont. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
complicated Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 Hey Meme, I know exactly what you mean, I wish I could have those things too. It's never going to happen for me though, because I don't allow myself to be accepted and I look for and misintrepret signs of ostriciscm (not sure if that's a word!) I think this is because I find myself 'unacceptable' does that make sense? Ah well. Take care xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
complicated Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 totally get what u mean im sat here giving myself a hard time again coz ive got no friends its like im incapable of making them but it is coz i dont accept myself atall, god knows how ur supposed to change that or just could change that. the thought of anyone getting to know me know how i think or anything scares me to death an i mean to death the amount of relationships ive walked away from is unbelivable its so lonley an i feel like a freak having no mates x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
placebo69a Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 I think you have to build strong relationships over a long period of time to get those things. I can see why anyone with BPD would have a hard time getting them. Sorry meme, but some day you will get those things. Never say die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twinmomdianna Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 Not too much to ask at all. Dianna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted August 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 Thanks for the support people. I am going to hold onto the idea that, eventually I will be able to have more fulfilling relationship. I am not going to say things will ever be perfect (because perfection does not exist) and I am not saying I want a relationship without boundaries (because that could never happen). I think also perhaps what I need to practice more of is: ignoring people who are bad for me and whom I am never going to get on with. Responding to these people just feeds the negativity. Its hard, but I'll get there . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 yeah to that good idea, i think i'll try that more too : ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaisyChain Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 I want affirmation, support, attention, a listening ear, and I want other people to want these things from me. I don't want people to tolerate because they have to (or whatever reason). Is this too much to ask? There must be somewhere on this fucking planet that I can get these things. Your mother gave you all those things and then you say she was abusive. People on this forum have given you those things (possibly not all at once) and you say we arent good enough, because you feel negatively about the attention you do receive, yet you receive more attention on this forum at present than any other member. Yes sometimes this is too much to ask, as you ask it from everyone, as you focus on the people that dont give it to you, therefore anyone that does give you all that you ask for isnt enough for you still. You sounds angry about "somewhere on this fucking planet that I can get these things". Yes somewhere you can find this, but maybe on a mental health forum where people have many issues of their own, and those people that dont receive this themselves, isnt the best place to be looking for it. You dont want rejection, but day in day out you reject everyone here, by telling them that they dont give you enough. You seem to have an insatiable appetite for attention, and it simply cant be filled by everyone, if indeed anyone. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted August 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 Your mother gave you all those things and then you say she was abusive. Well firstly, my mother did NOT give me these things; I certainly could not discuss my feelings with her, she just triggered me. She never made me feel safe or accepted. I always felt I was wrong and she was trying to change me. People on this forum have given you those things (possibly not all at once) and you say we arent good enough, because you feel negatively about the attention you do receive, yet you receive more attention on this forum at present than any other member. This forum is a very dangerous one to go to look for acceptance. There is friendship here, but there are also cliques, moral judgements, misandry and psychological projections. Yes sometimes this is too much to ask, as you ask it from everyone, as you focus on the people that dont give it to you, therefore anyone that does give you all that you ask for isnt enough for you still. Well today I have started using the ignore feature, for the first time. I now have 3 names on it. You sounds angry about "somewhere on this fucking planet that I can get these things". Yes somewhere you can find this, but maybe on a mental health forum where people have many issues of their own, and those people that dont receive this themselves, isnt the best place to be looking for it. Funny, I thought that was what this place was for? If you don't feel you can support a person, why bother to reply? I suspect you have a grudge against me, since you have been negative to me in the past, and you are using this topic as a way to try to hurt me. You dont want rejection, but day in day out you reject everyone here, by telling them that they dont give you enough. I have never rejected everyone here. I have always said I have friends here. You are clearly not one of them, thats fine, we don't all have to get on. You seem to have an insatiable appetite for attention, and it simply cant be filled by everyone, if indeed anyone. I have an insatiable appetite for people who accept me for what I am, and for a way to cope with my feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 Your mother gave you all those things and then you say she was abusive. Well firstly, my mother did NOT give me these things; I certainly could not discuss my feelings with her, she just triggered me. She never made me feel safe or accepted. I always felt I was wrong and she was trying to change me. People on this forum have given you those things (possibly not all at once) and you say we arent good enough, because you feel negatively about the attention you do receive, yet you receive more attention on this forum at present than any other member. This forum is a very dangerous one to go to look for acceptance. There is friendship here, but there are also cliques, moral judgements, misandry and psychological projections. Yes sometimes this is too much to ask, as you ask it from everyone, as you focus on the people that dont give it to you, therefore anyone that does give you all that you ask for isnt enough for you still. Well today I have started using the ignore feature, for the first time. I now have 3 names on it. You sounds angry about "somewhere on this fucking planet that I can get these things". Yes somewhere you can find this, but maybe on a mental health forum where people have many issues of their own, and those people that dont receive this themselves, isnt the best place to be looking for it. Funny, I thought that was what this place was for? If you don't feel you can support a person, why bother to reply? I suspect you have a grudge against me, since you have been negative to me in the past, and you are using this topic as a way to try to hurt me. You dont want rejection, but day in day out you reject everyone here, by telling them that they dont give you enough. I have never rejected everyone here. I have always said I have friends here. You are clearly not one of them, thats fine, we don't all have to get on. You seem to have an insatiable appetite for attention, and it simply cant be filled by everyone, if indeed anyone. I have an insatiable appetite for people who accept me for what I am, and for a way to cope with my feelings. well i dotn want to be part of any clique here, theres tons of people i like and think alot of and would give my time too even if they dont like each other, i want to stay away from cliques!! i think in the past youv said your mother met all of your needs, i think was when you had less understanding about attachment and devlopment, i guess your mother 'did everything for you' which is not the same as meeting all your needs, as i think you now know. having a m who allways does everything for you doesnt mean the same as having one who gives attention and care and understanding and acceptance and also part of what all children need is reasonable opportunitys to learn to do for themselves. and i gather from your post you m expected you to be a certain way only and would not tolerate anything else. thats abusive. and learning that is abusive can be a shock. this is a support forum, but also everyone has to udnerstand that no one is under obligation to support, we all have to look after ourselves first and formost. and when we feel something is wrong we have a right to speak up, as long as not being abusive with it. but i think ignore is a useful feature here, i value it, it lets me concentrate on people whose views i value. the way to cope with your feelings is something that will come in time, with self acceptance, and although id imagine this place could help some, and t will hopefully help lots, the hard work of this is up to you. and its not easy, so be nice to yourself, and what others think wont matter so much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted August 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 My understanding of my relationship with my mother has improved and it is possible I have misled people who read my earlier posts. I do understand that people are not under an obligation to support me (or anyone else), and I must not fall into the trap of feeling rejected if I don't get that support. However, withholding support (which is ok) is not the same as: Offering un-constructive criticism or verbal abuse.Offering support to people who abuse me (or others).The latter point is particularly important since a community that supports this supports cliques and gangs. If someone behaves unfairly in a way that I think is wrong, I will not publically condone their actions. It does not matter whether they are my friend or not, or whether it is in this forum or "real life". I will probably still accept them as a friend, since I am tolerant, but I won't help them bully others. There are actually a few people on this forum who I know accept me for what I am, as per my original post. I am tremendously grateful for that. Its just sometimes I get very bad moods and the glass is half empty, thats all . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 There are cliques on here, without a doubt, and I stay well clear. I would rather have a few good freind's than a whole bunch of associates with the 'gang' mentality. [i think a lot of people here forget that meme is human, he feel's, he has emotion's and he is affected by abusive post's, I also believe that he is being used as as a scape goat for certain people who just love to pick apart his post's and find something to batter him with. I also believe that if meme was a woman, thing's would be different, he'd be more 'accepted'. (sexism implied.) Perhaps some of you would like meme to lay on the floor and use his head as a football......talk about kicking someone when there already down!!!!] I have been guilty of this in the past, but I stopped myself, thought about what was going on and realised how low I had become, I despise these trait's, and by looking at thing's from meme's point of view came to understand him, and where he's coming from. I expect to get flak for this post; but that just show's how predictable people with closed mind's are. Go ahead, at least it will give meme a break from the verball abuse he indure's on this forum. Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
placebo69a Posted August 23, 2009 Report Share Posted August 23, 2009 Talk about blowing things out of proportion... I'm glad you're learning to choose your friends and ignore your enemies meme. I wish you all the best, as always. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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