I Have To Accept It

[Ruth24]

I think i have PMT and am anorexic. i am waif thin. I haven't had a period for a few months now, but i'm feeling all, ooooh, you know what i mean girls. PMTish. No triggers to change my mood, no bad news, no severe mood swings of late...just don't feel right.

If its PMT i just have to accept it. I can't fight mother nature

Its a good thing because it shows i have put on weight, and am healthy (angel in one ear)

It is a bad thing because it means i have put on weight which is wrong and bad of me (devil in the other ear)

I have been eating a lot more recently and have stopped weighing myself. I was doing it 7-8 times a day. I have taken the batteries out of my scales so have no idea how much I weigh. Too scared to check. I was supposed to have regular weigh in and blood tests with my GP but erm...forgot to make any appointments. Only went twice.

My CPN said she will ask about the eating disorder clinic and wether i can be seen by a councillor, but not sure if i fit the criteria. I felt like saying WHAT IS THE FUCKING CRITERIA!!!!!! I may be eating more but i am still full of guilt when i do and so often tempted to throw it back up again=but don't. So, because i am now eating more, does that mean i no longer fit the criteria??? That just sounds like a bag of shite to me. The psychological issues are there, but because i force myself to eat I don't deserve the help?

Sorry, rambling...

Frustrated. Annoyed. And PMT!!!

[piuma]

(((((((((((((((ruthie)))))))))))))))))

ps love fire man sam.........even if he is a bloke haha ;)

[quiteemma]

of course u should get the help ((((((((((((((((((lassy)))))))))))))))))))))))))

[jades]

hugs ruthie , dont stop persuing help dont let them give you that kinda treatment you know better than anyone what you are going thru.............hang in there hunnyxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Ruth24]

Thanks you guys. Really appreciate your comments

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[Barebones]

Hi ruth, i think its good that your CPN is referring you to eating disorders clinic, they can really help, i was due to go to them last year, but decided i would work on other issues. shame you wasnt still in orkney, as you would of been sent to my EDC and also now they have proper inpatiant wards for EDs, i asked one of my old nurses who has moved to the EDC and he was the one who told me about the progress they are making in scotland, the inpatiant is the only one in scotland, and also guess what he said to me? he said you be surprised how many of the patients who come and are in the ward have personality disorders. Must be hard place to work, i know i used to give my old Pdoc grief, he was the one who founded the clinic and has retired being a consultant pdoc and now is the press and beef behind the EDC, he only does 2 days a week. After all these years i have total respect for him and the help he gave me.

So ruth hun try to listen to the angel, and see what comes about in getting help, i really wouldnt like you to suffer like i have and the result that now its a health problem and that.

take care my luv all the best to you.

xx

[Ruth24]

Thanks bones

I really would like to get help for my eating disorder, but its almost as though i have to be at deaths door before they'll give me any help. I just want to eat properly, put on weight and not feel bad about the weight gain. i want to view it as positive.

But that fucking little devil whispering in my ear won't go away, like an annoying mosquito or fly when you are trying to sleep

Swat it away and let the angel do the talking

PS shetland not orkney. ooh how insulting. i'm not one of 'them' :)

[Barebones]

Doh sry ruth, i know you told me, forgot once again.

The thing is ruth no you dont have to be at deaths door, need any help hun, i could find places for you, also if your CPN doesnt put you forward to right place, i could see what i can find out and do.

Allways here if you need me, i may appear aggressive on forums and sometimes in real life, but one thing i am very good at and that is sorting and making sure that appropriate help is given, regardless of weight and deaths door.

Here if you need me

xx

[Ruth24]

Wow bones thanks xxx

If my CPN doesnt put me forward I'll let you know i need help!!!!!

love ya

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[piuma]

(((((((((((((((ruthie)))))))))))))))

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[Pink stars]

((Ruth))

PMT....I hear ya!

I wish you all the best with getting the help that your wanting.

x

[gavin]

Ruthy

What going on here you don’t eat;

Ruthy can I help I’m a chef who love food;

But that dose’t help you, but i would love to help you?

gavin

now look girley i want to help you,

[Ruth24]

Gavin,

That is so lovely of you. I do actually like food which is the frustrating thing. But i feel terrible guilt when i eat. Its strange, bizarre and makes no sense to me.

A chef eh? Fantastic. May be PMing you soon to ask for some recipies

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[CrippleAndStarfish]

Hey Ruth, How're you doing today hun??

Not got many words of advice, i'm afraid! But just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one who feels frustrated with the whole ED support thing!!! I've been there before, and i'm there again right now. It's strange how (with other mh issues) they keep banging on at us about how VITAL it is to continue with meds and appts & whatnot even when we wake up and feel on top of the world!! YET when we attend an appointment and are able to discuss what's going on with us with a calm tone of voice and the ability to smile or crack a joke, WE GET SHOVED OUT THE DOOR!!!

I found it was the same with the help i was receiving for my ED (i binge, then fast, then purge, then binge, then restrict, then purge, then fast, then binge... etc etc etc etc etc). It's absolutely disgusting. I haven't seen my specialist (not sure of her official title =\ ) for nearly 4 months now i think, because i reached my first goal weight. It seemed irrelevant that i wasn't sleeping because of the stress of gaining, that i had started self-harming again, or that i was like a bloody snapping turtle when anyone so much as looked at me...

I hear ya, hun, i really do.

I hope it gets sorted real soon, you want this help, and you deserve it.

Keep listening to that angel, chick.

You'll be okay

Love, as always,

Crip xxx

[Ruth24]

Turns out my mood plummet was PMT. It arrived today. Just over a week when i started this topic, so that would be about right. I don't menstruate frequently due to low body weight so it was difficult to tell if it was PMT or not. I can't just check back every 4 weeks in my diary to find this major particular mood fluctuation. I have no menstrual pattern so i can never be totally sure.

I feel so so torn about my period. I hate it, i hate the fact i am healthy enough to menstruate.

I want to be pleased, i really do...

I feel like i've been cut in half. my normal side is saying good, you are healthy

My anorexic side is saying, shit, you've put on weight, thats BAD!

Emotional turmoil. I know i said i wasn't going to post for a while cos my mood was so low, but at least now i have an explanation so decided to share it with you. (sorry-menstruation not really a nice topic to share though!!) Its always good if you are able to understand where the major mood swings originate though.

Thanks for all the replies to this post

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[toaster]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((ruth))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Criteria for anorexia nervosa and EDNOS are below. I hope you get the help you meed and good luck xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Established by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR) and the World Health Organization's International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems (ICD).

Furthermore, the DSM-IV-TR specifies two subtypes:

Restricting Type: during the current episode of anorexia nervosa, the person has not regularly engaged in binge-eating or purging behavior (that is, self-induced vomiting, or the misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or enemas). Weight loss is accomplished primarily through dieting, fasting, or excessive exercise.

Binge-Eating Type or Purging Type: during the current episode of anorexia nervosa, the person has regularly engaged in binge-eating OR purging behavior (that is, self-induced vomiting, or the misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or enemas).

The ICD-10 criteria are similar, but in addition, specifically mention

The ways that individuals might induce weight-loss or maintain low body weight (avoiding fattening foods, self-induced vomiting, self-induced purging, excessive exercise, excessive use of appetite suppressants or diuretics).

Certain physiological features, including "widespread endocrine disorder involving hypothalamic-pituitary-gonadal axis is manifest in women as amenorrhoea and in men as loss of sexual interest and potency. There may also be elevated levels of growth hormones, raised cortisol levels, changes in the peripheral metabolism of thyroid hormone and abnormalities of insulin secretion".

If onset is before puberty, that development is delayed or arrested.

DSM-IV Criteria

The EDNOS category include disorders that do not meet the criteria for a specific eating disorder. Each one of the following disorders is an example:

For females, all of the criteria for anorexia nervosa are met except that the individual has regular menses.

All of the criteria for anorexia nervosa are met except that, despite substantial weight loss, the individual's current weight is in the normal range.

All of the criteria for bulimia nervosa are met except that binge eating and inappropriate compensatory mechanisms occur at a frequency of less than twice a week or for a duration of less than 3 months.

The regular use of inappropriate compensatory behavior by an individual of normal body weight after eating small amounts of food (eg; self-induced vomiting after the consumption of two cookies).

Repeatedly chewing and spitting out, but not swallowing, large amounts of food.

Binge eating disorder: recurrent episodes of binge eating in the absence of the regular use of inappropriate compensatory behaviors characteristic of bulimia nervosa.