hummm_mabbe Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Hullo I wanted to talk about this prollem I have, I mean its part of the bigger prollems for sure, but thought that it might help to focus on whats happening right now. A nice person on this site wanted to talk to me over MSN (and pls dont feel guilty nice person, thats not the idea of this post...), which is a good thing. Its like, a huge part of me wanted to, because I need to be making connections with folks. Thats what I want and need. But I have always had this thing about MSN, and its kinna similar to the phone. For some reason, it makes me feel this pressure and anxiety that other forms of communication dont cause, and its frustrating. MSN is free, and I could chat to so many nice folks with it. I guess its somehow the sensation of being locked into a convo. Its the same in chat rooms actually, I feel this pressure to always have something to say, to be interesting I guess. And then I get that thing when someone takes a bit to reply, I think I have offended or bored them, or admitted something that has unnerved them or made me think Im a weirdo ... I get the same thing on the phone too. And then I suppose at the end of the convo I feel guilty if im the first one to say ok Im going to go now or something. I also see the names of people from the past in my buddy list and that reminds me of things ... I know I could just get a new adress or something ... I dunno. Im not saying "I must overcome this" or "I shouldnt be anxious" becaue I am, and its sort of the same problem at the root of much of my self isolation. Somehow its ok in forums, I guess cos theres the thing that its ok to leave time between replies, and other folks can jump in. Thats a bit like in real life I guess, in a group theres less of that "oh my god must say something now" feeling. I know some people dont have this problem and it seems silly to others, but for me it is a problem. I suppose I need to give it some attention, listen to that little part of me thats feeling scared and so on. I guess its because I am still afraid of that feeling of abandonment - I dont want to risk anything on a new friendship because I might ruin it, or they might see how odd / weird I am, and then I will have to go through that abandonment again and feel hopeless ... I dunno. Things, stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Hey hun, before i came on this site, i never really used msn, or i would log in and stay offline so people wouldnt talk to me, when i joined here and started using the chat room, i felt it to, and felt awkward, i cant stop talking now, lol, but, the odd thing i find is on msn now, and someone from here talks to me, no probs, but if someone lese tries to chat with me, i freeze, i often think to myself why would they wanna be talking to me, so must be after seomthin. But also i find that silence thing uneasy and when im at my worst i can be very para bout it, having said that i would still preper chat to real life at the moment. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted August 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Hmm mabbe I should try chat Like MSN with water wings / stabilisers ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Maybe you should start with jus talking wiv one nice person who understands your anx and fears and maybe that will give u the confidence u need... Baby steps... Remember that u can block everyone else from your list temporarily so they dont try get u when u are still at the teething stage... Jus a thought... Understand your anx tho - used to be the same myself... xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted August 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 LOL glad people know where Im coming from I have just logged into chat, its a bit deady door nails at the mo. Tum te tum Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 If you are still there at 5:40 ish (traffic permitting) I will go in and talk you to death! Can't DO chat at work - far tooooooo scary.... I can make this window very lil and hide it from pryin eyes, but CHAT is toooooo in yer face... If yuo are still there then, I promise to be gentle with you !!! lol xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted August 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Im just being shown the ropes :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Hello Hummm Mabbe I know just how you feel. I find it difficult to talk in the chat room, on MSN and esp on the phone. I get stuck on what to say and worry I will say the wrong thing all the time so end up avoiding these situations. I agree with what some other people have said in taking it slow, just talking with one person at a time and building up your confidence. All the best, maybe we will see each other in chat some time! Pink Stars x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebeccaborderline Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 I really get this. I got MSN 2 years ago-it was brill; select family/friends could contact me if I was online. But it became a bit intrusive; I kept forgetting to make myself "invisible" if I didnt want to talk. I would end up locked in rambling convos because didnt know how to say "Ive got to go now" or "I dont want to talk today". All these people were perfectly nice, I felt like shit. So last year I disabled it. Now, I want to talk to 1 person with it, so am re-installing it. Its a fantastic tool, but when I can't talk, I really can't. Could be a mistake again.... reb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 OK so forget the baby steps and jumt straight into chat at peak time when we are all bein silly... That should shock the anx outta u... LOL Glad u came in and lovely to chat to yuo xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrippleAndStarfish Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Hey you! It's a weird and wonderful thing that i've just seen this post of yours now, as have literally JUST experienced something very, very similar, and have rather freaked the bejezus outta myself! lol I have been going out quite a bit recently, which is fab for me. Not far - just a 5 min walk to my local pub on a saturday for the live music, and a weds for the quiz with a few members of my family, but still!! And that is besides the point!!! Sorry, my dear!! ....BUT... At the pub, there's this one girl who started talking to me, and she was really nice, really friendly.. I felt anxious talking to her, and was taking great care not to stumble over my words, and i did well.. PAt on the back for me... floating on a fluffy cloud... Until the next evening she added me on facebook. And i accepted in a bit of a panic...but forgot to disable facebook chat, and was suddenly stuck there, with nothing to say, feeling like an idiot, and shaking like a leaf, all because she'd said 'hey hun, had a good night last night, did you? are you okay?x' !!!! It's strange. I guess i feel like i'm chained on stage with such pressure to perform ontop of such anxiety that i will screw up in some way unbeknownst to myself, that i just want to crawl into the shadows and ...well... be somewhere else, i guess. Just wanting to let you know you're not alone, really. And i smiled when i read that you'd gone into chat, that's really fab. How was it?? Hope you are well, lovely. Crip xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted August 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Hi crippie Yes what you describe there was pretty much taking me through the identical experience, its like the air gets sucked out of the room. For some reason the other person always suddenly seems like an A grade comedian or novelist, about 4000 times more interesting than me and quick witted, I feel so dull in comparison. Chat was fun, my kind of silliness. I guess theres a bit of an attention seeking part of me that i feel very guilty about, and have to restrain it so I dont get all "its all about me darling". I have done that in the past and it just switches people off ... but I did realise that when i shut up, I notice what others say more. I think mabbe I have changed after all Mabbe the real world is ready for me, I dunno. Nice to see you, and spooooooky on the both having the same thing thing. I avoid facebook - tis SCARY Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 FEAR Face Everything And Recover or Fuck Everything And Run Dunno - just got the thought to post this here - was my sig for a while... - may mean nothing to u, may mean summat to u... have to go with instinct - sorry if innapropriate... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted August 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 I think right now its like a mid point between both of those! Dont wanna blather about mindfulness anymore than I already have tho ... anyhoo, off to beddy bye now. Time to cuddle teddy. **makes mental note to actually buy a teddy** Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrippleAndStarfish Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Hey there Ninja Chips... Don't think we have spoken before?? Forgive me if i am mistaken - my memory is terrible - it gets me into some very awkward situations at times!! Just wanted to thank you for the comment you just made about fear. I couldn't help but smile at that too, as it has most definately struck a chord with me, so thankyou! I agree completely. It is all just a matter of timing and perspective, i believe. I jump between each of the statements, believing both to be Gospel at different times. I am very fortunate in that for the past 5/6 months, i have had the first of those (...argh!! darn it! What is it called?!?! I can't remember the name for when you do that with words - F for Face, E for Everything...etc etc?!!? Arghhh!!!) ...anyways! I've had the first of those two thingymajiggies planted firmly in my head and my heart, and believe myself to have made some real progress Yay for Crip! But yes, I am babbling again!! (some things never change!!) But thank you thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart & that bit in your belly where you get butterflies I really love that. I'm feeling inspiration for some canvas art now, too! AND ROSS!! I just want to send a great big squishy hug to you, i really do. I'm really, really completely and utterly chuffed to bits that chat was a good experience for you!! And of course, the world needs more people like you out there, shining brightly for all to see like the star that you are. Try not to feel guilty about wanting attention. I know i'm like that too. I think the thing is, when it's phrased as 'attention-seeking', it seems to have some sort of stigma attatched to it, like a bad smell hanging round it, and we appear to overlook the fact that human beings are social creatures - wanting, actively seeking, and getting attention are all perfectly normal, and perfectly fine things to do!!! I think the main focus should be on how we seek out this attention. Are we doing it by making fun of others, belittling others in any way, or are we doing it by just being a little bit gobby and a little bit silly, making those who are conversing with us in whichever medium have a bit of a giggle, and helping them to relax, feel welcome, and maybe even encouraging them to come out of their shell a little?! I have to say, honestly, that i have never experienced anything like the first coming from you, not at all. I don't think i'd have ever posted here if it wasn't for reading one of your replies to a topic, and just giggling, and the feeling of relief that 'oh my goodness! this is a support site for some pretty horrific and difficult things to be discussed - but lookie here! You don't have to be all sombre and cold and distant. I think it's amazing, and for that reason, you, my dear Ross, are an inspiration to me Gosh, i sound like some crazed pop star fan, but seriously. I hope that doesn't sound creepy, and you can accept it as the compliment that it is. Maaaan, i felt weird coming back here, now i'm glad i did AND facebook is TERRIFYING, YES!! But i think i have to try and overcome that fear, even just a little bit each day - hell! each week even! - while i feel able I'm typing this with a grin on my face. And sorry! I feel i've hijacked your thread! =\ Not intentional. edit: cause my spelling sucks. Prolly more mistakes there, but i can't be bothered now lol, i've corrected enough! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 hey crip - maybe u knew me as chitma - i changed my name... and maybe the post was for u more than for ross... oooo inspiration to do arty stuff - that gotta be good... cant do quotie things too good so i cut and paste and bolded it... I think the main focus should be on how we seek out this attention. Are we doing it by making fun of others, belittling others in any way, or are we doing it by just being a little bit gobby and a little bit silly, making those who are conversing with us in whichever medium have a bit of a giggle, and helping them to relax, feel welcome, and maybe even encouraging them to come out of their shell a little?! Ima likin this bit - ima take that away with me... and remember it... Yay swapsies... thanks xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrippleAndStarfish Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 Oh, of course! Hello there! And you are more than welcome to take that or anything away and do with it as you please, always - but don't pokey in the eye - that's cruel, and i'll be sad. The chance that even just a word could change so much for someone, anyone is one of the main reasons why i am trying to be more open with my thoughts and feelings now. Eee, i am smiley tonight. However, I am also very tired, as was at the beach today with my two year old son, my hyperactive and just-a-tad-crazy mother, my lazy whingey pre-teen brother, and my litle old nana, so bed and sleep is sounding like a really really good decision for me right now, so i shall be off to bed now, and thank you again for inspiring me Take care, Crip xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 bed for me too now - me and fluffy raccoon called ringo... ima doin the feelin stuff too atm - sucks at first... o an i dont do pokin - not for real anyway... u safe there night night crip and borris... here's to bravery... xxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rael Posted August 27, 2009 Report Share Posted August 27, 2009 well done for going into chat and im glad it went well. i have a phobia of msn and chat too. i do use both but only talk to 2 people on msn and still get paranoid that i am being boring and i often go within myself and dont speak for ages. same in chat, i go in full of hope that i will finally be interesting and have a convo but i fail and shut down. its hard to face loggin on when you feel that way so its awesome that you jumped in, maybe ill see you when i am having a brave day too congrat for being brave xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted August 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Hullo everyone Thank you for the nice comments, its good to feel appreciated And also nice to hear my wibblie nature is appreciated Crip, something about this site brings out my inner bunnie rabbit **insert bunnie rabbit smiley** I was thinking about my chat session, and I realise it had that same ambivalent quality that real life interaction has for me. This is never meant as a criticism of the people involved, because I get this with EVERYONE - but I gues what I felt was a mixture of enjoyment but also stress. When I am in a social environment, I suppose its a kind of hypervigilance, and I feel like I need to be on the lookout continually - in case I say the wrong thing, or someone attacks me and I dont realise, or any number of things. I suppose I sort of still have this scared part of me inside, but dont want to admit he is there and just want to put on a happie face ... it would be so nice to just feel comfy. I dunni, mabbe no one ever really does? Because of this, I guess I feel in two minds about going back in again, which is exactly what happens in real life. Its hard to say this because I feel like I will upset people who were in chat - again I say it was nothing to do with what anyone said or did because it was fun, I am just trying to be mindful of the residual feelings that are with me at the time. But it also had that nice feeling, it was nice to be speaking with folks again, and some part of me picked up on that too ... in a way it sorta made my heart go into two bits - one that really wants to go back again, and another part (thats unfortunately a bit stronger) that wants to hide under a rock again because its scared of the stressey feeling. I guess I feel like the first session was kinna 'luck' that it went ok, and the more I go in the closer I get to 'explosion' time when it will all go bad for me. My dreams last night helped me understand the experiences that this fear is based on, and I see that they stretch back 24 years so its no wonder that this is hard to shift. Little by little I guess, I must have compassion for little me. May go to clintons or toys r us and seek out teddy Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Go get teddy, he is waiting for you xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 no offence took on my part when u are ready - no need forcin these things and being uncomfortable with the feelings... is why i originally mentioned "baby steps"... in yer own time... xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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