confussed Posted September 8, 2009 Report Share Posted September 8, 2009 if this is difficult ..pls bear ..wif me its difficult to explain thanks in the last year i had a lot of growing up to do,..had a baby girl ..my mother died ..i broke up with my boyfriend off 4years, over something stupid ..had row i over reacted and throw him out ...sent him to his mothers but i didn't get upset over nothing at the time it was major....now i feel it was stupid! he behavoured like a child and in the end we just hurt each other that much we kept aruging and in the end we just stayed apart.. i did know that the ammount of stress we were under as well...my mum also passed away in january..him not working and a lot of debt.. ..me heartbroken.and our landlord ..giving us 1 mnths notice as she needed to sell the house quickly... so he moved into his own place...me being brave lasted 2 weeks then suddendly i could not take it no more i cried non stop when the ralaisation of being a single mum, without my mum or any other help,and that for all them years i had waited to have a child with who i really believed would always be a family for him to walk out after 4 months!!...but when im brave i can admit that its best we are a part...he has really hurt me as well but we have tried really really hard to stay close friends as we no matter what we were both still parents..and he is a very good father.. so then i deceided as i was completley heartbroken..and i was in bits .we both are..but agree there cant be any going back. so i deceided that as i had no other option i needed space i moved towns..to be closer to friends ..not too far away and wanted to concentrate on being a mum... but even now that i have moved and feel a little better i still dont feel like ive moved forward, .i find it still hard to cope with even though its not been a year yet ..it has only been 3 months... i know what im showing signs of depression...like i can find it hard to want to go out durring the day i feel so low about my self i have completley stopped making any kind of effort at all with my apperance ive put on a lot of weight and for the first time ever come out in spots i find it hard to have converstaions around strangers and feel embarssed around new people, and as im not stupid enough to know that is not how a 30 year old mother should behave almost like panic attacks like im not good enough to speak to them because i look a mess or am not intrestering!!....or i go the other way and go out and be so extervert and outragous that i spend then 4 days beating my self up about it for acting like an idiot but whats even worse i know this is wrong and i hate being like this.. and am espically scared that i can pass this on to my son because a lot of what i am describing is things ive seen in other people. and its horrid..i just cant seem to stop it.. or i can be so rude and horrid to people i dont know ..in a resturant or anywhere with the train ticket man because i think that they are not doing there job!!..or can be so over nice i feel like a fool!? my friends have even started to notice and now just assume thats what im like adn i don't want to be known like that i want to be known as a nice normal good mother not an emmotional wreck..even my closes friend describes me as a nightmear!! i have it in my head now that i want to move away to a fresh new place in the country and get a little garden and just live a peaceful life with my son ..in my head its idealic emmerdale life style....and have even told people this ....but deep down i know that no matter where i go im still me im scared that im still going to feel like this .... please someone tell me why i think the way i do it could be logical that i have been through a lot in my life but then i also know that a lot has been trough my actions.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted September 8, 2009 Report Share Posted September 8, 2009 hey welcome to the sitw by the way. do you have pdoc ect? will come back to this in the morning hope you get some sleep. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted September 8, 2009 Report Share Posted September 8, 2009 hey, i was so tired last night, um, what did we say in email, i think was bout you seeing a gp and psychiatriest, have you got one? thought maybe your gp could help with depression, or reffer you to the mental health team to get you some support. you have been so much and i think you have done really well, you must be stronger than you think. i hope things improve for you soon. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowman Posted September 8, 2009 Report Share Posted September 8, 2009 You need to see your GP hun. I had post natal depression - not saying that's what you got - but don't try to cope alone. Get some help. You deserve it.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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