Hello

[katymae]

Hello

I am new here, just looking for people to chat to really, as it can be hard to open up to people can't it, and not everyone would understand if you did. Would be nice to maybe make some new friends!

K xxxx

[Roses]

Hiya Katie and welcome to these boards. There is a lot of information and support on here and I look forward to getting to know you. xxxxx

[katymae]

Hiya Katie and welcome to these boards. There is a lot of information and support on here and I look forward to getting to know you. xxxxx

Hi Roases

Thank you so much for replying to me. I have just been having a look around the site, and it seems as though everyone here is really kind and understanding. Wondering why i've never thought to join a forum before lol!!

Have you used it for long??

Katy xx

[peace7]

Hi Katie and welcome to the site hun....

Theres a lot of helpful information on here and as well we all try to help each other... you've come to the right place. Looking forward to getting to know you hopefully. If you need any help just let me know or any of the others they are also willing to help as this is quite a big site...

hope you settle in well xxxxx

[katymae]

Hi Katie and welcome to the site hun....

Theres a lot of helpful information on here and as well we all try to help each other... you've come to the right place. Looking forward to getting to know you hopefully. If you need any help just let me know or any of the others they are also willing to help as this is quite a big site...

hope you settle in well xxxxx

Hi Harmony

Thank you ever so much for taking the time to speak to me, i really appreciate it! This is th first time i've joined a forum for my depression so its a new experience for me. I'm just hoping to make some friends really, thought it might be nice to have some people to talk to who understand.....

Would be lovely to get to know you too. I hope you are ok,

Katy xx

[peace7]

Friends I feel you'll definatly make here... I have made so many and I haven't been here long myself really. Like I say if you need any help or someone to talk to until you settle in then just PM me, I'm always willing to help/ support as much as I can.

Hope your ok and lookin forward to getting to know you...

Harmony xx

[Roses]

Hiya Katie, I have been here since last November and has helped me beyond words. I am also glad I found this site xxx

[donnam]

hi Katy, i am new 2, just been diagnosed with bpd and had depression for ages, i too find it hard to open up to people, i am great at putting on an act to the outside world pretending i am fine, the reality would scare them. anyway if i can help in any way just let me know.

[piuma]

hey katie, welcome to the site, as the others said, yes, im sure you will make friends here, and there always people willing to talk. xxxx

[Rael]

hello and welcome

i find it hard to open up to people too but people here are so understanding, im sure you will make friends.

xxx

[katymae]

hi Katy, i am new 2, just been diagnosed with bpd and had depression for ages, i too find it hard to open up to people, i am great at putting on an act to the outside world pretending i am fine, the reality would scare them. anyway if i can help in any way just let me know.

Hi Cadance

I too constantly put on an act for the outside world, as my famliy really wouldn't understand, and i really don't want people at work to know. I already feel better for hasving yhis site and people to talk to. How are you feeling about your diagnosis?? If you would like to talk i'd really love to listen.

Take care,

Katy xxx

[mayleigh]

hia. welcome . im pretty new also. great sight for support and friends

xxx

[mayleigh]

hia. welcome . im pretty new also. great sight for support and friends

xxx

[donnam]

for me its in 1 way a relief, 'cos i knew it was more than just depression alone, but few people know, as i feel they will judge me further and not understand if i said i had personality disorder! my parents are oblivious, they know i am not myself but passed it off as post natal depression after my son- who is now 2!! as my mum is a recovering alchoholic, and if i told em and she drank again it would be my fault- always is, and i dont have a sister i can turn 2 as she has learning disabilities, so have always come second 2 her, as any achievement i ever had, my sis always said she was in here words "too stupid" to do that so may achievements got played down!! plus when it came to me and sis (even tho she is ten yearsolder) i should always have know better as a kid.

i don't know bout you but i feel constantly hurt by the few friends i do have, again prob stems from been bullied by my best friend or so i thought at school, and then my so called best friend now was gonna set up a business with me, we were discussing ideas, and all of a sudden without even talking to me she sets up business with someone else. that really hurt, i thought she was there fore me, and would try and do anything at the drop of a hat to try and keep her as a friend. i would never have betrayed and hurt her like that, and it hurts everytime i see her, unfortunately my daughter is her daughters best friend so can only avoid to a point. and up until that point my so called best friend was one of the only people i would turn 2, so apart from hubby i feel alone. by end of the day at the constant pretence i am exhausted but then cant sleep as so much going through my head 2, got so bad really on meds to help sleep as well as some for depression which aren't helping.

sorry for rambling

Cadance

[katymae]

for me its in 1 way a relief, 'cos i knew it was more than just depression alone, but few people know, as i feel they will judge me further and not understand if i said i had personality disorder! my parents are oblivious, they know i am not myself but passed it off as post natal depression after my son- who is now 2!! as my mum is a recovering alchoholic, and if i told em and she drank again it would be my fault- always is, and i dont have a sister i can turn 2 as she has learning disabilities, so have always come second 2 her, as any achievement i ever had, my sis always said she was in here words "too stupid" to do that so may achievements got played down!! plus when it came to me and sis (even tho she is ten yearsolder) i should always have know better as a kid.

i don't know bout you but i feel constantly hurt by the few friends i do have, again prob stems from been bullied by my best friend or so i thought at school, and then my so called best friend now was gonna set up a business with me, we were discussing ideas, and all of a sudden without even talking to me she sets up business with someone else. that really hurt, i thought she was there fore me, and would try and do anything at the drop of a hat to try and keep her as a friend. i would never have betrayed and hurt her like that, and it hurts everytime i see her, unfortunately my daughter is her daughters best friend so can only avoid to a point. and up until that point my so called best friend was one of the only people i would turn 2, so apart from hubby i feel alone. by end of the day at the constant pretence i am exhausted but then cant sleep as so much going through my head 2, got so bad really on meds to help sleep as well as some for depression which aren't helping.

sorry for rambling

Cadance

Hey

You really weren't rambling! Its great that you can be honest here and actually open up and say how your feeling and not just pretend that everything is "fine" like you have to the reat of the time. Your so called best friends behavior towards you is appalling, its no wonder she upsets you like she does!! I odn't know how you put up with it, do you confront her?? You mentioned your husband, is he supportive of you?? I hope so, would mean at least onw person you could talk to and not feel judged by. My daughter is two too, its a lovely age isn't it! They are so funny and sweet. How old is your daughter?? You are lucky to have what sounds like a lovely family.

Katy xx

[donnam]

Hi Katy,

kinda confronted her, hubby had a word with her, and i wrote her a letter, explaining my life as she asked in her words why i was "so damaged"!!i wrote 4 a4 pages i got brief text back, saying other girl had been friend for long time 2, and that she had always wanted to do this job (which i would happily have done with her if given chance) and that she she have discussed it with me, as first i knew was when she hwas asking if i liked her business cards and what did i think of this and that. so wrote all down including how she had hurt me. hubby quite supportive, better recently, though he does have a volatile temper and you never know when he is going to explode, could be ova the slightest things, and really scary as hits things (not us) but punched holes in walls, and shouts and swears. daughter is 5. yeah 2 is sweet age, but i struggle to bond with em, as i am just waiting for them to let me down like every 1 else in my life- dont get me wrong i love em, but they don't feel like they are mine at times, kinda emotionally detached from them and find that unfortunately my daughter pushes all the wrong buttons and end up getting frustrated and snappy at them, 'cos spend all day trying not to go off on one with every 1 else. therefore constantly feel like a bad mum, but got surestart helping build up the bond with them but so hard to stay focused. have u started any therapy? i am supposed to be starting dbt in oct but don't hold any hope in it working, cos if i get my hopes up it will be even worse if it doesn't. hope you are having a descent day. is your daughter starting nursery next year then? i have had to get my little boys name on list already, though where i am i am getting free placement for him this year so i can attend dbt, through surestart, so if you need some u time it may be worth you looking into.

[katymae]

Hi Katy,

kinda confronted her, hubby had a word with her, and i wrote her a letter, explaining my life as she asked in her words why i was "so damaged"!!i wrote 4 a4 pages i got brief text back, saying other girl had been friend for long time 2, and that she had always wanted to do this job (which i would happily have done with her if given chance) and that she she have discussed it with me, as first i knew was when she hwas asking if i liked her business cards and what did i think of this and that. so wrote all down including how she had hurt me. hubby quite supportive, better recently, though he does have a volatile temper and you never know when he is going to explode, could be ova the slightest things, and really scary as hits things (not us) but punched holes in walls, and shouts and swears. daughter is 5. yeah 2 is sweet age, but i struggle to bond with em, as i am just waiting for them to let me down like every 1 else in my life- dont get me wrong i love em, but they don't feel like they are mine at times, kinda emotionally detached from them and find that unfortunately my daughter pushes all the wrong buttons and end up getting frustrated and snappy at them, 'cos spend all day trying not to go off on one with every 1 else. therefore constantly feel like a bad mum, but got surestart helping build up the bond with them but so hard to stay focused. have u started any therapy? i am supposed to be starting dbt in oct but don't hold any hope in it working, cos if i get my hopes up it will be even worse if it doesn't. hope you are having a descent day. is your daughter starting nursery next year then? i have had to get my little boys name on list already, though where i am i am getting free placement for him this year so i can attend dbt, through surestart, so if you need some u time it may be worth you looking into.

I'm so glad you confronted her, its just a shame she didn't respond better. Its terrible the way some people treatg others, i have "friends" who have been really shitty to me in the past, and i would never dream of doing stuff like that to people. Its absolutely none of my business so tell me to butt out, but does your husband get any help with his temper, only i was thinking you being anxious about possibly upsetting him can't be helping you.

My daughter spends sat's with her dad, so i have saturdays to myself fron 10 til 6. I tend to do mundane things like housework and ironing, but i have been better recently ar making the most of my time, having beauty treatments and reflexology and stuff.

I think i do need to see a counsellor, have a lot of issues that i need to face up to but not sure how to go about it, not seen one since i was 18 and that was 6 yrs ago and privately, my dad paid for it. He would again if i asked but don't want him knowing i'm not feeling so great, and can't really afford it myself, so will have to see if its available on the NHS. I work for the prison service, and am surrounded by psychiatrists etc all day evey day so will make some enquiries lol!!

Have you got a therapist that you go to, outside of treatment courses??

xx

[Dice]

Alrite Katy... I am new too, I myself find it hard to really open up but I can talk about somethings what is not too deep, And what I have seen of the people on here, They all seem nice and friendly which is good, So hopefully I shall see you around on here take care chick ....

[donnam]

hi Katy.

no he doesnt see any 1 wish he would have asked him but he wont, he says he has self help stuff, but neva does it!! yeah does get on top of me it was the breaking point in dec when od'ed, just thought couldnt go on living life like this and he wouldbt leave! ended up in hosp 4 2 days, as blood wasnt clotting right. most of time i want to be with him but when he explodes its hard ro cope, and then i tell him i want him to leave- i prob over react! glad u get some u time, and spending it doing reflexology etc, time to forget bout your probs if only 4 half hour or so. my dad is like urs, in the sense that he would pay for private treatment, but don't want him to know the full extent, and feel they are part of my probs ( mum alchoholic and dunno if i said but dad hit mum when she was drunk and had to beg him as child not 2). i am seeing a cpn (community pyschiatric nurse) and have access to the crisis team out of hours but i dont ring any 1 so dont ask 4 help, finally got a fantastic 1 who understands me, had previous 1 who discharged me in jan on the day i said next time i would make a better job of od-ing!! at least this one understands. she is just referal thru gp, so should be able to get a counsellor thru ur gp, free. therapy not started yet but she wil stay involved as she knows i feel rejected if they suddenly back out. hope you have some success with counsellor, again not my business but some counsellors aren't interest from experience so a cpn may be ur best option and they can then gat u assessed by consultant and get u on the right treatment programme- all free from experience.

[katymae]

hi Katy.

no he doesnt see any 1 wish he would have asked him but he wont, he says he has self help stuff, but neva does it!! yeah does get on top of me it was the breaking point in dec when od'ed, just thought couldnt go on living life like this and he wouldbt leave! ended up in hosp 4 2 days, as blood wasnt clotting right. most of time i want to be with him but when he explodes its hard ro cope, and then i tell him i want him to leave- i prob over react! glad u get some u time, and spending it doing reflexology etc, time to forget bout your probs if only 4 half hour or so. my dad is like urs, in the sense that he would pay for private treatment, but don't want him to know the full extent, and feel they are part of my probs ( mum alchoholic and dunno if i said but dad hit mum when she was drunk and had to beg him as child not 2). i am seeing a cpn (community pyschiatric nurse) and have access to the crisis team out of hours but i dont ring any 1 so dont ask 4 help, finally got a fantastic 1 who understands me, had previous 1 who discharged me in jan on the day i said next time i would make a better job of od-ing!! at least this one understands. she is just referal thru gp, so should be able to get a counsellor thru ur gp, free. therapy not started yet but she wil stay involved as she knows i feel rejected if they suddenly back out. hope you have some success with counsellor, again not my business but some counsellors aren't interest from experience so a cpn may be ur best option and they can then gat u assessed by consultant and get u on the right treatment programme- all free from experience.

Its great that you finally have help from someone who really cares and understands you. How did you get in touch with your CPN? My treatment in the past has only been meds and a therapist so have very little knowledge on how to go about getting the right sort of help.

I'm so so sorry to hear that you od'd!! I think you are an incredibly brave person to come here and talk to other people and help them when you yourself have problems of your own, its so kind of you. I'm glad you didn't think i was being nosey about your husband though. I suppose until he's ready, he won't get any professional help, as we probably both understand well, although i agree with you that he needs to. Does the thing with your mum and dad still upset you? I just wonder if it contributes to your problems. My mother is an alcohlic also, but hasn't drank for 2 yrs now, and it didn't really become a big problem until i'd grown up and moved out so although it obviously upset me, it didn't have a profound effect on me because i didn't have to live with it, if you know what i mean. She suffers with a load of health conditions, and is in terrible pain as a result, so used to drink on top of her morphine and just become this monster that i didn't even recognise, she was so so awful to us, especially my dad and eventually we all told her to sort it out or lose us for good, so she got some help and stopped drinking. Touch wood she's doing really well, and we have our old mum back. Do you have a good relationship with yours?

again, ignore me if its too personal, i just would like to understand thats all.

I hope your ok, and having a good day!

Katy xxx

[donnam]

hi katy.

i got my cpn, just through my doctors surgery, they refereed me. not sure if different areas have different policies but it may be worth asking ur gp. dunno where u live, but i am in north east. yeah my mums problems still affect me as i caught her drinking at my house on my daughters 4th birthday, they were stopping over as i moved to north east from leeds, and had it in a pop bottle- went mad as kids could have thought it was pop. it has also affected me as my mum and dad would never let me tell any1, and said if i did they would not visit when at uni, or be able to tell the 1 friend i had at school. i have also found that i rarely drink as i am scared of becoming an alchoholic and watch how much hubby drinks 2. parents prob think have good relationship due to my acting skills, but i feel emotionally detached- hart less i kno. really glad to know ur mum is back to her old self. sorry if go into too much detail, or if makes u feel worse, as i find lot easier to talk on comp- as don't talk face to face.

take care

[katymae]

hi katy.

i got my cpn, just through my doctors surgery, they refereed me. not sure if different areas have different policies but it may be worth asking ur gp. dunno where u live, but i am in north east. yeah my mums problems still affect me as i caught her drinking at my house on my daughters 4th birthday, they were stopping over as i moved to north east from leeds, and had it in a pop bottle- went mad as kids could have thought it was pop. it has also affected me as my mum and dad would never let me tell any1, and said if i did they would not visit when at uni, or be able to tell the 1 friend i had at school. i have also found that i rarely drink as i am scared of becoming an alchoholic and watch how much hubby drinks 2. parents prob think have good relationship due to my acting skills, but i feel emotionally detached- hart less i kno. really glad to know ur mum is back to her old self. sorry if go into too much detail, or if makes u feel worse, as i find lot easier to talk on comp- as don't talk face to face.

take care

No don't worry about that!! Its good to let it out, and this place is great for that. You can just say how you feel without feeling loke people are judging you, or worrying what they think about you. And your not on your own with the drinking thing, i hardly ever drink anything for the same reason. My mothers mother was an alcoholic also, and they say it can be genetic, so defo not taking any risks. Besides, i couldn't get drunk, i can't stand not being in control of myself.

Have you ever spoken to them and told them how they effect you?? It could help??? I have Wednesday off work, so think i'll bite the bullet and go and see my GP and tell her whats going on. Luckily i have a really good relationship with her, as i have another illness that i see her a lot for.

Thank you again for your good advice, your really great!!

Katy xx