IcyAngel Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 I did something very unexpected tonight......I finally attemped to cut myself...... and my mom found out.....we had a screaming match.....she blamed my friends for how I was acting so stupid......I was very angry with her......she went downstairs....I sat on my bed and cried.....then.... I started talking to god.....just sat there saying what was on my mind.....just out into thin air......telling my situation and asking for help..... I've never done that before.....I never really believed in god anyways......but I felt a little calmer.....thought things over cause I could talk them out......I dried my tears and went downstairs, and apologized to mom......told her I was sorry for yelling like that.....that I was just very upset....and I'm sorry if I worried her because of this......told her it won't happen again...... I felt better with just that......and then.....she hugged me!! (SIGNAL THE PARADES!!! WOOO!!!!).......it made me feel so much better...... I want to get better.....I'm gonna try harder......I was giving in too fast.....I'm only turning 19 this year......I'm not even really out of my teens......not really an adult yet...... I'm gonna give this a second chance......I'm gonna work this out as best I can......and if it's not perfect....hell, who cares!! what's ever been completely perfect in life anyways, huh?..... I hope this feeling doesn't fade away......I feel like I've been given a new lease on life......I'm smiling again.....it's nice..... thank you, all of you, for the support lately.....I've been really down and out the last few weeks.....and you all have been so helpful......big hugs to all you great people out there .....I hope things are good for you....if not, I hope it is very soon...... I love you all.....and thank you again..... *cassandra* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire Posted March 17, 2005 Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 That's the fighting spirit!!! Well done, good for you, you are being very proactive. I am glad that you are seeing some way out of this, just don't be disheartened if you feel down again. I am not trying to make you feel like this isn't going to last, c'os it's fantastic! but chances are you may feel those old feelings creep back at some point. So just remember how well you did today! Recovery comes in waves, and, as you start to realise how you can work through it at last, try to keep that in mind if times get rough again. Always keep these moments of clarity nearby written in a journal or something, so you know that it is indeed possible, and do-able. There is always hope, and things will always get better! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IcyAngel Posted March 17, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 17, 2005 :D thank you.....I absolutely agree..... I do think I'm gonna start a journal to track my moods.....I feel they're getting more out of control..... well, today I do....tomorrow, I wonder if I'll still feel the same..... I've already gotten the normal parental threat from mom.....she told me if it happens again, she's gonna have grandmom babysit me......(I'm still not seeing where that'll help in any way, she was part of the reason I wanted to hurt myself years ago!!) anyways.....I'm hopeful.....this weekend I wanna try to talk some things out with mom.....what's really dragging me down is her......not because of what she calls me and all the yelling (though it doesn't help), but it's mostly because she's so unhappy.....I can tell, and it hurts me because I feel I've failed her...... so I'm hoping that'll work out.....if not, at least I'm gonna try to fill out and put in some more applications this weekend.....maybe I'll get a call from one..... I have high hopes for end of week.....I just hope I don't get sorely disappointed like normally happens..... keeping my fingers crossed (though it's hard to type like that hehe)..... *cassandra* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexa Posted March 18, 2005 Report Share Posted March 18, 2005 :) Sounds great! Glad you feeling so positive! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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