hummm_mabbe Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 What my angry part really needs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 YES only the proportions are diferent my 'angry part' is WAY bigger than the huggie part :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 then i send you extra hugls to help ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((angry walker part))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) should hug all parts, anger and shame and jealousy and all stuffs, good and bad (cause really none of its 'good' or 'bad' just human and real) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted September 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 It is a picture of the feeling I need when I feel angry - someone warm, protective and caring who understands why i feel angry, and is concerned for me. Wants to help me talk it through, protect me and validate me. Didnt really know how to put that in words, so i drew a pic of the feeling (Ok I stole the emoticons of the webbernetz) Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 i love my anger so much!!! that and the emptiness feeling. they are the two emotions that are realy clear communicators that somefin is not quite right. if i didnt have them id trundel along doing all kinds of damage to me with all kinds of hurts getting allowed and overlooked and not dealt with i dont think i deal with the anger v well, but am real real glad i have it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 Hey humm, nice idea, i should try that. Not like i am as angry as i used to be, i have calmed down loads. Thanks for sharing that, it has alot of thought into it. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LC2124 Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 That is really nice. Do you know why you are angry? I get so angry sometimes but I really don't know why. I have been trying to figure it out. These angry feelings come out of nowhere. What do you do to make them go away? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 i love my anger so much!!! that and the emptiness feeling. they are the two emotions that are realy clear communicators that somefin is not quite right. if i didnt have them id trundel along doing all kinds of damage to me with all kinds of hurts getting allowed and overlooked and not dealt with i dont think i deal with the anger v well, but am real real glad i have it. oh yeah and - my angry part contains so so much knowledge!!! its incredible. there i was thinking i was absolutely unsure of everything then suddenly speak to anger and actually tons and tons of info!!!! thank god i have so much stuff there to fall back on cause god without that...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted September 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 That is really nice. Do you know why you are angry? I get so angry sometimes but I really don't know why. I have been trying to figure it out. These angry feelings come out of nowhere. What do you do to make them go away? Aha the magical paradoxical question You dont try to make them go away, thats the thing. I grew up being conditioned to think anger is bad, not just expressing it but even feeling it, so I obsessed about the "right" way to express it, or trying to make it disappear. You cant, because anger is a natural human emotion, its just that invalidation makes us feel that it must be our fault, or we are being dramatic etc, and so we dont trust our angry feelings. Some therapists tell us we must learn to control it, which just reinforces the message that "anger is bad". Its not bad - its just that this feeling that we must not be angry, when we are, locks us into this horrible paradox we cannot escape from, builds into a big cirlce (Im angry! But I mustnt express it, or I will be bad! But if I dont, I will feel weak, controlled and angry again! GAH! Now I feel anxious!) and then we go *pop* Stepping outside of that, and making friends with the anger, means we can understand why its here and what we need to learn from it. Dont need to think about "the right way" or whether its right to feel angry or not, just make friends with it. Once we are more comfy and friendly to our anger, then we dont need to use management techniques or control methods - the fact we are being kind to it, and accepting it - essentially, giving ourselves support when we most need it - means that the anger does not get stuck in that loop and so come out in a way that hurts us, or proves our belief that "anger is bad". The little huggie man is that part of ourselves giving us support and care, when we are at our most vulnerable. After all, anger comes up when we feel threatened in some way, so we feel vulnerable. Thats when we need care and support, not people telling us we are being inappropriate or that our anger is a product of our imaginations. Boo to invalidation I find it quite liberating Course this isnt something you can just "tell yourself", it has to make sense at an emotional level. Thats why i drew the picture, so it gives more of a feeling, instead of a message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharingbody Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 hey thanks that's a great thread. =) befriending ourself(selves) is an apt image. i love pema chodron stuff on that, about 'maitri' i find hard to place the anger in the right place. when its bad anger, its turned inwards and get into self-harming/self-defeating thoughts. 'suppose cos it was like that in the past, to bypass the powerlessness, and find some relief, and find some control. difficult also, cos i personally have been punished for expressing anger. so to become a friend of those parts of me who had to withold our (righteous) anger with them, is a first step. our angry parts deserve gratitude and respect. and your picture is so inspiring. you write so nicely, ross. thank you. sb xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LC2124 Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 I'm going to try to be friends with my anger! My therapist always tells me to count to 10, take deep breaths and other things that you would tell a child. I like the idea of allowing myself to be angry even if I don't know why I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted September 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 Thanks sb, im happy it made you happy :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharingbody Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 me too :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daisy duck Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 i like the picture i always found it easier to control my anger towards others but less easier to control it towards myself. Its a human emotion we are all gonna feel at times,for me its just finding a way to control it a little. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wordsmithy Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 aaaaaaaaargh you stupid f***ing yellow f***ing stupid mouthed stupid thing, what the hell do you know about my f***ing life.... f*** argh. oh. aaaargh. damn you. oh... ok. screw. sorted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted September 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 i like the picture i always found it easier to control my anger towards others but less easier to control it towards myself. Its a human emotion we are all gonna feel at times,for me its just finding a way to control it a little. x Hi daisy Nice to hear from you! How are you? Quack quack Maybe if you are warm and friendly to it, it will soothe itself in its own right? Maybe its the feeling it must be controlled that actually makes it become out of control, like forcing the lid down on a pressure cooker. The more you try to keep it locked up, the higher the pressure rises. Some peole might say "oh in that case it means I have to express it when I feel it" and miss out a crucial stage. You can open your mouth and stand up for yourself, whilst inside you still feel that you have no right to, or just feel anxious because you think you are wrong, or will be punished. You end up focused only on the thoughts and behaviours involved, without seeing the feeling. If the feeling is "my anger is bad, I am bad for being angry", then no matter what you do, you canot win. You are stuck in a paradox, a double bind. You are trying to solve a riddle with no answer, because no matter what you do, you ARE angry. The missing step is the feeling, and having warmth for it. If you accept your anger, and feel caring and protective towards yourself, that care will come out in how you respond, a bit like if you were defending a little pet or something from a fox. You would have one eye on making the pet safe and happy, and another on shooing away the fox. You wouldnt be worrying about whether you have a right to defend the bunny or whatever, you just would, because of the care you have for it. Its not that you have solved the riddle, its that the riddle no longer exists. You dont have to find the answer to "how can I make my anger ok", because anger already IS ok. It becomes uncomplicated by guilt, shame, invalidation and anxiety. hee sorry that was a bit zen monk-ey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted September 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 aaaaaaaaargh you stupid f***ing yellow f***ing stupid mouthed stupid thing, what the hell do you know about my f***ing life.... f*** argh. oh. aaaargh. damn you. oh... ok. screw. sorted. Not quite sure how to take this really ... does this mean I get an 'F' for my artistic ability? :mellow: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 aaaaaaaaargh you stupid f***ing yellow f***ing stupid mouthed stupid thing, what the hell do you know about my f***ing life.... f*** argh. oh. aaaargh. damn you. oh... ok. screw. sorted. Not quite sure how to take this really ... does this mean I get an 'F' for my artistic ability? Yes, it confused me too. hmmmmmmmmmmm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 oh im sorry i was so negative rossie i like the image too and i managed to spend almost an hour holding little t when she was taken over by anger the other day - it was very hard but very calming i was also not allowed to be angry as a child, even now, - i get so angry and i am always criticised for it all the time and it makes me cry why why why cant i have anger - i was bloody surrounded by it from my dad - i want and need it too and feel so full of it - it spits out in seconds Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted September 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 Hi walker I hadnt noticed any negativity, not to worry. I guess I drew the caring one bigger, I wanted to think of it as a caring parent, or strong person to care about little angry me. Its just nice to picture that kind of person. I dont know if I know someone like that, its just something I would like to have. It feels like in some way I can get a sense of what that would feel like, by imagining them putting their hand on my shoulder, sounding soothing and wanting to give me time. Maybe even telling whatever bad person is hurting me to go away, be quiet or whatever, standing up for me because that protective part sees that I am feeling vulnerable and need to be heard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted September 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 I'm going to try to be friends with my anger! My therapist always tells me to count to 10, take deep breaths and other things that you would tell a child. I like the idea of allowing myself to be angry even if I don't know why I am. I sometimes find that, when I let myself feel angry, and be warm to it, that I actually find out what I am angry about. The mind has a funny way of doing that, at least thats what mine seems to do When I stop trying to make it be a certain thing, it seems to trust me and let things bubble up. It does feel nice, you are right - like I no longer have to live up to all these demands and anxieties. All I have to do is care about myself :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaisyChain Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 Is this like the compassionate imagery that you have talked about in another post. I think this is a great idea rossie. I have used the compassionate mind and compassionate imagery work from t but use my imagery to give compassion to the frightened ones, I hadnt thought about it with the angry ones, it seems so simple now looking at what you have written, but I guess I didnt think the angry ones needed compassion too. Thanks for another good topic x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 struglin wit embracin feelin stuff a lil atm - lil overwhelmed... so bookmarkin thread to read properly some time later... but i did like the lil piccie u did... xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted September 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 Hi DaisyChain Hmm I guess so yes! Theres lots of stuff floating about for me right now, and I think I felt the same as what you just said - that it never occured to me to do the same for my anger. I kinna started with just trying to be present for the angry feeling, sort of stop at that point where something made me angry and go "I am feeling angry", and not try to take it beyond that - just be with the feeling. Trying to be compassionate, having this idea of a caring strong thing there for me, kinna grew out of it. Maybe the compassionate imagery stuff was in the background too, because I guess this little picture is like that as well. I just found it easier to start with the idea of the feeling, and then turn it into a picture after my T suggested a draw a picture for my Little Me (inner child person). I drew little me a huggie pitcture, and then I thought my angry little me might like one too. Really glad your T is doing this stuff with you too Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted September 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 struglin wit embracin feelin stuff a lil atm - lil overwhelmed... so bookmarkin thread to read properly some time later... but i did like the lil piccie u did... xxxx Hi ninja Im glad you liked it, I love my microsoft paint Its good you are trying, none of this happens quickly, but just having started is good enough Took me a very long time to get to this, so much other stuff in the way. Thing is, just starting the process is enough to let you see whats in the way - then its a matter of slowly coming up to meet it, sort of sidle up to it carefully like anything that you are afraid of. Not confront it head on, just slowly meet it - like creeping up to a scary looking tiger who slowly adjusts to your presence, and doesnt growl or attack. Its scary, but slowly you can put a hand out and stroke him. If he growls, then back off for a bit. Maybe come back with someone to help you, make you feel safer (a therapist or someone like that). Mogli Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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