steelflex Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 its come to a point where i am not feeling anything. I just dont feel anything towards myself. its like there is noone there. i dont feel pain i dont feel sadness i dont feel happy its all just a blank even when the funniest joke or the funniest thing i just dont laugh even when i shud all it is is just a pure blank its like im becoming a hallow shell of what once was. i just had surgery on my arm to restore its full use and im not even excited bout that im not happy thats it happened i feel nothing towards the surgery at all ive lost all feeling towards everyone nd myself what the hell is happening to me . i know when ive had enuf but the reason this topic is here is for me to find other ways to deal with this sort of stuff so my T said so. So i ask the members has this ever happened to anyone before have u blanked everything all feelins all expressions ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 Yes I have, I do it all the time otherwise the pain would be too much for me to bear. I lost a year of my life a few years ago. There were some memories and stuff but hubbie said I just looked vacant like I wasn't there. The drugs helped and the therapy helped but the only way I truly overcame it was with time, patience and hard work. I was housebound for about 6 months after I started coming round and slowly over time I built it up to what I have now which is a prtial exhistance between my family and my MP3 player, here and the day centre. I am hoping with time I may fully feel alive again. I hope that knowing you are not alone helps. I'm afraid I dont have any answers only that stick with the therapy and take the meds until you feel strong enough to make positive changes in your life. There is nothing wrong with standing still and watching/listening for a bit as long as you get the right help xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelflex Posted September 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 i dont feel fear at all anymore its rather confusing. its like im ready to die like ive accepted my own demise and am ready to do it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 If you are feeling that bad Steel I would urge you to call crisis or go to your nearest A&E babe. How did you get on with your hand/arm. Have you had the surgery yet or is that soon? xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelflex Posted September 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 i dont no i mean this could be somethin i want deep down inside and i had the surgery on saturday id say it went ok but considering i dont feel anything its all just blank to me now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 You are possibly in delayed shock hun. See how you go on for the next few days. Someone said something to me about a 3 day rule. If you hit a blip give it 3 days cos the brain takes time to process. If you had the op on Saturday you are prolly in shock hun. But I still urge you to seek professional advice if you feel you are a danger to yourself. But I am here for you, you know that xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redhed26 Posted September 14, 2009 Report Share Posted September 14, 2009 yes i felt like that not so long ago, not even a roller coaster ride could envoke emotion, but got through it, keep going xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelflex Posted September 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 15, 2009 like i am expecting this to go away then again im begining to wonder what if this does not disapear and just continues on the way it is now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted September 15, 2009 Report Share Posted September 15, 2009 Just stay with us and talk hun. What have you done today? xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelflex Posted September 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 15, 2009 well i did nothing today i remained in bed trying something a friend sugested to me pretty much just relaxing and blocking out the noise from around me but it did not go aswell as planed. I began to block out every noise one by one and when they started to silence i herd something i had never herd before and it was not my friend. Now i dont no if im going insane now or im jst imagining this stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benway Posted September 15, 2009 Report Share Posted September 15, 2009 hi steelflex, have you a psych or Therapist or even gp to go to? soinds likeu in a lot of emotional pain. can you go see someone about this? please? might help how you are feeling. slan go feoil aine mhaire x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted September 15, 2009 Report Share Posted September 15, 2009 If you are hearing things that are disturbing you I would suggest you call crisis or speak to your doctor in the morning hun. Please don't sit alone with this. Can you get in chat? xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelflex Posted September 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 im more than likly gonn tell my T bout this next sesion im just thinking if i do deyd av me admitted to a mental home and now i cnt get into chat cos i dont no how Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted September 16, 2009 Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 I'm sure they won't admit you to a mental institution just for hearing/seeing a few things hun. They tend to only admit you if you are of significant risk to yourself. To access chat you need to subscribe then your account will be updated and you can use the chat button on the main toolbar at top of home page. xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelflex Posted September 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 its all just tireing i dont want a T i dont want group T all dats said is hang in der things get better nothing has gotin better it all goes the way its suposed to ive been nocked so far down so many times its takin it all away from takin it slowly but its takin it all away from me hu i am. what i am. friends. my happiness Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley Posted September 16, 2009 Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 steelflex. I have been where you are now, and I truely feel for you, because it was the worse time of my life, so depressed, I didn't even feel love for my own children, it was a long haul but I did get through it, 5 minutes turned into an hour, an hour turned into a day, a day turned into a week ect......... Thing's will get better, keep talking on here, and to your T, be kind to your self, you are not well, but recovery is possible and It will happen for you, in time. Anna xxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted September 16, 2009 Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 Hi again Steel, I echo Anna. I understand and I know it feels like nothing is gonna help but if you can just keep hanging in there things will change honey. Maybe not today or tomorrow but in the future. It takes time to become very ill and unfortunately it takes time to get well again but it will happen. You are still here and talking every day so that is a big positive babe. And remember you only had the op at the weekend. Be gentle with yourself and keep talking. I think you are doing really well xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelflex Posted September 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 it take time all it takes it time dis has been an on going thing for me for years and nothing gets better it only gets worse as it goes along i have limits and im bein pushed beyond my limits its taking everything i av to maintain some form of self comtrol but the further im pushed the harder it gets the more tempting it becomes just to giv in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted September 16, 2009 Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 What or who is doing this pushing hun? I understand the struggling for years, it is hard and it seems like you are treading water but it can be different. There is hope. Can you talk about what you feel is making it worse right now? xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelflex Posted September 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 i dunno maybe its the fact dat i dont fit in anywer or cud be the constant feeling of lonliness looking upon everyone else nd just look at them make life look so easy i av no idea im being pushed i no im being pushed i can feel myself being pushed at nights i feel like im all tied up and im jst strugling to get out ive always had the belief that it gets better but it hasnt got better ive jst lost all hope really im jst bearly hangin in der y am i hanging in i dont no maybe im doin it for me maybe im doin it for someone else jesus its like im cracking up here im making no sense at all here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted September 16, 2009 Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 You aren't cracking up hun. Fear of not being accepted is a normal thing it is just made worsed by the illness. I think the reason you are hanging in there is because you want to live and you want to feel better. That doesn't sound like someone who has given up all hope, it sounds like someone who is reacting to pain and suffering and is disillusioned - not given up hope. If you are not getting anywhere with your support can you change teams or pdoc? xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelflex Posted September 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 this is such a classic case of the angel and devil on the shoulder im not religious im jst using this as an example of whats happening now like part of me is just siting der telling me to just giv up the other part is like a hand reaching down to pick me up and no matter how many times ive tried to grab a hold of the hand i either get nocked down ior just pulled bak down by myself i never tot id see the day when i would av these sorts of problems ive never been so tired so worn out by myself its like giving up is the offer of a lifetime Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 I understand that. To feel that giving up is the easy option. Truth is it is the easy option but when you look at all you lose is it really worth it? Yes the pain would end but so would your life and the opportunity to feel better again. Please, you are still here talking to me after several weeks now. This shows that you want to be here. I want you to be here. You have friends on here and that is a start. Build on this and change your doctors if need be. The devil and the angel is just a way of expressing this feeling - you are right. It is all about choice and balance. Somewhere between the devil and the deep blue sea is land, is life, is hope. How's your wrist btw, it healing ok? xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelflex Posted September 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 im not a quiter i dont giver up on things so easy its wat i do but never in so many years av i found something so difficult to hang onto its like just not happening i dunno maybe i am crazy and my arm its no major improvment so far im able to use it to type but the numness still remains Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 It's weird isn't it. After my 1st caerarean the epidural about 8 months passed then I started getting numbness below the waist eeks! They said it was cos it takes a while for the bones of the spine to fuse bad enough to cause nerve damage sometimes. Of course the NHS acquitted themselves of blame but it was the epidural. I have slowly regained nearly all sensation, not all, but most. Time is needed with these kinds of things as I'm sure you know. I know you are not a quitter cos you are here talking to me! Can you think of anything that would give you pleasure to do? Like the walking or a haircut or any silly little thing. Try and incorporate one thing that YOU want to do to make yourself feel good into everyday (even if it only last 5/10 minutes at first) and try and build up from there. Perhaps a good book or a relaxation CD and a chill for half an hour. What do you think? xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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