Roses Posted October 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 UPDATE The plice rang me at half FUCKING eight this morning to tell me that they have put together some special evidence package (or something) that is being couriered by a specific driver down toe Hampshire Police tomorrow morning and she was letting me know that they will probably call me to discuss it. FFS like I haven't talked enough! I am so ANGRY right now at everyone and at the world. I just want them to get on with it already. She said that it could be a couple of weeks now and then they will pull my brother in or it could be next week. This waiting game is KILLING ME!!!!!! My support worker at SH group said they were wrong to take my statement and not give me any support lines and they were wrong to then interview my hubbie for 3 hours that same night knowing I was left with the kids and feeling so low. I really don't know if I can make it through tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted October 30, 2009 Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 I am sorry that you are finding this so traumatic, Roses, and they the police are not dealing with it as well as they could. I was going to say that I hope its over with quickly; however I would prefer to say: I hope the right outcome results, and that you get some support during the process, Roses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted October 30, 2009 Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 *lights another candle and calls it Roses* you CAN make it through cos we are all here for you... and if yuo fall i will catch you in our net and hold yuo til yuo are ready to get up again... (((((((((Roses))))))))) xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grumpykitten Posted October 30, 2009 Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 ((hug)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted October 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 Thank you both so much. xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted October 31, 2009 Report Share Posted October 31, 2009 *hugs and doesnt let go* xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catspiracy Posted October 31, 2009 Report Share Posted October 31, 2009 You are such an inspiration and this crowns everything! I just found this thread and it makes me bow in awe to you, Roses. You are going through what everyone is scared of going through by telling, and you are still DOING it! You are amazing. Whatever the outcome, your bravery is epic! all my love, cat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted October 31, 2009 Report Share Posted October 31, 2009 You knew from the start this wouldn't be easy and you are doing so well. I'm so proud of you hun. Sadly these things do take time-you have waited this long roses, just hang on in there a wee bit longer. sending you all my love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2009 Thank you so much Jades, Cat and Ruthie. You are right, I have waited a long time. I guess it's just hard to sort of rip the plaster off and have nothing happen, but I am holding on tight and I won't let go. I'm so glad you are all here at this time, and I am so grateful for all your support. xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 UPDATE Police from the other county called me to say hello and that they are still gathering all the information together but sometime over the next week the officer dealing with my case will call me to introduce themselves and let me know what is going to happen next. i'm glad they are keeping me in the loop. They asked me if Manchester Police had offered me any support and I said no. They sounded disgusted and said they would look into it. This morning, victim support for my area called me and I had a brife chat with the lady there who is gonna call me back next week. I said I'm OK for now but I think when the shit hits the fan I may need more support. She was very nice and I think it will help talking to someone who knows what I'm going through. Also they can sort out any practical help I might need like security or anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 i am glad things are still moving and that you are being kept updated... i am also please that they have recognised that you may need a lil help through all this and that the victim support lady sounds nice. i had that in hk when my flat was broke into and my passport nicked, and it was v helpful... security is also helpful, cos even tho you may not need it - will help jus knowing is available IF you feel yuo do... also proves that they recognise the situation as serious as it actually is... still walkin with you on this one, if you need me... ((((((((((((roses)))))))))))))) love and candle flames!!! Kath xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 Kath, you are a rock xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 can i be a rock with lil legs so i can walk with you - o and a hand in case yours needs holding - o and better have arms in case you need a hug... xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 LOL!!!!!! You can be whatever you want to be. You tell me, and it will be fine with me xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thesloaneranger Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 its great that you are being kept informed of everything and that some the recent nightmares werent in vain.its good that victim support are there for you too . your doing so well babes *huuuuuuge huuuuuuuugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 Thanks Sloane girl xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 Thanks for the update roses. sounds as though they are being meticulous (pardon the spelling) which is really good. I founf victim support really helpful. the woman came to see me a number of times and gave me advise about therapy and security etc. It was nice knowing there was somebody on my side because i felt very alone with it all and my husband had retreated into his cave. He will face the consequesnces of his actions. i know i have said this before but i want to say it again. You are amazingly brave doing this and maybe it will help others gain the confidence to bring their abusers to justice. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 Thank you Ruthie. Your support is amazing xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 UPDATE Last week another Victim Support Unit rang me (I am on edge of boundaries). This really confused me and when the original lady called me back today I asked her to tell them to leave me alone, with all due respect, and she is gonna call them. They are there if I need them but for now I'm not taking it any further as today I went to DIAS (drop in and support) who offer services for vicitms of domestic abuse. I didn't think I really deserved to be there but after I talked a bit about my life they said that I really did need to be there and have offered me counselling once a week. It's not just the usual non-directional counselling though it is more than that which is good cos regular talk therapy doesn't cut it for me. I am confused, upset, slightly pathetic but most of all very vulnerable right now. I don't know how to handle someone telling me that I am a victim of domestic abuse. In my mind I had sectioned off sexual abuse and the way my mother treated me into separate small boxes that didn't say I was definately not to blame but being put under the domestic abuse bracket makes me scared for the future, scared of my past and scared of who I am. The things that qualify me for this help are: The mental and physical abuse from my Mother The physical, emotional and sexual abuse from my brother The time my bf tried to strangle me and then raped me The time my first husband hit me (been married 7 months at the time) The several years of emotional abuse I endured when hubbie was gambling It sounds so bad, how can that be me? I don't understand. How am I to go on from here? I keep fighting and I'm getting bloody nowhere. I just want the train to stop cos I want to get off. I broke down on hubbie last night cos I felt like I was gonna betray him by talking about it. I feel like I have betrayed everyone. My family, my husband. I'm just a lie and I don't know how to go forward from this place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 (((((((((((((((((((roses)))))))))))))))))) dunno what to say hunni... i dont have clever words atm but i can give u more healing candle flame light and send you loads of love... xxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted November 17, 2009 Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 This is a hell of an emotional time for you roses. You are facing things you haven't necessarily addressed before. This sort of therapy sounds great for you. It sounds like such a burden you are carrying and hopefully this will take some of the weight off. You are not betraying anybody. By talking about it you are putting yourself first and you need to do that. Its a painful journey ahead hun, but i KNOW you are strong enough to do it all my love to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 17, 2009 Thank you Chit and Ruthie xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted November 19, 2009 Report Share Posted November 19, 2009 Hi Roses I am not sure this will be at all helpful, but to my mind what you are experiencing is exactly what I would expect. With each new thing, it becomes more real. You have always had to be strong, do it alone, and it makes sense to have taken some pride in that. being called a victim or survivor may just not fit - fucking heroine may be closer to the truth! But also those feelings of betrayal - it was those same fears that always stopped you from talking in the first place, so it makes sense they will be coming up now. Hopefully you can talk about exactly those feelings of guilt in your sessions, because guilt is just as valid an emotion as any other. Dont think you need to take up this victim role - just let it all be... know you will anyways, but just dont want that "protect everyone else" thing stoppping u getting what u need and things .... It must be mind boggling to see all that stuff written out, and to finally feel differently about it. Does it sorta feel like "hey I knew all this tuff happened, but now it just FEELS different? I look at the words and I feel things I didnt used to" ? Panda bum has gone bald. Need panda bum wig. Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 19, 2009 *passes you Hannah Montana wig* (it's all I got OK?) Thank you so much for that well thought out response Ross. You totally hit the nail on the head. Being accepted as a survivor of domestic abuse just sounds so adult and so serious and I am used to dealing with feelings a day at a time and in a kind of childish way if I'm honest about it. It's weird and strange to be looking at it in hard facts but like you say it is a step forward on the road of life and every little revelation helps, even if it hurts like hell! Yes, the feelings change and that and right now I think there is just so much going on I don't know where to be. And thanks for saying I am a heroine. Now I just need the right outfit...... ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2009 UPDATE I spoke to Hampshire Police and is CID who are handling it! They are going to arrest my brother next week hopefully and question him, then he will be released on bail and ordered not to contact me or come near me. OMG! This makes it sound so serious. Shit, it's really happening now. Oh and the detective wants me to email him a copy of the letter my Mum sent to Dr Holt back in 1987. *Gulp* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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