Uncertain Of The Future

[Kryptonite]

How do I cope with this uncertainty that things may never get better? I'm 36 years old, I'm on my 2nd marriage (but he's struggling to cope with the way I am). I have 2 children 18 & 19 who have left home (youngest left this year, & that's part of the reason (I think) that I've hit crisis point). I have 2 step daughters who (until April) stayed with us at weekends, but my husbands x is getting re-married & she now wants my husband out of their kids life so she can get on with playing happy families. We have been waiting 7 months for a CAFCASS report to be done before the courts will let my husband continue with contact with his kids & it's just ridiculous. The girls must miss him so much .... It all makes me want to cry! I miss them a lot, I promised myself I'd never get that attached to anyone again because then it doesn't hurt so much when they go... But it's hard not to get attached to kids!! So here I am again feeling lost & empty & unfullfilled & it's due to circumstances outside of my control. Then I've been thinking .... Maybe it's my fault anyway, maybe this is just retribution, because my husband left his x to be with me!! Poor man - he left a perfectly good wife (even if a bit irritating), and his then baby girls to be with me!!! My

complexities intruiged him initially, and although he doesn't say so I 'know' he regrets it. I've turned out to be a freak with so many psychological issues which are having an extreme adverse effect on my daily life. I sometimes wonder whether the kindest thing would be to leave him (hence the suicide attempt on fri), but maybe I should just live on my own, and that way I can't upset/ affect/ destroy anyone elses life??? Plus I think the main reason she won't let him see the girls is because of me... Whenever me & OH have temporarily sererated.... She's let him see the girls & has even invited him in for a brew. So my thinking was - take myself out of the equasion & at least the girls get to see their Dad again.