ruhna Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 I've just joined today. I am 22 (23 next week). I have been diagnosed with depression and have suicidal tendencies with 2 attempts under my belt in over 2 and a half years. I have taken 6 different anti-depressants in the following order: Fluoxetine (Prozac), Trazodone, Mirtzapine, Citalopram, Sertraline and finally Lofepramine. I have been prescribed temazepam, diazepam and some sleeping tabs before. I stopped taking medication against the doctors advice about 6 months ago as I was sick of taking them only to find they did not work. I have suffered from psychotic episodes at times but no one cared about that. Early Intervention team said I didn't qualify. Liason Psychiatry said that therapy and anti-depressants would work (almost a year on I can say the visual and auditory hallucination are back with a vengeance). I am at times violent towards people. I have recently been arrested and cautioned. I will be seeing the community mental health team and thanks to Crisis team and the Police my appointment has been moved forward. My main concern is that I'll be treated as an attention seeker as I have alot of insight into my problems and I am articluate. If I was a drug-addled chav with limited vocabulary and didn't relaise I was seeing things and hearing things then I would get help and medication. I do want to end it all yet again as I know how the story goes. A year long cycle of depression, paranoia and psyhotic experiences and no one helping, leading to me f-ing up uni, work, friendships and my finances. What is wrong with me? It's clearly not just depression but no one will diagnose me as all the GP's don't know me well enough and mental health people don't care as I have too much insight and am honest about my childhood abuse, violent/neglectful upbringing (they think therapy will help make the psychotic disturbances go away as they are linked to my childhood/teen traumas, it wont) and mother's schizophrenia. I just wanted a diagnosis so I can then help myself, how can I help myself when I don't know what the problem is? Can anyone help me as I really am struggling to want to live right now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostnlove Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm reading more about how different the UK systems work compared to US where I am. I really hope you can find the help you need. Seems like they don't appreciate smart people in the mental health field. Ridiculous. Keep posting here, it helps :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 Hi! I have taken some of the drugs you mentioned and have suffered from depression and paranoia in the past. Sometimes a diagnosis does not really help as such, it can be more about getting the right treatment. I am fortunate enough to be working so can afford to go private for my therapy, but a lot of people are not in that position. Only a psychiatrist is going to give you a diagnosis. Hopefully, when you see the CMHT, they will get this sorted for you. Unfortunately, with the NHS, there are long waiting lists. However, in the meantime this is a great forum to get support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
detroitguy Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 What about trying an antipsychotic medication? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruhna Posted October 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 What about trying an antipsychotic medication? My doc wouldn't prescribe them to me, I have no power to try medications and am scared to make even a suggestion about what I think may be wrong with me in case they think I am fabricating my symptoms to fit into my chosen illness. The NHS is far from adequate! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruhna Posted October 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 Hi! I have taken some of the drugs you mentioned and have suffered from depression and paranoia in the past. Sometimes a diagnosis does not really help as such, it can be more about getting the right treatment. I am fortunate enough to be working so can afford to go private for my therapy, but a lot of people are not in that position. Only a psychiatrist is going to give you a diagnosis. Hopefully, when you see the CMHT, they will get this sorted for you. Unfortunately, with the NHS, there are long waiting lists. However, in the meantime this is a great forum to get support. The psychiatrists I have seen in the past haven't diagnosed me even though at the time my physical disposition seemed very much to say I am far from okay. The GP who referred to the CMHT was supposed do it in July before she went on holiday but only did it at the end of Sept when she returned adding to my wait. However I have had my appointment moved forward from late to early November. I just hope they finally give me the help I need as I am really tired of this ever perpetuating cycle and see no point to a life barely lived at all. Thanks to you and the others who have responded Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovingleah Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 hey layla. hope you find this site helpful. i know i do. i got diagnosed with bpd about a month ago and found it quite a shock. but now a month on i'm finding it easier to deal with whats in me head cos i now know what i'm dealing with. hopefully when you meet with cmht they will help you and find a diagnosis for you then maybe you'll be able to move forward as this is what you want i'm guessing. until then hope to see you around. leah x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Russell Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 Hi Layla. It can get very frustrating when you are looking for answers (in this case a diagnosis) and only finding dead ends or walls of silence. On a positive note..... you have found this website and made yourself known. Im sure you will find plenty of supportive people on here regardless of your label/diagnosis. Over the past few years I have been prescribed all the drugs you have mentioned (-Lofepramine) and they are not much fun especially when you dont see any positive effect from them. I hope you get the answers you are looking for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruhna Posted October 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 Thanks Leah and Russell, The worst feeling is knowing the outcome before I meet with the CMHT, everyone is so dismissive everytime I see anyone, yes I do want a diagnosis as it's frightening not knowing what is wrong and people feeling that people think your just an attention-seeker, if I want attention I find it in other ways (not always the most appropriate way). I do hope this forum at the very least helps me connect with people experiencing similar problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donnam Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 hi i was recently diagnosed with bpd, i can relate to a lot of the stuff u say, my gpsaid the same about anti pyschotics cos i act sane in the surgery, though i feel myself getting worse. i also had to push for my diagnosis it took a while, and the consultant who made the diagnosis has only seen me once, but just took a history and how i was feeling, and what upsets me etc ... hope u get the help u need, keep asking for it, hopefully u will eventually get a good cpn. take care and feel free to pm me if eva want to talk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruhna Posted October 22, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 hi i was recently diagnosed with bpd, i can relate to a lot of the stuff u say, my gpsaid the same about anti pyschotics cos i act sane in the surgery, though i feel myself getting worse. i also had to push for my diagnosis it took a while, and the consultant who made the diagnosis has only seen me once, but just took a history and how i was feeling, and what upsets me etc ... hope u get the help u need, keep asking for it, hopefully u will eventually get a good cpn. take care and feel free to pm me if eva want to talk Thanks for the support, my appointment is 9th November so until then I'll try to not do anything stupid and keep as calm as possible, it's great you finally got a diagnosis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovingleah Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 best wishes for the 9th layla. hope it goes well. be as honest as you can and it will help you get the diagnosis you clearly need and deserve. leah x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 Hello and welcome to the site :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 hello welcome to the site xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
virtualmonk Posted October 27, 2009 Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 I've just joined today. I am 22 (23 next week). I have been diagnosed with depression and have suicidal tendencies with 2 attempts under my belt in over 2 and a half years. I have taken 6 different anti-depressants in the following order: Fluoxetine (Prozac), Trazodone, Mirtzapine, Citalopram, Sertraline and finally Lofepramine. I have been prescribed temazepam, diazepam and some sleeping tabs before. I stopped taking medication against the doctors advice about 6 months ago as I was sick of taking them only to find they did not work. I have suffered from psychotic episodes at times but no one cared about that. Early Intervention team said I didn't qualify. Liason Psychiatry said that therapy and anti-depressants would work (almost a year on I can say the visual and auditory hallucination are back with a vengeance). I am at times violent towards people. I have recently been arrested and cautioned. I will be seeing the community mental health team and thanks to Crisis team and the Police my appointment has been moved forward. My main concern is that I'll be treated as an attention seeker as I have alot of insight into my problems and I am articluate. If I was a drug-addled chav with limited vocabulary and didn't relaise I was seeing things and hearing things then I would get help and medication. I do want to end it all yet again as I know how the story goes. A year long cycle of depression, paranoia and psyhotic experiences and no one helping, leading to me f-ing up uni, work, friendships and my finances. What is wrong with me? It's clearly not just depression but no one will diagnose me as all the GP's don't know me well enough and mental health people don't care as I have too much insight and am honest about my childhood abuse, violent/neglectful upbringing (they think therapy will help make the psychotic disturbances go away as they are linked to my childhood/teen traumas, it wont) and mother's schizophrenia. I just wanted a diagnosis so I can then help myself, how can I help myself when I don't know what the problem is? Can anyone help me as I really am struggling to want to live right now... Hello. How are you. I was diagnosed with depression 10 years ago. For the first 5 years I tried everything available antidepressant that was available and none of them worked. Then I was prescribed venlafaxine and unbelievably it worked to the extent that I'm much better. Still have depression but at least I'm no longer suicidal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roulette Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 Oh dude. I totally know how your feeling. Though I don't suffer from full-on hallucinatory episodes I do get hellishly paranoid and occasionally delusional. Trying to get someone to admit that's happening? Impossible. I've also been completely crippled by the idea someone might label me as attention seeking (which has happened). I have a psych appt on the 13th of November and I'm hoping I'll get the BPD diagnosis I'm after. Which I think my last psych either thought I had and didn't say so (he refered me onto a therapist who specialises in PDs) or did say so and just didn't tell me. Since your in the UK: there are a lot of voluntary and charity organisations out there that can not only support you mentally but also support you in getting a diagnosis. I volunteer at an organisation in Edinburgh which signposts people onto local Mental Health Services, not all of them NHS related. Sometimes those can be a really good start. I would say definitely have a look into Mental Health Advocacy Services. I suffer from the same thing, I'm articulate, intelligent and somewhat self-aware so I struggle to get people to understand I am really suffering. They might really be able to help. Good luck and take care x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruhna Posted October 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 I've just joined today. I am 22 (23 next week). I have been diagnosed with depression and have suicidal tendencies with 2 attempts under my belt in over 2 and a half years. I have taken 6 different anti-depressants in the following order: Fluoxetine (Prozac), Trazodone, Mirtzapine, Citalopram, Sertraline and finally Lofepramine. I have been prescribed temazepam, diazepam and some sleeping tabs before. I stopped taking medication against the doctors advice about 6 months ago as I was sick of taking them only to find they did not work. I have suffered from psychotic episodes at times but no one cared about that. Early Intervention team said I didn't qualify. Liason Psychiatry said that therapy and anti-depressants would work (almost a year on I can say the visual and auditory hallucination are back with a vengeance). I am at times violent towards people. I have recently been arrested and cautioned. I will be seeing the community mental health team and thanks to Crisis team and the Police my appointment has been moved forward. My main concern is that I'll be treated as an attention seeker as I have alot of insight into my problems and I am articluate. If I was a drug-addled chav with limited vocabulary and didn't relaise I was seeing things and hearing things then I would get help and medication. I do want to end it all yet again as I know how the story goes. A year long cycle of depression, paranoia and psyhotic experiences and no one helping, leading to me f-ing up uni, work, friendships and my finances. What is wrong with me? It's clearly not just depression but no one will diagnose me as all the GP's don't know me well enough and mental health people don't care as I have too much insight and am honest about my childhood abuse, violent/neglectful upbringing (they think therapy will help make the psychotic disturbances go away as they are linked to my childhood/teen traumas, it wont) and mother's schizophrenia. I just wanted a diagnosis so I can then help myself, how can I help myself when I don't know what the problem is? Can anyone help me as I really am struggling to want to live right now... Hello. How are you. I was diagnosed with depression 10 years ago. For the first 5 years I tried everything available antidepressant that was available and none of them worked. Then I was prescribed venlafaxine and unbelievably it worked to the extent that I'm much better. Still have depression but at least I'm no longer suicidal. I have psychotic experiences too, not sure an anti-deprassnet would help, even recommending or suggesting anything to my doctor would result in me being told I only experience the things I do because I want to. I'm scared to ask for the help I need in case they think it's simply me trying to have a disorder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warrior Princess Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 Hi Layla, It's natural to want a diagnosis when you arn't feeling well, however, just wanted to make note that a diagnosis doesn't always help. Mental illness is a very broad category and symptoms from one diagnosis to another often cross over so it's sometimes difficult to pin point things down to one diagnosis or another. For me, the diagnosis often hindered, rather than helped my recovery. Example, if you get pinned with Borderline Personality Disorder, it may only increase the perception that you are an attention seeker. On the flip side, seeing the mental healthy team may get you some anti psycotics which could help you with some of the symptoms. I guess what I'm trying to suggest is to try to focus less on the diagnosis and more on what needs to happen for you to feel better. welcome to the site. WP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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