x-Bliss-x Posted October 26, 2009 Report Share Posted October 26, 2009 Trigger warning for this post!!! Please be in a stable state with your own eating before reading this I don't want to be the one responsible for a relapse!! ..... I'm not doing well. I've been struggling the past 2 weeks with mood and my appatite went completely. It always starts so innocently. I just wasn't hungry...skipped a few meals here and there. I lost some weight and now the compulsion to exercise is always there, I'm skipping all meals apart from breakfast because of my medication. I'm not sleeping because I'm awake all night exercising. I'm not going to work because I'm too tired in the morning to go and too depressed. And now i've just done something I've never done throughout the whole time I've had anorexia... I hid my dinner. I couldn't face it. I didn't want to refuse to eat because my Mum is too busy with her bf's stuff at the moment to deal with my freak out. So I took it up, ate some of the veg so my metabolism doesn't slow or stop and hid the rest in purpose brought nappy sacks I brought earlier. I know what I'm doing and yet I can't and part of me doesn't want to stop! I just feel like crying. I don't want to go inpatient again and my therapist has already said he was concerned about my weight. x-Bliss-x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted October 26, 2009 Report Share Posted October 26, 2009 Hi Bliss I'm sorry I'm not very good with advice but wanted to let you know that I have read your post and that I am thinking of you x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted October 26, 2009 Report Share Posted October 26, 2009 ((((((((bliss)))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted October 26, 2009 Report Share Posted October 26, 2009 Hi bliss would be a good time to talk to your therapist about what is going on. You know yourself that its starting, so now try nip it in the bud before it goes back to the past. You also know that it can be due to causes of stress or emotional need due to something that is happening just now, so please talk to your T and see if you can get a bit of control on this. I do hope that you can suceed in beating your illness, as many has done, just please try to open up in your emotions or what is happening deep in inside of you if you can. All the best hun, hear listening and try if i can to help. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x-Bliss-x Posted October 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 26, 2009 I forgot to mention my therapist is now away for two weeks. I'm not seeing him until the 6th now. x-Bliss-x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovingleah Posted October 27, 2009 Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 hey honey. know exactly how you're feeling. been there myself. am there myself still. just want to say am here if you need someone to chat with. feel free to pm if you need to get things off your chest. i won't be triggered. and i'd like to be able to help. is there no-one else who can help you? do you have a cpn or can you contact an ed specialist person to talk? like was said nip it now before you go downhill cos the uphill's the struggle. thinking of you. leah x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted October 27, 2009 Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 (((((((((((((((((((((((((bliss)))))))))))))))))))))))))) sorry not good with words atm... Kath xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warrior Princess Posted October 28, 2009 Report Share Posted October 28, 2009 Hi Bliss this is just a thought and I could be completely wrong. Do you think the fact that your therapist said he wasn't concerned about your weight is spurring you on to lose more? Reason I ask is that often is what spurred me on. If it wasn't enough, I had to go further and further until it was enough for concern. I hope that doesn't offend, it's just what I experienced. It's really good that you are aware of what is happening and are brave enough to share it all here. I have a suggestion that worked for me. Try reading your opening post as if it was written by someone else. Then try replying to it and giving advice to it as if it was somebody else. What would you say to another that was going through this if you were trying to help? That has also helped me come up with solutions when I feel stuck for an answer. All the best. WP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x-Bliss-x Posted October 29, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2009 Hi Bliss this is just a thought and I could be completely wrong. Do you think the fact that your therapist said he wasn't concerned about your weight is spurring you on to lose more? Erm. I said he was... not wasn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zani32 Posted October 30, 2009 Report Share Posted October 30, 2009 Hi Bliss, When you have been able to control it before or been more recovered..how did you get there? Are there things that you have done previously to help break the cycle of not eating and over excercising? You have already said how it is disrupting your life, not being able to go to work and being sneaky with food around your Mum. It's a hard battle when you do and you don't want it all at the same time. I find writing down reality helps - real consequences of actions on life and health and then all the positive things in life that I want that aren't related to my illness. Even small things can help you until you can talk and be honest with your T. Being aware of what is going on is a major step. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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