Shelley Posted November 1, 2009 Report Share Posted November 1, 2009 So, because im fresh out of a treatment centre, everyone expects me to be suddenly 'fixed'. I keep being met with blank expressions, when I tell people that actually, I feel like shit, the relationship with H is shit, he's still drinking in front of me, so got a script for Diazapam and bought 32 Nurofen plus for the Codine, rehab was a complete waste of time. I have learnt which came first though; the depression or the adictions; the deppresion, I drink and use to make myself feel better, or feel 'less'. I am NOT all shiny and new! I want to cut myself to ribbons and get totally wasted, and then disapear off the face of the earth. How can I get well in 5 weeks when it took 39 years to fuck me up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elke Posted November 1, 2009 Report Share Posted November 1, 2009 Oh no, Anna . The people around you just dont understand that withdrawal symptoms can last up to a whole year!!! Go back to clinic if you can! Print out a list of the withdrawal symptoms and glue them on those peoples door who dont understand! But dont give up, it isnt you! Its intolerance and ignorance of those around you. I have to deal with it also - some dont understand and some dont want to. Then stay away from them, but dont give yourself up! Elke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted November 1, 2009 Report Share Posted November 1, 2009 double post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted November 1, 2009 Report Share Posted November 1, 2009 the way i see it hunni... the drugs and alcohol were coping mechanisms... when u were going through withdrawal were you offered any help to find alternatives to them... your "security blanket" has been taken away from you and i suspect you are feeling very very exposed and vulnerable... so no wonder you are feeling shite (((((((((((((anna)))))))))))))) are you going through any t to help yuo through the reasons that you needed these things in the first place? if nnot then can you ask for some... remember we are all here for you - let us be your new blankie... talk more if you wanna - ready to listen... Kath xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elke Posted November 1, 2009 Report Share Posted November 1, 2009 I agree with chitma. My T also told me that I now have to learn new coping methods. Maybe the depression is even a w/d symptom. Just guessing. But you got to get off them first before you learn new coping methods and you cant learn coping methods while you are on them, cause the Benzos are covering all your problems. The receptors that "protected" your central nervous system were gone after withdrawal. There is nothing to "cover" those receptors after withdrawal (Benzos). Your nerves are practically layed blank. It takes time but the body has its own chemical protectors to hook back on to those nerves but it takes TIME before your body and those receptors adjust and hook back on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted November 1, 2009 Report Share Posted November 1, 2009 yeah def without the negative coping mechanisms all the stuff that was difficult before porrs back in, and thats so not easy to deal with all of a sudden without any way to find relief or comfort, so its bound to be really difficult for you. can you ask gp for help? im sorry people are not being understanding, i think you did realy amazing to do rehab, and i hope your can find some care for yourself now. thinking of youxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted November 1, 2009 Report Share Posted November 1, 2009 I hope you manage to get some ongoing support, Anna. You are correct that these things are not fixed quickly. It sounds like you are doing well. The diazepam was prescribed to you by a doctor so they must think it is appopriate for you to have it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley Posted November 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2009 Thanks for the support. I lied to my doctor, I said that I wasn't detoxed off Diazapam, and was still on 10mg. I bought a packet of Nurofen Plus for the Codine. I feel like a totall failure, and all I went through to get off that shit was a waste of time. Im gutted. Unless I flush them.......I have only taken Diazapam for one week, so im not 'physically' addicted to them yet, just psychologically. I have been going to NA meetings, but I feel I have to take something just to be able to go and to share. It's crazy. I know what I have to do.......but flushing them? I can't get my head round that one! I have an ACORN apt tommorow, so I will be honest with them and see what they susgest. Im also going to ask for to see a pychologist, as I got discharged from treatment after reading out my Life Reflection, and now I feel RAW, due to there being no closure on that. The term narcotic (ναρκωτικός) is believed to have been coined by the Greek physician Galen to refer to agents that benumb or deaden ... THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!!!!! I don't deal with emotions well, so its much easier to deaden them. Anyway my mate just rang, we are going to an NA meeting tonight. If I could get a sponsor it would invalueable to me. How long is 10mg going to do it before im craving more and more ? No time at all, and that's what im sared of. As for the codine, im already exceeding the stated dose......I can see it all happening again, but I feel powerless to stop it. Thge fact that those awfull w/d symptoms have gone is great, BUT, I wish I had been stronger and found other ways to cope. Anna xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley Posted November 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2009 List of w/d symptoms from rapid detox. Stomache cramps and diroreah. Vomiting. Flu like symptoms (aching muscles) Migraine. Shaking. Anxiety. Dysphoria. Feeling like 'going insane' Nervousness. Insomnia. Inability to sit still. Loss of apetite. Iritability. Crying. Thoughts of self harm. 'Jelly' legs. But bear in mind that they stopped my Propranolol, Quetiapine, Zolpidem dead, and then weened me off Diazapam and Codine over 14 days. So what I experienced wasn't just the w/d of Diazapam. Because it was a drug and alcohol treatment centre, they couldn't give me anything to help the withdrawels, not even a fucking paracetemol. When I came home, I was still suffering from most of these symptoms so, put myself on a stabelisng dose of Diazapam 10mg. With an aim to reduce 1mg every two weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted November 1, 2009 Report Share Posted November 1, 2009 anna flush the drugs down the toilet. dont get caught up in it again. it needs after care to help after the detox, its as what you said, it takes follow up support to keep off them, you only detoxed, now is the time for hard work hun. means getting life on track, means thinking forward not back. i do wish you would just get rid, the long term results on being on the shit you looking back in doing, is shit, nothing is going to get better, until you stay off and you ask for the support in the after care. you can do it xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted November 1, 2009 Report Share Posted November 1, 2009 the vast majority of people have slip ups, so dont be so hard on yourself. can you look for new healthier coping mecanisms to provide some comfort? tcxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley Posted November 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2009 Had a good NA meeting........shared how I felt, ripped up my Diazapam script and flushed my Codine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benway Posted November 1, 2009 Report Share Posted November 1, 2009 hi Anna Im not judgemental (how can i be-lol) but please do it at your own pace. Everyones 1st attempt at rehab is not always successful- i wish i had some stats to quote you, but from personal exp i know ppl who have been in several rehabs b4 they got cln n sober, or are still on meds or worse using street drugs. But rehab does give you more awareness each time, imho. So take it at your own pace. Dont feel bad for having cravings and urges, re: the codiene. And i do really think the diazepam is a larger than life beast and ashton is the best way to approach it (again imho). You shouldnt have to suffer. You dont want PAWS. But its up to you, and i really respect the go you made of it- ok it didnt work out as planned, but you will have other opportunities, or do a dr supervised ashton taper at home? only suggestions. I really do admire your courage , and honesty. Fair play, Hope you feel better soon, and dont be down on yourself- its just not that easy to quit all that stuff cold turkey. Take care hunni, a.m xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lirael Posted November 1, 2009 Report Share Posted November 1, 2009 Had a good NA meeting........shared how I felt, ripped up my Diazapam script and flushed my Codine. Good for you! I'm no expert on this. Just wanted to offer my support and say don't give up trying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kazzareed Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 So, because im fresh out of a treatment centre, everyone expects me to be suddenly 'fixed'. I keep being met with blank expressions, when I tell people that actually, I feel like shit, the relationship with H is shit, he's still drinking in front of me, so got a script for Diazapam and bought 32 Nurofen plus for the Codine, rehab was a complete waste of time. I have learnt which came first though; the depression or the adictions; the deppresion, I drink and use to make myself feel better, or feel 'less'. I am NOT all shiny and new! I want to cut myself to ribbons and get totally wasted, and then disapear off the face of the earth. How can I get well in 5 weeks when it took 39 years to fuck me up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kazzareed Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 Hi Anna, I can sooo relate to how you are feeling.....I have been sober 3 months now and still feel bad with anxiety and withdrawals. I took an overdose and was taken to hospital, I was lucky, they detoxed me and kept me in over a week, I had Clordioziproxide (librium) to detox, which works, but then just let out into the big bad world to cope. I have done rehab 3 times before and relapsed each time. Ive also had pancreatitis 6 times been hospitalised each time for weeks and a time done the whole morphine, drips etc, pancreatitis is serious, I dont want it again. I hope you can be strong, people dont understand, they say well done, how amazing, youre sober!!!! I know its good, but I feel so low and depressed a lot of the time, I miss drinking, I need to go backc to AA I know, but i get so bloomin anxious about goin out. Well done you, keep at it, like me this thing called life is hard, suicide isnt the answer. Thinking of you. Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley Posted November 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 Three months sober Karen.........that's brilliant. I got another script for my 10mg of Diazapam, I just can't seem to manage without the bloody stuff, as long as I don't let it creep up and up, like before, I think it will be okay. :huh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley Posted November 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 hi Anna Im not judgemental (how can i be-lol) but please do it at your own pace. Everyones 1st attempt at rehab is not always successful- i wish i had some stats to quote you, but from personal exp i know ppl who have been in several rehabs b4 they got cln n sober, or are still on meds or worse using street drugs. But rehab does give you more awareness each time, imho. So take it at your own pace. Dont feel bad for having cravings and urges, re: the codiene. And i do really think the diazepam is a larger than life beast and ashton is the best way to approach it (again imho). You shouldnt have to suffer. You dont want PAWS. But its up to you, and i really respect the go you made of it- ok it didnt work out as planned, but you will have other opportunities, or do a dr supervised ashton taper at home? only suggestions. I really do admire your courage , and honesty. Fair play, Hope you feel better soon, and dont be down on yourself- its just not that easy to quit all that stuff cold turkey. Take care hunni, a.m xxx It was my 5th attempt at rehab mate, the first four were for alcohol detox's. This was my first drug detox. Benzo detox is hard, I even had people coming off of crack and brown feeling sorry for ME! What is PAWS? Anna xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elke Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 Had a good NA meeting........shared how I felt, ripped up my Diazapam script and flushed my Codine. You don´t need my advice, you wrote yourself what helped you and what can continue to be your help. xx Elke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elke Posted November 5, 2009 Report Share Posted November 5, 2009 PAWS - Post Accute Withdrawal Symptoms Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley Posted November 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 5, 2009 PAWS - Post Accute Withdrawal Symptoms Thankyou Elke! xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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