How To Connect To Inner Pain

[Moonshine]

That is exactly what my therapist says - that it isn't going to happen just like magic....although i very much wish this was the case! I want to force myself because i feel as though i should be able to do that - kinda my control aspect coming into play.

I don't think you were thick at all! I can't name basic emotions i feel let alone figure out the cause from them yet! Btw PMT is the worst so i feel for you - very sucky. It sounds as though you are in a really comfortable and trusting place with your therapist and that is really good for me to hear (and obviously great for you!). Feeling words and head words....that is an interesting concept. I think the only way my therapist realises i'm feeling something is because i start swearing more. I always feel bad about swearing in therapy as it seems so impolite, it is even worse when she uses the words in reply to me, makes me feel so crude because you can tell she wouldn't normally say them! What are your feeling words and head words?

Haha i totally understand the fear of losing something if you examine it. That speaks a lot to me! I had a lightbulb flash of understanding once in therapy, i think she was explaining to me how it worked and it was as though everything lined up in my mind and made complete sense. But then i forgot it so all i remember now is that feeling of understanding without actually understanding. Tis confusing. How exactly is your therapist validating?...say after you tell her or read her something really personal does she immediately say that sounds difficult, hard, painful (or whatever it is) or does she validate by asking you more about it? Sometimes in my therapy sessions i feel i'm spending the whole time simply trying to explain things when all i want is just a basic 'ouch'. But then again i wouldn't pay money for that reply!

I don't know how i can have high self esteem but hate myself at the same time either. I think i'm able to have confidence and self esteem in one part of me (the visible bit), but there are other parts that are more dark and hidden that i hate. It is easier to understand when i think of myself as lots of people in one, that way i can have conflicting ideas.

Good for you giving yourself the time to treat yourself and allow yourself some positive 'you' time! I'm really happy for you. It must have felt amazing to be able to have a day like that and definately what you deserve. Hopefully you'll now set another day to do the same in the near future?!

I think you are right, i don't think that i can force myself, in fact i think it'd be counter-productive to do that. But i can try, that is something i don't do yet! Thankyou both for asserting that i must take what fits for me from all of this, it is good for me to hear this because often i'll try and do something and if it doesn't work i'll beat myself up for being incompetent. Which isn't productive when attempting to take positive steps!

"oooo something shiny has caught my attention"

Now that isn't one i've heard before! Ouch.

Thank you for all your help and guidence. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.

[Villan]

That is exactly what my therapist says - that it isn't going to happen just like magic....although i very much wish this was the case! I want to force myself because i feel as though i should be able to do that - kinda my control aspect coming into play.

yesterday we went through just that... the emotion i suppressed the other day (not the pmt one, another one that i havent shared here) is too hard for me to handle jus now, so it is OK to keep suppressing it and not let it out until i am ready... it is not the same as ignoring it, cos i am acknowledging its existance but if i tried to handle it jus now i would go to pieces... remember that there is a reason that feelings are suppressed, and memories are lost... it is a kinda a self preservation / protection thing deep in the subconscious... just cos i am learning about feelings does NOT mean i am ready to deal with all of it at once... the sea is vast, at the mo, ima dipping my toe in it, if i plunged right in before learning to swim, i would drown.

I don't think you were thick at all! I can't name basic emotions i feel let alone figure out the cause from them yet! Btw PMT is the worst so i feel for you - very sucky. It sounds as though you are in a really comfortable and trusting place with your therapist and that is really good for me to hear (and obviously great for you!). Feeling words and head words....that is an interesting concept. I think the only way my therapist realises i'm feeling something is because i start swearing more. I always feel bad about swearing in therapy as it seems so impolite, it is even worse when she uses the words in reply to me, makes me feel so crude because you can tell she wouldn't normally say them! What are your feeling words and head words?

bless u - t agrees that i just got myself into a pickle !

i swear my head off normally, but i do not swear in t. part of me thinks that gives her a false impression of me, but then part of me thinks that as i cant use those words, i have to find a better way to express stuff and that makes me think about what i am saying more...

again listing feeling words and head words would be too analytical for me to do and then i would try and force myself to only use head or feeling words in a situation and that wouldnt do me any good at all

How exactly is your therapist validating?...say after you tell her or read her something really personal does she immediately say that sounds difficult, hard, painful (or whatever it is) or does she validate by asking you more about it? Sometimes in my therapy sessions i feel i'm spending the whole time simply trying to explain things when all i want is just a basic 'ouch'. But then again i wouldn't pay money for that reply!

she validates by acknowledging my feelings and never tells me i have reacted wrong. she is always saying that i reacted and felt exactly how i needed to for me AT THAT MOMENT. we then have a look deeper and try and see where the feelings have come from and then have a chat about what i could do next time to cope better. like las night the situ i was talking about, the feelings from that defo didnt come from that situ, rather was a trig to summat from my past. my so called "over reaction" was perfectly valid as i dint understand what it was or where it came from and i coped with the feeling as best i could... she also doesnt like "should" there is no such thing as "should". you react like you need to, who's to tell you what you "should" have done, funnily enough i have just edit this to remove all the "shoulds" from it!!! ima bad one for doing things cos i think i should have...

Good for you giving yourself the time to treat yourself and allow yourself some positive 'you' time! I'm really happy for you. It must have felt amazing to be able to have a day like that and definately what you deserve. Hopefully you'll now set another day to do the same in the near future?!

thanks - weren't easy at first, but got better as the day went - maybe the wine helped !!!

I think you are right, i don't think that i can force myself, in fact i think it'd be counter-productive to do that. But i can try, that is something i don't do yet! Thankyou both for asserting that i must take what fits for me from all of this, it is good for me to hear this because often i'll try and do something and if it doesn't work i'll beat myself up for being incompetent. Which isn't productive when attempting to take positive steps!

glad u agree... this i think i v v important in a peer led place... we are not experts, we have no training (on the whole) we have only our personal experiences to go on and we are all different...

"oooo something shiny has caught my attention"

Now that isn't one i've heard before! Ouch.

yeah, and i taught him it!!! but is ok - he says that and i threaten him with violence!!!! i work in a small office and we are all quite tight! it is now a running joke and he says it more for effect!

Thank you for all your help and guidence. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.

no worries... love talking about me! love helping people too :)

[Moonshine]

I don't really understand how you can put off a specific emotion and deal with it later. If i feel angry but i'm in a situation when i can't become angry then i make it go away, so i can't talk about it later and feel it again because i've disowned it. It is still there but it isn't mine anymore. If i could then i would definately jump in head first into the sea of my emotions because i'm not willing to eek it out - kinda like ripping off a plaster - quick and fast! Then again i'd probably just knock myself unconscious on the bottom of the ocean bed because there'd be no emotions to stop my fall! ....I think there were way to many mixed analogies in that sentence!!

Yeh i feel bad for swearing during therapy, she doesn't seem to mind much but it does seem a bit childish. I'm not a big fan of words anyway they're always manipulated and used against you.

I think my therapist is validating. She never says i shouldn't act angry, in fact she encourages to be able to express these emotions. Sometimes i feel as though her words are fake, but i guess that is more my problem than anything she is doing wrong. I understand the whole 'should' problem....everything feels like it 'should' be done/felt/said this or that way, it is hard to wrap your head around the idea that you can just do/feel/say it as you wish.

Sorry this is so short, i've felt quite overwhelmed and bombarbed today with everyone. Plus they have the radio on really loud downstairs and that is a major anger trigger for me. I've put my music on really loud but it is so annoying! I'm glad you felt your therapy was productive and you are beginning to understand the reasons for your emotions. It sounds like you had a positive session.