markscol Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 What type of person was "the one"? How did you know this person was someone you wanted to be with--what kind of feelings, reactions were invoked? Were you successful with your attempts to try and make it work? How did you let them know how you felt? Was is subtly? or did it pour out of you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 Um, I met 'the one' and we have been married nearly 10 years now. We were at my fave teenage pub (black walls, rock band every night, Newcastle Brown Ale). I was wearing the obligatory 90's band t-shirt and leggings and he was just standing at the other side of the room staring at me. We walked toward each other and I just knew this was it. We talked for hours and I wanted to go out in his car but my friends stopped me (good friends) and instead we arranged to meet up the next week. I was called Rosie back then. Richie Sambora had just released his first single into the charts called 'Rosie' and hubbie had named his car 'Rosie' - it's been a long road getting from there to here but it was destiny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gothicangel Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 Aww Roses that's such a beautiful story! Don't really want to comment on this topic just yet as I'm afraid of jinxing. Maybe later. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 I was with a group of people from work going to lunch. We were discussing favourite books. I said 'the great gtasby' is in my top five. some said, 'eh, whats that book about then' and then suddenly a tall bloke at the back that i rarely spoke to quoted off the top off his head the final paragraph of the book, which is a very moving paragraph. Everybody went silent as they watched us stare at each other. That was it, thats when i knew... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 That is beautiful Ruthie. xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markscol Posted November 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 how was it different from other people you had instant attractions to? Smoetimes i put people on pedestals very quickly, ( i haven't met "the one" yet), so how did you feel that it was giong to be different with this person? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 Other popel i have an an instant attraction to have usually been very good looking so its their appearance that makes me fall for them (my hub was/is a very attractive man, but he's also not a very nice man). Mental connections are much stronger. I find it hard to connect to people mentally, so their appearance is not a huge issue. Luckily i found someone i am physically and mentally attracted to. I am a very lucky lass, this i know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 when i am actually comfortable and totally relaxed about letting them see me naked only ever happened with one person to date and i did marry him... (sorry to put it so blunt - but there it is) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilac Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 I was working in an isolated area and had gotten to know some people in another state, through the internet. They were having a party and invited me over to stay. I hated my job so packed it in, climbed a bus and 2 days later arrived. I got there at 6.10am. 4.30pm same day, I was in the kitchen when a man walked in the sliding door. It took all of 2 seconds for me to look at him and know he was the one. I can't explain it, it was like I knew his essence or soul and just had to get to know his personality over time. 5 days later I was chatting with him over the internet (because he lived a few hour's drive away) and told him I wanted to be with him. A month later I moved to Brisbane to be closer to him and a month after that we officially became an item. It was another 5 months or so before I moved in with him and we've been together 5 years next month since. I've had 'instant' attraction to others before, but it was always a more physical reaction. This one came from my soul - its the only way I can describe it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 I don't actually believe in 'the one' per say. I just feel if two compatible minds meets, the chances of a successful relationship are good. nobody is perfect and nobody will fill all your expectations (I could be wrong). However, my partner has flaws but the pros outweigh the cons. I think by looking for 'the one' you have put them on a pedestal before you have even met them, and that can be painful when you realise they aren't perfect in every way. Just thought i would chuck that into the pot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulrica Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 I was at at an industrial club and I remember him offering me a cider since a friend of mine had just knocked over mine, though apparently I was too drunk to realize it was for me * hangs head in shame* I do remember thinking "Damn, he's hot!" - tattoos, piercings, shaved head, skinny yet muscular *drools a little* basically, physically my dream person. Then he managed to find me online through a community and we wrote for a while, then we went for coffees and chatted for ages. He then came to my house warming last year AND he had bought me a Pinhead figure! I idolize Pinhead *drools again* so that was major plus points in my book. We just had our 1 year anniversary yesterday and kudos to me for having a sane relationship for the first time ever *cheers* It hasn't been without it's bumps but what makes him the one for me is his complete acceptance of me despite my crazy (BPD and just general quirky behaviour), that we always communicate openly about everything, that we want the same things from life (i.e. no children, no marriage etc.) and well, that he is great at setting boundaries and doesn't take it personally when I throw my tantrums. I don't think anyone is without flaws, it's just that when you love someone you love the whole package...And besides, a person wouldn't be the same without all their parts, warts and all. Though I'd be lying if I said that the fact that he is very emotional and cries more than I do doesn't make me feel better sometimes (he knows this btw) Scared I'm going to mess it up? Hell yes, I haven't got the best track record and I think everyone is afraid of loosing the things they cherish the most in life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 Mark, I think to answer your question, I had been in long term relationships before and had my heart broken, been engaged, been abused, raped, used for sex but when I saw my hubbie something just happened. I will always remember his eyes. They are the portal to the soul and it was a connection of souls. We were on and off like Ross and Rachel from Friends, mainly due to my problems but I could still swim in his eyes forever. He makes love to me with his eyes (if that makes sense) and there is no-one I trust more than him. Not my family, nobody. I think he is my 'split-apart' (Platos), he is my partner in this life and in the next realm. Whatever he does I will always forgive him like he forgive me. It's been hard but he fulfills me in ways no-one else can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mememeokay Posted November 2, 2009 Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 I knew he was the one for me when I realised that I wanted to change and challenge the unhelpful and self-destructive behaviours I've held onto for so long. It's a struggle cause being with him triggers a lot of dormant abandonment issues in me. I've never wanted to stay before. He's a wonderful man and I just hope I can continue to get better and not push him away x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markscol Posted November 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 2, 2009 I knew he was the one for me when I realised that I wanted to change and challenge the unhelpful and self-destructive behaviours I've held onto for so long. It's a struggle cause being with him triggers a lot of dormant abandonment issues in me. I've never wanted to stay before. He's a wonderful man and I just hope I can continue to get better and not push him away x Do you mean to say that, on the one hand you want someone who may challenge you to try and work on some of you unhelpful behaviors, but on the other hand, this challenging partner may unintentionally trigger you as well? Whereas before, if you were triggered, you would push the person away, but with "the one" ( i dont mean to imply there is only one, but with the current partner that is a good match) you feel a compelling desire/need to stay with the person, to hold on? So, it IS possible to be changed by a person? Sometimes we hear about partners of people with BPD having "hero complexes" What do you think about this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ocean Wolf Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 I knew from the moment I saw him. It was a feeling I had never felt before and can't accurately describe. I think it's one of those things where you have to feel it to know it. Of course, there are still periods of questioning it, but being separated... Well, it felt emotionally and physically painful. There are still arguments, but we learnt to work together. Things were still really hard for awhile, but we got through it. I acted like a borderline, but for once, I saw more clearly what I was doing. I can't really describe it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markscol Posted November 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 I knew from the moment I saw him. It was a feeling I had never felt before and can't accurately describe. I think it's one of those things where you have to feel it to know it. Of course, there are still periods of questioning it, but being separated... Well, it felt emotionally and physically painful. There are still arguments, but we learnt to work together. Things were still really hard for awhile, but we got through it. I acted like a borderline, but for once, I saw more clearly what I was doing. I can't really describe it. do you mind elaborating on "i acted like a borderline, but i saw more clearly what i was doing." ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just.me Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 All of my relationships have been instant attraction, oh my god type of thing, married someone who looked like the epitome of everything I thought a man should look like, he was the most boring man ever, bored the bejesus out of me, had no personality whatsoever. I used to think there was the one, but not anymore. Am in a new relationship with someone you could say is not my type, but he is the most kindest, honest, decent man I have ever met, he makes me feel safe, secure and when am with him am so happy and nothing else matters, and I feel like I have come home. He has stood by me for the last two weeks when we have only known each other 40 days, and the last two weeks have been hell and back due to a previous ex causing all sorts of problems, my depression during this time has sky rocketed, and he is still there, he is my rock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markscol Posted November 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 Most honest? Do you prefer a person who wears their emotions on their sleeves and is very open with how they are feeilng? Or is this triggersome? (sorry to ask so many questions. i am intrigued.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ocean Wolf Posted November 3, 2009 Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 do you mind elaborating on "i acted like a borderline, but i saw more clearly what i was doing." ? Oh yeah! Sorry. I used to freak out at Nick because somewhere deep in my head, I thought he was going to hurt me and that he hated me. A rational part of my brain reminded that my paranoia was dumb and unfounded. I constantly tested him, trying to find a reason for my paranoia. I tried to stop what I was doing, but I didn't know how yet. Understandably, he left to protect himself and I actually saw that it was my fault he left. So I was able to get better. Understand that I definitely do not condone or recommend my actions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markscol Posted November 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 3, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted November 5, 2009 Report Share Posted November 5, 2009 Hi I feel that me and hubby have a mental and physical attraction, whatever happens in our relationship we just cant stay away from each other. We have been through hell and we are still together. Dont get me wrong, we argue and i push him away but we are still here, in love and feeling like we belong. I guess that we feel like soul mates and we dont like to be apart for more than afew hours Not sure what else to say but i have just realised that i do love him (been doubting it) xxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ocean Wolf Posted November 5, 2009 Report Share Posted November 5, 2009 What angeltears said: we just can't stay away from each other. I have problems trusting him and he had problems trusting me (and I do get what you mean and, yes, that is the case). It's not too bad now though. I mean, we've been through so much together that we know we'll still love each other. We know how to argue (if that makes sense). Another thing, although this may just be from being together for a few years, but we know the little things about one another that no one really thinks about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostnlove Posted November 5, 2009 Report Share Posted November 5, 2009 well, we aren't married yet...but each day I realize more and more why he is "the one". I knew the moment we first kissed he could be the last person I ever kissed. (but I didn't trust myself because I think I've felt that way before..) Anyway...the reason I know is because I truly truly trust him. I've never trusted anyone before. He means what he says and he inspires me to be a healthier person. I've finally decided to take therapy seriously because he isn't someone that I want to lose. He makes me feel truly safe, and he accepts me for who I am while still encouraging me to get better. Its the first time I've felt truly loved...I'm learning myself how to give that love back in return, therapy is helping...but I know that he is "my one" because everything with him makes sense. Its hard to explain, it runs deep in my core- I've never been able to trust or truly love...and this is the first time I've ever felt entirely safe to do so. And he gives me butterflies. <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markscol Posted November 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 5, 2009 that is so beautiful....... Do you guys find that your partners are similar to you at all? Aside from their wonderful understanding, patience, etc., did they have family histories that molded them this way as well? Or are they this wonderful simply because? Like i said, i have never been diagnosed with BPD before, but i met a girl with BPD over a year ago. We do not live in the same place, but since then i have visited and we have spent time together. We stay in contact and have had very emotional, intense exchanges. For whatever reason, i can not get her out of my mind. I dont think its that i have this savior complex, but i have this desire to be there for her, and i have told her on several occassions that i will always be there for her, no matter what. I always follow through on my word, and i have told her that i understand hse has difficulty expressing herself, but that she didn't have to worry with me. I didn't expect anything in return, and that i know she is a good person. It stinks because we don't live in the same place, but i have never felt this way about anyone before. Sometimes it has made me wonder if i have BPD, because i share so many "symptoms" ...that is why i ask. I just don't have the anger issues or self-esteem issues, but every thing else for the most part, the intense emotions, etc. i sympathize with her. I think that is why we would make such a good match. We intellectually stimulate eachother, and emotionally we are like ying and yang. I wish i knew whetehr she felt the same way about me. I hope that she does, but she is so inhibited with ehr feelings. I dO know that the last time i visited, she pushed me away before i left, but i never abandoned her. I let her know it hurt me, and that i was upset about the situation, but i forgave her and i continud on in our friendship..... so we have continued to stay close. I guess the fact that she still talks with me and wants to see me makes me think that i am important to her. Because god knows she is imp[ortant to me. I am just always so scared to trust her, to be honest. I fear getting hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ocean Wolf Posted November 5, 2009 Report Share Posted November 5, 2009 It sounds like what you feel it is. Stick up for your boundaries though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.