Staying Away

[Nadir]

So you know he (or she) is bad for you, you know that its not just you being how you are and putting yourself down - this person is actually really bad for you. They treat you badly, telling you they love you and want to help you but doing everything possible to prove otherwise. They may lie, cheat, steal, put you down, walk in and out of your life and literally drive you crazy. They make you feel like, or in fact tell you, you're a bad person and that no-one else would ever want you. You try to escape and just when you think you've got away they drag you back in with promises of the life, help and support you so desperately need. Time and time again you leave or let them walk away and promise yourself that you won't let this happen anymore.

But whatever you do, however long you leave it they always come back and you tell yourself it must be because they feel the same way you do, and no matter what they do to you, no matter how bad it gets or how many times, you still love them. You let them back in your life and they walk all over you, drag you back down to your lowest point, make you remember how you feel that you cannot live without them over and over. They tell you they love you but can't be with you right now, expect you to wait while they're with someone else. There is no one else in your life, no support and you meed them to be what they offer you, because you really are alone. And when you try to make it stop and tell them you either want you or to let you go they accuse you of being controlling, manipulative and walking all over them because you're issuing an ultimatum, when all you want is peace. You just want them to be what they promise or let you go for good. You need to rebuild your life from the friendless, lonely world they left you in after utterly isolating you from everyone. But again and again they keep opening the old wounds and somehow they always seem to make it your fault. You're scared next time that you won't be able to stop yourself doing something much worse to yourself than you did this time and there is no-one around to help.

The question is, how do you break the cycle? How do you stay away from the person you love? you know what they are, you know they'll do it again but every time they make the promises, you know they're just telling you what you want to hear but you DO want to hear it so much, that every time you want so desperately to believe it, unable to live with not giving it another try just in case this time they mean it, because if they do and you miss it then you went through all that hell for nothing. You've tried everything, moving house, changing your number, even going so far as to sleep with someone you don't even like (which makes you feel cheap, used and dirty) just to try and make them not want you anymore. But whatever they do, no matter how bad it gets you will always love them even though you know they don't feel the same way, that for them its all just words. So you can't stop loving them, but you need to stay away and stop them from coming back to you.

Just wondering how many other people are or have experienced this and if/how you got out? I'm sure I'm not the only one and others may also find sharing or help useful.