stinkyboy Posted November 14, 2009 Report Share Posted November 14, 2009 I'm so tired. I'm so depressed and tired of living like this. I'm feeling hopeless again. It comes and goes, mostly it's just here. I guess i know that i can change, but it just seems like so much work and effort must be put into my recovery and then there's no guarantee that anything will change. Why don't i just give up and go into the system and let society take care of me then? It would be easier i think. But then i would lose some of my freedoms also i think. The freedom to live life exactly how i want. But i can't do that now really because i'm still limited by my illness. My problem is that i'm too functional. I'm beginning to think that i would be better off if i wasn't. Being functional is great, but only if you aren't saddled with being depressed and moody all the time and didn't have a major drinking problem and filled with self hatred. Life just sucks likes this. I hate being this way. I don't enjoy any aspect of my life. Nothing, absolutely nothing in my life gives me any peace, happiness or joy. Now this may change when i get on meds soon. Or it may not. Been trying medication off and on for 14 years and nothing much has changed. I wasn't happy when i was on meds. Maybe i'd had more energy, or i slept better, but that was about it. So what do i do if the meds don't help any this time around? I say i give up. But since i'm still way too functional, i'd have to go back to heavy drinking for about 6 months, and then fake a suicide attempt and then maybe i could get on disability and then i could just coast for the rest of my life until i die. What a plan! Very heavy sigh. Later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted November 14, 2009 Report Share Posted November 14, 2009 (((((((((((((((((stinky)))))))))))))))))) cant do words atm, so you'll have to make do wit huggle for now Kath xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stinkyboy Posted November 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 14, 2009 (((((((((((((((((stinky)))))))))))))))))) cant do words atm, so you'll have to make do wit huggle for now Kath xx I love the cute way you people talk over there on the other side of the world. It's cool. Thanks for caring. By the way, the sis i lost to cancer last year was named Kathy. Take care. steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted November 14, 2009 Report Share Posted November 14, 2009 hey steve, cute huh ! lol sorry bout yer sis, lost me dad to cancer in 99... sux... anyway... life any brighter wit u today or is it still all kinda shite...? stick wiv it, hopefully new doc u gonna see will be better... well better than drinkin and whatnot... u like huggles eh? have some more (((((((((((((steve)))))))))))) K xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stinkyboy Posted November 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 hey steve, cute huh ! lol sorry bout yer sis, lost me dad to cancer in 99... sux... anyway... life any brighter wit u today or is it still all kinda shite...? stick wiv it, hopefully new doc u gonna see will be better... well better than drinkin and whatnot... u like huggles eh? have some more (((((((((((((steve)))))))))))) K xx What is a huggle? You know, it's kinda funny cause i can almost hear your accent coming through as i read your comments. It's been said that those of us who were born and raised and live in California have no accent. Everything's just fine except for the extreme depression, chronic emptiness, feelings of hopelessness and the low grade anxiety i feel at the moment. Think i'll go do a little "whatnot". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 What is a huggle? You know, it's kinda funny cause i can almost hear your accent coming through as i read your comments. It's been said that those of us who were born and raised and live in California have no accent. Everything's just fine except for the extreme depression, chronic emptiness, feelings of hopelessness and the low grade anxiety i feel at the moment. Think i'll go do a little "whatnot". huggle is kinda a cuter version of a hug!!! i must remember to check my slang when i am replying to ppls not from here!!! although maybe is funnier if i don't (mental note to keep using befuzzling words!!!) ooo, i hope you can hear my accent as a southen accent but not London... ima certainly NOT posh speaking, perish the thought... maybe i will reply to you someday in phonetics, although that'll way confuzzle u!!! whatnot is a cool thing to do, but don't forget to take your oojimaflip... seriously tho, soz to hear that things still rough for you... i had a week of it last week myself, but i am bouncing back now... when are you gonna be seing the doc...? ((((((steve)))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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