CrippleAndStarfish Posted November 15, 2009 Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 My mum has asked me to leave again. Has been screaming at me for the past hour, and it has basically resulted in her telling me she wants me out. However, i have a 3 year old son who is also living here. All parental responsibility is mine, and there are no legal documents of any sort stating otherwise. Yet she is saying that i HAVE to leave Logan here. She is saying that i am to leave, and i have to leave him with her. I cannot do this. For a number of reasons - least of all because his newly-done room has been ransacked by my mother and is now in no way fit for him to stay in, so she is making him stay in the bed with her, while i have to sleep on the sofa. He is also basically confined to one room - the living room - throughout the day - as the rest of the house is a fucking state, and quite frankly - a fucking deathtrap for him should he be in any other part of the house. We can't even properly toilet-train him, and he is STILL using his potty, because the stairs and hallway are completely and utterly loaded with junk that makes it very dangerous to even make the trip up on the night and back down on the morning, let alone the billions of mad dashes to the loo throughout the day. I don't know what to do, who to contact. I'm scared that if i contact First Contact, the emergency duty team, then my mum will say that i am unstable due to mh issues - despite the fact that i'm actually fucking brilliant with regards to that, and that she will force me to leave him here. I'm scared. Can someone please at least point me in the right direction?? If i ring the emergency duty team, what is likely to happen?? My mum has been verbally abusive to me, and it is known to them that this has occurred before. I'm so scared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 15, 2009 Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 If u explain to them how your mother is abusive and the house is unfit for him to live in and the fact that YOU are the primary carer and social services are not involved and that is is your word against hers and the fact that your pdoc will suport your right to be Logan's primary carer - she does not stand a chance in hell girl. You fight for him hun, she cannot and will not control your life!!!!!! You will get a B&B until permanent housing is arranged. And so what if you end up in a shitty council house on Grangetown or something - you will be together and that is all that matters. Don't let her win, please. xxxxx The council are not allowed to leave you on the streets with Logan xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrippleAndStarfish Posted November 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 I'm so fucking scared. She has had the police onto me before, and they have dragged me away from my son. She told them i had self-harmed, but i hadn't, it was old scars, and she told them i had overdosed, and i hadn't. They took me to the hospital to get checked over, and then straight into a cell for the night. I can't have that happen again. I'm so scared they will see the cuts on my arms and know what i've done, though to be honest, i was careful, it just looks like two biggish scratches - could have been off anything. Oh god. I'm on the phone to them now. xxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 15, 2009 Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 But having scars on your arms doesn't make you an unfit mother. Plenty of parents drink, smoke and so drugs so is no different, infact it is proven as a coping strategy. your mother sounds fucking stupid. Can you call the emergency hosuing and just get out? I would tell them that she is sufferingfrom a MH illness and turn the tables. Invite them to look around her home for starters. Please, you are worth more than her xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted November 15, 2009 Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 Dont have any advise crip just some strength and love, keep us updated....say wot u have to to suvive XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted November 15, 2009 Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 hugs am thinking of u! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxsorry i cant be of help but i agree w roses Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drew Posted November 15, 2009 Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 i dont know what to advise but just wish u good luck perhaps a domestic violence service could help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrippleAndStarfish Posted November 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 They said they will have to ring me back in the morning!!!! And i can hear her on the phone to them upstairs too!! What the fuck?!?! I need to get us out of here. The only place i can think of going is to my nana's. But i cannot trust that whatever i can't take with me now will not be withheld, or ruined or thrown out. Things that are needed that i couldn't possibly get together without her noticing. Oh fuck. Someone help me make a list of what i need??!! I can't think straight. I've got purse - with cash and bank cards, NI card, n crisis team number in. Phone and phone charger. 3x underwear & socks, 2x trousers, 2x tops, jumper, coat, 2 blankets for Logan. Keys. underwear and change of clothes for me. bag for logan - playgroup tomorrow pm. diary - she CAN NOT see that - it is filled with intrusive thoughts that she wouldn't think twice about using against me. fags & lighter. Have juice cup, milk cup, kid cutlery, 5x dummy, and woody and buzz dolls. I KNOW im missing something. Oh fuck. I'm not going to rush this. I know i need to go tonight, but i need to stay as calm as poss. Logan is asleep, so i don't want to wake him up if that's at all poss. Will be able to phone taxi. I'm sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrippleAndStarfish Posted November 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 Jinx, Jades, Drew - thankyou. It's much appreciated. Love to you all. I'm trying, i really am. Going to grab a bigger bag, the fucking zip has broke on this one. WHY THE FUCK DOES HE HAVE TO HAVE SO MUCH STUFF TO TAKE TO PLAYGROUP!?!?!?! EDIT - I'm involved with Harbour - a domestic violence support service. Does this count though??? I dont know. I just dont know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted November 15, 2009 Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 oh god crip i am sorry. dont know what to suggest, but surely he is ur son, not hers, jess hun i hope u be ok. ima pm u ok xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x.glitter_raindrops.x Posted November 15, 2009 Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 Okay, I want to swear and go and be obnoxious here but thats just one of the silly girls tryin to break out Crip, Babe RUN!!! Call the appropriate people hell, call crisis if you have to, that's what i did when mum kicked me out. but Logie is yours, and you are more than capable of looking after him. everybody who knows you knows this. as for the self harm, even if they do see it, thats no reason to deem you as an unfit mother. As roses said, it's one of your coping strategies. As long as you're not putting him in danger by doing so. You are the legal parent. you have brought him up. You've fought and given your life to protect that boy. Where I am, there is a mother and child supported housing run by the same company as the house they put me into. surely they must have a place like that where you are. Anyway hun, Sorry I'm not SuperBoo right now, She's kind of got fractured wings and a torn up cape right now but I'm on msn if u need. but I switched my mobile off cos im struggling a bit and on another one of my "F off world" hibernations I love you girl <3 **Huggles** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted November 15, 2009 Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 You are Logan's mummy and if you go, he needs to come with you. It sounds like you really love him. It sounds also like the house is an unhealthy environment (physically and emotionally) and you two would be better off out of there. I think you need a social worker or someone like that on your side. I will be thinking of you and Logan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted November 15, 2009 Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 call me if u need to hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aneurysm Posted November 15, 2009 Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 good luck crip xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted November 15, 2009 Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 So u gonna go to ur nans then crip? if u wasnt at the other end of england u two could have my flat and i would stay at my GF's...but thats no use, ur bravery and protectivness for Logan shows through a mile. XxX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrippleAndStarfish Posted November 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 Right, we're going. Taxi is booked. My mum is in the shower ( TIMING!!!) and Logan is awake on my knee, but still sleepy, got bags, got carseat... good to go. Yeah, Jinx hun - to my nana's for tonight, and they said they'll ring me in the morning, and hopefully will get something sorted then. Thankyou Jinx, for the offer of your flat - you are an absolute darl, you really are, and you've brought a smile to my face right now, so thankyou. you guys here are good at doing that. I'm taking your thoughts with me - i need this encouragement to stay strong right now. Must must MUST stay positive. Will try my best to keep in touch, but can't promise. I love you all, and thankyou so very much. Take gentle care everyone xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx All my love and infinite thanks. Just waiting on taxi now xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted November 15, 2009 Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 Your list sounds great, you have the essentials there. Good luck crip. Will be thinking of you and logan Remember, you are a great mum!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted November 15, 2009 Report Share Posted November 15, 2009 good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Just letting you know, crip made it safe and well to her nannas and will make contact when she can. xxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadianbumble Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Your his mum you know best I',m no good at advice but am hoping everything goes ok for you.xxB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aneurysm Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Just letting you know, crip made it safe and well to her nannas and will make contact when she can. xxxxxxxxxxxxx :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benway Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 i just saw this post, i am so glad she made it safe, thinking of you crip- best of luck with everything- xxx a.m Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Sounds like the list had everything on it hun. I hope you got away OK. My love and thoughts are with you now, as always. It is terribly distressing for you but you are doing the right thing. you and Logan are all that matters now. You are his Mummy and no-one can take that away from you. You take excellent care of him, I know you do xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted November 16, 2009 Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 ((((((crip))))) I'm sorry I missed your post last night. I'm glad you got out to your Nan's, I'm thinking of you and hope that every-thing will work out for you and Logan xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrippleAndStarfish Posted November 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Hey guys - I got to my nana's safely last night. Thankyou for updating Piuma hunni. xxxxxxxxxxx We had a midnight snack as a treat for Logan, as he woke up, and decided that he was too excited to settle down, so he finally fell asleep at about half 1 with a full tum and a smile. I'm on the local library's computer at the moment, and Logan is sat with my cousin in the children's book area. My nana is staying at my mums so there is someone there for when my bro gets in from school, so it would just be me and Logan at my nana's, but my cousin has had a bit of a fall-out with her step-dad, so she's gunna crash with us for a few days til things die down. It's a relief, as it makes it much less lonely for me, and Logan loves her! We're quite different, and she is 15, but she is such good company. I managed to get Logan to playgroup okay and on time this lunchtime, and went for a few bits and pieces in town with K (the cousin) before picking him up again at half three. He got bit on the hand again by the same child that bit him last week, but he's okay, just seems confused as to why she did it, etc etc. But he's good. I can hear the two of them laughing and playing just round the corner now. It's really sweet. Logan seems a bit confused as to why we're not going back to my mum's house, but we're making out like it's a game, and adventure. He's not had any tantrums or anything today, and this isthe plan for the evening - Take some books out from library. Get fish and chips on way back to my nana's. Watch Toy Story while eating our fish and chips. Also gunna set up a little party-style buffet table with crisps and such stuff. We made some banners this morning with all camouflage colours, and have got some old tarpaulin netty things that we have put over the window and along one wall, so it's like our 'den'. Logan seems really excited about this little party-kinda thing. I'm just trying my best to keep things fun for him, and keep him occupied. With regards to housing, they contacted me, and asked me to come to their offices tomorrow - which i can do as my cousin doesn't attend school - she left public school when she was bullied when she was 11, and has already sat her GCSE's early and is now waiting til sept to start college (she got the smarts for sure!! heh heh ) - to ensure the legalities of all of this, and make sure there is nothing my mum can actually do to jeopardise this. They were really helpful - there's a first time for everything, hey?! Then taking Logan to playgroup at lunch again, and then going to CABIN (citizens advice beuwhatsit for under 25s) after i phoned them earlier, and they said that this means the housing process that they are helping me with will be sped up considerably due to being top priority and classed as voulnerable as well as me and child being homeless now instead of just me. So we're gunna stay at my nana's until this is sorted, they said perhaps a month/6 weeks, which is good, cause i dont particularly want to go into emerg accomm, but i dont want to be here for too long either as dont wish to cause a rift between my mum and nana (Well, a bigger one). CABIN are also helping me with benefits advice and applications too, which is great, cause im scared of filling out forms. I'm gunna go now, but will pop back here when i can - K has said that she will be available on weds and thurs to bring Logan to the library with her, so i will try to come along too and update then providing don't have too much shopping to do. Feel kinda shaky, very nervous, but i'm doing okay!!! Love and hugs to all of you. Thankyou so much xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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