Shelley Posted November 18, 2009 Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 It's the only answer. Isn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paris Posted November 18, 2009 Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 hun can you call crisis or on call gp? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 18, 2009 Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 Yes Anna, I agree. Can you call someone for some support? Keep talking... xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrippleAndStarfish Posted November 18, 2009 Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 It sure feels like it sometimes, doesn't it? But it's not hun, these clouds do lift, and the sun shines through, we just have to dig our heels in sometimes and wait it out. You've reached out here - that's real brave of you, and i admire you for that. But i do echo what those above me have said - can you contact crisis, or someone for more support? Am here listening also. xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted November 18, 2009 Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 Sure feels like the only answer, but no, it's not.... talk through what's happening and when other people can see what you're going through, they may be better placed to help you through it. In the meantime, I agree with other posters, if you think you are in immediate danger please, please call crisis.... xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted November 18, 2009 Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 ((((anna)))) can feel like it some times but no hun it's not the only answer x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted November 18, 2009 Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 Hi anna, no its not the answer. You have got so far. Future is in reach if u want it, up to you in how much u want it. Forget about yesterdays, now try work with today and tomorrow. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley Posted November 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 I am moved by the replys here, I thought nobody would take me seriously. I am crying now. Emotion....that's good right? Well, I truely believe that I have no future, only more of the same. I can't take any more. It isn't fair to expect me to take more of this, every body has a breaking point. 8 years in the MH system has done nothing. I want my children to be bought up by my Mum. She is the most stable person in our family. She never used to be, did a crap job of bringing me up. But she's older, wiser and sober now! I could ring crisis team, but I cannot face the patronising voice at the end of the phone telling me to have a nice bath, and a cup of tea, ffs! What I will do though is give it 24 hours, because I don't want to do this on impulse, have to make sure I have thought about it properly, gone over everything, details. I am not afraid anymore, only very very deperate and unhappy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
youknowiloveyou Posted November 18, 2009 Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 At times it feels like the only answer. But when you hit that low point and come back up, you find yourself saying "what on earth was i thinking?". Suicide is the coward and selfish way out, you may think its best for you but it's not whats best for your family. I'm here if you need to talk Anna x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted November 18, 2009 Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 It's the only answer. Isn't it? nope just cause you dont have the answers right now doesnt mean this is all you ahve to fall bacl on you dont need to have all the answers immediately can you consentrate on getting some rl support just now? ((((((((((anna))))))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marchmadness Posted November 18, 2009 Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 Hey - Why on earth would you think that sui is the answer? Yeah I can understand you are in pain, and we all have our breaking point, will it stay like this forever? NO, we have our highs and lows, sometimes it can feel like it will never get better, but it does get better. Each day can be different and better. Suicide is not the answer - holding on tight and fighting is the answer. March Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just.me Posted November 18, 2009 Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 I don't feel I have one either at the moment, I can't provide a safe home for my son, I can't feed him, Im absolutely shite in a relationship because of my paranoia, my agression. But, whilst it seems like the answer, it isn't we have to think about the people we are leaving behind, and the effect that it would have on their lives, suicide is selfish it is. I sat here this morning and thought, I don't want to wake up to shit anymore, I don't want to wake up to find that another mistake has meant I have no money in the bank, I don't want to have to face telling my son that we are losing our home, and that may mean getting rid of our beloved dog. Sometimes I think he be better off with his dad, but I know thats not true, I wanted to be able to do the right thing for my sons, and I know that thus far I have, my eldest is at Uni taking Maths, his 3rd year, after that he takes a Masters at Cambridge, his younger brother will do exactly the same, considering we are just a working class family, well was, am poor as fuck now, and a lone parent family at that, I have achieved so much where my children are concerned, and that was my goal. But the little un still taking A Levels, how can I go whilst he is studying, he never recover to finish and that would just be mean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
youknowiloveyou Posted November 18, 2009 Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 I don't feel I have one either at the moment, I can't provide a safe home for my son, I can't feed him, Im absolutely shite in a relationship because of my paranoia, my agression. But, whilst it seems like the answer, it isn't we have to think about the people we are leaving behind, and the effect that it would have on their lives, suicide is selfish it is. I sat here this morning and thought, I don't want to wake up to shit anymore, I don't want to wake up to find that another mistake has meant I have no money in the bank, I don't want to have to face telling my son that we are losing our home, and that may mean getting rid of our beloved dog. Sometimes I think he be better off with his dad, but I know thats not true, I wanted to be able to do the right thing for my sons, and I know that thus far I have, my eldest is at Uni taking Maths, his 3rd year, after that he takes a Masters at Cambridge, his younger brother will do exactly the same, considering we are just a working class family, well was, am poor as fuck now, and a lone parent family at that, I have achieved so much where my children are concerned, and that was my goal. But the little un still taking A Levels, how can I go whilst he is studying, he never recover to finish and that would just be mean. You've done really well as a single parent and mother. You should be proud of yourself. There is never going to be a right time to go through with it, not in your children's eyes anyway. No matter what age they should have to cope with you committing suicide. I know it is hard but you just have to be hang in there and hope things get better. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
out2lunch Posted November 18, 2009 Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 ((((((((((((anna)))))))))))) hold on lovely, just keep holding on. xxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted November 18, 2009 Report Share Posted November 18, 2009 I feel u, and hear u xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley Posted November 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 19, 2009 Wanting my children to be raised by my Mum, and going to any lenth to make that happen is not selfish in my book!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted November 19, 2009 Report Share Posted November 19, 2009 Wanting my children to be raised by my Mum, and going to any lenth to make that happen is not selfish in my book!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont think thats selfish, but i do think they need you v much too. forget the mum part of it all, your such an ace person i think itd be v important for anyone who has you in their live to keep it that way cause your flipping fantistic, even on your rough days. im v glad to know you!!xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted November 19, 2009 Report Share Posted November 19, 2009 hugs hun. no its not the answer for you. you can do this xxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peace7 Posted November 19, 2009 Report Share Posted November 19, 2009 Its not the answer hun, even if it feels like it now...believe me its not! Hang in there Anna and seek the support you need... if you ring crisis team I know how silly there support is with 'have a nice cup of tea'... but tell them how you feel and then they know and are aware of your current 'state'... You can and will get through this hun... keep talking hun *Hugs* Harmony xxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RepeatOffender Posted November 19, 2009 Report Share Posted November 19, 2009 Hi Anna, I am new to the site and if you look at my post in the introductions you will see that I am feeling the same as you right now. I am trapped away from home at work, work dont know about my illness as I am scared of the stigma so I just feel so isolated and angry its not true. I have been on meds for depression for 2.5 years after I had a sever episode and had an intervention from the Community Mental Health Team. I have tried twice to come of medication- once by going cold turkey and this time on a scale down under GPs guidance. But hey- 1 week into not taking anything and here I am back to square one. I have just taken a pill from an emergency pack I brought with me and I loathe myself for having to do it. I am fed up of not being normal. I am fed up of having to take these tablets and I am fed up of fighting this. I feel the same i really do- I struggle to see what the point is in carrying on but i hope in your heart that like me there is just a slither of something there that is telling you not to cause harm to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley Posted November 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2009 Thanks Roxy, urm ace? flipping fantastic? well I sure don't feel that way but it is very nice to be called those things, and I know you say it how it is, and never sugar coat things, so I accept what you say! xxx Thanks for all the replys. Im going to talk to my CPN, maybe I need to go back on my mood stabeliser/anti phychotic (Quetiapine) they took me off it in rehab, they didn't taper it either, 300mg to 0mg.........I felt so ill! Thing is I have this all or nothing thing going on, if I can't be high functoning and do things to perfection, then I give up completly, and then get deppressed. I need to learn how to be satisfied with just doing my best, depending on how I am feeling on that day. I still think my children would be better off with my Mum, I will talk to my CPN about that too. Still got this emotional detachment thing going on, but that may well be becuase I have suicidal idealation, and therefor detaching myself to make it easier to act on suicdal thoughts, pretty sure it's all interlinked somehow anyway. Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted November 20, 2009 Report Share Posted November 20, 2009 Thanks Roxy, urm ace? flipping fantastic? well I sure don't feel that way but it is very nice to be called those things, and I know you say it how it is, and never sugar coat things, so I accept what you say! xxx Thanks for all the replys. Im going to talk to my CPN, maybe I need to go back on my mood stabeliser/anti phychotic (Quetiapine) they took me off it in rehab, they didn't taper it either, 300mg to 0mg.........I felt so ill! Thing is I have this all or nothing thing going on, if I can't be high functoning and do things to perfection, then I give up completly, and then get deppressed. I need to learn how to be satisfied with just doing my best, depending on how I am feeling on that day. I still think my children would be better off with my Mum, I will talk to my CPN about that too. Still got this emotional detachment thing going on, but that may well be becuase I have suicidal idealation, and therefor detaching myself to make it easier to act on suicdal thoughts, pretty sure it's all interlinked somehow anyway. Anna see a super nice up side to us honest folks (so stuff the people that bitch about it) yeah the all or nothing stuff was a big issue for me, still is with some areas, but is getting less so with others. accecptance i guess is the right word, i know its not an easy thing, and i found it a v personal, almost subconcious experience so i prob couldnt help much, it just kinda slowly evolved out of trying to be good to myself. see i just got to a stage where i didnt want to treat me badly, cause thats how everyone allways had treated me and i didnt want to be the same as the abusers (even if i was just abusing myself). and the acceptance stuff grew from that i think. do your children have time with your mum? could you ask for her help to give you an easier time of it, not to give them to her but to beable to say to these ideas, look they have both her and me and cause the loads shared they get the best of both. maybe if you have as much support as poss with them, and everything else, it might become safer to be connected to your emotions again. tcxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley Posted November 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2009 Yeah, acceptance, that's a huge hurdle for me at the moment, I cant accept this illness, I cant accept stuff that I had done to me in the past, and I cant accept where I am now (in a loveless mariage). *sticks head in sand a bit further* no wait.....*opens another beer* ha ha. But I do accept that I have no acceptance over things; that's a step in the right direction, huh? Anna xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted November 20, 2009 Report Share Posted November 20, 2009 Yeah, acceptance, that's a huge hurdle for me at the moment, I cant accept this illness, I cant accept stuff that I had done to me in the past, and I cant accept where I am now (in a loveless mariage). *sticks head in sand a bit further* no wait.....*opens another beer* ha ha. But I do accept that I have no acceptance over things; that's a step in the right direction, huh? Anna xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx yep, sounds like good awareness small steps, only when ready, and staying safe inbetweenxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anastasia Posted November 20, 2009 Report Share Posted November 20, 2009 you know, i think it might be Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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