Roses Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 ******** TRIGGER ******** TRIGGER ******** TRIGGER ******** TRIGGER ******** TRIGGER ****** > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I haven't put any weight on, I know this cos I weighed myself. But, I look really bloated and fat and like I'm pregnant. I can feel the fat hanging on my face and I can feel it hanging on my tummy and on my chest. It just hangs there, taunting me with it's fattiness. I hate myself and I hate it when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror cos it doesn't seem to be me looking back anymore. I want to get a knife and cut all the fat off my tummy and cheeks. It would make me so happy to just drop a stone or two. I have started taking more laxatives again but they aren't really helping that much either. No matter what I do I am FAT. I hate myself, I must be lazy or stupid as I am definately doing something wrong to be this fat. You FAT, UGLY, BIATCH MO FO HO!!!!!! Look at yourself, how could you let yourself get this fucking fat? For FUCKS SAKE get a life and fucking STOP EATING. I wish I could die, then the pain would stop. But I'm too much of a coward, even for that, these days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 From the few photos that I have seen of you, you look pretty and slim. Its a shame you feel like this about yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anastasia Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 i know it doesn't help. no matter what people say you see yourself the way you see yourself and often that's distorted and incorrect. all i can say is, laxitives WILL NOT help you they will just make you sick. please be safe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 Hullo Roses Dunno what to say ... tryin to imagine how that must be feeling and stuff, being stuck inside something you really hate and cant get away from it. Can sort of relate, have never liked the way I look generally, and there are days when I look in the mirror and its like being stuck inside a shell I wish I could just chisel away or replace, but I cant ... like a frustrated, sad, angry feeling. It seems to get worse when something else is bothering me, its like the way I feel about my looks seems to go up and down depending on whether I am feeling worthless, guilty or angry at myself, and then that seems to put a filter on my eyeballs - even though its the same ol face. I know its not 'projection' in the psychological sense, but it is like all those feelings are being projected onto my face ... and then when i feel better, I dont mind me facey part so much again. Is it possible all that guilt, and the tension and worry about what might happen with the family, is makin you feel this way? I remember that my GF was bulimic, and she told me that it was the only thing that gave her a sense of control. Her family were super controlling u see, and Im sure she had deeper depression issues but put this happy face in it all the time, always doing things for others (especially her dad who always told her she owed the family things) - the ED was her own silent way to control the horrid feelings of being worthless or guilty or bad I think. With all this stuff hanging over your head, and the waiting, Im not surprised that old feelings might be surfacing ... can u waffle them out a bit more? U dont have to be happy supportey roses all the time yanoooo You can have a lil meltie if you want ... Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 Hey Roses, From what ive seen u dont look fat to me either, but I understand u feel differently. Is there not something else u can do that will help u feel like ur doing something to lose weight, something not harmful like laxatives? Maybe some excercise or an extra 10mins if u already do, slightly smaller portions? I know i shouldn't be encouraging methods of weight loss, but if its going to make u feel better for now, and i really dont want u on the laxatives hun. How long have u been feeling this about yourself? I think these are warning signs u need to address now rather than later.... tell someone who can help, before it becomes out of control. ....And i think your very brave saying how u feel, and i think that its a good sign that u are aware. Luvz ya XXXXXXXXXXX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 Thank you all so much for your support. I guess my relationship with food got bad when I was about 13. It's when I first went veggie. I was 5ft 6 then (I was a tall girl) and a size 10 but for over a year all I ate ALL DAY was 2 lettuce leaves, 2 slices of cucmber and a tomato. I was delusional and thought that was 1000 calories. Needless to say I dropped to a weight that was about 4.5 stone less than I am now and ended up on build up drinks and that from doc. It stunted my growth and I only grew half inch in early 20's whereas I shoulda been about 6ft. Then at about 17 the bulimia started and it escalated over a few years where I was taking 20 senna a day!! Plus all the drink and drugs and that. I sorta kicked my bulimia up the ass the year b4 I got preggers (23) but it always comes back to haunt me when I'm really stressed. Plus the self-harming and all the other fucking stuff (ed's only one small corner of my world). So, yes Ross I guess you are right. I do have body dysmorphia as well but it just doesn't add up in my brain. How can I be seeing something that isn't there? I mean the hallucinations of people and that and the thoughts, OK, they aren't real. But my reflection in a mirror? How can that be wrong? Hubbie says I'm hot, and people on here who see my pic say I'm slim and that but I honestly don't see that. I'm not attention seeking, I just need help. I have been asked b4 if I would rather take my meds and be a little heavier and HAPPY, or not take them and be slim and ill. Every time I go for the slim and ill. I just CAN'T be fat. I can't. My Dad always ridiculed Mum for being overweight and his Mum (Grandma) was the same. I was always the one in the family who was praised for being slim and pretty and all that. People would stop my Mum in the street to comment on my eyes or my hair or summit. What am I supposed to do when the prettiness fades to old age and things all go south? All I have ever had going for me is my looks. I know it's shallow but how do I carry on when I've turned into this fat, ugly, scared looking shadow of myself??? I want to smash every mirror in the house, lock myself in my bedroom and use a permanent marker to scribble insane ramblings on all the walls. edit: thanks Jinx babe, u were posting whilst I was xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 Hi Roses If you forcibly starve a man, he will eat the candy you give him and love it. He will eat it up hungrily, and the chocolate will taste all the more sweet compared to the emptiness he usually feels. He might chase after those candy bars for years to come. But it doesnt change the fact he is still starving underneath, and until someone shows him real food, real sustenance, he may not even remember what its like to feel full. If you are never given the real emotional sustenance you need as a child, you will latch onto anything that feels like it. Compliments, being pretty or clever. No one listens to you, or lets you have those deepest most tender feelings, but they do praise you. With nothing else to fill you up, it can become like an addiction, one that you will do anything to chase after. If you are no longer that pretty girl, then you will be desolate, alone. There will be absolutely nothing in your world at all. You get caught up in trying to figure out how best to keep the supply coming. Even though you feel awful, you try to meet those requirements so you can get the accolades and appreciation. This activity makes you forget that - underneath you are still emotionally starving. But you have never had a truly good meal, and have no belief it might ever come. To give up the sweet, the praise, the appreciation, is like being asked to volunteer for the abyss. You cant let go of something until you have something to exchange it for - thats why so many people give up one adiction only to replace it with another. As long as the deeper need - the real emotional need - goes unfulfilled, the desperate seraching will continue. Sry I know philosophy day was yesterday, that all kinna came out ... Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 I hate the word f*t.... it makes me feel sad... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 It makes perfect sense Ross. I hadn't thought about it like that before. I must admit that Mike is the only person on this planet that has helped me to eat, at times, or made me feel even close to fulfilled. So perhaps the key lies with him. Perhaps he is the one who can help me to feel real and beautiful. I guess I just gotta let him. I met him when I was just 18 and we were engaged to be married the following year but I backed out because I was just too terrified of ending up like my Mum and Dad. As you know I married someone else briefly and Mike and I finally married in 2000. I mean, I know ultimately it is down to me but couldn't hurt if he cooked this 'meal', right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 It makes perfect sense Ross. I hadn't thought about it like that before. I must admit that Mike is the only person on this planet that has helped me to eat, at times, or made me feel even close to fulfilled. So perhaps the key lies with him. Perhaps he is the one who can help me to feel real and beautiful. I guess I just gotta let him. I met him when I was just 18 and we were engaged to be married the following year but I backed out because I was just too terrified of ending up like my Mum and Dad. As you know I married someone else briefly and Mike and I finally married in 2000. I mean, I know ultimately it is down to me but couldn't hurt if he cooked this 'meal', right? Hi Roses I guess what I am suggesting is that the focus on the 'beautiful' part is that candy bar - its important to have, and no one can say a bit of candy is bad for you - but its when that is all you were fed that its a problem. I feel like something is coming up here that is super important - I hope this wont feel like I am talking at you and telling u what to think ... I know that pees me off when I feel like that .... It sounded to me like in your family there was a lack of respect for your feelings, and when it came to the REALLY BIG ones, you were plain shut down. Totally independently of how you looked, who you WERE (because thats what our emotions are) was being repressed and dismissed. That ability to be who you were, explore feelings, your own desires and needs, IS the meal. But you were trained to focus on everyone elses needs and feelings. Yes you got approval when you did that - its another way you learned to get that candy, "youre such a good girl doing that, I know I can rely on you". For a moment you can feel a glow. But what happened when your REAL emotions came through? What happened when you were needing them? I dont know if your family were otherwise critical, but if they were, how did that impact on how you felt about parts of yourself? Then along comes the praise - how pretty, how slim. Something that is lovely, and healthy - but which for you may have been the only island of good feeling in an otherwise desolate sea. Youve gone from nothing, to something briefly wonderful. Then you hear dad tell mum she is fat - suddenly you have a PENALTY for not maintaining that thing which made you feel so good. You now have a choice - maintain that quality in yourself, or be thrown back to the place of nothingness, now with new added shame and unworthiness. Why WOULDNT you want to keep yourself beautiful and slim? Just look where you fall to if you cannot. It sounds like hubbie is there for you, and that is awesome. But I wonder - how much of what he has to give can you take on? We are always talking here about patterns - the way our pasts can actually KEEP us stuck. When hub is there for your feelings, how quickly does "good roses" come along, and want to put on the brave face, do things for everyone? How quickly do you feel guilty for meeting your needs? Something else that may be in there, I know its pasrt of me ... I have always felt I must do it all alone. I HATE being given advice, being told what to do. When people try to do that, I push them away. Even if they were trying to help, I just feel like "you cant possibly understand, please go away". I feel guilty for feeling that, but nonetheless it stops me opening up to anything else they might have to give. In this way, I push away the 'meal'. My candy bars are being clever, solving problems, being funny and charming. Each and every day I try to notice when I am chasing that to the exclusion of what I am actually feeling. So even though hub is there for you, how much love can you really absorb? And if you cannot absorb it, you stay unfulfilled even in the presence of love. You feel it must be your fault, you have all these people around you, and you still feel empty ... you must be selfish right? NO! Its that same pattern, the one that is reifnorced by chasing after the SUBSTITUTE. But reducing the reliance on the stand in feels like giving up EVERYTHING. That is why change takes so very very long - it is a glacial process where one piece of the landscape moves, and much later another piece alters in sympathy, a process being set in motion. I gess what I am saying is, this is a meal that needs two chefs, but at the moment it may be that one of them cannot yet get into the kitchen .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 Right, i'm with you now. The 'meal' is healthy emotions and stuff and as much as Mike can help, it takes two to prepare it. I get it now. You were spot on about the other stuff btw and thanks for explaining it to me, it makes perfect sense and yes, ugly or 'bad' feelings were berated and criticised. The not speak the exact whole and honest truth all the time was deemd "lying" by Mother. To be "naughty" was punishable by physical means and the dread of being seen as "fat" in my Father's eyes was enough to make me starve myself. I guess, in all my relationships with men I have felt the need to be prefect in every way and that must all stem from my relationships with my parents. The thing is I don't meet a lot of Mike's needs as he has his own problems. He appreciates all I do here but tbh if I just did everything he said and gave him plenty of sex he'd be a lot happier. He is having counselling and he knows his expectations are unrealistic but it is hard because every day I feel like a failure. Yes, the kids are great and that is down to me mainly, the house is great there's homemade food and we do manage to get down to it at least 2/3 times a week but he is like a sponge and never seems to be satisfied by me physically or emotionally and as much as he is there for me more than anyone else ever as been when it gets really tough he is more likely to curl up in a ball and block it out than take a stand. But that is just the way he is. I accept this and I love him despite it all. I guess I just feel selfish and bad and like I will never make him truly happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 Hi Roses It sounds like you can see a lot of those connections, which is good. Having that intellectual straight line is a great starting point - but can you also feel the connections? When you talk about how it was, and the things that happened, do you feel a sense of anger, or sadness, or do you just feel like you are relaying the details of someone elses life in a somehwat detached way? Its going to be the feelings themselves which are going to make the most difference - but it may take a very ling time for them to begin to flow. With hub, it sounds like he has his own issues around emotional deprivation too. This kind of deprivation leads to a person who feels like "nothing is ever enough". It sounds like for him the thing that fills the hole is sex, and it may be that no matter how much you are trying to be there for him emotionally, like you, he may not be able to make use of it. He may have his own patterns that keep your real aceptance and love away from the inner part of who he his. Emotional problems like this always seem to work like systems - 'it takes two to tango' as it were. Somehow we choose people that in some way reflect that inner landscape. When he cannot protect you, does it in any way bring back those feelings of being unprotected, of being hurt and having no one there for you? What did you do at that time? You had to cope on your own. You expected nothing of others, and so you coped alone. But underneath something hurt. Its good that he is having counselling - hopefully that will open him up to emotions more, at the same time that you are beginning to open up as well. To me it sounds like a very good situation, and even though you may feel guilty that you arent the one to be fixing him, or filling all his needs, I dont think that you should. When we have huge holes inside of us, its difficult to give to others all the things they need. Its like a rubber band that can only be stretched so far - eventually it snaps. Maybe try to think of it less as "someone else is having to fill his needs where you have failed", and more as you are both needing help to be able to even receive what each other has to offer? It amy be true that at least briefly, more sex and compliance would make him happy. But again, those are candy bars. That is why the issue of emotional deprivation has such an insatiable edge to it - candy bars are not the meal. If he too is choosing to not sit and eat the real food on offer, and instead chases after dairy milk, he wont feel fulfilled no matter how perfect you are. That is where his issues meet with your own. It may be that you BOTH need to open up to your feelings - but your past is telling you that if only you were perfect, he would be happy, and so would you be. Intellectually you may know its an illusion, but underneath the currents may still be pulling you in that direction. What happens when you go down there, and feel the currents? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((roses)))))))))))))))))))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 Again, I think you are spot on Ross, about me and hubbie. Yes, when I talk about my childhood it is always in a detatched way. I very rarely 'feel' the emotions. When I talk about stuff on here, even if it was yesterday, I am quite often aloof and cold because things don't touch the sides. Sometimes I go through periods of feeling things and it ends up in me self-harming or sui or starving myself. Some of the arguements and disagreements on here have resulted in me taking those courses of actions too. Although Mike is my biggest emotional trigger, always for some reason. This is why I always try and keep things under wraps and cool and collected as whenever I open up it always goes wrong. Mike did actually say to me that he thought I was doing the wrong thing reporting my brother. I had opened up to him and asked him if he thought it was right or wrong and he said that. These are the sorts of things that really damage me. I have never told anyone the full details before I had the police interview, so based on his own assumptions of what happened he said that. I told him a snippet of detail about a week later it was, and he was like OMG and I think he thinks differently now but the damage is done. Apologising after the fact doesn't really work with me. for some reason it becomes ingrained in me and I struggle to move past it. I know relationships are 2 way and there must have been things that I've done to hurt and upset him too but I would hope to god it had not been about something as big as this. I don't know, maybe I'm just not worthy of having my feelings respected. It just makes me want to give up. I am not this big, strong person everyone thinks I am. I'm just a frightened child, struggling in the dark, I feel so alone and so misunderstood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 Hi Roses My first kind of impulse was to tell you the opposite, reassure you that you are worthy of it. I of course belive that 100%, but it would be meaningless to tell you that because right now, you are feeling you are not worthy of it. It almost sounds like the deepest inner truth - why should you have any of these things? Why should you be accepted? Why should you have any right to justice? If you had never earned it, you have nor ight until you HAVE earned it, and you get pulled back on to the roller coaster of trying to be good enough again. Right now it sounds liek you are really feeling something, and although its not a nice feeling, I feel like I dont want to deprive you of that. It feels like you are facing a part of yourself that maybe you try very hard not to see. When you feel that way, feel unworthy , what do you need at that moment from someone? I know I struggle with it, and I think I know what I need now, but what is the thing that you wish you could have or feel at that moment? If it had been me with what happened with hub, I would have wanted him to just take my word for it, to accept that although he didnt know the full details, he accapted the feelings. It might have felt like a betrayal, and I would have wated to get angry and say "how dare you! how can you say that?". But if I was feeling like I had no right anyway, feeling like I wasnt worthy, that anger would be stolen away. I wouldnt know if I had a right to it, and in any case would anticipate furhter rejection or punishment ("whenever I open up it always goes wrong"). So it all goes underground, and adds to the pressure cooker and that twisted up, horrible anger that only comes out in the darkest moments, and that might be triggered by seemingly unrelated things. I think everyone has a hurt, small and frightened side. You might want to go as far as using a psychology term like inner child, or you might want to just acknowledge the feelings that are there. I dont expect you to always be strong and there for everyone, precisely because I know everyone has that part. In some sense it seems a two way street - you feel it is expected of you, and you oblige. Stuck in the pattern, it feels like thats all there is and as long as you be that person, you can never find out whether others actually do allow you to not be that person from time to time. I know on here you do open up sometimes, but then seem to snap back so fast. I wonder in real life though, again how quickly "good roses" comes along, as she seems to here? Maybe this will sound silly, if it does then ignore it - but if the small, frightened part of you could talk to "good roses" when she wants to come along and pretend its all fine, what might the little part say? I dont mean type it here, but mabbe just think about what the small part wants that perhaps good roses, however well meaning, sweeps aside? Sry If I am wearing you out, I will stop now. Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 No, no you are not wearing me out. If I can't go on I will just say yeah? Don't ever worry about what you say cos you talk so much sense. In fact I was hoping you would reply to this thread and talk to me. I think you are a great friend xxx Yes, I open up and then snap back suddenly. I do it a lot here and in RL. I find it hard to maintain the 'open' thing and 9/10 if I am in that situation here I run away and hurt myself in some way. I know it's silly but it feels like that openness makes me too vulnerable. I always like to be one step ahead of the game, always thinking, always worried about security and 2nd guessing things/anticipating situations. When I become 'open' I am like an emotional pile of something on the floor and I am so vulnerable that I cannot maintain it for long. I don't ever control other people as I think their own wonderfulness should be allowed but I need to be on the ball. This is part of the reason I struggle with meds cos I lose it and become all fuzzy. The worst thing about what Mike said was that altough he didn't agree he said he would support me all the way. So I was left thinking that he is such a nice person cos he wants to support me even though he disagrees with me, this makde me feel very guilty about being angry with him for saying I was wrong and so I went quiet and went upstairs and cut myself twice needing steri-strips. then I feel ashamed and it never ends. Yeah, I tried to read that book "Recsuiing Your Inner Child" and I got so upset I didn't make it past the first chapter. I actually love children so much I am totally OK with loving the little child part of me, it's the horrid adult stuff I struggle with. Put me in a room full of children and ask me to teach them or play games and I'm there. Put me in a room full of adults and I would run away crying. The other thing about being 'good Roses' was actually highlighted in that thread asking people to think of one good thing about ourselves. I put that I worked hard at home and have happy children and husband. I actually realise that I get ALL the little self-esteem I have from pleasing others. I can't actually think of anything positive about myself really. Nothing that I actually believe and feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 The other thing about being 'good Roses' was actually highlighted in that thread asking people to think of one good thing about ourselves. I put that I worked hard at home and have happy children and husband. I actually realise that I get ALL the little self-esteem I have from pleasing others. I can't actually think of anything positive about myself really. Nothing that I actually believe and feel. been keepin out of this so far cos is not my area... but have been reading and am impressed to say summat to this bit... I HEAR THAT Roses... I tried about 4 times to post in this topic and each time was about what i do for others too... so i dint press send... although ima not participating, i am also getting alot from this thread in respect to my own self esteem issues... Thankyou both for the insights.... lots to think about (sorry for the lil hijack here) xxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 No, no you are not wearing me out. If I can't go on I will just say yeah? Don't ever worry about what you say cos you talk so much sense. In fact I was hoping you would reply to this thread and talk to me. I think you are a great friend xxx Yes, I open up and then snap back suddenly. I do it a lot here and in RL. I find it hard to maintain the 'open' thing and 9/10 if I am in that situation here I run away and hurt myself in some way. I know it's silly but it feels like that openness makes me too vulnerable. I always like to be one step ahead of the game, always thinking, always worried about security and 2nd guessing things/anticipating situations. When I become 'open' I am like an emotional pile of something on the floor and I am so vulnerable that I cannot maintain it for long. I don't ever control other people as I think their own wonderfulness should be allowed but I need to be on the ball. This is part of the reason I struggle with meds cos I lose it and become all fuzzy. The worst thing about what Mike said was that altough he didn't agree he said he would support me all the way. So I was left thinking that he is such a nice person cos he wants to support me even though he disagrees with me, this makde me feel very guilty about being angry with him for saying I was wrong and so I went quiet and went upstairs and cut myself twice needing steri-strips. then I feel ashamed and it never ends. Yeah, I tried to read that book "Recsuiing Your Inner Child" and I got so upset I didn't make it past the first chapter. I actually love children so much I am totally OK with loving the little child part of me, it's the horrid adult stuff I struggle with. Put me in a room full of children and ask me to teach them or play games and I'm there. Put me in a room full of adults and I would run away crying. The other thing about being 'good Roses' was actually highlighted in that thread asking people to think of one good thing about ourselves. I put that I worked hard at home and have happy children and husband. I actually realise that I get ALL the little self-esteem I have from pleasing others. I can't actually think of anything positive about myself really. Nothing that I actually believe and feel. Hiya Mabbe it would be good to have a little bit of time at some point on your own to have a think about this, and try to connect with some of the feelings. Do you meditate? Because you have said that this stuff can so easily trigger the need to SH, it may be better if you can get yourself in a calm state before you do. Meditation might help, or mabbe even go for a walk - I find that having physical exercise to put the adrenlaine into really helps. I dont want to add too much more insight type stuff, because I get the feeling its all at an intellectual level at the mo. I dont want to saddle u up with a ton of stuff because sometimes it can all suddenly hit later on when u arent expectin it. Not only that but I am having an odd triggery thing where I feel like I am being a pushy know-all, and feel like there is going to be a backlash ... tis my stuff, not you, but just feel like I need to stop cuz my internal punishey things are having a field day just now Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Ross))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Love you babe, you are realy wonderful and you NEVER push your feelings or thoughts on anyone. That is why we all like you so much. You have such great knowledge and insight but you never lose sight of the fact that you are talking to another person who is suffering. Thank you. xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve_strange Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 roses u are beautiful even if u dont know it ppl are beautiful how nature made them we are all the perfect shape and size for who we are and fuck any arsehole that tells anyone they are ugly i am 6ft7 and 23 stone i used to be 27 stone so being tall and big is my fate my old friend amanda tells anyone who will listen my belly is there for one reason only i have to have a belly to hold me insides so my body has enuff space for my big cufddly heart thats her words not mine i remember being 13 and 6ft4 i thought i was a freak and ugly then its all bollocks u have nothing to worry bout ur lovely steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 thanks Steve xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paris Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 ((((((((((((roses))))))))))) i have seen pics of you here and on facebook a while ago, youre beautiful and i hope one day you will beleive it xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted November 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 Thank you Paris xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve_strange Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 dare i say this rosie points out of ten,,,, well id give u one lmao ur awesome and you know it steve btw if i said u had a beautiful body would u hold it against me??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted November 21, 2009 Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 Just wanted to say about laxatives. waste of time. What happens is when reach stoumach is all the stuff from food is allready asorbed and all it does is wash through your fluid and old food in the bowls. I used to take them, only weight is fluid, so your going to cause more harm than actually trying to lose weight. Sry ur feeling this way, i understand what ur going through, and worst thing you could do is to cause electrolites and fluid probs with your body. take care hun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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