JTBadBug Posted March 24, 2005 Report Share Posted March 24, 2005 I just wondered how many people here have been told that they just don't want to get better. Both my doc and a close friend have said to me in the last month that I just don't want to get better. Sometimes I feel they are right, but, then I find it so difficult to change. If they are right then this will fuel the devil within, if they are wrong, the devil within has control. Anyway, has many other people come across this? Jane :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debs Posted March 24, 2005 Report Share Posted March 24, 2005 :angry: hi jane my ex shrink said it to me once i man yeah couldent of a better way of life i think they are bloody igorant prats i didnt ask to be like this yhey would not say that if we had cancer ihad pretty much the same when i had a problem with drink people would just stop drinking if that easy i would have oops sorrt im just ranting on now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted March 24, 2005 Report Share Posted March 24, 2005 a few questions..... ----if someone took away your pain, what would be left? ----what has always been the basis of your identity, what is it now, and what would you like it to be? ----how can mental health professionals increase our self esteem and sense of self worth? I think in relation to what your doc and friend said, it can be designed to spur people out of the depressive swamp....HOWEVER, if they've never actually BEEN there, they don't realise quite how what they say don't help... The BIG question--- what helps/has helped you the most to emerge from a spell of deep depression, or in genral onto recovery? karie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willow Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 Isn't it called Reverse Psychology? That might be what your doctor was trying to do, get you to get better so that you could show him he was wrong. On the other hand, I think I would have screamed at my therapist and stormed out of the room, refusing to come back if he told me that. On top of that, I'd have a chat with the board about his statement. Willow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 My former T has used reverse psychology on me a few times and it helped me graduation from college. It was a real kick up the bum but I trusted her and looked up to her and decided to prove everyone wrong and did. Think she knew it would help because she knew me so well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beat Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 i have had that said to me and at the time the person was right. i didn't want to get better because i was scared. this is all i have ever known and i am scared what is on the other side of it. in all honesty i love and hate my borderline just like it was a person. i think the questions posed by karilora are good questions and ones that i think about on a regular basis. i think a willingness to recover is necessary to attempt recovery if you see what i mean. even now i do and don't want to recover. its difficult. peace beat xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 Reverse psychology is a tool that for some work, for others it makes things worse, and as such is should only be used once the Dr, or who ever, has had the time to establish that it would work with you. I had it said to me that I would never get better as long as liked to SI, and if I gave up doing SI I would get better? Isn't SI a symptom? Paul Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 I agree...I had a two and a half year relationship with my T so she knew what makes me tick. If my current T tried that with me now it would not work for me atm it would prolly make me mad. Actually she did mention that if I did not leave the house she could no longer work with me because I would not get better. It upset me now if my former T said that to me I would take it a completely different way. I guess you have to trust and know the person using it on you and know their intentions behind it. Many people SI who are not borderline. Yes its a trait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swan Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 I've had it said to me and in retrospect I know that it was true. If one has a weak sense of identity anyway and you've had to give up other 'identiities' because you are ill then taking on the 'identity' of illness can be very seductive. Also, you end up reducing your life to a comfort zone of what you can manage limited by being tired, depressed, anxious, agorophobic and it can sometimes be hard to see any reason to step out of that comfort zone. I always think of a line in a Macy Gray song in this context: 'and I'm comfy like a cess pool'. Its ugly but it kind of says it all really. I was forced very unwillingly out of mine by my own destructive actions, but after the drama had died down I knew in my heart that if I didn't do my own work on recovering then I would spend the rest of my life in and out of NHS acute wards, miserable, alone and lose everything that I regard as valuable that is still left to me - It's BLOODY hard doing the work, but I can promise that slowly but definitely it does make your life better. Love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted March 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 There has been a lot of thought provoking comments on this topic, thanks for everyones input. I can't answer everything, but, there are a few things to be said: Kari - your big question: The best thing that helped me years ago after about 10 years of depression and lost life my psychologist kicked me out because we were not getting anywhere. In preparation I had a puppy a few weeks before and my dog changed my life, perhaps it is significant that my dog is now 10 and not in the best of health. I have always classed him as my saviour. I think at some stage I realised no one could ever help me, and, I had to make a decision to either live or die, but, things could not stay as they were. I sometimes think, I know what I must do, I must walk away from everyone, push all my problems down and stuff a cork in the top, but, I think this is what I did 10 years ago, and 16 months ago the cork flew out and all my old problems came back in a flash. Thanks for all your thoughts, Jane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 This was something I posted months ago. Your questions reminded me of it. IT's gone. Then IT's back. Then IT's gone, but for longer. Then IT's back, but for not as long. Then IT's gone and I miss IT - because if IT's gone, what else is there? Would I miss IT do you think? Would I miss the constant self-analyzing, and being so inside myself, and wondering how close I could come to crazy and still keep whatever life I have built between times when IT takes over? Would I miss being able to treat the people who care about me like shit and have them still care about me, and would I miss being able to manipulate the people who try to help me? If I had the chance to well, rid of IT, would I, really? I don't know that I would and so I am really not wanting to get any better. I want to get worse - that would be the only other choice. Stay as I am or get worse. It would be like saying good-bye to my life if I got much better. IT is the way I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted March 25, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 Ann, That is so understandable. When I am good I never ever want it to come back, but, once it is back it takes over and I don't know how to cope with or without it. Nail on head: "Would I miss the constant self-analyzing, and being so inside myself, and wondering how close I could come to crazy and still keep whatever life I have built between times when IT takes over?" I know why I come to this site, to share experiences and thoughts that most other people don't understand. Thanks Ann, take care, Jane :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swan Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 Wow, Verbena - I recognise that so much - it's what I was like for twenty three years until last year - October, my moment of truth! Now I really don't want IT any longer and by coincidence I have a new friend who keeps reminding me that I am fantastic and that the BPD is not who I am and is the only real problem I have. He believes, as I do now, that it can be cured and between psychotherapy and behavioral approaches I actually think that I am doing so. JT - My two cats have literally saved my life on more than one occasion, and they have staved off the terrible loneliness that otherwise would have destroyed me. I think that apparently simple things like having pets and a community (like a church or other people you share interests with -rock climbing for me) can make an absolutely huge difference to how much you want to live. Unfortunately stuffing the problems into a bottle and putting the cork in is just postponing the mess - as you've found and as I did too to my cost. Hope some of this helps Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 Jane- warm positive energy heading your way...I'm please your dog came to you just when needed... I want a cat again.... karie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinklady66 Posted March 26, 2005 Report Share Posted March 26, 2005 No I haven't been told that. I was just told that I have a few disorders that need working on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mYeXdrEaM Posted March 29, 2005 Report Share Posted March 29, 2005 my doctor actually just told me that i dont want to get better, at my last appointment. readiong these posts i dont know what to say... i dont know wether he was right or wrong im just confused Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted March 29, 2005 Report Share Posted March 29, 2005 i go between wanting to get better and not wanting to people have told me i dont want to get better. they have been correct Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauren18808 Posted March 29, 2005 Report Share Posted March 29, 2005 The name 'Bordeline Personality Disorder' suggests that 'getting better' means changing your personality drastically. Shoot me if I'm wrong about that (and if I am, they should change the name of it) but your personality is something you have to live with. It takes a lot to change your personality. If your personality is all you've ever known, how can you expect a person to be ecstatic about changing? How can they expect a person not to be scared about it? Mind you, I am young and therefore stupid. So my opinion doesnt matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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