How A Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves

[anastasia]

CAUTION MAY TRIGGER

BPD relationships

This was posted in one of my online / facebook groups and i read it just now. and OMG it's me. seriously. whether i do it conciously or not i can see these patterns in my relationships.

that makes me evil

[lauraw2693]

You're not evil at all Interesting article, I'm starting to see similar patterns in my relationships, I don't feel I have control over it though..x

[Data]

I have seen this very negative article before, in fact I think it was posted on a topic a while back. Sure, people with BPD may display some of these characteristics, particularly people who are getting no help and/or have no self-awareness. However, it is a very one-dimensional and biassed article and I am sure there is more to you Rachel than a seducer, clinger or hater!!!

You have problems

they say thay make you EVIL

I say they make you LIVE <-- evil spelled backwards

[just.me]

Jeezus, I am getting me some self help books, there is no way on gods green earth I wish to be perceived like that.

Fucking hell - awful.

[Russell]

Im with DATA on this one. I have seen this article before and find it very "Narrow" (for lack of a better word) It implies that all borderlines WILL behave in this set manner which I dont feel is accurate. I think the article portrays borderlines in a Very negative way which does not help 'Joe publics' perception of us...or any mental health for that matter.

For me it just puts up walls but everyone has a right to an opinion.

Thanks for posting though Rachel, anything on BPD gets my interest which ever way it goes.

[jillv]

CAUTION MAY TRIGGER

BPD relationships

This was posted in one of my online / facebook groups and i read it just now. and OMG it's me. seriously. whether i do it conciously or not i can see these patterns in my relationships.

that makes me evil

[jillv]

This article is frightenly like me too, especially the first bit. I found it quite distressing though because it sort of implies that what I felt was not real love. Having just come out of a relationship with a man I loved (or hurt about) very much, it is making me feel that perhaps he was right to end the relationship, for the protection of his sanity. It still doesn't make it hurt any less, tho!

[Ocean Wolf]

This author guy does not have BPD and, therefore, does not actually know what our emotions are or what goes through our heads. He can only observe the words and actions, but the only mind he has to base his theories on is his own.

What he is describing is a way symptoms can manifest and what it looks like to an observer who isn't involved. These symptoms do not manifest the exact same way for everyone, but he is implying they do. He is suggesting that all relationships with borderlines are this way. They are not. As with any other relationships, it varies from people to people, situation to situation.

[Silverwolf]

This is horrible.

I think it's a very biased view without explaining the reasons behind it.

It talks about the cycling emotions and makes it sound like we choose to be like that.

It doesn't ask what it's like for us going through 20 mood swings an hour.

At the moment I'm not showing my emotions to anyone and keeping all my thoughts to myself.

It makes me more 'socially acceptable' because everyone doesn't have to experience the mood swings with me but it doesn't mean that they stop or are easier to cope with!!

One step forward with mh awareness to joe public and two steps back.

I wonder if a similar one sided view of schitzophrenia or depression was portrayed whether it would be put up with?

[Saharah Blue]

Yes, this is definitely one of those articles that makes having BPD so stigmatizing, at no point is there talk of emotional regulation difficultly, as a prime part of the illness. Nor, does it offer helpful advice to a couple who is struggling to work through it.

It does not mention that people who fall for those with BPD, often find it much easier to focus their attention outside of themselves, or their own avoidance to deal with their internal issues.

In articles like this, the empathy card is often hailed as a saintly virtue that is only being extends one way. The truth is, relationships are complex, people get together and stay together for a number of different reasons. Which means that everyone has issues.

BPD behavior is relatively unpredictable to most; those who seem to understand it's pattern in their love life are many times, also aware of how both people contribute to their relationships as a whole.

Sah

[gothicangel]

That article is horrible. Sounds like the writer is pretty bitter about women with BPD. Got dumped for being too boring perhaps?

It implies that we are incapable of giving and receiving love, and anyone who thinks they're in love with us is obviously wrong. Fuck that. We all know that's not true.

[just.me]

Is it not possible that the writer had a relationship with someone who had BPD and as they did not understand it, because they had never suffered it, they wrote the article through shite tinted spectacles?

That would make sense.

[gothicangel]

That would certainly be my guess, Sioux.

[bibiddi]

I'd just say that it takes two to have a relationship.

If a man wants to be worshipped and adored (as apparently everyone with BPD makes their partner feel like that!) then they have their own problems.

They are wanting to be rescuers and heroes.They are not looking for a healthy equal relationship.

Also, if they want to be a rescuer, then they need to keep their partner to in 'victim' status.

That is not healthy.

[scarred_tigger]

*hugs*

You aren't 'evil' hun. This article couldn't be more wrong in my view, as I'm sure a borderline love relationship evolves the same as any other relationship.

[sanctuary]

Reading this article many months ago made me fucking terrified of existing atall. It all seemed so true and I was so scared that who i am had been laid bare on the internet that if anyone found it I would NEVER have a relationship again...

However, this article made me realise that it was important for me to change and my desire to recover from this illness was intensified as a result. Much as I may have been like that in the past, I choose to refuse to be like that now and in the future BECAUSE I KNOW IT IS POSSIBLE TO DEAL WITH THE ISSUES THAT CAUSE THE BEHAVIOURS MENTIONED, through acceptance, therapy, self awareness, time, practice and even medication where necessary. Yep I may slip up again but I will keep trying in the knowledge that people with BPD CAN recover.

Seeing the devastation of the effects of our illness is uncomfortable TO SAY THE LEAST but it is a harsh lesson in the power of our emotions and why we should all be striving to get better. It is not just us that suffer, other people suffer terribly too.

Facing up to the harsh reality of some of our extreme BPD situations is inevitably part of the road to recovery but is a balancing act between our immediate response of feeling guilty and ashamed to the gut wrenching knowing that yes we are indeed responsible for causing some sever misery and must be accountable in order to move on and not repeat the behaviours.

I am talking strictly from a BPD perspective. I hated this article originally but inevitably I think it helped me because I was at the point where I was willing to face up to myself in the mirror and realise, that article could have been written by one of my exes so to avoid a repeat performance I needed to change!

[Ocean Wolf]

Personally, I would rather face and change my own behavior, my own relationships, and my own harsh reality. That is what I have done and what I will continue to strive towards. I currently have a loving relationship, whether this guy or anyone else believes it or not.

What that guy wrote is not my reality.

[anastasia]

i cant get this whole thing out of my head. i feel like this is all my relationships are. i love my husband - i think - and he says he loves me but i acn see so much of this article in how our relationship has panned out and in how all my other relationships have panned out too. i give people what they need and it makes them fall for me. it's not fair and i dont think id o it on purpose but it's what happens.

[Data]

Rachel, You have some control over your relationships. You don't have to let them go the way this guy describes. Its possible you might need to have some therapy to get more insight, because insight brings with it control often.

[anastasia]

I keep on being tol i have insight that i still have some control but i dont feel like i do.

[Data]

There are degrees of insight. Its not black and white.

I am still finding things out about myself now, some of which I'd rather not have known about....

[saskia]

I am outraged having read that article. The author's tone is full of bile and he seems to take pleasure in demonising women sufferers of BPD.

Even if you feel like you identify with what he has written, please take no notice of this completely one-sided unprofessional tripe.

Hugs to you all x

[just.me]

It's a guy been dumped by someone with BPD, it's a guy, who is enraged that he has been furked off and he is bitter as hell.

[anastasia]

except

"Roger Melton is a psychotherapist, teacher and writer in Los Angeles, California. For over twenty years, he has been a leading authority on the psychological impact of violence, dealing with exploitive-type men or women and managing the dangers of high-stress careers and occupations. He has frequently appeared on television and radio, including appearances on 20/20 and PBS. As part of opening relations with the Soviet Union in 1989, he participated in mutual training programs at Moscow University."

[Data]

It's a guy been dumped by someone with BPD, it's a guy, who is enraged that he has been furked off and he is bitter as hell.

Thats a bad thing to say in my opinion, since you have no evidence to back that up. You can criticise the article, but to speculate about the author's personal life is out of order.

"Roger Melton is a psychotherapist, teacher and writer in Los Angeles, California. For over twenty years, he has been a leading authority on the psychological impact of violence, dealing with exploitive-type men or women and managing the dangers of high-stress careers and occupations. He has frequently appeared on television and radio, including appearances on 20/20 and PBS. As part of opening relations with the Soviet Union in 1989, he participated in mutual training programs at Moscow University."

Does not mean he is right, though.