How Do I Know If I Have Bpd?

[manja]

I hadn't heard of BPD until recently, but the more i read about it the more i think that it might relate to me. naturally i know that it has to be diagnosed by a doctor. but i don't quite fancy walking into a doctor's surgery saying 'hi, i think i have BPD'. i feel like they will think i am self-dianosing, exaggerating and laugh at me.

the reason i found out about BPD, and i was googling for cases of people that had both a gambling problem and a self-harm problem

i came across a page about BPD, that said that those who suffer with BPD have 'Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging'. This made some amount of sense to me, taht it might relate to me, since i neither have a gambling addiction, or a major self-harm problem, but do have an issue with both (on occasions - mostly when i am down and need some kind of a rush - i have wasted hundreds that i cant afford to lose, on online gambling, and in relation to self harm i only do it very very occasionally but it doesnt mean that i dont want to do it at other times).

most of the other symptoms of BPD seem to relate to me also, for example:

- unstable relationships - i haven't had a relationship which wasn't unstable, in most cases it was partly due to to the other person, but i know also that i'm not really a good person to be with. i'm clingly, obsessive, demanding, idealistic, paranoid, untrusting, blow little things out of all proportion, and have a great need to be loved and cared about

- even though its probably not true, i feel as if i have absolutely no body who loves and cares about me. i take break ups of relationships or friendships really badly, and take it all as a reflection on me, like i am not good enough, that i am worthless cos everyone goes off me soon enough, once they see the real me. that no one is able to love me cos i am such a shit person. i just generally feel so worthless and empty and i am so tired of trying to have something more.

- i do have suicidal thoughts, even though i feel deep down that i wouldnt act on them. the reason that i feel like i wont act on them is just cos i'm afraid that i'll get it wrong and end up disabled or something. but i take rejection really badly, and cant see the bigger picture, and can only think about how much it hurts and about how i cant keep doing this.

- frantic attempts to avoid abandonment. one good example of that is recently staying with a boyfriend who i basically had proof that he was cheating on me, and who i knew was lying about all kinds of things to me, cos i didn't want to be without him and because i hoped that he would change his mind and realise that he really wanted me, and stop lying about stupid stuff.

- i'm convinced that everyone hates me, and that those who are nice to me dont really mean it. in particular i know that no one in my family really gives a shit about me.

- i get so unbelievably angry about stuff. often this is where i find the desire to self harm

- i dont' have any real interest in life. i also am very bad at simple everyday tasks, just like showering and cleaning the house etc.

-= unstable self image. i think very little of myself and my appearance and generally feel like i am not good enough

i just feel so empty worthless and crap.

i want so badly a normal family, social circle and relationship but dont feel like i can have any of this.

i did some tests online for personality disorder (such as this one http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv?stat=1) and scored 'very high' for borderline and dependant disorders.

i maybe also should have said that i've been reading some psychiatry books which i borrowed from the library and they do indicate that BPD is more prevalant in young women (i'm female, 25) and also if they'd been sexually abused which i was for few years when i was a child.

but i don't know how to get this officially diagnosed if necessary, and i am very wary of going to a doctor and just sayig all this. not sure what i should do, or if i am making too big of a deal out of things, and i would be really grateful for any advice. thanks

[anastasia]

you need to see a psychiatrist. simple as. bpd is not diagnosed lightly. you might go through a whole host of other things before they come to it.

it's also important to remember that you can show many of the "symptoms" and not have bpd but bpd traits. lots of people show lots of the things and dont have bpd.

also dont do online tests and be wary of diagnosing yoruself.

[manja]

you need to see a psychiatrist. simple as. bpd is not diagnosed lightly. you might go through a whole host of other things before they come to it.

it's also important to remember that you can show many of the "symptoms" and not have bpd but bpd traits. lots of people show lots of the things and dont have bpd.

also dont do online tests and be wary of diagnosing yoruself.

thanks Rachel. so do you know, should i go to my gp and ask him to refer me to a psychiatrist (i'm expecting long nhs waiting lists), or find one privately myself?

[Wobbles]

Manja, a couple of questions to think about.

What would it mean to you to get a formal diagnosis?

Do you feel it would prove something, fix something, make something better?

How important is it really to have a formal diagnosis on your record that could mean being discriminated against because of, as a lot of people here will testify to?

Would you be better off finding a therapist to help you work out the reasons why you feel you have BPD, rather than seeing a psychiatrist for a formal diagnosis, which may not be right anyway?

[Wobbles]

My advice would be to go to the GP, and ask to be referred for counselling.

Once you're in counselling, you have so many sessions, 12 i believe in total you're entitled to, and then if you feel you need more, you can be referred onto either psychotherapy, or psychology, your choice.

I would definitely advise against going to the GP and telling them you suspect you may have BPD and want to see someone about it.

There is still a lot of stigma and misunderstanding of BPD, GP's tend not to know a lot about it, and what they do know, is often tainted, misinformed information from the psychiatry profession.

I would advise using the BPD label very carefully at this stage.

[gaynormarie]

Hiya sorry, I looked in this post because I am about to go and chat with my GP about the possibility of them misdiagnosing me 3 times with depression and me actually having a personality disorder. I think your questions are really good and would just like to answer them for myself.

What would it mean to you to get a formal diagnosis? It would prove to me that I am not the horrible, nasty, evil person I have made myself think I am in my head, it will give me hope that I will have some relief in the future and will hopefully be able to build meaningful trusting relationships up with people, instead of putting them in 2 categories of best friends or worst enemies with the best friends very quickly and easily being swtiched to worst enemies! It would also give my partner and son a way to understand me, too reach out to me. I feel like im not even real at the minute and the lonliness I am giving myself is soul destroying.

Do you feel it would prove something, fix something, make something better? As abovem in regards to relationships. I will be able to change my coping strategies, I believe I will be able to build my self confidence up to finally be able to feel like I belong here. If I do need medication then hopefully it will be the right one, the first lot of anti depressants I got made me try to kill myself twice. They were completely too strong for me.

How important is it really to have a formal diagnosis on your record that could mean being discriminated against because of, as a lot of people here will testify to? It is very important. I already have severe depression and anxiety diagnosis' that date back 3 years so in my eyes its no different. My career I am in wont be affected and it will however be something to tell family and friends so they could be more empathatic.

Would you be better off finding a therapist to help you work out the reasons why you feel you have BPD, rather than seeing a psychiatrist for a formal diagnosis, which may not be right anyway? I ams eeing a counsellor which at first was to discuss my confidence issues and my life balance, but it has mainly been about my family and friends which has made me see the way I deal with things is not right. It is deep rooted and I need to sort it out for everyones sake.

[sanctuary]

Hiya, a psychiatrist is really the only suitably qualified person to diagnose.... be careful though... I notice one of the traits you described yourself as having is not really understanding the trait... you said:

- frantic attempts to avoid abandonment. one good example of that is recently staying with a boyfriend who i basically had proof that he was cheating on me, and who i knew was lying about all kinds of things to me, cos i didn't want to be without him and because i hoped that he would change his mind and realise that he really wanted me, and stop lying about stupid stuff.

I can tell you now that does not come across as 'frantic'... frantic efforts to avoid abandonment are when you will go to practically ANY lengths, exmaples:

Driving 100 miles on impulse, heart racing, mind working overtime, in the car driving fast go to boyfriends work with a boot full of gift wrapped presents, a soppy card and then begging to see him, even though he's not allowed visitors at work, followed by rapid pleading and begging... all because he said he would like a break for a while to get his head together.

There are many examples of frantic efforts.... I have done loads myself.. but yours is not frantic so I don't think you've understood that one very well.

Please don't try and 'find' yourself in a mental disorder.... go to your GP and ask for a referral. Think seriously about what aspects of your life cause you the mot problems and when you meet with the psychitrist be as honest as possible. Take a list if you have to but try and use real life examples of what it is that causes you problems. Let the professionals analyse your behaviours - don't list them as you see them in the books... use your real life examples and I wish you the very best of luck.

xxxx

[anastasia]

you need to see a psychiatrist. simple as. bpd is not diagnosed lightly. you might go through a whole host of other things before they come to it.

it's also important to remember that you can show many of the "symptoms" and not have bpd but bpd traits. lots of people show lots of the things and dont have bpd.

also dont do online tests and be wary of diagnosing yoruself.

thanks Rachel. so do you know, should i go to my gp and ask him to refer me to a psychiatrist (i'm expecting long nhs waiting lists), or find one privately myself?

i think it might depend on the area. i mean, i was referred in to 2ndary care before i saw a psych but i know your gp can just ask for psych referral if he / she believes that you need one. if i've needed an appointment i've had it within weeks but was considered an emergency and it does depend on the area.

If you can afford to go private, that might be the way to go

and sanctuary is right.

frantic attempts at stopping abandonement - telling my ex i was pregnant wen i wasn't, threatening to kill myself if he left. driving from manchester to bradford at 2am in the morning whilst in need of petrol to make sure my now hubby wasn't going to sleep with someone else cos we'd had a fight and he wouldn't answer his phone and then turned it off. i sat ouside his house til he got home.

[roxy222]

i think staying with someone whose cheating counts as frnatic efforts to avoid rejection,

i agree wobbles qs are v useful

iv got one to add for you manja, what would it mean if you didnt get dx? and what would you do about the things you say are a probem for you then?

if you can answer that q then maybe thats the stuff you could start working on already, while waiting for dx

diagnosis' are just one pdocs opinion of which bunch of symptoms you have most of so which label they feel you fit best under. one pdoc may say one dx and another one may say something different, there is no blood test for mental health probems

its can be easy to get caught up in seeing yourself in different dx, so i understand why everyone is so wary of you 'self diagnosising', but honestly you know your mental health best and its your feelings on this that are most likely to be correct. if you reading something and it fits perfect then maybe thats exactly what a pdoc will dx you with. but the most important thing is if you see your own triats in any mh issue is to figure out why you have those problems, how it effects you life and what you want to do about that. getting a dx does not suddenly fix things over nite, there is no set medication or therapy that automaticly makes bpd 'better' like that way an antibiotic treats an infection. some people can find a dx a usefull thing to help them understand themselves and access help, some people can find it v limiting and stimatising. can you try looking for hep and support, maybe therapy or counciling, to help you with how things are just now for you, rather than focusing on what dx you need?

tc and best of luckx

[sanctuary]

i think staying with someone whose cheating counts as frnatic efforts to avoid rejection,

You would think that roxy... after all I think you think everyone in the world is disordered clinically. Purleeease, if this was a BPD trait then half the fucking people in marriages would be BPD.

No one likes being cheated on but please, this is NOT a BPD symptom. Get a grip roxy!

[anastasia]

i agree with sanctuary on this one. staying with someone who cheats doesn't make you bpd

and like i said before, lots of people have traits

[roxy222]

i think staying with someone whose cheating counts as frnatic efforts to avoid rejection,

You would think that roxy... after all I think you think everyone in the world is disordered clinically. Purleeease, if this was a BPD trait then half the fucking people in marriages would be BPD.

No one likes being cheated on but please, this is NOT a BPD symptom. Get a grip roxy!

you dont know the first thing about what i think so pls stop making assumptions

[sanctuary]

I know that your thought about frantic abandoment is faulty... I know that much! Not an assumption... just a very clear observation! Dissect it all you want but that wouldn't pass any psych test I'd lay my last penny on it!

[roxy222]

i disagree, i work with alot of pdocs and other mh professionals

i have disscussed with them their opinions of this one as it relates to a friend of mine who has bpd, and frequently stays with a boyf who cheats on her time and time again and treats her terribley in many other ways and yet she cant leave him, and they have confirmed that this is part of her bpd need not to be abandoned, and their advice was helpful and insightful, as well as considerate

perhaps it wouldnt pass the test for everyone, but manja does not deserve to have her feelings written off about this just because you feel its wrong, there are other opinions out there, professional and otherwise, and alot of things require alot more context than there is in one post anyways

[anastasia]

just because it's part of 1 persons bpd does not mean it's part of someone's NOR does it confirm that someone else has bpd!

no one is writing of manjas feelings. we're all just saying that there is no one size fits all appraoch when it comes to any mental health problem and especially when it comes to BPD.

i think if you ask people with bpd (myself included) for exampls of some of the stuff you've done to stop people leaving (or to stop people who you thought might leave you) then staying with someone who has cheated is well down on the list.

my parents are together though my mum cheated - she's not bpd and nor is my dad! lots of people are in relationshiops where one partner has cheated. does that make them all bpd?

[roxy222]

again you dont know the first thing about me so your assumptions are worthless

[anastasia]

i'm not making any assumptions about you roxy though you appear to be making some about me which are also worthless.

i'm just making a statement with my above post. that if you ask people what they do / have done to avoid being abandoned then staying with a cheating partner will be low priority.

[Dani]

everyones entitled to their opinnions...their is no need to get personal

so can we stop before this gets into an argument please.

[roxy222]

i'm not making any assumptions about you roxy though you appear to be making some about me which are also worthless.

i'm just making a statement with my above post. that if you ask people what they do / have done to avoid being abandoned then staying with a cheating partner will be low priority.

that post was in reply to santctuary who doesnt know anything about me but is being abusive just because i have a differing opinion

[sanctuary]

get off your high horse roxy... your supercilious attitude to mental health is a blight on the landscape of recovery... after all, you would be redundant if everyone got better... then what would you know.. nothing about normal life at all...

[roxy222]

everyones entitled to their opinnions...their is no need to get personal

so can we stop before this gets into an argument please.

can you pls direct that to the person who is being abusive, which i was under the impression is against the rules

[roxy222]

get off your high horse roxy... your supercilious attitude to mental health is a blight on the landscape of recovery... after all, you would be redundant if everyone got better... then what would you know.. nothing about normal life at all...

again, you dont know anything at all about me, or my life, so anything you say about me is utterly irrelevant

[sanctuary]

oh purleeease... i was noting how flawed your point was about frantic efforts to avoid abandonment but roxy is always right yeah? fine... but i believe original poster has read into BPD far more than seems realistic.... you want to encourage the diagnosis particularly on a trait that seems very very low down the scale then fine... but I feel you are not doing anyone any favours there...

[roxy222]

oh purleeease... i was noting how flawed your point was about frantic efforts to avoid abandonment but roxy is always right yeah? fine... but i believe original poster has read into BPD far more than seems realistic.... you want to encourage the diagnosis particularly on a trait that seems very very low down the scale then fine... but I feel you are not doing anyone any favours there...

and thats your excuse for being sarcastic, agressive and abusive, making assumtions about me and saying vicious nasty things, and taking no responsibility for your behaviour?

why not just say, i disagree, i feel this this and this, without the bully behaviour

when you act like that its unikey anyones going to take you seriously or value your opinion anyways

[sanctuary]

then i failed to articulate in the throws of emotional dysregualtion... fine. My point is still valid.