Look What I Found!

[SilentAlarmXIII]

Six weeks premature here, I think, in 1971. About 5lbs. I think there was also a blood condition or something.

Hm. It's an interesting idea that there's a link, but... rather a hard one to fix, no?

Also worth asking whether mothers smoked, of course! Mine did.

(Mmmm little baby brain... marinating in nicotine...)

[rebeccaborderline]

Ha! Mrs Tree!

(((((((((mort)))))))))))))

(((((((((all))))))))))))))))

er, unfortunately, havnt a clue; my mother doesnt think it "necessary" to discuss things like that, its "irrelevant". Would have liked to know what time of day/night etc

Interestingly the only comment on the subject has been "Mother and baby bond? Its a myth"

Telling or what??!!

rebeccaborderline

[SilentAlarmXIII]

What a bizarre thing for your mum to say, Rebecca!

Takes all sorts, I guess.

[rebeccaborderline]

What a bizarre thing for your mum to say, Rebecca!

Takes all sorts, I guess.

Thats exactly the word my Therapist used Silent!

He then said he didnt think he'd like my mum. He shouldnt have said that probably but it did make me laugh!

rebeccaborderline

[kirsty545]

i am a premmie iwas 5lb 6oz

[NotaGirl]

8 weeks premeature

Born to parents who have trouble expressing love or affection, and emotionally distant father who definitely has depression (at least) but stubbornly refused/s to do anything and rather revels in saying he is Manic Depressive - which he isnt! Manics have mania - he does not.

Mother doesnt know how to express feelings.

Her favourte phrase for when I was naughty - I love you but I dont like you - great! She still thinks thats an acceptable thing to say to a child.

I dont talk child care with her, but fear of abandonment - check, lack of parental approval - check,

such is life eh

[sofaraway]

very interesting i was born 2 weeks early by emergency cesarien (sp?) my mum says she was so knocked out fromt he anasthetic that she didn't hold me or even realise i had been born for 2-3 days.

[shadok]

I was born by cesarean, at term I guess, I weighted a bit under 5 lbs and spent the first three weeks of my life in an incubator away from the place where my mother was hospitalized herself. I always felt she had difficulties relating to me because of that.

[Micheal]

My mum had post-natal depression real bad and wanted to give me to her mum.

They used forceps to get my head out too which I gather is common for boys. I've got an egg-head lurking under my hair hope I don't go bald actually I don't really care that much.

[Amanda28]

very interesting to know how many people were premies and how many were not. I was actually four days late but I had trauma during birth. cord tied in knot.and I was c section.

[anotherexborderline]

Born on time, but cord round neck and emergency ceaser too.....

Wouldn't explain mother or father's BP though...

[Silkworm]

One of the first things a pdoc asked me (before making a bpd traits dx) was about what sort of birth I had. I was a bum-first breech baby ~ mum never fails to remind me of how awful it was ( for her). Very long labour....they should have done a c-section. But mum says that she a room full of interns watching the birth, because it was unusual and a good 'learning' experience. I was full-term...just think I didn't want to come out. My father physically abused mum (kicked her out of bed) while she was pregnant with me. Mum lost a baby girl at 5 months (pregnancy between my sister and I), because he kicked her in the stomach. I've often wondered if a foetus has some pre-conscious awareness of a mother's emotional state.

The interesting thing is that my sister was premmie...6 weeks in a humidicrib. Yet she has fared much better. Managed to have a reasonably stable life..same job for 20 yrs, married for 12 yrs, one child who she adores. She isn't in a very happy marriage admittedly, suffered post-natal depression, but she is doing a lot better than I am/have.

I think this is due to my mother's emotional neglect/physical abuse (plus abusive father). She actively favoured my sister. I was an extremely placid baby, so much so that my mother (by her own admission) would dump me in the playpen and often forget about me. From a young child onwards, I was an insecure and needy child (no surprise there) which caused further rejection. My sister was very obedient and placed no demands on my mother, so she received more nurturing.

The point I'm trying to get to, in my long-winded way is that I think that although traumatic/premmie births create a biological sensitivity to BPD, good parenting (nurturing, support, pre-bpd sensitivity and thus different emotional needs are met and compensated for) can make a big difference to outcomes and emotional development. It's seems that the combination of the biological sensitivity + invalidating/abusive environment is the real problem. Everything I've read about BPD points towards the combination of factors being the cause. So many of us have experienced abuse as children. Some experience controlling over-protective parents who won't let us develop naturally (my mother fits this category).

It's just so bloody unlucky from the get-go, from birth..one trauma after another.

[phinnaeusgage]

I was almost 2 weeks late. It was august and my mom was sweaty and horrified.

[Alisonisanutter]

I was premature by 1 and a half months and was tied up by my cord

[Lily-Bee]

I was premature too, born at home and rushed off the hosp, to this day I freak out when I hear an ambulance and thats my only experience ever being in ambulance so I think it stuck with me somehow.

My mum didnt even get to see me as they rushed me off. So I do believe there is some trauma there.

Lilly

[truththathurts]

I was slightly prem, but born at home and never needing incubators etc, I don't think my mum held me much though, pictures show my brother holding me but not my mum so much. I did have physical problems all my life though and spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals (i was branded an attention seeker then as the drs couldn't figure what was wrong with me) so I think people learnt early on to ignore me if I cried, despite the problems in childhood being very real!!

Interesting how someone else said that their mum would say 'I love you but I don't like you' when cross or angry, seems quite a few of us here have had that said to us, its a phrase that haunts me constantly.

[will_i_ever_be_better?]

lol well i was 3 weeks late

[Nina of the Light]

after reading this thread i have a new profound respect for the hospital that i delivered my babies at. they recognized the need to have mother and baby together at all times. i didn't understand it at the time ( i was only 20) but am now ever so grateful. both babies were a perfect vaginal delivery and after delivery they never left my side. my son left for maybe 30 min for his circumcision...but other than that.....my babies never left the room i was in.

since i have a huge fear of somehow passing on BPD to my kids or at minimum leave some kind of nasty imprint on them b/c i have BPD, this reassures me that at least one trauma has been sidestepped.

[Justine]

Hello Katherine,

I too was separated from my mum at birth for the first 4 years of my life so i guess that was pretty traumatic to me, I think you have found a very interesting subject to research and I would be greatly interested in your findings.

Truththathurts, I too was told that by my mother on a regular basis, even if she wasn't mad, it always a case of "I have to love you but i don't have to like you and i don't"

[-Ro-]

I got my assessment thing today, and they made a big thing about me having a traumatic birth.

[gingerwoman]

I was a month late BUT the nurses confused my mother with a woman in another room who had a fever.

They wouldn't let my mother touch me for the first nine days of life.

My mother was too emotional and confused to fight to hold me she just cried, she would ask to hold me and they'd just hold me from the door for her to see and my Dad is just a very passive person so he did nothing.

[Heidi_]

I was born on time, without doctor (he went on lunch ), and without any complications, my mother could walk the same day.. my bpd comes from totaly disfunctional family and never got enough attention because of my self-centred mother and invisible father..

but I had one trauma when I was 2 years old and had really high temperature I was scared to death of my mother, everybody else could get close to me but my mother couldn't be in the same room with me because I would scream and cry.. She says I had expression on face like she was devil.. she says she never saw that face expression, so much hate, fear...

I can see here that many of you are born premature or have some birth trauma, it makes sense, of course.. any trauma is possible to be reason for borderline..

[gingerwoman]

I was born on time, without doctor (he went on lunch ), and without any complications, my mother could walk the same day.. my bpd comes from totaly disfunctional family and never got enough attention because of my self-centred mother and invisible father..

but I had one trauma when I was 2 years old and had really high temperature I was scared to death of my mother, everybody else could get close to me but my mother couldn't be in the same room with me because I would scream and cry.. She says I had expression on face like she was devil.. she says she never saw that face expression, so much hate, fear...

I can see here that many of you are born premature or have some birth trauma, it makes sense, of course.. any trauma is possible to be reason for borderline..

I just find it kind of hard to believe that newborns are really affected. I mean they are so new they know nothing. Does it really matter that I only had nurses holding and feeding me the first nine days?

[Heidi_]

I just find it kind of hard to believe that newborns are really affected. I mean they are so new they know nothing. Does it really matter that I only had nurses holding and feeding me the first nine days?

Many people think like that, but it is the key that newborns don't know nothing, they only know 2 stages - mother&I =1 (white), me=0(black) so "great" oportunity to split if they are left without mother..it is too big frustration to bare so they split.. of course, nurse could also be good replacement but I believe that nurse doesn't give enough attention, love, fascination with the kid..like mother should/does..but I don't think it could be only cause, first 15 years of life there is almost always oportunity to correct things, so only birth trauma as cause? don't think so.

[gingerwoman]

Yeah my son refused to breast feed and I hate all the books that say it is SO important for bonding because I don't believe my son and I could be any more bonded or adore each other any more than we do.