recurrencebat Posted December 30, 2009 Report Share Posted December 30, 2009 Hi guys, Well I had a huge binge last night and went to bed feeling absolutely disgusting at about 3 in the morning. I've never quite realised or considered that I have a real problem with food before, even though I've been doing it for years. Only ever in passing like, oh, I shouldn't eat so much. Does that sound really weird? It does to me. How could I not realise? How could I not see the guilt and the shame for what it is - a real serious problem. I mean, I know impulsive behaviour like this is part of BPD but somehow I'd never quite realised the seriousness of my binge eating until now. I think xmas has made it all the more apparent, with loads of food around. Anyway, any help or advice would be great. I'm 5'3 and weigh 14 stone, I put on a whole stone over xmas. Argh! Becca x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauraw2693 Posted December 30, 2009 Report Share Posted December 30, 2009 Hi Becca, I just thought I'd say I can relate, I'm just starting to realise I have a real problem with food. It doesn't sound weird that you didn't realise - I've always been big and have been through many "determined to lose weight" phases but nothing sticks. I'm bingeing more than before and I've put on a load of weight recently, I think thats what made me realise. I feel bad I can't offer advice but I don't know what to do myself right now.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recurrencebat Posted December 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 30, 2009 Hi Becca, I just thought I'd say I can relate, I'm just starting to realise I have a real problem with food. It doesn't sound weird that you didn't realise - I've always been big and have been through many "determined to lose weight" phases but nothing sticks. I'm bingeing more than before and I've put on a load of weight recently, I think thats what made me realise. I feel bad I can't offer advice but I don't know what to do myself right now.. Hey Laura, Thanks for the reply. I'm glad it doesn't sound weird! It just hit me like a ton of bricks last night that this really is a serious problem. I've always yoyoed in weight in the past but now just get heavier and heavier and I'm scared of it. Don't worry about lack of advice, it's just good to feel understood . Maybe if we read up on things and share them on here we'll get some ideas on what to do. I reckon a dbt approach might be useful in controlling the impulses? One to work on. Becca x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauraw2693 Posted December 30, 2009 Report Share Posted December 30, 2009 I know exactly what you mean. Yeah might be, I'm on the waiting list for CAT therapy at the moment, should probably mention it there although I've never really talked about food issues.. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted December 30, 2009 Report Share Posted December 30, 2009 hiya, its good that you have realised you have a problem... so now do you think you could maybe talk to someone about it? its good that your posting and getting feed back,i can relate to a lot of what you say and there is help out there x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wobbles Posted December 30, 2009 Report Share Posted December 30, 2009 Hi Becca, It is good that you have realised. It too me till i was 28, 23 stone and booked in for gastric bypass surgery for me to realise what i had been doing all my life. I believe it all started with childhood, my mother used food to comfort me and show love. It was her way. If i was having a bad day, she would make me something that she knew i liked, and a lot of it, same as if i was having a good day, or it was raining, or anything else for that matter. Food very quickly became my only reliable and trustworthy friend. I was not allowed to show emotions as a child, so food became the way i expressed myself. I also used it to try and drown out, push down, distract me from feeling whatever emotion i was feeling, good or bad. And i brought that into my adult life and despite playing a lot of sport and being very active, i continued to grow and grow and grow until i got to 23 stone. My bypass came at a time when i was medicating myself with copious amounts of food on a nightly basis to avoid the feelings of abandonment, lonliness, hurt and anger i was feeling at the time. With counselling, i was able to realise that's what i was doing, it wasn't just eating, it was medicating, it had become an addiction and i was thinking about food all the time. I was only having one meal per day, but in that meal i was eating enough, and enough calories in that serving to make up for about two or three days. Making myself bloated and feeling disgusting every night. I always hated myself even more afterwards but at least while i was eating, i wasn't thinking or feeling. Binge eating is an eating disorder, and it can be overcome. i did it in a very drastic way by having the bypass surgery and literally disabling myself from binge eating, i could no longer do it, so i had no choice, i had to stop and deal with the reasons why i was doing it. My suggestion would be to talk to your doctor about it and ask to be referred for counselling. Keep a journal and write down what happens whenever you feel like binge eating, write down the emotions you're feeling before, during and after, try and figure out what the triggers are, and what emotions you're trying to drown out with eating. Don't beat yourself up about it, it's a real problem and it can be dealt with, it doesn't always have to be like this. Good luck and keep talking. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 I binge eat also and have put on a LOT over Christmas also. I am scared to weigh myself. My clothes are getting really tight, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skp67 Posted December 31, 2009 Report Share Posted December 31, 2009 I too binge eat and then go to the extremes of starving myself to become thin again. Over the last month i have put on 11 lbs, people say i look better for it but to me i feel gross. So once again the NO food rule is in play. Love Scally x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recurrencebat Posted January 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 1, 2010 hiya, its good that you have realised you have a problem... so now do you think you could maybe talk to someone about it? its good that your posting and getting feed back,i can relate to a lot of what you say and there is help out there x Thanks Dani, yes I'll definitely bring it up with both my GP and therapist. Feeling much more positive than I did the other night - it's a relief to just face up to things sometimes. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recurrencebat Posted January 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 1, 2010 My suggestion would be to talk to your doctor about it and ask to be referred for counselling. Keep a journal and write down what happens whenever you feel like binge eating, write down the emotions you're feeling before, during and after, try and figure out what the triggers are, and what emotions you're trying to drown out with eating. Don't beat yourself up about it, it's a real problem and it can be dealt with, it doesn't always have to be like this. Good luck and keep talking. xx Thanks Wobbles.. Wow it sounds like you really went through it. How are things going for you now? Writing stuff down sounds like a great idea - I'm doing this already with a lot of other stuff - I'm going to have notebooks coming out my ears soon! But yes, seeing what I'm eating each day and working out how I might be able to take steps to control it / distract myself sounds really good. I'm trying to implement some dbt skills at the moment, think that should help a lot with this too. I will definitely mention it to my doctor and I'm seeing a therapist so will bring it up with them. Thanks again for the reply - I can relate a lot to using food to self medicate since being a child - definitely the same here too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recurrencebat Posted January 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 1, 2010 I too binge eat and then go to the extremes of starving myself to become thin again. Over the last month i have put on 11 lbs, people say i look better for it but to me i feel gross. So once again the NO food rule is in play. Love Scally x No food at all? x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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