My Addictions Thread :)

[verbena]

Last night was vile. No sleep just a haze full of psychosis.

I just could not turn my brain of. I was thinking about normal stuff and my brain was changing it into a weird version of snap or something. (I dont really mean snap but im to tired to think to much)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Lorna, I've never heard anyone describe this before. It is exactly what I used to experience before the Risperdal. Gives me the creeps thinking about it, but it did go away. It's a real drain.

Do keep taking a moment at a time. Though you are suffering, I hope you know you are doing really a great job, and a great thing. This isn't small.

XXX

Ann

[Lauren]

Thanks all. Your support is great.Its proberly the one thing exept for sheer will power that has stopped me from buying wine for tonight.

Ann,

Thats the hard thing.Not knowing if its the schizo-defective disorder or the not drinking.

[Lauren]

:lol: Just realised after all this fuss ive made here, saying all of this...

Im going to have to frikkin well do this now! :lol:

[paddypotty]

just adding good wishes,good luck and all that jazz,I admire your courage for even considering to handle this.

patricia

[Lauren]

so ive managed tonight. Still feel unsettled but im so exausted im hoping that will allow me some sleep sometime soon.

Thanks for all of the support today, you have all really helped to pull me through a rough day.

((((hugs all))))

xxx

[verbena]

Lorna, how about a poem about these days?

Love you lots,

XXX

Ann

[Lauren]

(Am working on some ann xxx)

Last night was some what better. It still took me ages to get to sleep and I really dont like how a sober mind thinks during this time.

It all feels far to busy and fast paced.

But still I used to sleep sober so I can get used to it and do it again.

Today my head feels a bit clearer. Its hard to say exactly how but something certainly feels different.

I am very 'tetchy' today though. Finding myself snapping at everyone without good reason. I hope that passes soon. I dont like being nasty and pushing people away.

So onwards to day three :)

[Lauren]

In the snow

I have been

thoughts

anesthetized

what a trip

nothing mattered

for awhile

bleeding tissue

punctured mind

depleted heart

mushroomed

into nothing

framework

of my past

lemondrop dreams

lollipop thoughts

swatch of peace

merged

with death

sudden failure

of the end

heightened living

fallacy lived

walking zombie

laughing frowns

face to face

with the truth

cRaSh...........

in the hollows

where I started

crepe paper feelings

wearing thin

need another

pile of life

breathing memories

strangled

up again

one more time

one more time......

[calyps]

mate, stopping drinking is SO very difficult to do, I try and then fail at this all the time. I was told quitting alcohol suddenly after a long time spent drinking loads can be dangerous, and a doctor will usually prescribe a short supportive course of tablets to make the transition easier- it totally sucks that you didn't receive this help from your dr/t- i too was ganged up on in therapy about my pot smoking as i was the only one (who admitted) doing it. MOST unhelpful. I hope you are feeling a strong sense of acheivement for going to the shop and coming out wine free- this is a major thing that you should be well proud of. Hope today goes better for you, after all tomorrow is the weekend which means it's nearly sunday, you can do it! Plus you should put on your list that not drinking is excellent for your skin- when I quit for a few months at the end of last year I lost weight and looked so much healthier- probably because i wasn't dehydrated! I wish there was something that took the edge off as much as these addictive substances. be strong, mate, we're all here supporting you.

Anwen

[LadyMacbeth]

I completely agree with Anwen. I am very proud of you!

Em :wub:

[Lauren]

Thanks anwen ((((hugs))))

Heh,

Yea I know its hard. I have made many attempts over the last few years to beat this. But I have got control of even stronger addictions in the past so I can beat this to.

I have to just keep going.

[debs]

keep strong love debs

[Lauren]

My life feels extra empty since I stopped drinking.

The logig behind this doesnt work, but its how I feel. I feel like im now just existing for no real reason. That theres nothing of substance in my life apart from my son, and a lot of the time I cant appreciate him to the full.

It actually feels like im grieving for something. Greif over not drinking?

[Lauren]

I really feel like I might not be able to make tonight. I know I will only feel better short term if I do drink.

That I will feel like a failure and guilty tommorow. I also know that if I drink ill have to do these first few days again tommorow.

I just feel so alone and empty its completely unbearable.

[LadyMacbeth]

You are not a failure and don't feel guilty. I kinda understand how you feel cause I am in almost the same boat. The thought of being chemically addicted plus the feelings of fear and solitude make it much worse. I already had to have a drink because I drank too much caffeine and felt really anxious. This is going to sound bad but if you don't feel like you can't make it then don't beat yourself up. You just need to talk to your gp sometime next week about helping you stop drinking. Our minds are extremely powerful. I once convinced myself and my friends I was pregnant after one week after the event. I had all the symptoms and everything because thats all I did was think about it. Scary how our minds can work.

[Lauren]

Thing is ive allready had 'help' to stop drinking. But after the shit they gave me ive been telling them ive got it under control now.

Dont think my fragile ego could take a bashing like that again.

[LadyMacbeth]

Not everyone can stop straight away. Plus you do not have the constant reinforcement at home to help you stop on your own. Plus you are under a ton of stress and you feel alone and isolated. Would you put someone down for slipping considering their situation. I woudn't. I think it would be easier if you had positive people around you, a therapist, and a understanding doctor to help you through this. Nothing in life is easy especially breaking an addiction. Many people have had problems with alcohol. If you think about it they have been highly intelligent, famous, motivational, decent people.

[Lauren]

I know hun. ((((love ya))))

But I hate to fail!!

I am allready beating myself up over the chance of me drinking tonight.

Your right though I sure could do with more support than I have.

[LadyMacbeth]

I just had a thought. I realized that when I am out with people such as when I am busy during the day I do not think about wanting to have a drink. Even when I am out at the bar with friends I have a maximum of three beers and then I really don't want anymore to drink. The urge hits me when I am lonely, bored and I have nothing to do but think. Do you think that if you were out doing things the need to drink would not be so intense? When we are alone and have nothing else to do we start obsessing over things. If you are thinking too much about your current situation, wanting a drink, etc it could be making you feel so much more anxious. It may not be anything to do with alcohol withdrawels it could just be anxiety and fear. We also start to obsess over things that we feel we have no control over but we do its just the anxiety talking a load of shit really.

[Swan]

((((((((((((((((((((extinct)))))))))))))))))))

I haven't been on for a couple of days because I am also battling with grieving for an addiction - to my doctor!

You said about having nothing in your life except your son - when my brother and his wife gave up smoking at new year they'd hidden a pack in the pantry. Their six year old twin boys had found the pack and thrown it away! If there was any doubt about giving up at that point it vanished. Your son may not express how he feels about you drinking but I bet that if he could he would say he hated it and wanted you to stop - it's worth doing it even if he's the only reason. And once you've been through the detox period you will appreciate him more than ever - I'm sure he's a little prince.

I'm so proud of you for doing this - I think you are really brave. I haven't had the psychosis thing as badly as you have, but I have vivid, real and frightening dreams. I cope with them by telling myself that they are my brain's way of processing what is going on in my life and that however scary I have to go through it because it is a sort of 'excretion' of the evil stuff that I cannot show to the world.

By the way - you haven't drunk yet, so save the self punishment until you have - take it a minute at a time and soon enough tomorrow will have come

Lots of love, I'll be thinking of you

[Lauren]

I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TONIGHT!

[debs]

i know its hars just keep strong love debs :wub:

[JTBadBug]

Hi Ex,

I know you have loads of support and plenty of people saying the right things, which I know I don't always. but well done. Like most people here I wish I could do more to help you, but, all I can say is, it is so uplifting to see someone trying, no, achieving, a change in their behaviour which will lead to a faster recovery and better life. I was thinking about writing a PC program for you that would tell you each day how long you had not been drinking for and how much money it had saved you. Do you have any idea of what you are going to spend the money that you will save on - maybe a holiday, or days out with your son?

I can honestly say, I don't understand what you are going through as I have never lived, needed to keep 100% control, thus, I have never smoked or drank alcohol so I don't know what it is like to quit, but, I am proud of what you are doing.

Well done, and keep it going, I did think perhaps we should all abstain from doing something that we know we shouldn't and that would bolster our support - the only thing I can do, is no SI tonight - Perhaps the others might have already joined you or can think of something for themselves.

Anyway, take care and stay strong for yourself and your little man.

Jane xxx

[Lauren]

three days down.

really dont know why im bothering though., take away the one thing i actually enjoy in my life.

Doesnt make sense.

[budgie]

(((((((((((((((Lorna)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

With u.

Budgie.