JTBadBug Posted April 4, 2005 Report Share Posted April 4, 2005 Hi Lorna, Well after a longer break than expected, I am back. My Monday was not too bad until the last hour. I work in IT designing and producing business applications, I currently work for a retail company and spend my days developing new invoicing processes, works order handling, warehouse management etc. I never wanted to work in computers, I studied Engineering but after applying for jobs in the field (including one for the RAF - did you say you joined up?) I failed to gain employment, the first job that I was offered after uni was trainee computer programmer and I have been in the business ever since. Do I enjoy it, it varies immensly, some times I hate it, sometimes it is great because I love problem solving so I can really get stuck in with big issues, the rest of the time it is fairly run of the mill and it just pays the bills. I must admit I don't watch TV at the moment, it winds me up so I am best to do other things. As for dreams - this is just me, but, I find them very hard to think of. 12 months ago I was going to chuck everything in and start my life again, go back to uni and study what I wanted to years ago, but, the reasons why my dreams failed then are still with me now, so it just caused me hardship all over again. In saying all that I don't think I ever had many dreams of what I would do in the future - I never really new what I wanted then and I am not much better now. You have probably noticed I have rattled on far too much tonight about myself. By the time you wake in the morning you will have just 24 hours to go until you your first 'dry' week is over. What an achievement, what will you and Jake do to celebrate? Anyway, I shall leave you in peace, do take care and have a nice day tomorrow. Jane :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 4, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2005 Jane, you are amazing past any words I can find. The rest of you here in this thread thank you so very much you really cant begin to understand the strength you are giving me. Every day to come here and to see even more support.... To see so many of you with me on this journey....... You are all amazing in so many ways. xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
budgie Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 Lorna, How i wish i COULD call u up for Dinner! Hubby has a company do tonite...*sigh...guess I'll jus hang at work a bit, perhaps have a bite with my colleagues, ..... Working is (i think, my hubby think, everyone think!) is good for me, coz it occupies my mind a lot (yet not enuff!...Gah, i STILL get BPDish!).. yeah, it helps to have more $, (or watever) .... but u n i know, i m here coz, its the MIND, not the $ .....*geee...wat m i on about? anyway Lorna, i m keeping , pacing u here gal! u r doing good!!!! *HUGGLES* And i am also keeping up what little bit of exercise i started alongside with u .... although my hubby said rolling on the floor doesnt constitute exercise! watever! a start IS a start! :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 5, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 good going bud (((((hugs))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 5, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 Not going to ask just why you have been rolling on the floor But anything that raises the heartbeat can only be good for you I find that I am at my most stable when im working. When im not the loss of structure and feelings of no self worth really destroy me after a while. But it is so god damn hard to stay interested and motivated huh? tc xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
budgie Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 believe me gal, i was MERELY rolling on the floor! LOL! hey, i was trying to do some stretching n sit-ups in the morning! now, y shud there b anything more???.... (I WISH!) i got my own BPD stuff still Lorna, despite working, n it sux. Yeah, work keeps the head a little bit more screwed in, but it still floats away..... the anger, the abandonement issues, distrust, unfulfillment, depression, watever *SIGH* BUT, .... stay on n carry on we must. If for no one or reason, we jus DO so. Period. :mellow: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mitchy Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 i've gone two nights without touching a drop. am feeling poorly anyway, so maybe that will help. got a new yoga book in the post today. hoping it will give me focus. you are an inspiration. i can do this too if i really want to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 5, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 you sure can xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swan Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 I think that you can make your dreams come true, but sometimes they look a little different from what you thought they'd be. I'm really lucky that not only do I do a job that I was born for, but I get quite well paid for it too. The downside at the moment is that it is very stressful and I had to stop when the bpd got really bad. Now that I am going back I'm finding that unless I take it very easy I start to get high when I work. My lovely GP yesterday told me that I've got a long way to go in working out my behaviour problems and that he has reservations about me going back to work so soon He did apologise for being so harsh, but I told him that all my best friends, the ones who really care for me say exactly the same things, so I take it as evidence that he cares Which he does - he also said that I was worth the effort, which I am trying to keep believing. I kind of envy you guys in having something as tangible as alcohol and fags to give up - I'm so controlled that I don't have those obvious bad habits, but there are real behavioural issues which are not as easy for me to see, even when people tell me that I do them I don't realise when they are happening. Makes it kind of hard to break those habits Anyway, I'm proud of you Lorna, and have had such fun reading all your posts (and yours Jane ) and I'm really there with you in my thoughts supporting you every step of the way. It does sound like you've got a good life to enjoy, whatever some of the downsides might be. Love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 Hi Lorna, I gather from a few flitting glances around the site today that this is not one of your better days, but, who cares, you have got just about 12 hours until you have completed the week, until you can put your first £50 in the jar, well, maybe £30, go out and celebrate with young Jake with the rest of it, I am sure you BOTH deserve it, you will have had a strong 'little' chap at your side getting you through this week. So, chill out (if you are allowed to when you have a 4 year old around), unwind, calm down after your stressful appointment, look at Jake and feel the muscles in your face pull a gentle smile - (I am praying he is not having a tantrum when you look at him, my fingers are crossed ). It seems like there have been bad days all around. I have had an annoying day, but, that is just because some people are just so, well, damn 'annoying' - but, I suppose we can all be that at times. I would ask how you got on at your docs, but, I may go and find your other topic and chat there save you typing the same things out twice. One thing I don't understand is why you think I am amazing? If it because of my support here it is 'many fold', I believe you are worth supporting, you make it worthwhile for me to sign on and offer some encouragement - it is one of the few positive things I do at the moment. I am looking forwards to seeing your first week through, and your second, your first month and who knows, maybe even your first year. I look forwards to celebrating Mitchy's first week and second week too, so Mitchy, keep chasing Lorna, and what ever you do, don't let her get any further away, you are into day 3 (correct me if I am wrong - nearly half a week has passed!). Bud, what exercise have you been doing? do you have any goals? I have started walking my dog again, but, the slightest sniff of rain, like this evening, gives me the excuse to skip it - what a poor supporter I am really! Anyway Lorna, you are doing exceptionally well, and you must be able to see the huge amount of inspiration you have given people. It must make you smile Everyone, do take care and have fun, Jane :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 Hi Swan, It is so nice to hear you talking quite positively, and I am glad I have not bored you too much - it does worry me when I write long posts but I find it hard not too. I agree with your goodself though, Lorna has been a star, an inspiration, and she started at a time when many people here needed something positive to follow. Do take care, Jane I think that you can make your dreams come true, but sometimes they look a little different from what you thought they'd be. I'm really lucky that not only do I do a job that I was born for, but I get quite well paid for it too. The downside at the moment is that it is very stressful and I had to stop when the bpd got really bad. Now that I am going back I'm finding that unless I take it very easy I start to get high when I work. My lovely GP yesterday told me that I've got a long way to go in working out my behaviour problems and that he has reservations about me going back to work so soon He did apologise for being so harsh, but I told him that all my best friends, the ones who really care for me say exactly the same things, so I take it as evidence that he cares  Which he does - he also said that I was worth the effort, which I am trying to keep believing. I kind of envy you guys in having something as tangible as alcohol and fags to give up - I'm so controlled that I don't have those obvious bad habits, but there are real behavioural issues which are not as easy for me to see, even when people tell me that I do them I don't realise when they are happening. Makes it kind of hard to break those habits Anyway, I'm proud of you Lorna, and have had such fun reading all your posts (and yours Jane ) and I'm really there with you in my thoughts supporting you every step of the way. It does sound like you've got a good life to enjoy, whatever some of the downsides might be. Love <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swan Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 Thanks Jane, I've been talking the talk, but as you can see from my most recent post on 'New Posts' a long way from walking the walk :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
budgie Posted April 6, 2005 Report Share Posted April 6, 2005 checking in n out. Lorna? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted April 6, 2005 Report Share Posted April 6, 2005 Hi Lorna, I am dying to see you post and say it's done, the first week is complete. I have every confidence in you , but, come and say hello. I will not be around this evening, I am having an evening out, you probably won't be into classical music, but, at the risk of alienating myself, I am heading off to see the Chicago Symphony Orchestra for a night of fab music. Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful day and that you will be smiling all the way throught it. Take care and have fun, Jane :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 6, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2005 Welll Bud and Jane...... The first week is done!!!!!!!!! :) kinda buzzing right now :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted April 6, 2005 Report Share Posted April 6, 2005 :D CONGRATULATIONS AND VERY VERY WELL DONE!!!!!!!! You must and should feel so proud of yourself. Way to go!!! Have a wonderful day and I will catch up with you tomorrow. Jane :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 6, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2005 :) thanks hun. Will tell you why you are amazing later when I can concentrate enough to do it justice :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swan Posted April 6, 2005 Report Share Posted April 6, 2005 So proud of you Lorna - you really are a star. Still supporting you on this, especially since you are taking on your mom at the same time - a lot to manage! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 6, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2005 Thanks swan :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted April 6, 2005 Report Share Posted April 6, 2005 Hi Lorna, I have worried about this most of the afternoon, there really is no need to answer that question, I will be happy to think that you were drunk on your own happiness at the time and it spilled out into your postings. Have a good evening, and it is not too many hours now until you will be into double figures of sober days. Take care and have fun, Jane thanks hun. Will tell you why you are amazing later when I can concentrate enough to do it justice <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 6, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2005 Why where you worried about it? You asked me a few posts back why I said that you where a few days back. By accident I neglected to reply. Dont worry im not about to start stalking you :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted April 6, 2005 Report Share Posted April 6, 2005 You make me laugh ex..."Don't worry I am not about to start stalking you!" You just come out with things sometimes that make me laugh. I just thought of Single White Female that movie. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted April 6, 2005 Report Share Posted April 6, 2005 Trust me that is the last thing I am worried about, that is my role I don't like to ask anything that is after praise - if that make sense, it makes me feel bad, like a glory hunter etc.. Never mind, I am heading off now as I am meeting someone in 10 minutes, and it will save me any more embarrassment. Have fun, Jane Why where you worried about it? You asked me a few posts back why I said that you where a few days back. By accident I neglected to reply. Dont worry im not about to start stalking you <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 6, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2005 (((((Jane)))) Just know that I think your great and really appreciate all your support over the last week. Hope that doesnt make you feel uncomfortable. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 6, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2005 Em, Have you got a bunny? :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.