pennie3297 Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 I've never felt such strong feelings of not being able to love any one or anything before. I occasionally find it difficult to love my boyfriend and can go weeks without honestly saying "I love you" or activly try to push him away however at the moment is really bad. I can't feel love for my dog, she is so sweet and can't understand why I'm not showing any emotion around her. I don't seem to want to interact with her. But Its not just her either. I'm not centimentally attachted to any belongings either like my favourite teddy or my college work that I'm proud of. Is this a sign of a bad period or my BPD getting generally worse? p.s. the pic is of my dog, who could not love her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauraw2693 Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 Hey, I can understand what you mean here as I'm the same at the moment, I guess feeling disconnected with the people I care about, the things I'm proud of & the things that have always meant a lot to me. I think it's a bad patch as I have been like this before but then I have also had times when I know I love those that I do and can tell them that honestly without feeling like a fraud. I don't know how to make it pass though sorry, I wish I did. I really hope things get better for you soon, pm me any time if you want to talk, Laura. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pennie3297 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 Thanks, I hope its just a phase as Ben can understand but the dog doesn't. She thinks she's done something wrong. I'm stressed she's stressed. Hope it gets better soonish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momokani Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 I remember my brother feeling how you just explained. He felt like this for years. I'll try to email him in Australia to get his thoughts. Thanks for sharing... Momokani Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pennie3297 Posted January 26, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 I would love to hear about someone elses experiences of this. As I said this is the most intesnse that I've felt it before. Is there any way to try and get out of this emotionless hole? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eal081 Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 I started to write something last night which I then deleted. Let me try again... I have felt this way for a long time in my current relationship. And felt this way a long time in the one before it, and before that one. (These were not short term) It's amazingly difficult. Sometimes I just have to fake it, but that probably isn't terribly good advice. I guess I could say some b.s. about how we all have to love ourselves before we can learn to love anyone around us, but that doesn't really help me much. I try to be mindful of my boyfriend and other things I think I should love (I have a border collie too, or is yours an aussie?) and if I don't have an overwhelming surge of affection at least I am aware that they exist. Sometimes the thinking ends there, sometimes I am able to feel gratitude towards them, particularly noting they haven't left me yet. It's hard though. Sorry if this wasn't very helpful. I just joined yesterday and this post struck me, particularly. I want to at least say thanks for articulating something I have felt amazing guilt over for as long as I can remember. Just glad I am not a complete freak of nature. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pennie3297 Posted January 27, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 27, 2010 This is probably one of the worst symptoms I have with my BPD, I'm luckily able to hold down a relationship (because of having an amazingly patient boyfriend) but I do test him with my up-down opinion of whether or not I love him or want him around. I understand your statement of "learning to love yourself before you can accept others" I've heard it so many times as an excuse for my yo-yo behaviour and I can see why it is but learning to love myself is far too hard to comprehend so I stay away from it lol. I'm sure I'll get over this phase as I have before in the past but I hope my dog doesn't get too stressed about it (she's a border collie x Springer spaniel) It’s nice to know there are other people who have these moments too as well as me. It’s such an unusual feeling inside me I feel it’s hard for anyone who doesn't feel it too could ever understand how it feels to not be able to love. Thank you, Pennie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanegan Posted January 27, 2010 Report Share Posted January 27, 2010 Awww Pennie *Hugs* I really do believe it's a phase. Usually I'm very loving and very affectionate towards my boyfriend, etc. Then there are the rare times I go completely numb inside and I don't give a flying fuck about anybody or anything. Sorry for putting it that way, but it's the truth! It's like I don't care about anyone and I don't want to be bothered with anyone at all. Totally disconnected. That's when I'm in a super low, miserable/hateful mood. When my friend wants to talk to me at that time I tell him, "I don't feel like talking. I'm sorry, nothing personal." When it passes, I'm back to wanting to deal with people again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elke Posted January 27, 2010 Report Share Posted January 27, 2010 I would not worry too much. Try not to make the problem the problem. I have BPD also and I go through these phases too, but I think they are only phases. Love is, like any other feeling, something that isnt present 24/7, just like anger, or joy is not an angoing feeling. Elke P.S. Besides, you are not emotionless. Right now you have feelings about your feelings :)does that make any sense...hmmmm...*wonders* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pennie3297 Posted January 28, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2010 Thank you everyone. I've kind of shut myself away in my room the last 3 days so hopefully when I emerge I'll be over it. I'm starting to like the dog and maybe later in the day it'll be love the dog (+ like the boy :-) ) Its just a phase as you say Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floyd Posted February 1, 2010 Report Share Posted February 1, 2010 i could love your dog, mines chasing angels in the sky, i do miss her x elizabeth dog rest in peace, one day our energies shall meet xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floyd Posted February 1, 2010 Report Share Posted February 1, 2010 i,m fostering a dog at the moment sometimes he wants attention and i can,t give it, other times i can but he understands x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarey92 Posted February 1, 2010 Report Share Posted February 1, 2010 I feel as if I'm a heartless, insensitive bitch a lot of the time, however, I do have an attachment to my hamster, especially my last two,(who...passed away, it tore me apart) I bond more with animals than humans. Saying that, I have in the past, hurt animals. I am not proud of this, at all, I wish I could figure out why I'm so screwed in the head... Due to my severe OCD, I have thoughts/images that are very distressing of me doing a lot of bad things to animals(&people), it feels like it is me thinking/imagining these things, it's hard to deal with... it increases the thought & feeling of me being a heartless, insensitive, cruel, horrible bitch... I have a teddy that I like to think is one of my best friends who is a surrogate dad to me, but when we are not okay, (ie; fighting, or acting really hostile to one another, etc) I feel the bond between me and my teddy is almost broken, as I feel this way with me and my dad. I do have very strong attachments to those who try & care for me, & take care of me, & support me, but... my friendships / relationships are VERY unstable, so that bond can go from super great, to feeling as if it is the end of the world, at any moment. I do feel apathetic a lot, I feel as though my feelings are sort of forced at times, like I HAVE to do things, & say things etc, it's not nice to feel like some heartless, cruel, insensitive bitch... but, I think it's not uncommon in this world... I think many can relate with you. PM me anytime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floyd Posted February 1, 2010 Report Share Posted February 1, 2010 I bond more with animals than humans. [/qu mmmm.... its easier Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel tears Posted February 1, 2010 Report Share Posted February 1, 2010 Hi I too have this problem and i have BPD. Every relationship that i have had has been the same. I go through intense feelings of love and then i can feel like i hate my partner. I have stuck at the relationships for over 5 years but i have always left them at a time when i feel numb but then whose to say that the relationship wasn't at an end anyway?. I think that love can come and go like any other emotion and sometimes we just dont feel it when maybe we think we should?, it is frustrating i know and it can be hard to live with when we are not sure if we love somebody or not but if you feel like you and your partner have a good bond then thats something to work at. Are you doing any therapy?. I have been doing it for over 2 years now and i am slowly learning to regulate my emotions but the love feeling is a tough one. I have worked on anger well and frustration and i have more patience and understanding but love is such a hard feeling to describe. I think that we all love in our own way. Your dog is beautiful I too have a puppy, she is a basset hound and she is soooo testing. Sometimes i cant cope with her so well but i know that even when i feel numb i think so much of her. Love is not always a consistent feeling xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarey92 Posted February 1, 2010 Report Share Posted February 1, 2010 I don't bond better with animals because it's easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrystalStorm Posted February 3, 2010 Report Share Posted February 3, 2010 I feel as if I'm a heartless, insensitive bitch a lot of the time, however, I do have an attachment to my hamster, especially my last two,(who...passed away, it tore me apart) I bond more with animals than humans. Saying that, I have in the past, hurt animals. I am not proud of this, at all, I wish I could figure out why I'm so screwed in the head... Due to my severe OCD, I have thoughts/images that are very distressing of me doing a lot of bad things to animals(&people), it feels like it is me thinking/imagining these things, it's hard to deal with... it increases the thought & feeling of me being a heartless, insensitive, cruel, horrible bitch... I have a teddy that I like to think is one of my best friends who is a surrogate dad to me, but when we are not okay, (ie; fighting, or acting really hostile to one another, etc) I feel the bond between me and my teddy is almost broken, as I feel this way with me and my dad. I do have very strong attachments to those who try & care for me, & take care of me, & support me, but... my friendships / relationships are VERY unstable, so that bond can go from super great, to feeling as if it is the end of the world, at any moment. I do feel apathetic a lot, I feel as though my feelings are sort of forced at times, like I HAVE to do things, & say things etc, it's not nice to feel like some heartless, cruel, insensitive bitch... but, I think it's not uncommon in this world... I think many can relate with you. PM me anytime. I understand what you mean.. I d n't kno whow to describe it without feeling like an unemotional, insensitive bastard. I think it just comes and goes.. luckily my BF deals with it but I have had to put my Cat with my mother or else I now I'd hurt him. I dont know how to put such feelings aside, but you're not alone. It's someething that may haunt us for many years my dear x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarey92 Posted February 3, 2010 Report Share Posted February 3, 2010 I'm sorry you know what that is like, but it's always good to feel less alone. I get scared I will harm my hamster, but I love her a lot, I try to push those thoughts out of my mind, sometimes I have to stay away from my hamster if they are that strong, sometimes just seeing her can set them off, but I try my hardest to not let them interfere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted February 3, 2010 Report Share Posted February 3, 2010 I feel this way too, sometimes. At the moment, I'm having a very hard time loving my partner and my daughter. My partner understands and supports me through it but my daughter needs far more than I'm capable of giving her right now. She's 15 and her behaviour makes it difficult to love her anyway, which just makes it worse. I can pretend love for all of them and go through the motions, but it's as if my feelings are deadened. It's a very difficult thing to go through. I have felt like this before, especially when very stressed. It did pass. At least with BPD, we know our feelings can change very quickly. That thought keeps me going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TurquoiseGirl Posted February 15, 2010 Report Share Posted February 15, 2010 I feel relieved to find this post because I am going through a similar thing. I relocated to be with my boyfriend and everything was fine for the first 3 months, until I started to become anxious and sick. One day, within a space of a couple of hours, I lost my feelings for my boyfriend and my surroundings felts so overwhelming. I have been this way now for just over a year and every day has been a battle because I have had hardly any feelings of love for my boyfriend. Also when I think of my mother I feel similar, like things are confused and watered down. But what is newly upsetting for me is we have recently bought a puppy and I struggle to feel anything for it either. I feel horrible for being this emotionally dead person and just want to feel love again. I obsess about it every day, but something is stopping me from leaving them and going back to my old life. I want to be with my boyfriend and make a life with him, but the feelings of love aren't there and it's breaking my heart. I have been diagnosed with traits of bpd but not the full disorder. I worry that it isn't a phase with me, as it's been going on for so long. That it's not a trait of bpd and it's just that I suddenly fell out of love. This is a huge worry for me. I hope you are feeling ok pennie3297 - sending you and everyone else hugs. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amybaby23 Posted February 15, 2010 Report Share Posted February 15, 2010 you are certainly not alone , i can either feel nothing or immense hatred , my husband is a patient man but also an ignorant man , iv been doing CB therapy for a few years an it seems the inability to connect on a level with loved ones or animals its a struggle for BPD people , i have also hurt animals i am definatly not proud of it however i needed to accept thats how i felt at the time , 90% of the time i can deal or hide how much hatred i have inside my self however it still doesnt remove the actual sensation , i suppose wht i am trying to say ur not alone in the feelings you have however dealing with them takes some work , this is a fabulous place to start as u have identified it ....sorry if i rambled not too great with words.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cclines Posted February 15, 2010 Report Share Posted February 15, 2010 Love is definately a tricky emotion. I would like to say that you do love your dog and boyfriend, as you wouldn't be upset that you don't feel it if you didn't. I tihnk that we don't have to feel love, or in love to know that we love. I have some very negative feelings about my mom, but i know that I love her. Often I don't feel much towards her at all, but I know thatI detest what she's done to me and I know that I love her. What I am trying to say is that we don't always have to feel love to know it exists. I would say the reason us with BPD struggle so much with it is because we have trouble with intimacy. And love is intimacy. Anyway, just my views on it all, it does suck too feel numb though. <3 Candi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TurquoiseGirl Posted February 15, 2010 Report Share Posted February 15, 2010 Hi amybaby23. I suppose the hardest thing for me is having to live with the uncertainty that it's either a trait fo bpd or just that I no longer love him. I grew up changing my feelings for people suddenly, but would always go back to liking/loving them. But with my poor boyfriend i just continue to feel nothing. I hate feeling this way. Hopefully the psychotherapy i'm getting will help me eventually...until then I'll have to remain in limbo. How long have you felt nothing/hatred for your husband? xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TurquoiseGirl Posted February 15, 2010 Report Share Posted February 15, 2010 Hi candi. Yeah love certainly is a tricky one. Part of me thinks I have actually convinced myself that I don't love my boyfriend and the constant thinking is preventing me from feeling anything. But how do you stop? The love equals intimacy thing is a big one for me too. I didn't mind getting involved and feeling close when i was in the first throws of 'in love/lust' but when I fell unwell 3 months after relocating to be with him, reality hit me of how close I actually was maybe - i was very vulnerable all of a sudden. Plus I don't know about you guys but I think of his exes quite often and have nightmares sometimes that he's going to go back with them or find a new girlfriend. His exes were brought up in conversation at the weekend (there was a big group of us out) and I felt jealous and upset thinking of him with these girls (yey - a bit of feeling!), then yesterday (valentine's day) I felt nothing for him at all...on the most romantic day of the year. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amybaby23 Posted February 15, 2010 Report Share Posted February 15, 2010 Hi hun i met and married my husband within 9 months of meeting we will have been married 8 yrs this july i regret getting married so quickly but i can assure u i can swing from hating my husband an liking him then not wanting to be away from him weekly sometimes i hate him so much that i question everything yet he is still there an lookign after me , some days i think i should just let him loose as he is a decent man over all but i just dont have the love in me to love like a wife should , so i make it up in other ways i show it through the 'pratical' channels such as cooking his fav dinner even though when im cooking it absolutely loath him . iv never been able to tell my husband that i hate him some days because he just wouldnt understand , being in the cbt therapy has helped but it also made me question the love/hate swings . however love is just one of the many emtions i am unable to feel properly and cannot process them , towards my son i am feircly protective but it isnt the same as the unabaited love many other people speak of . I suppose that 'knowing' i cant feel the emotion helps a little x its easier for me to tap into hate and rage than it is to tap into love sadness etc ...x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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