fairytales817 Posted July 18, 2004 Report Share Posted July 18, 2004 I'm gonna sound REALLY stupid saying this. I don't know how to say it otherwise though. I guess I have nothing to hide from yall. I'll just say it. I'm scared. My friend always told me if I don't hurry up and get better that I'll end up in a mental hospital and all this stuff. He told me that if I don't make myself normal, I'll never get better. Even though I know I CAN get better, and that it's just a myth that BPDs never get better, it scares me. I know I haven't been formerly diagnosed, but I know something is wrong with me. I show the symptoms... and I'm scared. I don't want my life to be so messed up. I just want everything to get better... stable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted July 18, 2004 Report Share Posted July 18, 2004 Anna, This will be my last post for a while (not you so dont get offended). I have struggled with this all my life. I have spent 2 years in psch hosp. some of them were state hosp. my life has always been screwed up. overall tho it is worth still being here. bpd's do and can get better. it just takes lots of time and help. it is true that if you dont do it, it wont get done. only u can make the choice to get well. i think that u have already made that choice. u can decide that you will be well but u cant decide the time table. it will happen when it happens. you think right now that you know all about yourself but you really have much more pain to discover. it is there ... u just cant feel it right now because your mind knows you cant handle it... it will come out at the right time... when u can deal with it. dont let your friend discourage you. he just longs for you to get well and it makes him mad you arent doing it fast enough. it will happen.. and in the mean time life will happen for you. so just relax. you just got on the rollercoaster of crazyness and it will be a long ride. look around.... we are already loaded in the seat behind you... we and many others thru the years will help you get thru whatever life throws at you. besides, in my experience us crazys are the only ones worth talking to, we are more interesting, more atuned to life, and if you dont like our moods... wait we will change them. welcome to the club... its very inclusive! RELAX... RELAX.. RELAX and know we have faith in you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytales817 Posted July 18, 2004 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2004 I have to say thank you so much. Betsy... I can't help being scared. I don't want to. I want to get better, and I want it to be fast. I know it won't be though, and that stresses me out. All I can say is I'm working so hard. I just feel like I keep going steps back. I'll progress some and then take a BIG jump back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flippy Posted July 18, 2004 Report Share Posted July 18, 2004 Betsy got it right, just hang in there and take it one day at a time. flippy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LanieD116 Posted July 18, 2004 Report Share Posted July 18, 2004 Anna, My husband has not been diagnosed either. He shows several of the symptoms as well. I'm sure he's not looking forward to a diagnoses - yet, part of him wants to know - you know? I can guarantee one thing though - when diagnosed - this man will fight with all his might to beat it - with or without meds. That's how strong and determined he is. I can't even imagine your struggles sweetheart. You are in my prayers, Lanie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytales817 Posted July 19, 2004 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2004 It feels so much like I'm fighting a losing battle, but fighting my hardest just to lose. Not giving up until it wins. It's like swimming upstream and hitting a waterfall. What do I do now? I've gotten this far... now I'm messing up more. I'm messing up my life because I can't get past this point. So I'm falling down and hitting my head on rocks! I'm doing things I swore I'd never do just to feel better... and it makes me mad at myself. It makes me so upset. I just want to be ok... but I have no way of knowing what to do next. I don't know what the next move is. I have no help. I'm doing this on my own with no one to tell me what to do... and I have no way to know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted July 19, 2004 Report Share Posted July 19, 2004 maybe you could force your career minded counselor to act like a mental health counselor... tell her your folks dont want to help you and that you self harm... make her pay attention.... dont cha know how to throw a fit in public.. whew you should see some i have thrown.. anyway.. once you have their attention tell them your thots on why you need counceling.. that being said: 1) were you aware that self harming is illegal. if you go to a hosp over it the police are called? They would be obligated to get you seen. if they dont you could sue them. 2 you know from reading here that this will pass. but it will come back... but you have beat it before and you will again.. you just need some help. so go get it.. get control and make someone pay attention to your needs. this might not be your thing but for me.... getting mad gets me focused and if i am focused i can be pretty dynamic. I think i see that quality in you too. really being your age is the total pits anyway. its tough you have to have everything else on top of it. but maybe since lanieD hasnt responded yet i can do her part a little. maybe you should do deep breathing relaxation, and look around and look at the blessings you have. i hear that in our chat so i know you really feel like you have them once again ive rambled... but it is out of my frustration at not being where you are so i could do some butt kicking advocacy for you. LAUGH SOME IT REALLY HELPS! bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toadstool Posted July 19, 2004 Report Share Posted July 19, 2004 "make yourself normal"??? How are you supposed to make yourself normal without any support or professional help??? Yes we are of course responsible for ourselves but I personally had to do a lot of learning about myself and other people and how the world works in therapy before I was able to realise that. You need help to learn how to take care of yourself. You want to get better. That is a great first step. You may have a stay in a mental hospital, you may well not. Either way you will not "end up" there. Don't be frightened. It sounds like your friend is scared for you and reacting by blaming you instead. He probably doesn't know what else to do. Sorry if I sound angry, it's not at you in any way. It's that you're fifteen and going through all this without any help, and now being blamed for it too. I don't know how you can get help because it's different in the UK but I really hope you find the support you deserve very soon. All the best to you Toadstool xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytales817 Posted July 19, 2004 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2004 Thanks so much toadstool. That was encouraging. I'm working on it. I really am. I just need to get unstuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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