Tay-Nat Posted April 3, 2005 Report Share Posted April 3, 2005 :wacko: This is a statement in question form...I can't figure out why I am so damn stupid!...I come on here and read other's posts and I can't think of a single thing to say!...I'm like that in person too...It's like duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...People think I am a snob because I am so quiet, and thats not it at all...My brain is scrambling to find words and it just doesn't compute!...Before my parents died in "99" you couldn't shut me up...Sometimes I felt like motor mouth...My mom and I talked one day for 2 hours on the phone and I use to chat up a storm in chatrooms...Now theres nothing but empty brainless air in my head...Somebody shoot this stupid bitch and put me out of my misery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so worthless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted April 3, 2005 Report Share Posted April 3, 2005 Tay, Give yourself a break you are not stupid or worthless. If you could do it before you can do it again. Things just seem to be hard for you right now. Congratulations on posting about it. That seems to be the first step in working things out. As to answers to posters... sometimes just a hug is answer enough. (((((((((((((((( tay ))))))))))) bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted April 3, 2005 Report Share Posted April 3, 2005 Hi Tay, I am probably just about to write the most jibberish response you have ever heard (see it started there - you can't hear this response!), but, I am feeling good today so I shall go ahead any way. Firstly, I agree with Betsy, You are NOT stupid or worthless - that is a title which I hold dear to my heart in order to prevent it affecting people like yourself (just kidding), people who are worthless are the abusing scumbags that share our society and my gut feel is, the fact that you are posting on this site does not put you in that category. Secondly, the pleasure I get out of reading many of the posts here is that I can relate to peoples feelings. I can think, that sounds like me, at work people say I am 'special' and ask when am I going to see a shrink, I laugh, but, in reality, they don't understand what goes on, people here do. I am on a high this weekend, I have posted a lot, other days I will not relate to what people are writing and I have to refrain from posting as I either don't understand what they are going through or for that moment in time I genuinly don't know what to write that could benefit them. Thirdly, about 6 weeks ago I asked my boss to blow my head off, he looked at me strangely, and asked why - it was not the cleverest thing I had ever said to him, but, I would have been quite happy for him to do it at the time. Now I feel great and wonder what on earth I was talking about, and I believe, one day whether it be in 1 week, 1 month or 1 year, you too will start to feel great, I must admit though, I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but, today is good. I hope I have not bored you too much and that when you are ready you will think of things to say. I suppose we could start here: tell me what used to be your favourite topic of conversation, and let me say, weather is not an acceptable answer! I look forwards to hearing from you, Jane :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laxgirl Posted April 3, 2005 Report Share Posted April 3, 2005 Hey Tay! I came across your post and I have to say I feel exactly the same sometimes...as though I'm a pathetic waste of space and waste of a username. I am someone who up until recently lived to support everyone else...I spent day after day responding to others on another forum I'm a member of and I wouldn't miss a day. You couldn't get me to shut up...I'd ramble on and on and it wasn't like me not to give a page long response of my ramblings. Lately though I find I can't even get a single word out. It's like there's so much I want to say yet I don't know where to begin or how to say it anymore. It's not because I don't want to but it's because in a way it's as though I lost my ability to do so somehow. It makes me feel horrible. It makes me feel worse. And people keep telling me not to feel bad, that we can't always be there for everyone else and it's okay to take a "break" sometimes. But that's not who I am. That's not how I am. I need to be there for others. It's something I desire. However I know now I have to accept I can't do it right now...not that it's easy for me to accept. But I guess I just want you to know I understand where you're coming from and the frustration it's causing you as I seem to be in a similar boat. But it in no way proves you're a "snob" or "stupid" or that you are any less deserving of being here than anyone else. I think that when we care more about our inability to do something we come down harder on ourselves and the frustration and stress only increases. That's human nature really...always striving to be but not able to accept where we are at the moment. It's all how we make things out to be. It's all in our heads as to what we "should" be doing...you're here and you're reading and listening to others. That does a lot for people. Just knowing that there's someone there who's taking the time to hear what they have to get out says a lot...even if you can't respond right now. Try to ease up on yourself a little...we can't expect the world of ourselves always...and no one else can either. {{{HUGS}}} Take care Tay...and remember you're not alone with this. Sincerely, Chrissy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swan Posted April 3, 2005 Report Share Posted April 3, 2005 ((((((((((((((Tay))))))))))))))) Give yourself a break, you've only just joined the site and it takes a long time to get comfortable. I couldn't believe how long it took me to get 300 posts (loyal membership) because I'm a real chatterbox, always have an opionion, piece of advice, comment etc. I actually think that your question contains its own answer - you said you went quiet after your parents died in 99 but you haven't said what happened to them or anything else about your circumstances. I don't want to make any assumptions, but you may be struggling with unresolved trauma, inhibited grieving or all sorts of other issues surrounding their deaths. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but seeing as how you mentioned it, it seems like a big clue. If you want to explore it a bit more on this site there are a lot of people who probably have some sort of similar experience and could relate to what you are feeling. Don't worry about what you think people might be thinking about you - that's up to them and unless it really hurts you, just ignore it. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tay-Nat Posted April 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2005 Hi Tay, I am probably just about to write the most jibberish response you have ever heard (see it started there - you can't hear this response!), but, I am feeling good today so I shall go ahead any way. Firstly, I agree with Betsy, You are NOT stupid or worthless - that is a title which I hold dear to my heart in order to prevent it affecting people like yourself (just kidding), people who are worthless are the abusing scumbags that share our society and my gut feel is, the fact that you are posting on this site does not put you in that category. Secondly, the pleasure I get out of reading many of the posts here is that I can relate to peoples feelings. I can think, that sounds like me, at work people say I am 'special' and ask when am I going to see a shrink, I laugh, but, in reality, they don't understand what goes on, people here do. I am on a high this weekend, I have posted a lot, other days I will not relate to what people are writing and I have to refrain from posting as I either don't understand what they are going through or for that moment in time I genuinly don't know what to write that could benefit them. Thirdly, about 6 weeks ago I asked my boss to blow my head off, he looked at me strangely, and asked why - it was not the cleverest thing I had ever said to him, but, I would have been quite happy for him to do it at the time. Now I feel great and wonder what on earth I was talking about, and I believe, one day whether it be in 1 week, 1 month or 1 year, you too will start to feel great, I must admit though, I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but, today is good. I hope I have not bored you too much and that when you are ready you will think of things to say. I suppose we could start here: tell me what used to be your favourite topic of conversation, and let me say, weather is not an acceptable answer! I look forwards to hearing from you, Jane Hi Jane...Didn't bore me at all My favorite topic was horses and dogs...I use to show both (horses in western pleasure) (dogs in obedience) but I've lost my way with that these past few years...I sold my horse and the dog I showed died of old age, now I have a 1 yr. old and a 5 month old both shelties...Tay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tay-Nat Posted April 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2005 Everyone Thanks for responding...Tay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tay-Nat Posted April 4, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2005 ((((((((((((((Tay))))))))))))))) Give yourself a break, you've only just joined the site and it takes a long time to get comfortable. I couldn't believe how long it took me to get 300 posts (loyal membership) because I'm a real chatterbox, always have an opionion, piece of advice, comment etc. I actually think that your question contains its own answer - you said you went quiet after your parents died in 99 but you haven't said what happened to them or anything else about your circumstances. I don't want to make any assumptions, but you may be struggling with unresolved trauma, inhibited grieving or all sorts of other issues surrounding their deaths. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but seeing as how you mentioned it, it seems like a big clue. If you want to explore it a bit more on this site there are a lot of people who probably have some sort of similar experience and could relate to what you are feeling. Don't worry about what you think people might be thinking about you - that's up to them and unless it really hurts you, just ignore it. Take care Hi Swan...My mom died in May 99 of pancreatic cancer...She found out she had it in March and 2 months later she was gone...Exactly 1 month and 5 days later my dad died of A-plastic anemia...I was with my dad when he passed but mom died in the middle of the night and my sister didn't know she was in the dying process so she didn't call me...Tay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 Hi Tay, Well shall we talk about horses and dogs then? Horses: the only thing I can say about horses is, the last time I sat on one (about 8 years ago) I made a mental note to myself never ever to get back in a saddle, no matter how appealing I thought it would be. I had a day riding and for the whole day not once did I feel in control - but the pub lunch was nice. Dogs, now, I love dogs. I have a golden retriever called Jake, I only ever had him to be my friend and he is lying behind me as I type - he is 10 and a half now, has suffered from allergies and dermatitis since he was 12 months old and I have paid for my vet to go on many a skiing trip! Do you have any plans to show your current dog? were you ever involved in running a training school or do you train your dogs on your own? What has been the funniest thing your young dogs have done to date? Oh well, I shall leave you in peace with those few questions, Take care, Jane Hi Jane...Didn't bore me at all  My favorite topic was horses and dogs...I use to show both (horses in western pleasure) (dogs in obedience) but I've lost my way with that these past few years...I sold my horse and the dog I showed died of old age, now I have a 1 yr. old and a 5 month old both shelties...Tay <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swan Posted April 6, 2005 Report Share Posted April 6, 2005 (((((((((((((Tay)))))))))))) It sounds as though your parents' deaths were really traumatic for you, being sudden and, I imagine, very difficult to watch or cope with at the time. I don't really know what to say other than that when any human being is put under more stress than they can manage and don't have enough help to do so some sort of collapse follows. It is recognised that the stress can come from any sudden change in circumstances, good or bad. Losing both your parents, unexpectedly in the circumstances you describe must have been devastating for you and I'm not surprised that you've found things difficult since then. Do you have any form of therapy or counselling? If not it would be a good idea to get some, because I am sure that you have many unresolved feelings. Talking to a good therapist is the best way to deal with them. You sound so nice and so talented. Look after yourself so that you can get back on that horse! I love horses and it is one of my greatest regrets that I didn't learn to ride properly as a child. I ride whenever I can now (not often) but I think I look like a sack of potatoes, and I suspect that the horse thinks I'm an idiot Love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tay-Nat Posted April 8, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2005 Hi Tay, Well shall we talk about horses and dogs then? Horses: the only thing I can say about horses is, the last time I sat on one (about 8 years ago) I made a mental note to myself never ever to get back in a saddle, no matter how appealing I thought it would be. I had a day riding and for the whole day not once did I feel in control - but the pub lunch was nice. Dogs, now, I love dogs. I have a golden retriever called Jake, I only ever had him to be my friend and he is lying behind me as I type - he is 10 and a half now, has suffered from allergies and dermatitis since he was 12 months old and I have paid for my vet to go on many a skiing trip! Do you have any plans to show your current dog? were you ever involved in running a training school or do you train your dogs on your own? What has been the funniest thing your young dogs have done to date? Oh well, I shall leave you in peace with those few questions, Take care, Jane Hi Jane...I know the feeling about paying for the vet to go on trips...Taylor was born with a birth defect and his ankle's grew screwy and he had to have surgery done on both...Taylor's ankle's prevent him from being shown, I've thought about showing Nathan but I doubt whether I do it...The dog clubs in this county have fallen apart and not really any good place to go...I trained my last dog on my own and once he was trained I took him to a class for socializing...The other day Taylor and Nathan were playing an Nathan got ahold of Taylor's tail and Taylor was going around in a circle trying to get Nathan to let go and Nathan just followed him, next thing I knew Taylor had Nathan's tail too and here they were both hanging on to tails and going around in a circle...It was comical!...Give Jake gentle hugs for me...Take Care...Tay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tay-Nat Posted April 8, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2005 (((((((((((((Tay)))))))))))) It sounds as though your parents' deaths were really traumatic for you, being sudden and, I imagine, very difficult to watch or cope with at the time. I don't really know what to say other than that when any human being is put under more stress than they can manage and don't have enough help to do so some sort of collapse follows. It is recognised that the stress can come from any sudden change in circumstances, good or bad. Losing both your parents, unexpectedly in the circumstances you describe must have been devastating for you and I'm not surprised that you've found things difficult since then. Do you have any form of therapy or counselling? If not it would be a good idea to get some, because I am sure that you have many unresolved feelings. Talking to a good therapist is the best way to deal with them. You sound so nice and so talented. Look after yourself so that you can get back on that horse! I love horses and it is one of my greatest regrets that I didn't learn to ride properly as a child. I ride whenever I can now (not often) but I think I look like a sack of potatoes, and I suspect that the horse thinks I'm an idiot Hi Swan...Yep, I'm in therapy but we don't really talk about my parents...I mean I can if I want, I just don't...I bet you look good on a horse!...Tay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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