Pernickety Posted February 12, 2010 Report Share Posted February 12, 2010 I'm back to my old habits. What a fake. What a failure. I threw up today. I have been having troubles with food recently. I lost control and I vomited more than ever. How do I stop this? My counsellor went off ill more than a month ago, my friends don't want to hear about it, my family don't understand and it's half-term so I cannot ask the teachers (who would inform my parents anyway). How do I talk without talking? I need to stop this. But half of me doesn't want to. And half of me can't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tearstained Posted February 14, 2010 Report Share Posted February 14, 2010 Babe... I feel u. I was bullimic for years. I managed to kick it but replaced it with different self destructive behaviour. I know it feels like you are in a cage , a trap you cant escape and Im sorry for your pain. xxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammi swann Posted February 14, 2010 Report Share Posted February 14, 2010 I too am bullimic, so if you wanted to talk feel free to pm me. Try not to beat yourself up though.. forgive yourself hun. Maybe find a distraction for yourself for when you feel triggered to binge or purge. Maybe use this place too... when you are feeling triggered, there is usually someone here who you can talk with. Like I said, you can msg me any time xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ronaldo10 Posted February 15, 2010 Report Share Posted February 15, 2010 Dont you worry mate, there are lots of us here. Just look on the bright side. think positive. hey you could talk to me too just pm me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiaa Posted March 14, 2010 Report Share Posted March 14, 2010 i understand you, as i am also bullimic, have been for years. it sucks, feel free to msg me. i am desperatly trying to kick the awful habbit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K8tus Posted March 15, 2010 Report Share Posted March 15, 2010 Hey, I also hear you and feel your pain/distress. I've recently been diagnosed as being bulimic, though have had ed's since the age of 14, as I started off with anorexia and although over the year bulimia seems to have taken over the control (my anorexia now seems to be creeping back). You are not a fake or a failure hun, that is what the bulimic voice in your head wants you to believe/feel, afterall it's not winning/powerful if we're not thinking negatively is it! You see I find that if I do have any positive thoughts (however fleeting they may be) my ed's voice in my head then rebels against these positive thoughts, because it feels it's losing it's control/hold over me and so it turns them into negative thoughts! That's the best way I can describe it, I don't know if you find/feel this or whether what i've put makes sense? Do you mind me asking whether you are recieving any other help/treatment for your bulimia? Please don't feel that you have to answer this question, but i'm just trying to establish what kind of support network you have in place (if any) apart from your counsellor? I'm sure you are aware that as with any serious illness, recovery takes time (would be amazing if we could flick a switch and things changed overnight) but unfortunately reality doesn't happen in that way. You need to allow yourself time to recover, take things slowly/steadily (don't try to run before you can walk so to speak) and realise that no matter how well we may do wtih recovery, there will be blips/downfalls that happen, it's just part of the process, though it's the way in which we deal with these that make us stronger people. It will take time for you to learn different coping mechanisms and different techniques that work for you, in managing your issues with food/being around food, but in time, i'm positive you will reach a happier/healthier and more grounded place. It's natural to feel that you want to stop all of this, but at the same time feel that you don't want to or that you can't, I feel like this right now and often feel like this, but I guess this is the realistic part of our minds feeling that "we want to stop this" that is fighting against the ed/illness side of our minds feeling "that we don't want to/can't stop this" and in order to get to a better place in our lives, this is what we need to keep battling against. If you ever want to talk I in turn am here for you, always willing to chat and help in anyway I can. Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadianbumble Posted March 15, 2010 Report Share Posted March 15, 2010 Well I don't think you are all that, its the horrible trap we find ourselves in. I hope you feel better about yourself soon. I just wrote a long whinging post but my computer decided it could not post it so I am now angry. I have been in the throwing up cycle every once in a while it comes back. Now I am stuck on not being able to eat at all. I drink ensures but am still overweight, a nice by product of being on mood stabilizers. I am so tempted to come off all my meds in my opinionthey are doing nothing at all. Also struggling with not drinking, all in all in foul mood but a smile and hug for you. Bumble Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lapwing Posted March 16, 2010 Report Share Posted March 16, 2010 (((hugs))) I'm bulimic too, its horrible isn't it? I wish I could suggest something to make it all better, make it all go away xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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