Manchester Ho!

[Corpsewithpulse]

Hi everybody

This morning, I was in George Sq and I saw a bus going to the airport. So I decided to jump on it... as you do. I get to the airport and the flight schedule is pretty naff. No Manchester, Birmingham is as interesting as a stale potato, I've already seen Cardiff and Bristol, Europe is off because of triggers, Belfast and Dublin are off because the next person who asks me "Celtic or Rangers?" is getting nutted and Stornoway is too, well, Scottish. So I'm in Southampton. Yay!

Tomorrow, I plan to see a good friend in Pompey and from there, I hope to jib back up north by any means necessary. Perhaps I'll hitchhike all the way and have a wicked, life-affirming adventure. Perhaps I'll get to London, think "sod it" and jump on a megabus. Time will tell.

Why am I doing this? I'm not super fun and interesting, that's for sure. Maybe I'm doing all this to convince the MH team in Manchester that I could do with a shrink. Absolute escapism? Could be blatant self destruction. Or perhaps... perhaps I'm going to stumble across the meaning of my life in a weird fatalistic sense. Whatever it is, I hope you have more fun reading this twaddle than I do living it.

Hugs x

[Roses]

Actually, I'm just really worried about you. xxx

[just.me]

Hey there Corpse, tomorrow you may well be real near me then if you are coming to Pompey.

Take care of yourself and be careful.

[sarabpd]

Yeah I know we seem really amazed by your antics but I am worried too. Just want you to know that there is someone here for you to talk to all the time . XXXXXXXXXXX

[Villan]

you'll have more fun in the south

we are more friendly...

xx

[Corpsewithpulse]

Hmmmkaaaay... your worries worry me!

There was me thinking I was simply making the best of an unfortunate sequence of events. Or am I just reacting to them?

As nice as it is to be cared about, to be worried about is something else. Like, I'm fully aware of all of my actions and their possible consequences. Furthermore, I am neither an active nor immediate threat to myself or others. I'm not upset or offended by this concern, rather I'm somewhat confused by it.

Yes I could use some assistance beyond incarceration, meds and counselling but I'm not getting that so this will do for now... appropriate or otherwise :)

[thesloaneranger]

sounds like a right wee magical mystery tour there corpsey! i live right next to glasgow airport...u coulda had a wee coffee! lol!

have fun and keep safe, wherever you end up next.

(oh, and in the future, if you want a quiet life, when your asked "rangers or celtic"?, answer "partick thistle"...... its something i know alot of peeps, inc myself use when you go to a pub you dont know lol!)

[sarabpd]

you'll have more fun in the south

we are more friendly...

xx

LOlllllllllll we are cuddly wubbly people too int he norf B)

[sarabpd]

Hmmmkaaaay... your worries worry me!

There was me thinking I was simply making the best of an unfortunate sequence of events. Or am I just reacting to them?

As nice as it is to be cared about, to be worried about is something else. Like, I'm fully aware of all of my actions and their possible consequences. Furthermore, I am neither an active nor immediate threat to myself or others. I'm not upset or offended by this concern, rather I'm somewhat confused by it.

Yes I could use some assistance beyond incarceration, meds and counselling but I'm not getting that so this will do for now... appropriate or otherwise

Ok I understand that so retract.

[guntarded]

Excuse me....

We have evolved from the "rangers vs celtic" shit...lol much like the gay thing...people don't speak out against out but keep their feelings to themselves now.

I hope you enjoy southampton, I love it there. But I'll be tripping manchester in 2 weeks, and hopefully to live there soon.

Stevie

[Villan]

his battery is dead so i will take over. He made it to pompey. I found him down the dockyard and have just dragged him to see the sea forts and castle. Too bloody cold so we are continuing our tour by mazda mx5.

I guess more later....

[Corpsewithpulse]

Play up Corpsie, Corpsie play up!

Hai, I iz in teh Portsmouths!

So yeah, Southampton didn't make the greatest initial impression, especially when people were congregating around the pool table making it difficult to play (grrrr). However, after spending a few minuites chilling out and trying another table, the night got much better. #Therapy analogy: if your trying to do something bit for some reason it isn't happening, don't get stroppy and give up... chill out and then try another approach/table#

So yeah, the band started playing (were much like Kyuss- dude-rawk) and I played with and got chatting to a really kewl local. He asked where I was staying and when I told him I was going to sleep in the multistory carpark, he offered me his sofa. So long as I didn't mind going to the Dungeon nightclub. v.good nightclub

After hitting there, me and his mates headed to his. I tried to persuade a female copper to come with us but she wasn't having any of it *sigh*. So there, we hung out (I was the random northerner with awesome stories - yay praise) listened to one of them play awesome guitar and had a 5am supper. Essentially, it was about as fun as one could have in Scabhampton whilst keeping one's pants on

What made this better was that the side lived on the perfect road for me to hitch to Pompey. That and I got picked up in less than half an hour. Epic win!

Brb... loo, fag and pint.

[Corpsewithpulse]

That was cool, just got lift from some elderly Christians from Waterlooville to Chichester were they even got me breakfast

I'll have to write up Pompey when I have more time but will send Chippy mad love whilst I'm here.

So yeah, Brighton ho!

Bear in mind that people who pick up hitchhikers are way cool and are loved by Jesus ;)

[Corpsewithpulse]

Yay, iz hit Brighton... kind of

After getting picked up by a trucker and dropped off near Worthing, I was picked up by a psychiatrist going to a lecture at East Sussex uni

Now to look for anarchists :)

[Villan]

I'll have to write up Pompey when I have more time but will send Chippy mad love whilst I'm here.

I am sure noone will mind if you never update anyone on Pompey ! lmao

and

next time give me warning so i can take time off work so we can actually hang out...

[Benway]

i was kinda insulted by the comment you made re: belfast and dublin. sorry, maybe im sensitive today.

had to say it, didn't want to hold a grudge, I am bpd after all!

take care, b.k.

[Corpsewithpulse]

Hi b.k & gunny, I was simply being facetious with regards to Dublin and Belfast and meant no offense whatsoever. I'm aware that bigotry in those areas is closer to being a thing of the past than ever and I'm as happy as anybody about that. xx

[Corpsewithpulse]

Soooooo tired! Up early, successful day's hitchhiking, EDO demo, film night, met loads of ppl and am squatting with a bunch of drunken strangers. Nightynight peeps x

[Corpsewithpulse]

Hi everybody

With regards to this and the Faslane thread on here forum, I sometimes wondered if they would've been more appropriately placed on a blog or attention seekers.

However, whilst I'm certainly not "cured" (rarely a day goes by without "thoughts") I have to say that my recent (mis)adventures have counted a great deal towards my recovery.

Because of the circumstances I put myself into, I have been forced to become socially proactive in order to get transportation as well as accomodation. I have learned to appreciate the comforts of a warm shower, an actual bed and a full meal. Most importantly, I learned that even Britain is rich with places of fascinating beauty and intrigue as well as people with overwhelming generosity, kindness and joviality.

Proof of the improvement lies in the fact that tonight, I actually had the confidence and impetus to approach, talk to and kiss a woman. In the long or even immediate term, it will probably amount to nothing. But compared to who I was a mere month ago, this is remarkable.

So yeah, once I have time and a keyboard, I will post a more concise account of my happenings. In the meantime, I would like to thank you for reading, give extra thanks for those who helped me along the way (some of you don't know who you are!) and apologies for being self centered and frankly oblivious to pretty much anything else that's been happening here. Be known that I still have love for y'all.

Peace out and sweet dreams xxxxx

[carlylight1]

yay!

actually havin the confidence to just go out and LIVE is pretty incredible. especially for depression and stuff which for me anyway just makes me avoidant and crave security.

but proving you can just carve out interestin experiences for yourself sounds just the ticket for recovery!

and re-learnin the joy that can comes from the simplest luxuries like bed a meal,etc must make you re-assess life from a new perspective.cognitive behavioural therapy all about retraining your thoughts after all.

anyway its been a pleasure to share your journeys you inspirin person you!know what you mean about a blog but i'm sure your experiences could fill a book and it'd be a damn good read. but in the meantime keep us poated here on any further exploits (she selfishly says).and good luck with your new lady friend too xxxxx

[thesloaneranger]

your doing something i wish i could go and do corpse.....and im glad your getting so much out of your travels. im enjoying following how your getting on and what your up to and where your heading next, so keep up the good work xxx

[Corpsewithpulse]

Hi everybody!

It feels like I'm near enough running on empty, am approaching the final hurdle and just about have enough in reserve to power to the line. Thats why I'm going to Ascot today.

There is more to this than what meets the eye;- For one, Ascot is in Berkshire and the last time I passed through there, I had a huge (for me) panic attack. It will also be my first day at the races since June 24th where I went to Worcester to distract myself from "her". Finally, it will test my resolve with regards to my gambling problems. So I'm going to be having it out with some of my biggest fears, triggers and problems. To be honest, I'm really frightened atm, especially as I've had a "thoughtful" morning. But if I make it through the afternoon in one piece, I will be so chuffing proud of myself.

Yesterday, it was a pretty simple couple of hitches. The first dude was S the lorry driver. He was a former Polish soldier who used to hitchhike all the time. Apart from his racist and homophobic views, he was alright. He dropped me off in Guildford and from there, I was picked up by M the farmer. He was first-impressive as he immediately proceeded to bomb his Saab at 125. Turned out he found God and was recently divorced. He dropped me off at Kew. There I swung and missed with a middle aged uni lecturer before going to the centre finding a bed and sleeping hard.

Uber thanks viv and tsl for your comments

Unfortunately, new lady friend was too hungover for a coffee so I had to grudgingly leave that one... maybe I'm fated to meet the meant-to-be today? (lol)

[Corpsewithpulse]

Blundered at the last but kept on strongly on run-in.

Hi everybody

Yesterday was a funny one. As well as punting £120 into the red, much of yesterday afternoon was spent with me being acutely aware of the fact I was in Jerkshire. However, it could have been much, much worse so I'm quite happy with myself on that front. Maffis thanks to those who held my hand yesterday as it defo helped

Last night was cool though. Not knowing what to do for the night, I called my friend (who's sofa I've been occupying) and she got me in touch with her sister who is as cool as fuck.

Whilst grabbing a quick wine, we invented a couple of words (linguists that we are) in Rackaloomer (f) and Rockaloomer (m). Then, inspired by my tales, we innovated the concept of inner-city hitchhiking. Even managed to grab a midnight cup of tea at the Eco-village and this morning, I got on famously well with her father.

I'm going to be hanging out with her before I get my coach this evening and FINALLY arrive in Manchester.

Been fun x

[Corpsewithpulse]

Hi everybody

Well I'm back in manc land and for the first time in about a month I'm procrastinating. Yes I guess I'm tired but already, I feel myself starting to slip.

Yesterday, I went to college, the teacher was pleased to see me and offered to help out however he can (which I may hold him to) whilst some of the girls in my class were just happy to see me. The words cool and rugged were used so it will be interesting to see how long that keeps up for. I've seen my flat and it's still minus carpet and electricity which is detrimental to the whole "getting on with things" thing. Today, I've done little other than play online poker (was dealt pocket aces and kings consecutively and lost both hands which annoyed me - though what's more annoying was that I was annoyed by something so menial) and watch youtube clips. Lesson learned is that my mind fares infinitely better when I'm doing something.

As for summarizing my recent events, I suppose it's best to look on this, the "not safe", the "off day" and the Faslane threads. All I remember missing out was Portsmouth which was essentially hanging out with a 7' ex basketball player, seeing loads of ships (HMS Victory is 100% kick-ass!), being impressed by the character of Fratton Park, seeing the birth places of both Charles Dickens and Isambard Kingdon Brunel (both heroes of mine), learning that I'm not as malnurished as I think I am according to a BMI machine, watching my first game of indoor cricket (which is a lot more entertaining than one would imagine) and of course, Evil Chips

erm, credits and thanks go to the following... best to list them now lest I forget...

You probably know who you are #1 for helping me out in a really really sticky situation

You probably know who you are #2 for triggering this whole sequence of important events in my recovery

Rich - The decent copper who kept me sane for 5 hours on CO

Helen - laffs and the jumper that kept me very warm in Scotland

Sam - for hooking me up with the peace camp

Several anonymous people on the peace camp for being so welcoming, entertaining and at times, a right laugh

The naval officer and the old school hippette for giving me lifts between the site and Helensburgh

Alex - the cute guy who boosted my confidence somewhat... sorry I was 437 miles away for our date

Scribb and the guys for putting me up in Soton, feeding me and playing some awesome guitar

That woman who said that picking up hitchikers is dangerous - whilst she drove me to Pompey with her two daughters in the back

Chippy for putting me up, introducing me to indoor cricket (and the cute batsman) and being an all round good egg

Sean for being great single-serving company in Portsmouth and for calling me "really clever"

The Christians for taking me to wherever the heck it was, getting me breakfast and giving me a book I'm never going to read

The old school hitchiking lorry driver

The psychiatrist who took me the rest of the way to sussex and asked what a dx would actually mean for me

The students who took me into town

Basically all the anarchists in Brighton for being who they are, doing what they do and putting me up / up with me

Beth for reminding me how soft a woman's lips are

The Polish lorry driver and your *ahem* interesting views

The speed king farmer

Yvonne for being such wicked-cool company. Platonic love ftw but shame about that Chilian dude.

Anybody I may have forgotten, there will be a few

My friends in Manchester for reminding me that I'm still loved

Everybody here for your comments and support :) :) :)

And finally

Erm... Me for deciding to do this and actually doing it. Though if I'm honest, all which I have done was very easy compared to what I will have to do in the coming weeks and months. By that I mean maintaining this optimism, keeping myself occupied and being productive in a city where it's very easy for me to get complacent and negative.

Having no excuse for going back downhill will either work for or against me... time will tell.

Peas and lub xxx