Attention Seeking/looks

[tearstained]

I ve just read all the posts on attention seeking. Made me think hard. I guess I am attention seeking most of the time. I have made my self stand out from other people. Bleached hair/make up. Yet I hate being stared and feel constantly self concious and anxious. If I have to walk past a group of men, if they ignore me, I hate it and feel ugly and if they look, I imagine they are sayiong horrid things about me and critasising my appearance. Doesn t make sense. I never feel Im good enough. I feel like a monster. I want to be noticed but only for good reasons.

[Dani]

i used to do the same...

i wanted mens attention but then when i got it it scared me.

i wear quite bright colours with glitter around my eyes...

i have my hair different colours and when i go out i really dress up...

but really i just want to fade into the bakground.strange!lol

x

[just.me]

I used to go out dressed to the nines not for attention, but because I look good in my glad rags, I dress a certain way for me not to garner attention. I hate it, sick of men asking me if my boobs are real, I used to say nah they cost me 3 grand.

Am out going and bubbly when out, and a good dancer, for me going out is about enjoying myself. I never went out to pull, always to have fun with my friends.

I never made eye contact, and always refused drinks, to accept one to me shows interest.

[elle2008]

Know this feeling completely! not aloneee xxox

[bena.baby]

yup, know this one, esp getting dressed up but then hating the attention! but hating it if i get no attention. ugh.

[mak]

yup, know this one, esp getting dressed up but then hating the attention! but hating it if i get no attention. ugh.

It's the same for us guys too. Wanting attention, but hating being looked at. Spend hours being obsessive in the gym to look a certain way, then when I take the kids swimming literally carrying them, both at once into the pool, using them as human shields so people can't see me,and only see my kids, or at least thats what I tell myself..

[DopeySue]

I used to go out dressed to the nines not for attention, but because I look good in my glad rags, I dress a certain way for me not to garner attention. I hate it, sick of men asking me if my boobs are real, I used to say nah they cost me 3 grand.

Am out going and bubbly when out, and a good dancer, for me going out is about enjoying myself. I never went out to pull, always to have fun with my friends.

I never made eye contact, and always refused drinks, to accept one to me shows interest.

OMG

[tearstained]

I used to go out dressed to the nines not for attention, but because I look good in my glad rags, I dress a certain way for me not to garner attention. I hate it, sick of men asking me if my boobs are real, I used to say nah they cost me 3 grand.

Am out going and bubbly when out, and a good dancer, for me going out is about enjoying myself. I never went out to pull, always to have fun with my friends.

I never made eye contact, and always refused drinks, to accept one to me shows interest.

OMG

Sue what do you mean " OMG ?"

[Jinxsta]

I used to go out dressed to the nines not for attention, but because I look good in my glad rags, I dress a certain way for me not to garner attention. I hate it, sick of men asking me if my boobs are real, I used to say nah they cost me 3 grand.

Am out going and bubbly when out, and a good dancer, for me going out is about enjoying myself. I never went out to pull, always to have fun with my friends.

I never made eye contact, and always refused drinks, to accept one to me shows interest.

OMG

Sue what do you mean " OMG ?"

take no notice hun its not personal 2u, but to the forum

xxxxxxx

[Momokani]

As a guy that can be pretty confusing lol. I do relate very very much to feeling awkward and a bit paranoid if looked at. The person probably isn't even thinking of me but I automatically feel put on the spot. My mind makes me laugh.

I enjoy getting dressed up smart with a nice pair of shoes, jeans and smart shirt. Makes me feel good. After all the mental issues that one goes through in life I think it is a great idea to do something for yourself. Good post this. Now there's some GOOD THERAPY right THERE. DRESS UP AND LIVE...WOOOOOHOOOOOOO.

Not sure what to suggest regarding the 'i want attention but then I don't'. Maybe a compromise. Ask people to look in your general direction but not right AT YOU. If they do then they gotta give you a quid each time. Now there's a business idea and therapy all in one. :-)

Momokani

[fastfish]

lol momo making some money out of it! now that osunds good lol.

[Villan]

i live in jeans and t shirts... i wear a dress when i am on hol if there is a special night out...

i had to go to a cricket club thing last summer - cocktail night - and we got fined if we dint adhere to the dress code...

so i had to wear the dress...

i felt so anx and self conscious it was unreal...

but the thing is, noone really noticed... they dont know i never wear dresses, i only ever see them at matches where i have to wear my club shirt (another fineable offence not wearing that) so to them it wasnt that big a deal... the big deal was actually only in my head, all of my own making...

dunno what was worse, feeling anx and self conscious or noone really giving a toss...

had a good time anyways tho !

[Marchmadness]

Hey -

There is really nothing wrong with wanting attention, as long as you

realize you are looking for that, and not looking for negative attention.

Its a real feeling own it - lets face it many of us didn't get what we

needed as a child, and now that we are older we try to fill that void.

As far as you getting dressed up, do it for you not for others, if you

feel good being dressed up then go for it. Personally I hate the

attention on me, my anxiety level goes way up, I like to sit back and

watch others.

March

[**Hope**]

wow this is so me!!!

i hav a slim figure big boobs long blond hair and egt LOTS of attention. if some guy isnt trying to get iwth me i worry and have to get back attenion somehow! i live off it almost.

i wear make up everywhere and i always get compliments. without them i feel worthless. when i look plain i feel so insecure and worthless. i swear people are nicer to me because and only because of my looks too!! xx

[karnakbabe]

wow this is so me!!!

i hav a slim figure big boobs long blond hair and egt LOTS of attention. if some guy isnt trying to get iwth me i worry and have to get back attenion somehow! i live off it almost.

i wear make up everywhere and i always get compliments. without them i feel worthless. when i look plain i feel so insecure and worthless. i swear people are nicer to me because and only because of my looks too!! xx

Jeez Hope, up on yourself much!! No offence but OMG you seem so narcissistic and egomaniacal!!!!! When i take the trouble to look decent it is because I want to for me and not for anyone else, i'm sorry but dressing to please others is such a waste of time. I'm more interested in getting better than what I look like to others to be honest and if I feel well enough to get out the house, that is a big deal without the added pressure of caring what others think of something as superficial as how big my boobs look in a certain top or if my hair and make up is perfect, please, Its so pointless! and btw your probably thinking bitch, she is prob as big as a house and ugly as sin, sorry to disappoint but I am a size 6 also long blonde hair and decent boobs, so that theory is out the water if it's conforming to a certain ideal of attractiveness you are basing yourself on. Sorry not meaning to be horrible but your post really irratated me as it appears as though you are still seeking attention through us now and attention seeking is not what this forum is about.

[Bud]

I seek attention but I do it through humor. I am nothing to look at number one, I am married number two, so seeking any attention from the opposite sex is really not in the cards. But I consistently attract people by my wit. I do it mostly so people wont pay attention to my looks and to get people to like me. I don't have much to add to conversations otherwise. But at some point I cannot control it and it always goes to far. I usually will make one too many jokes or I will be inappropriate. I hate it when i have nothing to offer and find myself grasping for something to say. Focus on me. Strange I know.

[catspiracy]

I ve just read all the posts on attention seeking. Made me think hard. I guess I am attention seeking most of the time. I have made my self stand out from other people. Bleached hair/make up. Yet I hate being stared and feel constantly self concious and anxious. If I have to walk past a group of men, if they ignore me, I hate it and feel ugly and if they look, I imagine they are sayiong horrid things about me and critasising my appearance. Doesn t make sense. I never feel Im good enough. I feel like a monster. I want to be noticed but only for good reasons.

This sounds a lot like me.

[catspiracy]

yup, know this one, esp getting dressed up but then hating the attention! but hating it if i get no attention. ugh.

It's the same for us guys too. Wanting attention, but hating being looked at. Spend hours being obsessive in the gym to look a certain way, then when I take the kids swimming literally carrying them, both at once into the pool, using them as human shields so people can't see me,and only see my kids, or at least thats what I tell myself..

I see my hubby going thru this too, mak. (((SAFE HUGS)))

[catspiracy]

wow this is so me!!!

i hav a slim figure big boobs long blond hair and egt LOTS of attention. if some guy isnt trying to get iwth me i worry and have to get back attenion somehow! i live off it almost.

i wear make up everywhere and i always get compliments. without them i feel worthless. when i look plain i feel so insecure and worthless. i swear people are nicer to me because and only because of my looks too!! xx

Jeez Hope, up on yourself much!! No offence but OMG you seem so narcissistic and egomaniacal!!!!! When i take the trouble to look decent it is because I want to for me and not for anyone else, i'm sorry but dressing to please others is such a waste of time. I'm more interested in getting better than what I look like to others to be honest and if I feel well enough to get out the house, that is a big deal without the added pressure of caring what others think of something as superficial as how big my boobs look in a certain top or if my hair and make up is perfect, please, Its so pointless! and btw your probably thinking bitch, she is prob as big as a house and ugly as sin, sorry to disappoint but I am a size 6 also long blonde hair and decent boobs, so that theory is out the water if it's conforming to a certain ideal of attractiveness you are basing yourself on. Sorry not meaning to be horrible but your post really irratated me as it appears as though you are still seeking attention through us now and attention seeking is not what this forum is about.

Dear 123CrazyorNot,

When you called Hope "narcissistic and egomaniacal", I felt that was very attacking and not constructive, and if I were Hope, it would hurt me alot and even possibly cause a dangerous mood crash. I would like if you could find more constructive ways of commenting on people's priorities than calling them hideous names.

Please watch the movie http://www.netflix.com/WiMovie/America_the_Beautiful/70099620?trkid=921403

I watched it with my teen daughter and it was very illuminating about why so many women hate our bodies or else have superficial fixations on our beauty and attractiveness.

Thank you,

cat

[stinkyboy]

Well, i'm a guy and a bodybuilder and i love to attract women and intimidate men. But when a woman responds in any way, i'm immediately filled with fear and never do anything about it. But i really get off on being able to keep most men at a distance. So do i win the prize here for being the most screwed up about my appearance?

[bonii]

wow this is so me!!!

i hav a slim figure big boobs long blond hair and egt LOTS of attention. if some guy isnt trying to get iwth me i worry and have to get back attenion somehow! i live off it almost.

i wear make up everywhere and i always get compliments. without them i feel worthless. when i look plain i feel so insecure and worthless. i swear people are nicer to me because and only because of my looks too!! xx

Jeez Hope, up on yourself much!! No offence but OMG you seem so narcissistic and egomaniacal!!!!! When i take the trouble to look decent it is because I want to for me and not for anyone else, i'm sorry but dressing to please others is such a waste of time. I'm more interested in getting better than what I look like to others to be honest and if I feel well enough to get out the house, that is a big deal without the added pressure of caring what others think of something as superficial as how big my boobs look in a certain top or if my hair and make up is perfect, please, Its so pointless! and btw your probably thinking bitch, she is prob as big as a house and ugly as sin, sorry to disappoint but I am a size 6 also long blonde hair and decent boobs, so that theory is out the water if it's conforming to a certain ideal of attractiveness you are basing yourself on. Sorry not meaning to be horrible but your post really irratated me as it appears as though you are still seeking attention through us now and attention seeking is not what this forum is about.

Dear 123CrazyorNot,

When you called Hope "narcissistic and egomaniacal", I felt that was very attacking and not constructive, and if I were Hope, it would hurt me alot and even possibly cause a dangerous mood crash. I would like if you could find more constructive ways of commenting on people's priorities than calling them hideous names.

Please watch the movie http://www.netflix.com/WiMovie/America_the_Beautiful/70099620?trkid=921403

I watched it with my teen daughter and it was very illuminating about why so many women hate our bodies or else have superficial fixations on our beauty and attractiveness.

Thank you,

cat

I have to agree, Hope was just being honest. Why say, "no offence but" and then start insulting her as if it's not going to cause offence just because you've said that :s You dont have to be narcissistic or egomanical to take a pride in your appearence. She was obviously saying she craves compliments and approval from others based on her looks and doesnt feel its a good thing. This shouldnt be a place for attacking other people and like cat said it could cause a mood crash if she's feeling fragile, so if you have nothing nice or helpful to say...

[hummm_mabbe]

I ve just read all the posts on attention seeking. Made me think hard. I guess I am attention seeking most of the time. I have made my self stand out from other people. Bleached hair/make up. Yet I hate being stared and feel constantly self concious and anxious. If I have to walk past a group of men, if they ignore me, I hate it and feel ugly and if they look, I imagine they are sayiong horrid things about me and critasising my appearance. Doesn t make sense. I never feel Im good enough. I feel like a monster. I want to be noticed but only for good reasons.

Hello there

Theres a ot of good replies here, I hope you dont mind if add a bit of a technical / psychological one? Thats how I tend to think, I hope it doesnt come across as too cold or dismissive ...

Humans have unique brains, and what we know about them now is that they have multiple parts of them dedictaed to emotions. But broadly, there is one part that focuses on 'getting' nice things and seeking out rewards. This part of the brain gets a nice shot of a chemcial you mayhave heard of, called dopamine, when we get something nice.

Another part of the brain looks out for things that can hurt or threaten us. It sits in a little part of the brain called the amygdala, which again you may have heard of before. This part of the brain works with adrenaline and produces that sense of threat and fear.

Then there is another part of the brain that wants to feel 'part of' things. It is the part that makes us feel accepted, ok as we are, and able to feel the compassion and caring of others. This part of the brain works with other chemicals like oxytocin. It feels nice, but it is not the heady euphoria that the dopamine part gives us.

All these systems can be changed and respond to the experiences we have in life, and as a result can become more or less powerful than the other bits. It is nice to feel wanted and attractive - being looked at usually would produce some dopamine, a nice "oo" feeling It may also produce some feeling of being acceptable and belonging. But for many people, through life experience, these parts of the brain may become turned down or turned up. If the threat part is turned up because of lots of negative exeperiences, it can become activated at the same time as the happier, nicer parts of the brain. They may even learn to activate together - and so you will feel both happy AND scared when men look at you. On the one hand its nice to feel wanted - you get a nice dopamine rush - but at the same time, what if they think you look silly? What if they could do bad things to you? The threat system kicks in too.

A lot of therapies try to work with making the 'acceptance' part of the mind stronger, because so many people with MH problems seems to switch between threat and reward. They feel afraid or alone and depressed, and seek out some sort of rush - maybe drugs, shopping, sex - anything that prodices that sense of reward. But sooner or later they swing back to the other system - threat. They rarely experiecne the more long lived calm acceptance and belonging that the third system brings. It can take a long time to quieten the threat system, and begin to 'grow' the acceptance one. It may even feel ike you have no compassion or acceptance of yourself at all, and so the only choice is to seek reward and 'highs', but which rarely last any great period of time. This is sadly the effect that certain life events can have on us - but its is possible to change the way those parts of the brain function.

I know this is prolly not what you were looking for, I guess I wrote it because Ive seen a lot of posts lately that ask why you can feel two different things at once. Ambivalence is a very human experiecne, and there are real reasons why it happens. It doesnt mean you are odd or broken - these brain areas arent 'damaged' - their function has been temporarily (although it may not sem that way) altered through your experiences. You can even see this change in function under powerful scanners, but you can also observe how those parts change as things like therapy strengthen the nicer brain parts. Like a muscle they can grow with exercise.

Ross

[karnakbabe]

wow this is so me!!!

i hav a slim figure big boobs long blond hair and egt LOTS of attention. if some guy isnt trying to get iwth me i worry and have to get back attenion somehow! i live off it almost.

i wear make up everywhere and i always get compliments. without them i feel worthless. when i look plain i feel so insecure and worthless. i swear people are nicer to me because and only because of my looks too!! xx

Jeez Hope, up on yourself much!! No offence but OMG you seem so narcissistic and egomaniacal!!!!! When i take the trouble to look decent it is because I want to for me and not for anyone else, i'm sorry but dressing to please others is such a waste of time. I'm more interested in getting better than what I look like to others to be honest and if I feel well enough to get out the house, that is a big deal without the added pressure of caring what others think of something as superficial as how big my boobs look in a certain top or if my hair and make up is perfect, please, Its so pointless! and btw your probably thinking bitch, she is prob as big as a house and ugly as sin, sorry to disappoint but I am a size 6 also long blonde hair and decent boobs, so that theory is out the water if it's conforming to a certain ideal of attractiveness you are basing yourself on. Sorry not meaning to be horrible but your post really irratated me as it appears as though you are still seeking attention through us now and attention seeking is not what this forum is about.

Dear 123CrazyorNot,

When you called Hope "narcissistic and egomaniacal", I felt that was very attacking and not constructive, and if I were Hope, it would hurt me alot and even possibly cause a dangerous mood crash. I would like if you could find more constructive ways of commenting on people's priorities than calling them hideous names.

Please watch the movie http://www.netflix.com/WiMovie/America_the_Beautiful/70099620?trkid=921403

I watched it with my teen daughter and it was very illuminating about why so many women hate our bodies or else have superficial fixations on our beauty and attractiveness.

Thank you,

cat

I have to agree, Hope was just being honest. Why say, "no offence but" and then start insulting her as if it's not going to cause offence just because you've said that :s You dont have to be narcissistic or egomanical to take a pride in your appearence. She was obviously saying she craves compliments and approval from others based on her looks and doesnt feel its a good thing. This shouldnt be a place for attacking other people and like cat said it could cause a mood crash if she's feeling fragile, so if you have nothing nice or helpful to say...

Can I just clarify that I said Hope seemed egomaniacal etc because of the way she worded her entry hence the "no offence but....", I was not attacking her personally!!! I wouldn't. However if I have caused offence, unintended though it was, then I apologise. For some reason I get really touchy when someone bases their whole sense of worth on their looks!. As a woman I think it is hard enough to be accepted as intelligent when you are decent looking without buying into the whole "Barbie", mantra. I'm gonna end up getting carpeted again lol. I knew my reply would get somepeoples heckles up though it was unintentional. I am the mother of a 12 year old girl and she has been taught from an early age that what she looks like is not important as it is her intelligence that will steer her life and looks fade anyway. Yes she has been taught a good skin care program and is allowed to play around with make up, ( though she never wears it outside the house), and yes she is actually a very pretty girl but more importantly she has been taught by me to feed her brain and as such she is in the top 20 achievers in her school, ( she is in 1st year and there are 700 pupils in the school). So although I apologise for what was perceived as an attack, I do not apologise for the sentiment. Sorry if this reply offends, I'm just trying to explain in the only way I can. Can I take the knives out my back yet lol?

[Benway]

crazyornot - you accuse a member of being "narcissistic and egomaniacal", and then come out with this gem- "she is prob as big as a house and ugly as sin, sorry to disappoint but I am a size 6 also long blonde hair and decent boobs".

Now you have hurt hope, and had a go at other people who may FEEL bigger than they want to be, or may feel ugly, may have body dysmorphic disorder.

To top this off, you illustrate how you are a brilliant parent with an above avg intelligent daughter and ... ad nauseum.

Some of us doubht our parenting ability. Some of us are worried about our kids and how they are doing. Ok, well, I do anyway. And i know of others who do. I don't think your 'polly perfect' attitude is helpful. It does get peoples backs up. Oh, no one stabbed you in the back, anyone who said anything to you said it to your face.

b.k.

edit-spelling

[just.me]

I have to say a size six is not a pretty site to look at naked.

Just my opinion of course.