**Hope** Posted February 18, 2010 Report Share Posted February 18, 2010 Hello everyone, I have only literally self diagnosed myself with BPD. I flip between happiness and sadness and anger. i have had an eating disorder for over 10 years. all my relationships have failed. i fall out with people all the time, would rather be alone. i am now pregnant so unable to be bullimic, feel like a failure, have no one to turn to, family are ashamed of me. i feel like an utter loser and hate myself for it. I havesuicidal thoughts often, but now i am pregnant i know its not an option anymore, which scares me. Most people annoy me, no one understands me, and i am completely lost. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floyd Posted February 18, 2010 Report Share Posted February 18, 2010 ha! your not lost now, i think most people here can identify themselfs to your post!! depending on the day... i myself cannot argue with your post>>>>>>>>..,,,.... :blink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonii Posted February 18, 2010 Report Share Posted February 18, 2010 Hey. I can relate well to what youre saying about your moods and relationships with others. I'm the same with the self diagnosis of BPD. everything fits. if you ever need to talk this place is really helpful. I'm new here too and in the past few days its been like a lifeline. Hope you start to feel a bit better soon. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mak Posted February 18, 2010 Report Share Posted February 18, 2010 Hello everyone, I have only literally self diagnosed myself with BPD. I flip between happiness and sadness and anger. i have had an eating disorder for over 10 years. all my relationships have failed. i fall out with people all the time, would rather be alone. i am now pregnant so unable to be bullimic, feel like a failure, have no one to turn to, family are ashamed of me. i feel like an utter loser and hate myself for it. I havesuicidal thoughts often, but now i am pregnant i know its not an option anymore, which scares me. Most people annoy me, no one understands me, and i am completely lost. x Hi hope, I relate to what you say, a lot!! M x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammi swann Posted February 18, 2010 Report Share Posted February 18, 2010 Hi, Welcome to the forum I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. Your name really made me smile... nice to see a lovely, positive thing x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
**Hope** Posted February 18, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2010 Thankyou so much for the replies. im glad what i said makes sense to some of you. People think im this happy normal girl (i used to lingerie model) and i feel like i have to live up to all these perfect ideals and i keep failing at everything!! Have many of you got treatment or are most of you just self diagnosed?? xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
floyd Posted February 18, 2010 Report Share Posted February 18, 2010 TREATMENT...well yes if you call it that, i think you,ll find a lot on here with bpd whether its self diagnosed or not, the symtoms speak for themselfs, its getting the right help thats a main concern its a never ending fuckin nightmare.... x felling good feeling bad!.. x i feel sorry for partners as well as sufferers.. its a vicious circle... waiting to get offfffffffffff............. :huh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonii Posted February 18, 2010 Report Share Posted February 18, 2010 i am being treated for depression and anxiety with medication at the moment and for the past 5 years or so, but been referred to a therapist so can bring up the bpd thing with them i guess. gp doctors never bloody listen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted February 18, 2010 Report Share Posted February 18, 2010 Hello and welcome x I'm sorry your having such a difficult time of it at the moment, I hope you find the site helpful. There is lots of information, plenty of friendly and supportive people too x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boogbear Posted February 18, 2010 Report Share Posted February 18, 2010 wow sweetie its so amazing that god has given u the greatest gift of life.........a baby. u should start to feel happy and beautiful and very precious. god bless u. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pepsimeg Posted February 19, 2010 Report Share Posted February 19, 2010 the treatment i have been offered....and it was along time coming......dbt as talking therapies dont work for me...... good luck with your pregnancy......being pregnant for me was one of the happiest of times :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boogbear Posted February 19, 2010 Report Share Posted February 19, 2010 hi its boogbear again look, the reason that u led a certain kind of life should not make u think that u have to adhere to that or conform to some specific rules to be happy. enjoy your pregnancy. if u start to think of whats inside of u rather than what people around u think of u......u'll be much more happy. if u try to focus ur attention on ur pregnancy i'm sure u'll be purged of all negativity. believe me, god wants u to give life a fair chance. thats why he did this to stop u from taking some drastic step, and make u think things in a new light. no matter how un-maternal we may feel at times, ur baby will turn out to be ur biggest gift. dont be ashamed of urself. just keep trying. i'd love to talk more and help u get through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boogbear Posted February 19, 2010 Report Share Posted February 19, 2010 hi its boogbear again look, the reason that u led a certain kind of life should not make u think that u have to adhere to that or conform to some specific rules to be happy. enjoy your pregnancy. if u start to think of whats inside of u rather than what people around u think of u......u'll be much more happy. if u try to focus ur attention on ur pregnancy i'm sure u'll be purged of all negativity. believe me, god wants u to give life a fair chance. thats why he did this to stop u from taking some drastic step, and make u think things in a new light. no matter how un-maternal we may feel at times, ur baby will turn out to be ur biggest gift. dont be ashamed of urself. just keep trying. i'd love to talk more and help u get through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ubix Posted February 19, 2010 Report Share Posted February 19, 2010 Just saying hello, Understand you fully and this place is the best honestly :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
**Hope** Posted February 19, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2010 Wow im really touched at some of the replies, and the amount. Obviously i do have good days and bad days and i am trying so hard to focus on my baby insde me. I have also joined a pregnancy forum to try and get into it and they are all so happy and content on there and have perfect lives with loving husbands and great jobs... I had to leave my job because it was physically dangerous (riding several horses a day and competing horses for rich people). i didnt get maternity pay because the horse indusrty is traditional and unlike other areas of work. Everyone seems to be soo excitred at their 'baby bump' showing but i am dreading mine. I think this is symbolic of me feeling like a failure and the pregnancy being a result of my bad decisions last year. also i worry that i will look so fat and unattractive when i look bigger. I want this baby i really do im just having such trouble relating to it all i that makes any sense. its almost like an out of body experience and not really me at the moment. i feel trapped and as i said before, lost. I do care about what others think FAR too much, constantly actually. would love to speak to anyone who can relate or offer advice or even just to chat. Thankyou again xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boogbear Posted February 19, 2010 Report Share Posted February 19, 2010 dear hope even the most successful models with the best bodies in the business will tell u they felt most beautiful during their pregnancy. its all about perspective and feelings. u'll love the bump and also the feeling of the baby growing inside u. i'm telling u this because i had to get an abortion. and i regret it with all my heart. i'd do anything to get my baby back so i'll help you as much as i can with my words and support. i threw away my miracle and now i feel the loss each moment. god bless u. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
**Hope** Posted February 19, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2010 Thankyou Boogbear. That must have been really hard for you! Some people suggested i do that but because i have had a miscarriage a few years back i decided against it.. I am glad am going to have a baby and im sure it will change me for the better. The baby isnt here yet and already my whole life has changed due to it, circumstances, home, lifestyle etc. Would you like to have another baby? x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boogbear Posted February 19, 2010 Report Share Posted February 19, 2010 ya obviously. i'm aching for one but i had the abortion 20 days back and situation hasnt changed much. so i cant even try. i feel helpless and hopeless. guess i just have to wait for my situation to get more favourable before i try for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boogbear Posted February 22, 2010 Report Share Posted February 22, 2010 hi hope how are u? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rainbow Tears Posted February 22, 2010 Report Share Posted February 22, 2010 ((((((((((hope))))))))) You sound like me in 7 years time...I've been through all the bpd diagnostic criteria and I fit every single one, some more than others. It's scary. Pm me if you ever want to talk xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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