carbella80 Posted February 20, 2010 Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 Hi there all, I'm new to this site and have read through some of your stories and problems and now I don't know if I'm in the right place to share my stories or pain? Do i post here? or post on the unspoken words and letters section? I just don't know?? I'm scared to say whats happened in my life as So many people can be so judgemental without hearing you out and knowing the truth. So maybe i'm hoping that by finding a place like here that I can say what I feel and speak about whats happened without horrible critism. All I know is that my life is hell and I feel alone and scared for the future if there ever will be one? So I hope I can make some good friends on here who we can share and try and support each other in our problems coz I ain't got nobody no friends and my family just don't want to support me in anyway, just feel alone everyday with just my pc and music for comfort. Hope to get to speak soon luv Carol.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted February 20, 2010 Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 hey and welcome carol... the forum is subdivided into headings so whatever the problem, there is usually a place to put it... there is a place for relastionship things, one for personality disorders in general, one for therapies and meds etc etc... have a mooch around and post more when you are comfortable... there is no requirement to share all at once, just take your time and when you are ready to talk, we will be here to listen... we are on the whole a friendly bunch here and will listen and not judge... we will give support if that's what u need or advice if that's what you ask for... we are peer to peer support, so we answer based on our own experiences rather than as formally trained therapists, so you will likely get a whole bunch of different feedback... just take what feels right to you... look forward to getting to know you... Kath x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marc-74 Posted February 20, 2010 Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 Hi there all, I'm new to this site and have read through some of your stories and problems and now I don't know if I'm in the right place to share my stories or pain? Do i post here? or post on the unspoken words and letters section? I just don't know?? I'm scared to say whats happened in my life as So many people can be so judgemental without hearing you out and knowing the truth. So maybe i'm hoping that by finding a place like here that I can say what I feel and speak about whats happened without horrible critism. All I know is that my life is hell and I feel alone and scared for the future if there ever will be one? So I hope I can make some good friends on here who we can share and try and support each other in our problems coz I ain't got nobody no friends and my family just don't want to support me in anyway, just feel alone everyday with just my pc and music for comfort. Hope to get to speak soon luv Carol.x Hi carol, you've found a safe and friendly place to talk, Take your time and dont feel rushed into anything. I for one really dont think I'd still be alive if I hadn't found this place. You will find some new friends, and confidence here to be able to confront your issues. Take care Carol, and dont worrie if you've put somthing in the wrong place, the moderators will move something to a more appropriate forum if they think it's in the wrong place, and if they do, plese dont let it upset you, they're a good bunch, and will send you a little Private message. marc x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillv Posted February 20, 2010 Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 Hi Carol I read your post, had an argument with my daughter, came back to your post and found Kath and Marc had said exactly what I would have said! Anyway, welcome, hope we can be a support for you. Looking forward to seeing you around Love Kalico xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carbella80 Posted February 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 Hi Kath and Marc thankyou for your reply and making me feel welcome here. I willl start by saying that i Have had alot going on in my life but only this past year has things got worse and now i'm waiting to be seen at a mental health clinic in march for treatment not sure which yet weather it be medication or therapy all I know that it scares me that I have let my life get to this. The main thing that I think has triggered everything that has gone on in my life is recent events, with my children. (and this is the part i mean about judgemental) I lost them in April last year when my 2 and half year old son at the time fell from the bedroom window to the 3rd floor ledge(40ft drop) and fractured his spine. What made it worse was that i was un aware that it had happened as i had put them to bed and was downstairs doing the housework, and i couldn't hear anything I thought the kids were asleep, until there was a knock on mmy door and it was a police officer......tio cut a long story short, i was arrested that night interviewed the next day and released on bail my other 4 children were staying with my father and my harley was in hospital for 6 weeks he was then placed in care and the police found that i was not at fault for what happened but the council were. But social services always see it differently. Since then and till now I have been fighting to get my children back, i have been put through assesment test interviews court hearings as well as trying to sort my own health out as i was diagnosed in 2008 with type 1 diabetes too which i have had a hard time copung with, I have had treatment for cancer cells of the cervix which i have to keep a check up every year now, and have gone through domestic violence in the past with my kids father which again the social services are using to try and stop me getting them back. My only hope to have any chance to get them back is to have this treatment but they are saying that is still no gauratee that i will. The thought of loosing my kids is destroying me for If i do my youngest 3 sons will go up for adoption and my eldest 2 my eldest son and daughter will be put in long term care....I have asked family to help me to consider caring for my kids in the longterm but none of them will help I have one sister and 2 brothers plus my dad and his partner and my mum... but none of them care they don't call to see how I am feeling or to see how the kids are (as I get contact with them once a week in Kent) I'm in this new house that I got because of what happened to my son and now I got no kids to put in it, its so big and lonely in this place, I just can't function properly anymore, I'm not eating properly, not sleeping and even doing everyday chores i just haven't got the omfff to do it. I cry every day and night and even more so when I have seen m kids and they ask when they are coming home, and even just last night i spoke to my 9 year old daughter and she didn't want me to hang the phone up as i on;y have a 30 minute phone contavct with her which again isn't private the carer has it on loudspeaker so she can hear everything, my baby was crying and saying "MUMMY I MISS U" "MUMMY I LOVE U" she was repeatedly saying these to me and i was so choked but didn't want her to hear me getting upset so I told her that i loved her very much too and would see her next week. These things are killing me inside and i am terrified I don't know if I could go on living without them. What can I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marc-74 Posted February 20, 2010 Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 Oh ((((((((((((carol)))))))))))), I cant begin to imagine what your going through, but it breaks my heart to read this. I do have very good vibe about you, to go through all that and still find the strength to keep going and keep so strong, man...your super mum, your kids love you and you love them, justice will win. I hope you get all the support and help you deserve, There are some wonderful mums here, and They will help you through this hardest of times. take care carol marc x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carbella80 Posted February 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 I hope so Marc You'd think my mother would be supportive??? But she's been the worst, She never comes to see me or calls and the only time I hear from any of them is if some one else in the family has been taken ill. or someone wants to borrow money. They forget that I have to travel every week twice a week to the darford to see my kids funding the travel myself. To be honest I used to care about that but now I don't . Since everything that has happened with me and my kids I have truely seen who they really are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink stars Posted February 20, 2010 Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 Hi Carol, welcome to the site. Plenty of information here for you and I've found there to be lots of friendly and supportive people too x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boogbear Posted February 20, 2010 Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 hi carol u've come to the right place i too am having a bad time battling post-abortion stress i found a lot of support and good advice and minus any judgement just talking to people here will make u feel better anytime u feel prepared to share ur story, u'll find compassionate listeners Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carbella80 Posted February 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 hi boogbear I 've gone through that too had an abortion at 18 now i'm nearly 30 and still think about it.... in fact that was the reason i ended up with 5 kids i had such a bad experiance that i would vow i would never do it again. my last son the doctor advised me to terminate my pregnancy for my health reasons as i use to get reaal bad gestational diabetes and my babies were born to big a nd premature. but I couldn't do it and so I had him he was 5 weeks early and was in special care for a week he weighed 8pound 7 oz when he was born but he's fine now so if u wanna chat about how yr feeling i can relate to you.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boogbear Posted February 20, 2010 Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 hey just scrolled and read ur story u have every reason to hang on and fight its ur kids at the other end u will win ur kids back because u havent done anything that proves u incompetent to raise kids god bless u Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carbella80 Posted February 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 hi boogbear, thats the thing they are trying there upmost to say i neglected them. The truth of the matter is I was struggling to cope with them because i had all these illness and some of my kids had medical needs too and I just wasn't getting any back up and support from my family but I have argued my case so many times to them. they put me through a parenting assessment in october for 3 months with the children to assess weather i was capale of caring for them but it was so intense they watch everything you do I mean everything how you change your babys bottom how you bath them how you talk with them what you feed them how you dress them how u interact with them. it was so stressful and hard they just placed me here with my kids who i hadn't had in my care for 7 months and expected for me to get on with still not having the chance to greive for what happened to my son yes he survived thank god but he was in a spinal brace for 3 months after the accident and it killed me seeing him like it. anyway at the end of it all they said I tried my best but i had what they call too many emotional issues to deal with and witout help they said that i wouldn't be able to deal with my kids emotional needs..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carbella80 Posted February 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 i couldn't even spend this christmas with them they took them away again on the 22nd of december to foster carers it was the worst day of my life my daughter wouldn't let go of me screaming that she didn't want to go , but i had to hold it together and not cry otherwise the assessment team would have said that i wasn't thinking of the kids after the children left with the social worker i just collapsed had a panick attack and i've been continuing to have them since that day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boogbear Posted February 20, 2010 Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 dont u lose faithcarol single mum.................5 kids.................hats off to u u'll get them back i know how stressful it gets when someone is looking at u while u do these daily tasks and tries to assess u they should understand accidents happen anywhere and everywhere its not something u can avoid by taking a vaccine!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boogbear Posted February 20, 2010 Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 and their saying that u need help with ur emotional issues is fine but what sort of help is snatching someone's kids from them they expect that to heal u!!!!!!!! u just hang on. u will get them back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carbella80 Posted February 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 I know alot of this has to do with the recent events of baby p and the social services are scared that they will loose their jobs get a bad name for themselves, but we are all not like that family what happened to that poor baby made me sick, but there are people out there that deliberatly neglect and abuse their kids and get away with whilst others that just need a ittle help and support get chastised for what others have done. This is how I feel i have been treated. The funny thing is i still have parential rights over my kids even though the social services have an interim care order my kids are in care under section 20 which means they were not placed in care through court orders but through me voluntarily allowing it.....they forget i could easily go and remove my kids but what good would that do me they would only get the police involved and then who knows what would happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carbella80 Posted February 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 sorry don't know how to quote posts lol but in response to what u just sai boogbear about healing whislt taking my kids away... I have said that so many times even to my solicitor how can they expect me to get emotionally stable when most of it IS because I don't have my babies here with me they are all i have ever known since i was 19 I don't know any other life without them......even to get a job i wouldn't know where to start or even if I could get one for that matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boogbear Posted February 20, 2010 Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 u just need to have patience thats most important none of this permanent i live in india so i dont know much about ur legal system but if nothing else works, u can seek redressal they cant keep ur kids with them and make it look like u were incompetent and happily let them take charge of ur kids Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carbella80 Posted February 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 Bu t that is exactly what they are trying to do make me look that way.....and i know i wasn't incompetant I know I was struggling to cope which is what i told them and their responce was this...."you may have been struggling to cope but you were neglecting your kids even if it was unintensionale" I couldn't believe it my kids were put through a full medical check by a social services doctor they were stripped down to their under wear checked for any kind of physical neglect or abuse any bruise they found they questioned me or if it was the older 2 kids they would ask them how they got it....and not once did the children say mummy or daddy did that they told them exactly where they got them and it was mainly from playing in school. the report came back that they couldn't find anything wrong with them. And now what they are saying and this was in court on wednesday that my kids are "DAMAGED" from being in my care, I felt like jumping up in the court room and saying "NO IT WAS YOU LOT THAT DAMAGED MY KIDS BY TAKING THEM AWAY FROM ME AND SEPERTING THEM ALL" My kids only get to see each other once a month at a contact centre its disgusting, my youngest son now calls me carol instead of mummy when I see him he'll be 3 in june, can't they see what they are doing to my kids? or they do but don't want to adress it, of course not the blame is all going on me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bonii Posted February 20, 2010 Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 hey carol just read all your posts and i'm so sorry and angry this has happened to you. i dont know you but from what youve written it seems like all you have is your kids best interests at heart and to look after 5 kids alone whilst suffering with health issues yourself must have been so hard. this countries social system is so backwards, your kids have a mother who obviously loves them and who they love back yet they would rather take them away from you and place them in a strange environment which must be so confusing for them and then they expect you to to take tests to see if your coping mentally its ridiculous, this must be the most stressful thing anyone could go through so how they expect you to be coping well now is stupid. you would think they would use their common sense and judgement in this situation. you have no help from family and have health problems but your kids were loved and accidents happen that doesnt mean you neglected your son. yet you hear about and see kids in real messed up family situations and nothing gets done about it. this just seems like its punishing innocent victims. i really hope that you win this battle and get your kids back and it doesnt cause any lasting effects to them because it all seems so unessassary x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carbella80 Posted February 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 Hi Bonii That has been my arguement all along. They have never found any physical abuse or neglect. So theyare trying to say that they have been em,otionally effected through domestic violence now. But that was way back in 2005 and at that time I only had 3 children and it was only oncwe that my eldest child witnessed one incedent the others have never seen a thing most of it was verbal and mental abuse towards me and never towards the kids. I will give their father the dues he deserve and say he has always been a good dad to them. Even now we are not together he is still there for them....well when social services let him as he too is fighting with me to get them back, he is going to an anger management and domestic violence programme to prove to them he will do what it takes just like my self. But it feels to me that they are just putting more and more obsticles in our way once we have done something that THEY have asked us to do. WE went through a DNA as they wanted to know whos kids were whos as my youngest two have a different father to my eldest 3, that in itself is another story of my turmoil life....He turned out to be a con artist and a good one at that. He told me he was a royal marine commando fighting in afgahnistan he had the whole get up the uniform the photos the the works and i believed him never saw hm for months on end thinking he was away fighting when I had his first child (Harley the one that had the accident) he wasn't around then Harley feel ill with meningitus when he was just 5 weeks old he phoned the hospital saying he would compassionate leave to see him but he never did, then obviously alot of things went on from there he came home and I fell pregnant with youngest only after harley was 4 months old. It was during this pregnancy that i found out the truth about him.. he was never in the army he wasn't 36 years old he was 48 with 2 wives one other girlfriend(who was pregnant too) and 6 other kids which his eldest was the same age as me at the time I was 26. Oh I could go on and on, but any way the point is this....that social services have been trying to locate him to tell him about what happened to my son....I went ballistic how dare they after him not being there since the day he was born and expecting him to come now and pretend to be a doting father I don't think sooo where was he when harley was sick where was he when my youngest was sick in hospital being born 5 weeks prem and where was he when harley fell from that window??? Well he wasn't there was he so he can go a jump for all I care. Sorry for rambling on but I have never been able to tell anyone these things to understand how deep these things go for me and what I have had to do for my babies on my own and then for someone to just snatched them away like a rag doll and expect me to give up and be ok no I don't think so., Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vorny Posted February 20, 2010 Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 My heart goes out to you carol. I cant even begin to imagine what you are going through. Stay strong and you will get them back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momokani Posted February 20, 2010 Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 Hi Carol...you sound like a real soldier. Family is so important. Such a shame that you don't get support from them. I'm sure here as you can see that you will have a different family to get you through by listening. Thanks for posting. You are a real fighter. Momokani Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carbella80 Posted February 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 Hi guys thanks for your support I really apprichiate it. I pray every day to get them back but I also question this world WHY? WHY ME? WHY MY KIDS? But do't know why am I being punished or what? Coz that's how it feels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boogbear Posted February 20, 2010 Report Share Posted February 20, 2010 Hi guys thanks for your support I really apprichiate it. I pray every day to get them back but I also question this world WHY? WHY ME? WHY MY KIDS? But do't know why am I being punished or what? Coz that's how it feels. dear carol i know u must be feeling that everything and everyone around is up against u trying to snatch away all that u hold dear and its natural for u to wonder why have u been singled out by god to handle so much misery but trust me, there are people going through similar things and much more thank god ur son survived, its a huge blessing everyone has their share of troubles u're separated from ur kids since some time but me and my baby have been separated forever before i could even get to know him, we didnt even get a chance god be with u and i hope u find more support in the people actually present around u sometimes we fall prey to a system that has been designed for the good of the society the laws causing trouble to u are the same laws that must have saved many innocent kids from miserable lives when their primary caregivers failed or were negligent just be patient u will be reunited with ur kids soon no civil society can punish an innocent fellow for long just control ur emotions, remember u have to prove ur emotional stability Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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