Hi New Member

[bonii]

wow carol thats terrible. i cant understand why on earth they would try to contact your ex when hes never been there for your kids. your kids wont even know who he is and why do they think if hes never bene there for them that he'll turn up now. its like theyre trying to paint you to be a bad mother and i cant understand why. its not your fault you went through domestic violence and it sounds like theyre trying to make you feel at fault for that. i can see why you would start to wonder are you being punished or something, it seems so unfair. you've gone through so much shit, i hope you get the break you deserve and you and your kids father (the one whos been a dad to them) win your fight to get them back. dont worry you can talk about anything you want youre not rambling and its good if it helps you xx

[carbella80]

boogbear its easier said than done to be able to control my emotions

This is the reason i have to have proffesional help if I could control them then I'd be fine

But I'm not,

I lost a baby too b4 my other children I told you I had an abortion when I was 18 and it wasn't a nice experiance at all.

having to see the baby on screen to know yr not too far gone to be able to have an abortion.

Yes I saw mine it was 8 weeks and had a little heart beat

My reasons for doing it were for reasons that i was 18 and not read and 2 the person I was with turned out to be an illegal immigrant that only wanted me so he could stay here in the UK

I had second thoughts but he wanted me to keep it so he could stay here. I told him the only way i would keep it was if there was a couple that couldn't have kids i would give to them, BUT then i thought how could I do that after carrying it for 9 months. So I did have the abortion it was aawful and I know how you feel two days later after i had the abortion I crippled up in pain and was bleeding badly I ended up in hospital put on morphine and discovered taht the doctor that had done this procedure had left half of the featus inside me and i was hemmoraging from it i had to have antibiotics and a scrape and i had to rest. it was so scarey and from that day till this i swore that if i ever got pregnant again I would never have another abortion. that child would have been 11 years old by now so i do think what if??? but 6 months after that i fell with my daughter. and you know what alot of people ask me why do i have so many kids? and the answer to that is what you have just read. so i know you are in pain I cried that day i went down to the theatre room I was the first one down that morning and there were girls there that were laughing and joking like it was nothing the nurses there that day said to me that some of them were regulars can u believe that like they were in a salon or something using that as a alternative instead of using contraception, so boogbear what i'm trying to say is I do understand and I know what its like to loose something that you'll never have but i feel like i've lost 6 times over.

I also misscarried a twin in my last pregnancy when i was 10 weeks pregnant...

[boogbear]

dear carol

i just hope these social services people learn to make a correct judgement about where their services are actually needed, rather that harassing people like u who do all that they can to cope with life.

i can understand how u feel being accused of neglect when it seems obvious talking to u that u've given them ur all

i hope these people realize the bond that exists between u and ur kids

i think agencies such as these should work towards empowering people and making them more self reliant and self sufficient, and not disrupt their lives

if they had any sense they should have helped u with finding some work that suits a single mom of 5 kids, i dont understand what is their idea of social service!!!!!

i'll pray for u carol, because i believe that no one can deny the rights of a mother over her children

and i'll be happy to share ur problems and talk

[just.me]

Hi, am really sorry that you are suffering as much as you are.

Do you have a solicitor? Someone working on your behalf?

You need to take advantage of all the resources available to you.

Get yourself well, ensure that you are proving that you are a good parent by getting medical help, therapy if necessary.

It is going to take strength, but you have the conviction to win.

Make a list, get character statements attesting to your love for your children, and your ability as a good parent. Get reports from medical professionals attesting that you are undertaking therapy, on controlled medication.

You have to arm yourself with as much evidence as possible, whilst you should not have to do that, in order to fight these assholes, you have to prove beyond any doubt that you are able to take full responsibility for your children. Do that and a judge should find in your favour if you were to present the necessary evidence in court.

[carbella80]

was supposed top go see my two boys this afternoon got up got ready went out and for some unknown reason this feeling of dispair has come all over me instead of heading for the station i took the bus home. I just got in feeling really low thoughts going through my head of killing my7self and what i'm gloing to use tablets?..... overdosing on my insulin?.... what way am i going to do it woulod anybody notice nahhhhh don't think they will! They haven't noticed me so far whats the difference now, even if I was to call up anyone they would be to busy to see me or would'nt even be bothered to talk for that matter....

So what is the pooint I can't carry on feeling like this I need to be strong for my kids but how much strength I got left in me I don't think very much if any left I just wanna give up not feel this pain anymore thats what killing me not the people themselves but the pain I am feeling GOD IT HURTS SOOOO BAD i jusdt keep burdsting into tears wherever I am thats not me thats not the person I once knew,

So what do I do?

[boogbear]

carol

u're mom to five kids who love u and who need u

i know its very hard on u but plz dont lose this fight

u have to get ur act together to win back ur kids because they belong to u and not some lousy social service people

just remember the faces of ur kids

why have u to think about anybody else and how they have been to u and how ur going away wouldnt make any difference to them

think of what devastating effect this will have on ur kids

i know its a terrible time but plz have faith

[Mad-donna]

Carol

You need to hold on

your kids need you now more than they ever have before

All this will pass, hold on do the things Sioux says and you will get them back.

I've been where you are now

it took me 2 and half years but I got all my 6 back and they've grown up into lovely people.

don't kill yourself, it won't help them and it hurts, believe me!

There are at least 5 people out there who love you, hold on for them

Stay with it Carol

[carbella80]

Hi mad-donna

Thankyou for responding after I posted that last message I got straight onto a crisis line and spoke to a stranger for 3 hours by the end of it he made me calm and made me feel better, just to verbally talk to someone was all I needed, I went and saw my other 3 children today, such beautifal kids got them all a treat and I also spoke to one of the carer's thats looking after one of my sons.... she is so down to earth and caring she belives that my kids shouldn't be in care and she has been a foster carer for a long time with kids of her own, I told her what had happened earlier that day and why i never turned up to see my boys.

She was so understanding and she said to me I'm going through hell and she would expect me to have some bad days. I just didn't want my boys seeing me like that. Anyway she cheered me up a little and has invited me to my son's 5th birthday party she has arranged for him on the 11th of march as she has told the other foster carers about it as they all work for the same fostering agency so they all know each other and she has told them to bring all my kiids along for the party and she said she would tell my social worker about it, that she wants me to go as the social worker is a right bitch sher wanted me only to see my kids on their contact days regardless of what day their birthdays fall on and I have never missed a birthday.

I'm so glasd that there is actually some one on this site that has gone through what I am going through coz its so hard to explain to people how I feel when it has never happened to them, especially my family and I am not getting one ounce of support from them at all.

I used to be able to deal with this situation since it happened last april but since christmas it has just got harder for me and because i'm all alone now with no family it gets harder and harder to cope with.

[suzieq]

Hi there all, I'm new to this site and have read through some of your stories and problems and now I don't know if I'm in the right place to share my stories or pain?

Do i post here? or post on the unspoken words and letters section? I just don't know?? I'm scared to say whats happened in my life as So many people can be so judgemental without hearing you out and knowing the truth. So maybe i'm hoping that by finding a place like here that I can say what I feel and speak about whats happened without horrible critism. All I know is that my life is hell and I feel alone and scared for the future if there ever will be one? So I hope I can make some good friends on here who we can share and try and support each other in our problems coz I ain't got nobody no friends and my family just don't want to support me in anyway, just feel alone everyday with just my pc and music for comfort.

Hope to get to speak soon

luv Carol.x

Hi Carol. Haven't been on here long, only posted a few days ago and feeling really bad myself. You're in the right place to let it all out and not be judged by anyone. Thinking of you, life isn't easy but everyone is here to help. x Sue x