sanctuary Posted February 21, 2010 Report Share Posted February 21, 2010 After all the hard work I have put in myself into therapy over the last 2 years, the efforts I have made to read up on BPD and try to find a way out. The course I am doing on society and trying to find the meaning of life, I think, with boyfriend/ex/whatever being the last hurdle in my recovery, I have come up with a plan.... It is now glaringly obvious that I need structure and routine to my life in order to survive without going from crisis to crisis. The structure of my life is starting to build with hard work and determination. However, if M wants to be with me like he keeps saying, he's going to HAVE to accpet this illness once and for all. Until now, he has beleived I have various stand alone issues like anger management, sexual addiction and infertility causing sadness and pain. What he has failed to grasp in all this time is that these things are either a consequence of the illness or factors which lead to strong feelings that I have difficulty containing. I'm going to request a meeting between my therapist, my care coordinator, myself and my partner and perhaps even my dad. All of these people with exception of partner, all accept my diagnosis, believe recovery is possible, and actively work with me to meet that elusive goal of recovery. I think for me, now, I have to really take the bull by the horns and show this partner of mine the reality. That I am genuinely affected by BPD but that it is not who I am nor who I want to be. Think he will go for it? Who knows? But last night he said he loves me after a long conversation about how I cannot go on with this relationship, but he seems DETERMINED not to let me go....... So this is my best plan...... he needs to see the reality of my situation. He needs to see that this BPD is real. And if he can't make the commitment to trying to help me get better then I think after this, I WILL be strong enough to walk away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily-Bee Posted February 21, 2010 Report Share Posted February 21, 2010 It must be daunting but gee what a good plan!!! I hope you are proud of yourself for being so pro active in all this!! And I wish you the best with this meeting, let us know how it goes? Lilly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted February 21, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2010 Thank you Lilly. I will definately be posting the updates to this plan xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donnam Posted February 21, 2010 Report Share Posted February 21, 2010 sounds like a good plan, should be allowed to set it up no prob, i just had one out of cpn choice, she wanted multi disciplinary where gp, p doc, herself and therapist as well as me and hubby came, but gp and p doc couldnt make it. good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benway Posted February 21, 2010 Report Share Posted February 21, 2010 dear sanctuary. this sentance popped out in big bold typefont when i read you post ;- But last night he said he loves me after a long conversation about how I cannot go on with this relationship, but he seems DETERMINED not to let me go. You have tried to let him go numourous times. You have yourself driven half-mad by him.I really admire you sanct, i see a girl fighting fo her life in your posts. You practise structure and routine, you are getting out there so you don't fester in the house alone, things i didn't have the willpower or bravery to do. You also don't take meds- meaning you 'feel' more. My bpd 'peaked' aged about 34, mental age about 15. It got easier after that, thank god. I support whatever decision you make re: M and this meeting. As you say, "He needs to see that this BPD is real. And if he can't make the commitment to trying to help me get better then I think after this, I WILL be strong enough to walk away". I wish you the best of luck. That whatever happens is the best ultimitally(sp?) for YOU. I am glad there will be professionals who know you and support you at this meeting. (you know how you love girlie, shes under the sofa throw licking my socks as i write this lol. I was wondering what was tickling me...) All the best , b.k. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rainbow Tears Posted February 21, 2010 Report Share Posted February 21, 2010 This is a brilliant plan. I think it may be the only way for him to understand the gravity of the situation. It will be hard, but worth it. Let us know how its going. (((((((((((((((((((((((sanctuary)))))))))))))))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted February 21, 2010 Report Share Posted February 21, 2010 great plan...i hope it all goes well xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted February 21, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2010 He's watched the video that I sent him explaining BPD, he's read up about it today... he just called me.... know what he said? He said he doesn't think he has a compatible personality to be able to give me the support I need. He said he has looked into it all and cannot see him ever being able to provide me with what I need. Yet, at the beginning of the conversation he said he had watched and read and said he wanted to support me... said it would be a pleasure to help me. But his nagging doubts about his ability came out and well, that's it now.... HE CAN'T DO IT. Great. Life fucking sucks. And right now all I can feel is pain. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benway Posted February 21, 2010 Report Share Posted February 21, 2010 dear sanctuary, i'm really sorry this has happenned , i can only imagine how hurt you must feel. safe hugs (((sanct))) i wish i could help you with the pain , so the decision has been made ...? and i know it wasn't the one you wanted, you wanted that one more chance... thinking of you, b.h. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just.me Posted February 21, 2010 Report Share Posted February 21, 2010 Sanctuary, am really really sorry he has done that. I don't know the history, only what you have written in the past few weeks. I admire you, and really wish I was as strong as you, you have come through so much, and you can come through this. It's a sad fact that when we think all is going well something comes along to knock us of our feet. I hope you find the strength to pick yourself up from this, and be well. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bena.baby Posted February 21, 2010 Report Share Posted February 21, 2010 ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((sanc)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlylight1 Posted February 22, 2010 Report Share Posted February 22, 2010 take care sanctuary, sure u know this but its a character flaw on his part if he can't support you through this. thats what relationships are about aren't they? its not like you're refusing to get the help you need or not trying. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted February 22, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2010 Thanks for the support guys.... After I posted this he told me to rest,(!) take a break,(!) enjoy time with my friends (!) and try to relax (!) I was soo distraught and actually really angry he was telling me to TRY anything atall!!!.... I mean proper fucking 'I don't know what to do anymore' kinda thing I got in my car and flew up to London in double quick time to just see him.... I was shaking.... pyshically shaking when i got to his door.... Anyway, I concluded that if what he was saying was reality, then if nothing else I wanted that elusive cuddle and comfort out of respect for the fact he can't actually provide it anymore and effectively this was truly the end of the road. I wanted him to appreciate that being told "I'm sorry I can't help you" after 14 months of being together and me explaining that I had BPD after a reasonable 2 months of dating (it was a big event for me at the time (I remember it vividly)and I was at that point mature enough to accept the consequences... But to deny it's existance for soooooo long.... infact until it couldn't be ignored any longer (my behaviour becoming more and more erratic) to tell me after all this time that he simply is not the right compatible kind of person to gie me what I need... well, I am devastated, frustrated, angry, hurt, sad and then some.... I stayed at his last night only because I couldn't physically function and he stroked my hair and held me tight. But inevitably I had to leave and know for sure that when I did, there is no possible way of looking back and wishing for anything further from him. He's not a bad man, but Vivien you are right, he does have a character flaw, infact he knows it himself, and even last night and this morning said he has made too many mistakes with me, but the sad thing is, I will be suffering 100 times worse than he could ever imagine himself to suffer. This illness is all about the emotions and this situation I am in is potentially too much to take in. I have a doctors appt on wed am to get some diazepam to help me calm down and try to find some peace of mind to accept, that this relationship is really, truly, SPENT. There is really nothing left to try for. If he can't help me, well at least he was honest and that gives me a clear message. No more mixed messages. I now know what I have to do.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted May 25, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 25, 2010 I have a meeting tomorrow with all the people I wanted except M. So, I have care coordinator, therpaist and my dad all attending. The purpose is to have a risk management plan and a care plan agreed containing enough to support me through any future crisis and also to have an idea of where I am heading in my plans for recovery. I am supposed to have done some homework on it but I'm stuck at the moment. Anyone got any ideas? xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted May 26, 2010 Report Share Posted May 26, 2010 I made mine about holding down a part-time job, with the goal to either work up to full-time if it were possible or, to learn to sustain a job beyond 2 years. Sah *romantically, I decided to be dead honest, it was my dual agenda, look like I am working on interpersonal relationships while secretly, I would drive my "love" away for good because I believed he couldn't hack the truth, turns out he could; it backfired So, instead started with grief issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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