lostsoul Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 I dont 'get' therapy. I had my seventh session yesterday evening and i came back pretty commited to giving it up. I don't think it is the right therapy maybe - more crappy advice from my MH team god they are completely useless. They told me to go and get CAT therapy when i should have gone for a straight CBT therapy and now i have wasted loads of money on seven weeks of bullshit 'talking'. Nothing is changing and she just makes me feel like a retard. She never re-assures me. She accuses me of trying to be distant, and says i don't want to change. BULLSHIT. If i didn't want to change i wouldnt have asked so many times when we are actually going to start changing the patterns we have identified - the traps, dilemmas and so on. She always avoids answering this, usually by saying just notice first. I have been noticing for seven weeks ffs. And then she has the nerve to say to me: you dont want to change! WTF!!!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRR... anuerism, aneurism, lobotomy SO... i am trying to find out about DBT still, and all I am finding is piss takers trying to pass themselves off for DBT practitioners when actually it is just a whacked 'version' of it, and for this they charge.. £188 / session. Just contacted NHS direct to ask them to do a search for me for a course within the NHS. Hopefully it will throw something up. I cannot believe that in the whole of London there isn't one NHS clinic that offers it. Well actually, that is scarily possible. Ok so i needed to rant. I still dont understand therapy. It just makes me feel like a retard, like i am unsavable, and they dont get me... like, the things i say about the world, they just look at me like im well, a retard. If DBT doesnt work i am really FUCKED! am i really a retard? i dont think so. i think my view on the world is actually higly informed and reasonable.. like yesterday, when i said that i didnt want my 'self' to be subsumed (note use of totally inappropriate word - meaning something i didnt want it to mean. perhaps substitute it for the word: defined, or whatever) by the roles of society so that my real self is shredded and raped and disregarded and moulded until it fits exactly to the one they want me to have just so i can perform a function for them - isnt this quite a reasonable desire? is everybody so goddamn brainwashed that they dont also think like this! and cos i think about it, i get the lovely label BPD. just cos i dont role-adopt. well FUCK THEM ALL. ok i know it is more complicated than that, but still... throw me a frikkin bone here what the heck is therapy about? do you also think you cannot be helped? that people just dont understand, that therapy is just another mode of control? to re-mould you into someone society can use. i dont want to be part of this society! im a human being get me out of here!!! and so on. i mean i just never fitted in. i never understood what we were all working for. it doesnt make sense. nobody seems to be able to help me make sense of it. maybe i dont need therapy maybe i need a revolution - maybe we all need one. what do you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 Yes, I believe I can be helped through therapy. Anyone can be helped to a degree as long as you can find the therapist you "fit" with and the relationship is built on trust and you are committed to change. A therapist cannot do the work for you as he/she is your guide. No therapy is not another mode of control. No one has the perfect life not even therapists. Who says they feel like they fit in with society either? Its about helping us adapt and survive while we are still living on this planet. We cannot change the past but we can change our behaviors and coping mecanisms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted April 5, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but oh forget it. let's call the whole thing off. tomatoe, tomatoe, tomatoe, tomatoe. maybe i am just a pice of shit and i should go throw my self in the toilet x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted April 5, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 thanks lady. i can see therapy will work for you better than for me. you are not so negative and pessimistic and you probably know what subsumed means and you can probably also spell pessimistic. you have had productive therapy in the past and everytime i try i just dont get on with it. i always knew this - i am too different. i am actually MAD, so of course no one will understand and help. you cant help a mad person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted April 5, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 i am so sorry for being a DICK by the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 No, you are not a piece of shit. Your therapist may not be working for you. Remember the therapist I had when I first joined? Can you say nightmare? She could not handle me at all. I have always been close with my therapists and she hated me. She did not know what a panic attack was and suggested that I go to the hospital and got pissed off with me because I was too scared to go. Plus, I don't think rehashing the past over and over again while she writes notes and I do most of the talking is helping either of us really. Yes, she made me feel like I had no hope of overcoming my mental problems because she did not know what to do. I think you should look into CB therapy if anything because they are trained to work with people with personality disorders. It is hard work and it can be frustrating at times but it can be rewarding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 what the heck is therapy about? do you also think you cannot be helped? that people just dont understand, that therapy is just another mode of control? to re-mould you into someone society can use. i dont want to be part of this society! im a human being get me out of here!!! and so on. this is exactly why I 'slam' DBT/CBT based approaches so much. It tells you how you should react and doesnt have any regard for the feelings behind what causes negative reactions in the first place. Sure it may well get you to change your behaviours but it doesnt deal with any of the hurt behind it. To me thats like putting soil over a live volcano sonner or later its going to burst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 I have major freaking attatchment issues. The therapists I saw when I was younger I refused to talk too. My first T in college became like a mother figure to me. My second T I started seeing and had to leave I miss terribly. Yes, they helped but they did not cure me. It obviously takes a bloody long time. I wish I could have taken you to my last therapy session I was extremely negative and angry. Sometimes I feel like nothing will change but I want my life back and I want to give a big FUCK YOU ALL to my family members who think of me as a miserable old bitch that won't amount to anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 Have you ever tried CBT OR DBT therapy extinct? Yes, my CB therapist does have regard to the feelings behind it the negative reactions. Its called schema therapy! You cannot change the past. We will always remain hurt by the past but we can't continue to live in the past because we won't get anywhere in life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted April 5, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 yes i have heard of that - schema therapy. is that what you are doing? i'm listening to country and western. there is this song called : the bottle let me down. i so want to get pissed right now but i can't cos im on these damn fucking meds really want to get wrecked and then fall on the floor - check out my productivity this here tuesday er, yeah. i am also ploughing through benefit forms. i cant be bothered really. just like everything. less than zero motivation. they even want the address of my local post office, the bunch of cunts. can't they figure that out? christ this means i actually have to walk into town and find out. BOLLOCKS. hey has anyone else noticed a striking correlation between how you feel and how much you swear!?> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 Yes, when I am angry I have a trucker's mouth! Yes, I am doing schema therapy...the psychologist who developed it is actually a colleague of my therapist. He actually treats borderlines. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted April 5, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 wow you are lucky there then aren't you? if you talk like a trucker do you go on about beavers then? haha (sorry) xx i will find out about schema therapy now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 lost, you will be able to get the addy of the net. Emma, Yes ive extensively tried CBT.The main reason its so widely used it that its cheap and very easy to learn.I am in no way saying its useless. I am saying that its potentially damaging to attempt CBT on a person who is still struggling to come to terms and understand there past. To me that is a vital element of recovery. I was 18 years old had just moved out of the family home that remained abusive untill the day i left for good, I was pregnant ,confused and unbalanced as hell. To tell someone that everything wrong in there life is down to them thinking the wrong way is like driving into a brick wall and 70 mph and expecting it not to hurt like hell. How ever true it may be. Sorry, the way CBT and the likes is used and praised like its some kind of god send makes me angry or laugh in despair depending on what day it is. You can also teach yourself to think in 'CBT' ways fairly easily. I have done it. But however able you are to react in appropiate ways does not and can not take away the hurt and the pain that is at the root of the problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 Get this book its about schema therapy and CBT. "Reinventing your LIfe" by Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko. It talks about your lifetraps and gives you exercises on how to cope with them. Both my therapists have worked with me on this book. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 I still stick with the angry heart for a good all round approach. Wish I could afford to move to NY and afford the therapy fees Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 There is nothing about therapy that is supposed to be a quick fix. Yes, its going to be painful but giving up because its painful is not the answer. Do you feel any better now? Are you still dealing with that pain? Cheap? My sessions costs $120 a session. Its very frustrating, intense, painful, and aggravating. But, hey for me its godsend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted April 5, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 yeah i spoke to someone today who recommended tthat book i am going to have to go buy it now because the cosmos must want me to if two different people have told me about it in the same day (i love magical thinking too much to be a ble to quit lol) xx thanks lady - you have a wealth of knowledge. also, ex - i take your point. i think i am ready to handle the brick wall now : ). i have my safety belt on and everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 Jeff Young the author of the book works with my T. She told me he says "bring on the borderlines!" :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 heh, I gave up because he 'sacked' me. He worked in private practice said his insurance didnt cover clients involved in risky situations. (self harm etc etc etc etc) And yes $120 is fairly cheap for therapy over here if you pay for it out of your own pocket. Guess money wise its all relative. Do I feel any better? No. Can I behave myself? yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 so ive been forced into living a life that is mostly s**t by CBT style brainwashing. That takes away your coping tools without replacing them with anything else. So instead of acting on feeling suicidal you just sit and feel suicidal. Not really sure whats better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 Actually im done with this conversation. Not annoyed with anyone, this subject is just to personal and close to my heart to be able to stay calm about it. Claire, Sorry for the hijack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted April 5, 2005 Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 Not cheap for me...well actually my father. My CB T told me that she usually does not take on suicidal patients. I can understand where she is coming from. She usually refers suicidal patients to clinics where there is someone on staff 24/7 because once a week is not going to help much. My T wants me to start DBT esp. if I continue cutting or go into the hospital. They must be the same as British therapists. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted April 5, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 ((((((((((((((ex))))))))))))))) sounds like you need a revolution! ((((((((((((((lady))))))))))))) bring on the borderlines? is he serious~??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted April 5, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 oh yeah i just ordered that book from amazon. and also got guide to schema therapy by the same author. the cosmos is well pleased. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted April 5, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2005 they have that view of suicidal patients? huh. that seems so... responsible, and caring. im stunned. you would never get that here. nobody takes you seriously till you turn up at A&E with sliced wrists. and even then they wont take you that seriously cos it is 'just' parasuicide. you are 'just' crying out for attention. oh why dont they all just sod off. god listen to me. ex dont worry about hijacking. your views are valid to me. please... continue if you wish, but if it really is pissing you off then yeah take a break babes. lady - how many sessions have you had and how much is it helping do you think? xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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