dotlink Posted March 30, 2010 Report Share Posted March 30, 2010 I feel like a right whinger now , I do apologise seeing as I only posted something only yesterday What on Earth is happenning to me? im in tears righting this so im sorry if its a bit 'heat of momentish' Last night went to bed and I had a massive massive panic attack, could hardly breathe and somehow at some point went to sleep during the night, I dont know what time Got up today in a horrible mood but this evening went out with some old friends who are back for Easter Hols from Uni. They are my best friends and its just....fun with them , fun to be around them compared to other friends. It was all going so well and then this girl I broke things off with , though think about everyday (if you read my last two posts youll get the jist of what im on about here) txt me saying she was feeling down and how I was doing. I was told to txt back by my friends who are wayyyy more experienced than me in these things just to say 'im out atm txt you later' (words to that effect). I txt back saying im ok thanks, whats up? and that im out atm txt / ring you later 6/7 txts of her saying she was fine talk tomorrow wondering where I was etc. I got home and stupidly rang her but I she said she was about to go sleep and she would ring me tomorrow. My worst move of the evening. The night was going so well catching up with old friends and then this txt. And I get them off her every few days and now tomorrow / today and this evening wondering about things. I know she went out last night to a club and only got a few hours sleep, my mind goes to the worst things about other guys (I know im a complete bastard saying that) and my mind instantly does to is it other guys she is feeling down about and is txting me to talk about it????? I think im being paranoid there to the extreme but that and the whole her txting me and my replies (were they the right thing to say) are cauing me the worst panic attacks ive had since the anxiety really started a few years ago (when i could hardly make it to school) IM sorry to rant gibberish here but I dont know who else to turn to :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dotlink Posted March 31, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 oooooohhh s**t im sorry people about the messag above for anyone who read it. Had a few to drink last night and may have got a bit irrational I think reading back I do stand by what I say but maybe could have been said a little less......emotionally sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted March 31, 2010 Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 hey dont be sorry or hold back.i only just saw his.i hope your feeling a little better today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dotlink Posted March 31, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 i do feel a little better thanks still playing on my mind obv but after a nights sleep and all that & keeping bust with work and stuff today so takes mind off things not exactly dealing with the issue but still Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dotlink Posted March 31, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 Turns out was completely right, good old paranoia ey, she did share a room with another guy & is thinking of seeing him again crushed, is all i can say really Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just.me Posted March 31, 2010 Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 Sometimes what we think is paranoia, isn't the thoughts are actually valid, you can't always ignore the niggling doubts, far better though not to voice them unless you get some kind of confirmation you were right!... Am sorry you were proved right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dotlink Posted March 31, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 i feel such a douche now & an idiot for all that happenned It really hurts that she slept with someone else and may see him again but I just came to the conclusion this cant go on so I sent her an email earlier explaining things that I just couldnt go on doing this and thought maybe as painful as it is going to be that its best if we leave things & dont hang out anymore What this means for me not being so paranoid about things I dont know , can only think in the long run it wont do wonders for it and only make me listen to it more but I suppose thats something ive got to deal with. Explained everything in the email, was quite about things so there was no confusion (do have the tendancy to move off the point and not be more assertive). Pressed send and felt a little more relieved and I smiled for the first time in a long time. Broke free a little bit as it were, sad as that sounds Doesont change the fact still got a ton on my plate and this issue will inevitably rear its ugly head again. But for now dont mean to be rude whoever this guy was good luck to him , only wish he can make her happier and satisfied that I ever clearly could. I will miss her but hearing what she said today just provides me with some ironic closure. She didnt cheat might I add we werent together anymore but everyone around me was saying what is she up to with you , she said one thing but then did another being really close etc, txt me every couple of days. I would go on about it but maybe its time i moved on from talking about her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just.me Posted March 31, 2010 Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 Honey, whilst we all like to think it is us that is the problem, sometimes it is not so. If someone ever loves me again, I want to be loved for me not for who I can be, or who they want me to be. When someone loves you the real you, they don't cheat. Don't be too hard on yourself, you smiled because the stress of that relationship has been removed from your life. You will have sad moments when you recall the good times, but those sad moments will be less and less frequent as time goes on, and eventually when you think of her you won't feel any pain at all. I speak from experience, you may still wonder *why*, but it won't be because you are in pain. Take care of you now, solve your problems one at a time, if necessary start small first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dotlink Posted March 31, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 Thankyou that is great advice , as per usual in these forums always fear im going to get a 'oh for god sake lad grow a pair' reply one day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toe Posted March 31, 2010 Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 Hey Pal, Glad you're moving on with your life, but sorry that means cutting ties with a 'friend'. Also just to say, I've been in your shoes MANY MANY TIMES before and felt like my sole had been ripped out !!! Dust yourself down and move on. You sound like a nice chap and I'm sure the right girl for you will come along when you least expect it. Chin up B) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just.me Posted March 31, 2010 Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 Why would I say grow a pair? Jeeeez that would be plain mean!!! You should be real proud of the way you dealt with it. It's a positive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dotlink Posted March 31, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 i dont know i think i dealt with it all a bit badly I was the one who said about a relationship, I was the one who desperatley tried to get her back I am the one turning my back on a friend above all else nevertheless though not to excuse myself things happenned that werent 'what friends do' if you know what i mean. Where I go on the women front from here I dont know, dont care atm Women front??? i dont know what im on about there It does have a more complex thing tied to it that have to deal with, I let her into my life BIGTIME & there is so many reminders of her whatever I do but I suppose theyll fade in time, hopefully The more complex thing though is the house we have in uni , one of my best friends i live with, its her cousin so how that is going to go down. As a result of the 'break up' all those weeks ago when she came down for her 1/2 term I dont speak to one person in the house as a result among other reasons that she blabbed things I told her in my worst moments. So how im going to deal with that for another year I dont know but cross that bridge when come to it I suppose Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just.me Posted March 31, 2010 Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 Hey my son goes to Uni, and he moves house every year cos they all have summer jobs, so every year he has gone back to a different house. You are worrying too much. My life was wrapped up in one person for three years. When they were no longer in my life, I was lost, it's taken 6 months, but I moved. When things have gone wrong for me in the past I have redecorated the house! If you have to stay where you are, change your room round, repaint it. Buy a different duvet cover. Silly things. If necessary change your aftershave. There are ways to get round things, it takes time, but the first step you took was the hardest and the biggest, the rest they be smaller. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dotlink Posted March 31, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 that is not a bad idea with the room & new duvet cover (wont go into detail there, although that does make it rather sorded, not meant like that). I do worry way too much but not to disagree just I though I was worrying too much about another guy and ..........I was right but I suppose a lot of the time I am wrong in my worries Really is a good idea though moving the room around , take some work but worth it I suppose Im sorry btw this all sounds silly over a girl you know. I read posts on here & i feel terrible for complaining about these things Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just.me Posted March 31, 2010 Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 Hey nothing that causes you pain or worry is ever silly. If something hurts you need to talk about it to get it out and get some perspective. I think we all worry a lot, depression means that we don't just worry about the big things we worry about the tiny things just as much. What you are going through is painful. Was just trying to think of things that would remind you less of her, make the room more yours now. I used to walk into my kitchen in my old house and remember a conversation I had had in there. Memories hurt us initially, as they fade and we replace them, they don't hurt us as much anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dotlink Posted March 31, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 oh you hit the nail on the head there , every room in my uni house will remind me of those painful days when things broke up I just suppose takes time to replace those memories Difficult maybe but suppose have to take on the challenge, living there for another year so may aswell get on with it ( I say this now) Got offered to go travelling for a bit last night with best friend who dont see often enough really when she finishes uni aswell next year for 6 months or so May have to take up that offer, I need to get away for a bit , do something new Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just.me Posted March 31, 2010 Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 ~Travelling after uni would be neat, after all that studying you will deserve a break. Remember though it is a long way off, and either you or your mate might be at different places in your lives then. It ain't going to be easy at your Uni house, but change your room a bit, get your head down for your final year, spend time at the library, that is where my son studies, not sure what you taking. And when you ready get back out there and knock em dead! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dotlink Posted March 31, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 yeh true youre right , if I could move out now with other people I know ......I would but maybe more trouble than its worth and I wouldnt want to move out for that reason if you get me, sounds a bit defeatist despite it being quite crushing all this I fell for her I must admit, she said she doesont believe in love and irony in a way that I did actually fall for her in that way. Not that she will care about that now. First time in so long see her on facebook chat, for some reason that panic comes back that she is probably now talking to her new guy, as sad as that sounds off me, now that I should even care anymore She used to come onto facebook chat to talk to me every evening & then she never came online when things petered out How times change ey. Oh and also I know about it being a year or so away , im not pinning my hopes on it but its a nice idea to mull over as a possibility. 1 option of me getting away from here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just.me Posted April 1, 2010 Report Share Posted April 1, 2010 I know how you feel about the chat thing. After a while your tummy won't roll anymore, and you be able to breathe easy. Get yourself a world map and put pins on it the places you want to see with your friend, or even alone. Print of scenic pics and put them on the map too, so you can remind yourself of the places you eventually want to see. It's good to dream sometimes. And they may become reality. I wish I was young again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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