hummm_mabbe Posted April 9, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 9, 2010 Hi Chipples I guess its just one of my big issues, the sense of powerlessness, anger, being overwhelmed and constantly like people are about to harshly judge, criticise and attack. I guess much of the time I just feel like the rest of the world is full of all this hatefulness and irritability, and the slightest thing from me and out comes the disgust, contempt and rage. So me brainie part feels like traditionally, its always lost these kinds of interactions and keeps trying to rehearse them in such a way as to overcome it. Very repetition compulsioney I guess but mabbe it fits that NLP thingmabob as well. From therapy I know the solution is to neither stop it, not 'beat' it, but for it to become something that is no longer a central defining issue for me - it becomes just one of those things of life. I would say this kind of thing is one of the main reasons I feel so constantly angry and also one of the sources of anxiety and depression. Feeling like the world is glaring at you in unconcealed contempt kind of takes it toll ... I really just wrote this thread because I wanted to see what other folks experience. Just wanted to feel sort of part of things. Ta for replying, you always have a nice huggey tone I needed huggey Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted April 9, 2010 Report Share Posted April 9, 2010 more huggies for rossy then... ((((((rossy mc huggle)))))))) xx dude is a bit dodgy, but the bunny is awesome lmao Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted April 9, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 9, 2010 awwwwww look at those feet! Lol If that thing did a bunny kick it would propel you into the stratosphere It looks mildly grumpy in that shot too lol awwwwwwwww Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted April 9, 2010 Report Share Posted April 9, 2010 I guess its just one of my big issues, the sense of powerlessness, anger, being overwhelmed and constantly like people are about to harshly judge, criticise and attack. I guess much of the time I just feel like the rest of the world is full of all this hatefulness and irritability, and the slightest thing from me and out comes the disgust, contempt and rage. So me brainie part feels like traditionally, its always lost these kinds of interactions and keeps trying to rehearse them in such a way as to overcome it. goodness ross that is my daily life full of fear and anger and 'knowing' that EVERYONE is waiting to attack, judge, criticise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted April 9, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 9, 2010 ((walkie T)) Its just like a constant bodily sense isnt it, like you just deal with people and its 'there' in the background. I am starting to try to question this very autmoatic feeling, link the feeling with where I know its come from and so on. Its very odd feeling, because that gut sensation is so convincing and solid - to stand back and say "maybe this gut feeling is wrong" feels like exposing myself to danger, and it also makes my head spin because what Im saying doesnt seem to fit with reality. Makes me realise that sense of how things are comes from my body as opposed to thoughts and stuff. I had an experience in therapy that made me deeply question the certainty of this constant sensation, I think its made a little crack in the wall Made a little bit of room for the idea that some people are nice... Only a little one though.... Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted April 9, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 9, 2010 Rossy and ruffle shirts, sounds so Gay! ha ha ha.... Tubby yeah righto. I can relate to Esme but not to your initial whatchamacallit! I dont argue in my head with others. TTTThooper gayyyyyyyyyyy Nowadays im more of a comfy jumper and t-shirt man lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted April 9, 2010 Report Share Posted April 9, 2010 i'm glad u made that little crack in the wall Ross, a great achievement i struggle as i often let the 'they're nice really' voice out but it always seems to end up wrong atm i have such trouble with the mh team as they sit and say 'what can we do to help, what do you want from us' how the HELL can i tell them, when i am waiting, expecting, terrified that whatever i say will be rejected, dismissed, laughed at, waved aside as out of the question, told im wrong its not what i need i realized yesterday (again) that it is a huge sticking point even my cpn, who i 'trust' - when i was in a crisis over Easter and she didnt text me back or call when she said - that was it, rejection, she cant be trusted, she is judging and condemning me then with all my courage i have to send a veiled message which tentatively expresses my fears (whilest head is telling me it will be wrong) and wait - filled with a sense of impending doom - until she replies. and the longer she takes the more distressed, anxious, and crazy i become after almost every session with her, i feel safe until shortly after i leave, then the arguing starts and all the 'wrongness' is revealed and smashed repeatedly round my head to remind me that little t will Never be right, will Always be judged, criticised, and dismissed im sorry i think maybe i am getting lost its just this issue seems to determine almost every breath i take - it is holding me in chains Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted April 9, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 9, 2010 Hi walker Yes can relate to that, that feeling after the session of the mind racing, feeling safe for a bit. I also tend to find myself feeling angry at her as time wears in between sessions. The only thing that seems to change this is getting to a point where I can be emotionally honest - say what my guts are saying at that moment whether its good, bad or really ugly. I tried to just say "this is what I am feeling", rather than expressing 'out of' the feeling. Eg I felt angry at her, but rather than shouting "youre pissing me off! ", I just said "I am feeling a sensation of anger towards you". It feels a little safer, an intermediate step if you like. It let me express what I need, but it also showed up the points where my gut sensation was actually wrong, the points where I was feeling something bad about what my T was saying, that she wasnt saying at all. This all happened in the last session, and for the first time I came away without feeling all those sensations. It felt like the first honest session we had had, and even though I expressed 'bad' things, I actually felt more connected to her Of course there were some guilt feelings too, but one step at a time .... Ross Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted April 9, 2010 Report Share Posted April 9, 2010 I cant focus very well, but I know I can relate. I have all 3 though, which in itself is pretty depressing. I never thought about any besides the auditory hallucinations being mh related. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted April 9, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 9, 2010 Heloooooo Ave Havent seen u for a while, good to see you yayyyyyyyyy Sorry you are feeling a bit poopie right now and feel these things, hope that a small e-hug will help ...? ((ave)) Rossie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted April 9, 2010 Report Share Posted April 9, 2010 :unsure: thanks ross. Nothing seems to work,I keep hoping I'll just disappear. The sentiment is appreciated though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yoko Alono Posted April 9, 2010 Report Share Posted April 9, 2010 Sure do, I have pretend arguments with people who wronged me or made incorrect presumptions when I was really manic. At the time I could not really protect myself, or assert myself well. This was six years ago!!!!!! And I still have that scenario when you wish you said something else - where in hind sight you have al the smart answers - all the things to assert yourself properly and correct them on their ethics, or lack there of - or there ignorance/arrogance etc. So I have these little repetitive arguments with these pple in my head in which I say what I would have liked to have said. It used to happen all the time. Now a few times a week. Mostly when I'm on the train, doing the dishes, riding my bike. Times when I'm occupied but not fully intellectually occupied. It drives me crazy when I catch myself. I figure its just a way to assert myself now with the troubles of the past. I just let myself finish the conversation - often with "i not comfortable discussing this further I feel that your comments are intrusive, disrespectful and patronising." then I steer my thoughts to concentrate onto things in the present. Funny thing is - when I find myself in a real conversation with someone that reminds me of these horrible dis-empowering altercations of te past I often end it in precisely this way. So maybe its not all bad. Maybe your just practicing to assert yourself. I read that once in an article about trauma conditions where people constantly speak of the traumatic experience (which is what I did for a couple of years). Now its all internal - so that's an improvement! At least its private thoughts now. Hope you find a way out of it soon. Regards, Yoko Alono Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted April 10, 2010 Report Share Posted April 10, 2010 I use to have these conversations with _____? Persons, in my head. I would talk and answer for them. These could go on for ages and started in first memory when I was 12. In the end I saw they were about me not talking. Not speaking my mind, not communicating my thoughts properly. Then lessened when I got really serious about therapy. They stopped when I go involved in a relationship where I was heard. I also, think they stopped because of my ability to be more accepting of self, with my mindfulness practice (DBT). Sah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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