Just Can't Put Food In My Mouth

[Brokenbutterfly]

All my past is hitting me... Nightmares are horrendous

For a while I havnt liked eating but this week I urge at the mere thought or putting anything in my mouth, I can drink weak tea that's it... I am loosing wieght fast. I don't think I'm fat or want to loose more weight..

What can I do am panicing and so so scared of food :,(

[just.me]

It's something psychological that is stopping you from eating, you really need to talk to your doctor, it is not in the least bit healthy to not eat. You could feint at anytime whilst crossing the road, driving anything.

[Brokenbutterfly]

Tbh I know how dangerous it is.. But am in bed most of the time

ATM due to collaspsing if I try to

go

out. This is truama or anxiety stuff. But I

have no

phyc yet awaiting assesment... Long story!

What I am scared of is being forced to

eat.. A dear friend

of mine was forced once I can't handle that..

[just.me]

Then you have to try to eat yourself, they don't force feed you, you would gag, however they can feed you intravenesly.

Forcefeeding someone is tantamount to torture, they might have done that 50 years ago but not now.

Something has triggered this and you have to work out what it is.

What happened the day you stopped eating?

[Brokenbutterfly]

Well it's been building up to this.. But some new dreams and flashbacks have invaded me this week.. Maybe it's that.. I can't go I to a place like that can't have them touch me or tubes or anything near my face.. The sips of tea out of my cup are ok bareable.. I also smoke this triggered me slightly so I took some meds and was able to smoke. But I had a bite of carrott earlier and retched till sick.. Went into what I can only describe as a complete replay of what was done to me and I couldn't stop it like it had to play.. I woke up about an hour later.. And don't remeber falling asleep..

My ex husband was here and said I was shaking and muttering, he knows not to touch me but tried to talk to me and he said it was as if I wasn't awake but was.. All that from trying to eat?? I am so confused.

At the moment I have taken some meds and am calm (ish) but even writing this is making me feeel scared..

Sorry if I seem to ramble and I can't explian well ..

[Brokenbutterfly]

Sorry I didn't say thankyou for your reply.

So thankyou

[catspiracy]

Dear Broken Butterfly,

My nurse friend shared some info with me when i was going thru a similar self-deprivation recently. You need glucose or your brain shuts down and your mood crashes even worse. The thing that kept me going was cans of "slimfast" meal replacement shake. Could you try something like that or a smoothie? Feed your brain, darlin, you matter too much to waste away!

(((BROKEN BUTTERFLY))))

Love,

cat

[Brokenbutterfly]

Today my gp called.. I was prescribed somthing else to take although not to sure on taking it... Today I feel strangly empty floaty calm.. I am sorry that all my posts seem self wallowing ..

[catspiracy]

Mine seem self wallowing to me, too, hun, it's ok, you have support here, not judgement.

Please drink a smoothie!

hugs,

cat

[Brokenbutterfly]

ok so today i tried ice cold milk shake ... i did manage a glass over a few hours. i did take meds to help. my gp came over to talk.. about my plans and thoughts. I couldnt move, or speak.. didnt hear her say anything. she gave me meds to sleep. they are pooh i am still awake.

if this was all i had to deal with i think i would be alright.. but its all way to much. that along with my complete sould shattered heartache. I want to give up.

[catspiracy]

Congrats on getting the shake in. Good work!

Just take it one tiny step at a time. You don't need to look at the big picture right now. Just try closing your eyes and deep breathing.

I care about you.

Hope you have a good rest,

cat

[Brokenbutterfly]

i managed ice cream today. Only a little. but it seems cold very cold is ok? So ill stick to that. My gp called again, and still wasnt as helpful as i had hoped. Nightmares have eased slighty, i am not waking up soaked in sweat... but i am on 40mg of escitalopram now which seems to work well for the depression side of my problems.

[catspiracy]

((((BrokenButterfly))))

[Brokenbutterfly]

I am still battling this, but getting through it slowley. Was taken out today and had a while in the sun, collasped but am ok. Had a sleep. Thankyou for listening I know I have had a pity party here. Normal

service will resume in the near future.

Bb Xx

[pinkbutterfly]

Aww im so sorry for your struggle butterfly,I understand so well.But i think you should be rewarding yourselves for the little things you achieve,Like say "today i got out of bed" and reward yourself.And you havent given up.YEA!I'm so glad you havent given up and you are still going,yes sometimes its at snails pace but even a snail makes its destination no matter how long it takes.I really hope you can get the help and support you need.

Well done for getting this far you should be proud of yourself,believe me are all proud of you here

love

PinkButterfly :wub:

[Brokenbutterfly]

thankyou PB for your kind words. I am struggling to eat still, but am managing cold stuff thats high in fat.. i figure this may be easier to tackle when i move out of here into my flat. I dont feel safe here and this isnt helping anything mend really. although i do feel much more positive about being able to help myself get to the real me, the one underneath all my past crap.

[Brokenbutterfly]

spoke to my GP today, and she gave me a number of a cpn.. so i called and was totaly honest about how low i have been, these new triggers and funny reactions. She suggested lorazopam before i try to eat. my gp prescribed me sleeping medication .. she said food is more important so one day off one day on of each.. see how i go. My GP gave me one more week of sleep meds. but thats all i can have of those. So this evening I took one lorazopam, gave it half hour, and made what i fancied to eat, toast and marmlade.. I managed a whole slice without feeling too bad, then tried to take a bite of the second and could feel the need to be sick. so stopped. But i didnt get the same reaction as every other time i have tried to eat. So this is good i think.. I also wrote down the whole truama around why i have this reaction, the flashback i get. and tomorrow when i am ready will sit down and read it and try to control how i react to reading it. So ill let you know how i get on.

[Brokenbutterfly]

ok so yesterday i was prepared for a battle.. but i ate and nothing hapeened?? whats that all about.. i read through the truama. i cried, i triggered .. but then felt diffrent about it later on. have i cracked this? have a allowed my brain to filter and store it properly?

what ever i have done it feels good. i can eat and drink..