When Will It End?

[ylana]

Hi B

I am doing really well on the Pristig so far. I havent had any side-effects at all. yay! My doc said that Pristig is pretty much the same as effexor just made by a different company so if your friend had a bad reaction to the Effexor i would tell him to try something else and completely by-pass the Pristig all together.

Not a great deal planned for the weekend. Mother's Day on sunday so we will be visiting my mum and stepmum plus doing a breakfast just me and the kids in the morning.

I so wish that i could go and have my hair done! Im very jealous lol! Fairly cruisy week here. Kids have been great and even though I have been sick im actually feeling pretty well.

I hope you have a great weekend as well :)

[Bravia80]

Hi Ylana,

My real name is Joanna, by the way. I just get a bit worried my ex will find me on here because they have before on less secure forums... but I think this site is quite secure.

I'm glad to hear you're doing well on the Pristiq and with no side effects. Did you say you'd tried Effexor? Sorry, I can't remember. My friend is thinking about going into a clinic for the week or two that he starts Pristiq. I've had another friend who reacted badly to Effexor but is now quite good on Cymbalta so it can be hard to tell. There was a site actually mentioned on here that I found quite good about BPD, although I don't know so much about the medications mentioned. One was similar to Epilim and I wasn't good on that.

Have you been formally diagnosed with BPD?

So are your mum and stepmum friends, or you're visiting them seperately? My mum's mother's day has actually been quite bad. I stupidly went off into one of my rages after an argument with her. She is addicted to medications and I asked her to talk to a psychologist about it, and the argument veered from there and I went on a driving rage. I hate myself becoming like this, and I certainly didn't think about mindfulness at all.

I'm glad to hear you had quite a good week. Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Take care,

Jo

Hi B

I am doing really well on the Pristig so far. I havent had any side-effects at all. yay! My doc said that Pristig is pretty much the same as effexor just made by a different company so if your friend had a bad reaction to the Effexor i would tell him to try something else and completely by-pass the Pristig all together.

Not a great deal planned for the weekend. Mother's Day on sunday so we will be visiting my mum and stepmum plus doing a breakfast just me and the kids in the morning.

I so wish that i could go and have my hair done! Im very jealous lol! Fairly cruisy week here. Kids have been great and even though I have been sick im actually feeling pretty well.

I hope you have a great weekend as well

[ylana]

Hi Jo,

Yep, i have been on Effexor before. It worked well for a while but i needed my dose upped every 6 months or so as the effect would wear off. Im hoing that the Pristiq is better. (i kept calling it Pristig, oops!)

Was that website the one with the manuscript from Dr Heller? I was reading all about it and the Tegretol which is a mood stabiliser similar to the Epilim.

Good idea for your mate to ask to be hospitalised while he changes his meds. It is certainly the safer option.

DOnt beat yourself up about going into a rage hun. If your mum is suffering from being addicted to medication I can understand your concern. You are only trying to look out for her. (she would do the same thing for you, no doubt). The driving rages are scary hey, where you just drive and drive very aggresively and very fast!

My mothers day started bad and ended bad-ish but the middle was good. My ex was late bring my kids back to me on Mothers day of all days. He was a dick and I was already in a shit mood with him of course which didnt help. Anyway i went to see my stepmum and had lunch. then off to my mums for dinner which was great. Then my ex called and gave me the shits about money etc so i finally unleashed the truth and told his parents what he did that made me leave him!! NOw he is pissed off but i feel very relieved and like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

[Bravia80]

Hi Ylana,

I've had another friend who had to keep on upping their dose of Effexor. She still is, I think but has messed around with them a bit that she feels quite anxious. Let me know how you're going with the Pristiq (don't worry about putting the 'g' at the end... it's a weird name anyway).

And yes, the manuscript with Dr Heller. I thought it was really good actually. You've been on Epilim, haven't you? I wonder why I reacted so badly to it. I wonder if I should try another mood stabiliser but for now I think I'll stick with the Cymbalta and DBT and see how I go. I'm having DBT tonight. It's quite good actually, and good to meet others who are in a similar position.

Yes, I am just looking out for my mum but she can't seem to see that. She just thinks I'm bullying her along with my dad who has done nothing but really helped her. She's lucky she has such a good and genuine husband to be honest. And while she does claim to care for and love me I really don't think she'd worry about if I were addicted. I am actually addicted to something that gives me bulimia (she kind of introduced me to it) and she doesn't really care. Through quite a lot of therapy I've learnt to understand that she can't help the way she is (her mum and dad were both addicts too... alcohol her mum and morphine her dad) and that even though I've always felt like I'm the mum in our relationship she does love me. So really I shouldn't blame her, and my dad has always had to look after her and her needs so hasn't had time for me. And I do love the driving rages while I'm doing them. That's the scary thing. I don't think about them when I'm there, only trying to get rid of the rage I feel. Do you have driving rages?

I'm sorry to hear about your ex. Do you get to see your kids often, more than he does? At least now a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. It's just annoying your ex had to have a go at you. How are things now with him?

Take care,

Jo

[ylana]

Hey Jo

Great to hear that you have started your DBT group. It feels pretty full on a first but it has helped me have a clearer perspective on some things and has certainly helped me with new skills. I only have 8 weeks left of my 19 week course!

So far so good on the Pristiq. As long as i can keep the stress levels to a minimum everything should be ok.

It is a really hard situation with your Mum but as you said, she is very lucky to have such an understanding husband AND daughter. She is lucky that she has two people that love her enough to care. Im sorry to hear that you are 'stuck' on some medication that makes you bulimic. It must be doing your body so much damage but I can image how hard it would be to stop.

Yep, i was on the Epilim as well. It did stabilise my moods and helped for me. I should have stayed on them but i hated having to be on medication (was kind of struggling to accept my diagnosis then). Maybe research what the differences are between Epilim and the Tegretol (sp?). It might be worth giving it a go. I found Dr Heller's site really good as well. There was a lot of info on there which is rare!

Things are all sorted with my Ex. My mum stepped in as mediator and helped us to sort a few things out. I have the kids during the week and my ex has them on saturday nights and all of sunday. It works well because my daughter is at school so she has to be at home and in bed at a decent time.

[Bravia80]

Hi Ylana,

You have 19 weeks for your DBT? I thought the standard was 12. That's how many I have. It is good for mindfulness so far but I have the flu at the moment and don't feel great, which means my mental state usually goes down.

That's really great about the Pristiq. I'm thinking that if I'm still having crazy rages when I finish DBT I might go back to my psychiatrist and discuss taking a mood stabiliser or anti-psychotic like Seroquel.

Yes, it is hard to stop my bulimia thing because I've had it since I was 14. It is damaging for my health especially for when I'm older. My mum has had to have a colostomy partly because she had it for a while and because of her medication addiction. I think my mum has always sort of thought of me as her sister rather than a daughter.

Ok, I'll look up Tegratol because I do wonder if I need another medication to calm my anxiety and rages down. I must sound to you like a crazy person!

I'm glad things are sorted with your ex now. Do you think you'll ever be able to get on with him?

Do you have anything planned for the weekend?

Take care,

Jo xx

Hey Jo

Great to hear that you have started your DBT group. It feels pretty full on a first but it has helped me have a clearer perspective on some things and has certainly helped me with new skills. I only have 8 weeks left of my 19 week course!

So far so good on the Pristiq. As long as i can keep the stress levels to a minimum everything should be ok.

It is a really hard situation with your Mum but as you said, she is very lucky to have such an understanding husband AND daughter. She is lucky that she has two people that love her enough to care. Im sorry to hear that you are 'stuck' on some medication that makes you bulimic. It must be doing your body so much damage but I can image how hard it would be to stop.

Yep, i was on the Epilim as well. It did stabilise my moods and helped for me. I should have stayed on them but i hated having to be on medication (was kind of struggling to accept my diagnosis then). Maybe research what the differences are between Epilim and the Tegretol (sp?). It might be worth giving it a go. I found Dr Heller's site really good as well. There was a lot of info on there which is rare!

Things are all sorted with my Ex. My mum stepped in as mediator and helped us to sort a few things out. I have the kids during the week and my ex has them on saturday nights and all of sunday. It works well because my daughter is at school so she has to be at home and in bed at a decent time.

[ylana]

Hey Jo

Yeah i am doing the DBT lite course which is 19 weeks. The DBT Forte is 12 months!! I found the mindfulness bloody hard to start with. I couldnt get 'in the mood' and i kept getting side tracked but i am getting a lot better. Keep practising babe! (and get better because being sick makes everythign worse! Im sick too )

I think that the Pristiq is playing with my body a bit. I all of a sudden have tiny little pimples on my shoulders, chest and face of course! They are driving me insane!! I wonder if it is fromt he Pristiq though... seems like an odd side effect.

Some of the people in my DBT group are on Seroquel and apparently there is a high risk of weight gain. Dont know about you but that is a HUGE issue for me! Dont worry, i dont think you are crazy, i just think you are like me

There is absolutely no chance of me and my ex ever getting back together. He did some things that i just cannot forgive.

Not a lot planned for the weekend. Although i am going to the footy on friday night. WOO!

[Bravia80]

Hi Ylana,

I didn't even realise there were different forms of DBT. I should do it up there for free! Do you have to have individual sessions each time as well? I had my individual session last night with a very sweet male psych but he just isn't the same as my old one. I really miss her and feel like I've gone a bit downhill since I'm not seeing her any more. You're right, it can be hard to get in the mood with mindfulness. I can only seem to do it when I'm not feeling too bad. If I'm depressed I just can't get in that mood.

I'm sorry to hear you're sick. Do you have the flu? So many people in Melbourne do too but then our weather is all over the place at the moment. What's your weather like?

I haven't heard of that side effect with Pristiq but can ask a friend of mine if she had the same. She had to take a week or two off work because she experienced some bad side effects, mostly anxiety. She took Seroquel for that. She has DID though rather than BPD.

I guess if you have just started getting the pimples after being on the Pristiq it could be a cause of the drug. You never know, it could have some effect on the limbic system in your brain too which is in control of your hormones. You could always google it.

And yes, putting on weight is a huge issue for me too. I already have a form of bulimia as it is, and that's one of the reasons I came off Epilim. Do you worry about putting on weight too?

Well, that's good you don't think I'm crazy! I always worry when I talk about my crazy rages that people think I'm going to lash out at them or something, or have a temper tantrum in front of them. I'm usually on my own when I do or take it somewhere else, although I had quite a few crazy rages with my ex. That was just a very dysfunctional relationship though.

I'm sorry to hear about your ex and doing things you can't forgive him for. It is hard, and I don't know about you but my ex is almost two different people - so funny and lovely but then if I as much as wanted to do something they weren't happy with, they'd really say some horrible things and put me down. I hate now that sometimes I forget that horrible side and think I'm the one who did all the wrong and bad things, and I'm a terrible person for doing them.

What footy team to you barrack for? Do you get into the NRL? I'm not doing much. I might catch up with my DID friend but she tends to cancel a lot as she has a lot of depressive times. Otherwise it's my mum's and doing my Psych essay.

Have a great day.

Take care,

Jo

[ylana]

Hey Jo,

Yeah we have to have individual sessions as well but i am still on the wait list for the public psych. I was seeing somebody privately but i cant afford it now that im a single mum lol.

I came down wi9th some cold or something and the doc put me on really strong antibiotics. I still had to take the repeat though and now it is in my chest. I went back today and he thinks that the infection is gone but that is has flared up my asthma and that is why i am getting what seems like a chest infection - its actually my asthma. Onto steroid tablets for 6 days now. yay - not.

The weather here today is bloody cold and dreary. It is about 14 degrees i think.

I asked the doc about the pimples and pristiq and he said that although its not listed as a side effect it might be from that or because i have been sick and on the antibiotics. He said if they arent gone within a couple of weeks to come back and see him.

Yeah i worry about putting weight on as well. I have to be careful while im on the steriod tablets as they can make you feel hungrier and that is the LAST thing i need!

My ex copped a lot of my rages, especially if it was him that pissed me off. He had so many bowls thrown at his head. I kind of wish i was a better shot now lol. Your ex doesnt sound like they were very nice to you

I barrack for FREMANTLE! But please dont hold that against me They are doing well so far this year and i just hope it stays that way.

Is your psych essay for what you are studying or an essay that you need to write for your psych?

Ciao,

Ylana

[Bravia80]

Hi Ylana,

Your state sounds really good for mental health. We don't have such a thing as public psychs. I was seeing one I didn't have to pay for but she still had to be paid out of the mental plan I have. She was lovely but just too nice if you know what I mean. She agreed with everything I said... very passive.

It's 14 degrees here too. I thought it'd be warmer there. I think steroids can actually cause pimples, can't they? How long have you been on them for? I've heard how they can make you hungry too. I hate medication that makes you hungry!

No, my ex wasn't very nice to me at times, and I've been treated similarly by a few exes which makes me wonder if it's my fault. I teach them how I want to be treated and because I gave in too much and allowed them to treat me as they did, in a way it is my fault.

I don't know much at all about footy so of course I won't judge you! If I barracked for anyone it would be Melbourne! I think they always go badly.

I'm studying a mixture of Science and psychology, so it's my psych essay that I have to finish by next Wednesday. It is on the dangers of marijuana and it's quite an interesting subject.

Did you study at all?

Take care,

Jo

Hey Jo,

Yeah we have to have individual sessions as well but i am still on the wait list for the public psych. I was seeing somebody privately but i cant afford it now that im a single mum lol.

I came down wi9th some cold or something and the doc put me on really strong antibiotics. I still had to take the repeat though and now it is in my chest. I went back today and he thinks that the infection is gone but that is has flared up my asthma and that is why i am getting what seems like a chest infection - its actually my asthma. Onto steroid tablets for 6 days now. yay - not.

The weather here today is bloody cold and dreary. It is about 14 degrees i think.

I asked the doc about the pimples and pristiq and he said that although its not listed as a side effect it might be from that or because i have been sick and on the antibiotics. He said if they arent gone within a couple of weeks to come back and see him.

Yeah i worry about putting weight on as well. I have to be careful while im on the steriod tablets as they can make you feel hungrier and that is the LAST thing i need!

My ex copped a lot of my rages, especially if it was him that pissed me off. He had so many bowls thrown at his head. I kind of wish i was a better shot now lol. Your ex doesnt sound like they were very nice to you

I barrack for FREMANTLE! But please dont hold that against me They are doing well so far this year and i just hope it stays that way.

Is your psych essay for what you are studying or an essay that you need to write for your psych?

Ciao,

Ylana

[ylana]

Hi (again) Jo,

Yeah from what i have been exposed to, WA seems to be pretty good for mental health. Apparently QLD has the same DBT program as we do (it started over there). I have had psychs that have been very passive as well and i had to leave. I find that i cant have one that is too close to my own age either as i cant help but think "How can you help me when you have probably had less life experience as me!? Especially as you are the sane one!" My psych now is great - if only i could afford her.

Nah its not the steroids that are causing it because i only just started them today. I hope that they dont make matters worse though - eek!

Dont be so hard on yourself hun. A lot of people attract people that are 'bad' for them. I always seem to attract guys that dont know when to stop once they start drinking when out, ones that dont have the balls to stand up for anything, and ones that believe that a woman's place is in the kitchen. None of that is going to go down well with me lol. Sometimes we just have to go for someone that we wouldnt normally go for and i think that the DBT actually helps with that as it raises your self-worth and makes you realise that you deserve more than that.

Yeah i have just started studying as well. I am studying to be an Education Assistant. I originally wanted to do teaching but i konw that there is no way i would be able to cope with that study load at the moment so this will do until i can study full time. I am thinking perhaps when the kids are a bit older and not quite so dependent on me.

So do yo follow the NRL instead??

[Bravia80]

Hi Ylana,

I didn't know WA was good for mental health. I always though NSW would be the best for it. I should move over to WA or Qld because they have the DBT and the weather! I feel exactly the same way you do about psychologists. My passive one felt more like a mother to me. She was about my mum's age and just too nice really. Then I had the one who just left. She was the best I've had. She had been practising for a year, I think, but I sensed she was around my age or a bit older because she'd been a nurse before a psych. My current psych (I googled him!) has pretty much just finished his study and received his APAC accreditation. He has Facebook too. He's sweet but I feel like I'm talking to a rational and sane gay guy friend who recites to me what the text books say.

My brother sounds a bit like the boys you attract although I don't think he expects the woman's place to be in the kitchen. He drinks a fair bit when he's not working and lives by himself so he does everything for himself quite well. He has a bit of a temper though, like me!

What does an Education Assistant do? I work in Education at Monash Uni, and there is quite a bit of work and practicum if you want to be a teacher. Have you studied at all in the past?

I don't really follow any sport! We follow AFL in Melbourne but I lived in NSW for a few years where everyone was into the NRL and my ex barracked for the Knights.

I so can't wait for today to finish! Are you kids both in school?

Take care,

Jo

[ylana]

Hi Jo,

I didnt think WA was anything special when it came to Mental Health care but i havent had an issue with them yet! It is so hard to find a psych that you 'click' with and feel comfortable to actually tell the truth to. I have had lots of different psychs but only 3 that I have felt comfy enough to reveal the real me. It doesnt really do me any good when you think about it. Oh well.

Hahaha! I will make sure i steer clear of your brother then lol. It is good to see a man that can take care of himself in the kitchen etc. My ex could only cook one thing and it was bloody terrible! Every time my ex wenbt out he would either lose his phone, wallet, himself or all three! I got a call from him today saying that he lost his phone last night. I already have two kids, i need to mother him as well

An Education Assistant is the same thing as a Teacher's Aide. They help out in the classrooms etc. What do you do at Monash?

Well the game was a huge let down last night. Fremantle had butter fingers so Collingwood kicked their arse!

My daughter was at school and my little boy was at day care. I was parent helper at school though.

So how has your weekend been so far?

Ylana

[Bravia80]

HI Ylana,

It is terribly hard to find a psych you click with. The best I've had so far was the one who left but she implied I should look her up, and she said she believes in fate so hopefully if I don't feel so good about this one I'll be able to go back to her.

My brother is really not that crash hot in the kitchen either. If he were to cook for a girl he'd make chicken nuggets and chips. That's the sort of food he cooks for himself. He's too much of a boy's boy and his only real girl friend is his ex! Does your ex lose things only when he's drunk or when he's not drunk too?! My brother has a tendancy to break things.

A teacher's assistant sounds like fun. I could only ever be a primary teacher. Teenagers are just too hard to handle these days. They'd walk all over me. At Monash I handle any kind of student enquiry in the Education faculty as well as enrolments, graduations, etc, and theses, but I'm so over my job and students!

Isn't it the grand final tonight? My dad is going to watch it. I bet you are!

Aw, you have one of each... how sweet. I thought you had two girls. Can the little boy ever be a handful? An ex of mine had a little 3yo boy and while he was sweet he was one little handful!

My weekend has been ok. I've just been at the parents today and doing my essay. How's yours?

Take care,

Jo

[ylana]

Hey Jo,

I think that if you clicked with your old psych you should definitely look her up! Having a good psych is very important.

CHicken nuggets?? Oh man! My ex mainly loses things when he drinks because he is soooo drunk.

Hehehe nope not the grandfinal yet. The grand final is in September lol. But i will be watching it then

Yep, one boy and one girl. It is actually my daughter tha that is a handful! She is very full on. My little boy is rather placid and cuddly and my daughter is full of beans!

Ive had a pretty good weekend. Went to a friend's beach house with her and her kids on saturday night and today i caught up with a different friend for a coffee. Nice and relaxing :)

[Bravia80]

Hi Ylana,

Yes, I'll definitely look my old psych up but she won't be back in Australia until about June or July. She's from Germany and has gone back for a few months, I think.

Yes, chicken nuggets and fish fingers are some of my brother's specialities!

I don't know why my dad said it was the grand final the other night! I said that Fremantle is in the AFL. I asked because I don't know anything about other states' footy teams!

Aw, that's so sweet... you have a good little cuddly boy. How cute! I hope to have kids one day but I'm getting old now... 34. I just hope it won't be too late.

That's great you had a nice weekend. I spent most of mine on my Psych essay. At least I have it finished now though and it's due on Wednesday, so I'm happy about that.

Have a great day,

Jo

Hey Jo,

I think that if you clicked with your old psych you should definitely look her up! Having a good psych is very important.

CHicken nuggets?? Oh man! My ex mainly loses things when he drinks because he is soooo drunk.

Hehehe nope not the grandfinal yet. The grand final is in September lol. But i will be watching it then

Yep, one boy and one girl. It is actually my daughter tha that is a handful! She is very full on. My little boy is rather placid and cuddly and my daughter is full of beans!

Ive had a pretty good weekend. Went to a friend's beach house with her and her kids on saturday night and today i caught up with a different friend for a coffee. Nice and relaxing

[ylana]

HI Jo,

I am meant to be doing a very short creative writing piece with the idea 'discovery' but i cant be assed. I will get to it tomorrow.

Thats great that your psych essay is done. You must feel soooo relieved!!

Dont worry that you havent had kids yet, you are only 34, there is still time :)

[Bravia80]

Hi Ylana,

What is your creative writing piece for? Your psych? I am meant to fill out diary cards (do you have these?) but I always get so lazy with them. I'm meant to be seeing my psych tomorrow, and I have DBT tonight, but I'll have to cancel him tomorrow as I just can't afford it this week. Mental health therapy is so expensive!

I am relieved about my Psych essay. I'm feeling a bit down today for some reason though. It is my nan's birthday. She died when I was 13 but she was always someone I really looked up, and if she were here today I think she'd understand me. When I get really down I often think about joining her.

And yes, I know there is still time for me to have kids. I just worry because my grandma started her menopause at about 40, but then she's an alcoholic, smokes 60 a day and didn't eat when she was that age. And a very pessemistic lady at work keeps on telling me to get my eggs freezed!

Anyway, hope you're having a lovely day.

Take care,

Jo

HI Jo,

I am meant to be doing a very short creative writing piece with the idea 'discovery' but i cant be assed. I will get to it tomorrow.

Thats great that your psych essay is done. You must feel soooo relieved!!

Dont worry that you havent had kids yet, you are only 34, there is still time

[ylana]

Whoops! I thought i had replied , obviously not lol.

How are you? The creative writing piece was for my study course. I was pretty happy with it.

SOrry to hear that you long for your Nan. I miss my Nan a lot as well. Im sure your Nan would love to see you again but Its not your time yet!

eek hard with early menopause. Are they able to test for that sort of thing? Might be a bit of a silly question.

My poor little boy is coughing and spluttering tonight I hate it when they get sick.

What are you up to this weekend? Im off to my friends 'P' party. Im going as a punk pixie and i cant wait!!!

[Bravia80]

Hi!

That's ok! I'm so exhausted today and am looking forward to the weekend, tomorrow for a sleep in. You probably don't get those with two kids.

What course are you studying? Is it some form of creative writing? I did a Writing and Editing Diploma because I love writing so much, and I've written two teen novels but am yet to edit them and try to get them published.

They should be able to test for early menopause but I wouldn't have it done unless I was getting symptoms. Apart from lots of pain every month I don't really experience anything different.

Aw, your poor little boy. It is sad when they're sick. Does he have a bad cold? They tend to pick up a lot from creche and kinder, don't they?

I'm not doing much this weekend, just seeing my mum and having lunch with some friends for a friend's 30th on Sunday. I need to do some study. The party sounds like fun. They're always 'P', aren't they?!

Take care,

Jo

Whoops! I thought i had replied , obviously not lol.

How are you? The creative writing piece was for my study course. I was pretty happy with it.

SOrry to hear that you long for your Nan. I miss my Nan a lot as well. Im sure your Nan would love to see you again but Its not your time yet!

eek hard with early menopause. Are they able to test for that sort of thing? Might be a bit of a silly question.

My poor little boy is coughing and spluttering tonight I hate it when they get sick.

What are you up to this weekend? Im off to my friends 'P' party. Im going as a punk pixie and i cant wait!!!

[ylana]

Hi Jo,

Sorry it has taken me so long to reply. I have been on but couldnt find the energy to post.

Took my little man to the docs and they think it is asthma. I have it and so does my daughter so its not a surprise but definitely not something I need.

Having a crap day today. Feeling sorry for myself and my relationship and financial status. So over it. Anyway, just wanted to check in.

Ciao

[Bravia80]

Hi Ylana,

So sorry to hear you're down at the moment, and that is a shame about your little man. Do you think he might grow out of it? More often than not kids grow out of these things. I hope he does.

And sorry to hear about your relationship and financial troubles. I certainly know what it's like to have financial issues. I do at the moment especially with the DBT and psychologist. How are you going with those?

It's so annoying how we think we're doing well and then all of a sudden we drop back down again. That's how I get anyway.

Did you have fun at the party at least?

Jo :)

[Crow]

I fucking hate my life. This is NOT how my life was meant to be.

I can identify with this so much.

I often wake up asking myself what the point in living is. My depression is at its worst in the mornings, and I often feel empty and sometimes experience that chronic feeling of emptiness. ych says at least I thought about the mindfulness even though I couldn't do it at the time.

Same with me. I hate waking up. I feel the worst at that time.

Yes, I am just looking out for my mum but she can't seem to see that. She just thinks I'm bullying her along with my dad who has done nothing but really helped her. She's lucky she has such a good and genuine husband to be honest. And while she does claim to care for and love me I really don't think she'd worry about if I were addicted. I am actually addicted to something that gives me bulimia (she kind of introduced me to it) and she doesn't really care. Through quite a lot of therapy I've learnt to understand that she can't help the way she is (her mum and dad were both addicts too... alcohol her mum and morphine her dad) and that even though I've always felt like I'm the mum in our relationship she does love me. So really I shouldn't blame her, and my dad has always had to look after her and her needs so hasn't had time for me. And I do love the driving rages while I'm doing them. That's the scary thing. I don't think about them when I'm there, only trying to get rid of the rage I feel. Do you have driving rages?

I feel the same way about my Mum.

Some of the people in my DBT group are on Seroquel and apparently there is a high risk of weight gain. Dont know about you but that is a HUGE issue for me! Dont worry, i dont think you are crazy, i just think you are like me :

I took Seroquel and I gained a lot of weight.

[ylana]

Hi Jo,

Just wanted to drop a line and say im still here. Still having financial issues and finding it hard to find a place for the kids and i to live that i can actually afford. Its fucked! Plus my bestfriend (who is also single for the past 8 months)is lucky enough to have an ex husband who is going to pay her mortgage for the next 5 years AND help her get a new house so that after the 5 year period the mortgage will be significantly less than if she stays in her current house. She talks about it a lot and I just cant help but get annoyed. I cant sit there and listen to her talk about how good she has it while here I am struggling to shit trying to find a semi decent 3 bedroom house/unit for the kids and I. I have $20 a week left over if im lucky and she has $400 a week but apparently SHE has no money!!! What the FUCK!? I was at her house today and I had to leave because it was upsetting me so much. Im so over it.

[Bravia80]

Hi Ylana,

I'm so so sorry to hear you're not doing well at the moment. Can your ex help you out at all? Surely he helps out with the kids? Some people just get it lucky. The girl I live with I feel the same way about. I work full-time and study part-time, and am lucky to have $5 left over after rent, car loan and DBT and psychologist. She is on a scholarship and gets a fair bit of money off the government because she gets a study allowance too. She doesn't have to work and can just study. I wish I could but I have to work full-time to keep up with my finances.

Your best friend certainly doesn't seem like she has any tact or understanding. I certainly wouldn't be telling my best friend such things when I realise how they could be struggling. Have you spoken to her about it? Maybe staying away from her for a little while, having some distance could help.

Remember I'm here if you need to talk.

Take care,

Jo xx