Wisdom Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 Question: List 25 things that we don't know about you: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wisdom Posted April 12, 2005 Author Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 You don't know that my feelings are easily hurt You don't know that I at times hate myself You don't know that I wish at times I didn't have children You don't know that I wish I hadn't settled in a home....... You don't know I am Buddhist You don't know that I lived in a abusive family situation You don't know that at times I have a low tolerance for conflict or anger You don't know that I loved being in the military You don't know that I would have perferred to die in the Gulf war You don't know that I am a vegan You don't know that I don't drink, smoke, swear You don't know that at times I am tired with my 26 year relationship w/ partner You don't know that I blame my son's death on myself You don't know that I am over cautious and controlling now with my children You don't know that I am grouchy when I wake up You don't know that I often nag at my boys You don't know that I have an anxiety disorder You don't know that I am committed to my treatment and well being You don't know how hard it is to not give up hope for myself You don't know that I am a very caring person You don't know that I'm glad I am no longer employed You don't know that I secretly wish to not use this web site anymore You don't know that I wish I was cured of my ailiments You don't know that I secretly wished that ect would completly burn my brain to a level of functioning of no return You don't know that I am an inpatient, hateful, angry, vengeful, jealous person I guess this wraps it up............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 ((((((((((((Wisdom)))))))))))))) I don't know that I can come up with 25 lol I've been too prolific with my postings for that ! I'll go for 5 things I want you all to know about me instead--- * I am struggling with whether to fill in the form to help with research or not (Its having referees that freaks me..) * I want to be a baby again so I can have what I didn't have then. BUT I also want to be a proper 35 year old. * Anything about sex and Relationships triggers me most of the time. * It is very scary having discovered I can 'fight' as well as 'flight'... * I am probably only 25% Borderline??????? (dunno why I said that---just came to me...my therapist says that I am not ALL BPD, and a tutor said a similar thing too----the same tutor who always wanted me to say what % something was emotionally very good reality check!) I guess I want to acknowledge my coping self..... But I can also be very fragile and break or shatter easily..... Kari Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 You don't know... *I used to be in professional acting. *In college my friends used to call me "Sister Emma" because I was so pure and naive. *I used to live and ride at a stables every day of my life. *I used to catch frogs, worms, and all sorts of critters and hide them in my room. *I dressed like a hippie in high school. *I was editor-in-chief of my high school newspaper two years in a row. *Had my first boyfriend and "french kiss" at eleven. *When I first moved to America I created an imaginery life and friends for me. *I get extremely triggered by how guys talk to me. *Dominant men scare me. *Cannot sleep in the dark unless someone is sleeping with me. *I am a hypochondriac. *I am not 100% borderline either. I am not sure of the % though. *My worst trait is my abandonment issues. *If someone is yelling at me I start crying. *I avoid things. *I am looking for a job but I am afraid. *I don't want children *I was a cheerleader my freshman year of high school. Trying to fit in never worked. *I am deathly aracnaphobic *I am a city girl but I do love farms. *I won't settle to marry *I want to be proposed to at moonlight on the beach *I can be extremely talkative. *I am also very shy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 :lol: things you lot dont know????? errmmmmm * I used to compete at county level in show jumping/dressage *I used to a size 8 and look good *I am a hippy at heart though I dont dress that way * I love sitting outside on the grass in the sunshine relaxing with friends * I used to be in the Army and served in NI and Kosovo *I love candle light * I want to live in a cottage with land in wales in the tenby area *Im fasinated by the 30's/40's era * I have been compared to plath by publishers (not sure how I feel about that ) *I am useless at anything that requires logic. *I want my breasts reduced *I enjoy camping *I like interior decorating *I am left handed *I am useless with money. *I get more pleasure buying for others than myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 ohhhhh my sense of self is getting stronger That would have been impossible a while back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laxgirl Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 Gonna give it a shot *I am afraid of death, yet I yearn for it...I am afraid of getting better, but am also afraid of giving up *I hate myself with every ounce of my being *I blame myself for the many times she tried to take her own life, and for all the pain, lonliness, and sorrow she felt before her death, and would give anything to be able to see her again *I push everyone away, both consciously and subconsciously, and am dying and aching inside while doing it *I went to college to play lacrosse, but had to give that up because of my depression and desire to commit suicide...however without that, I would have never pursued the degree I did *I am struggling with going back to obtain my MSW, and to eventually become licensed *I am unable to let go of my past or allow myself to begin to heal *I can be overly sensitive *I desperately want to have children and start a family, but am incredibly afraid of failing *I have never been outside the country...until next month that is *I am incredibly afraid of losing the guy that has been the only one capable of making me feel comforted rather than threatened *I can't grasp the fact that I'm not to blame for everything...that it's possible I'm not always the cause *Most people in life don't see what's there on the inside...don't see me as a negative person...don't see the pain I'm in because I don't allow it *When someone yells at me I close up and close off from the world *I am unable to express emotion comfortably...I get all choked up and fearful when I cry...taken back to when I was a child and my father threatened to beat me if I didn't stop the tears *Despite the pain I endured, I desperately miss being a young child...I didn't quite understand back then anyway...enjoyed life to the best of my ability *I am scared to death of losing my father too *I am unable to get just one peaceful night's sleep... *I care about everyone more than myself, and wouldn't think twice about putting another's needs and wants ahead of my own *I don't understand why I have to suffer, but somewhere inside I know the reasoning exists *I look at children with admiration for the innocence about them *I have no confidence in my self or my abilities *Everyday I look at my scars and cringe, and start to hate myself even more...yet I struggle with the urge to resort back to it each second I'm alive *I do easily become angry at others, but it frightens me when I do *I do not accept loss easily, and actually have a hard time getting beyond the phase of denial afterwards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimmi Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 ok lets see.... thing you dont know about me are...... i have 2 dogs and 4 cats, ive never been abroad, i wish i had done something with my life, i became a mother at 16, i was a carer for 18 years, first for my grandmother, then my mother and then my father, i was a tomboy growing up, I HATE MYSELF, my dream is to live in the countryside with my own small holding for rescue animals, i would love to go for walks along the beaches (i live near the Gower in south wales, guess you know it Extinct), i like rats, snakes and lizards, dont like spiders,moths,and flying daddy longlegs, i want to learn to drive, first song i bought was Suzi Quatro...can the can, my favorite colours are pink and green, i wish i was strong willed enough to become a veggie, i gave up smoking 5 months ago, i want to lose at least 5 stone in weight, ive never been in an plane, i wish going outside didnt frighten me so much and wasnt such a problem, i wish i was normal, I LOVE MY CHILDREN, THEY ARE MY WORLD. my real name is Kym.. kymxx :rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 Strange the mix of those of us who have shared factual things and those of us that have shared emotional details. Wonder what that says about us as individuals? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 It would actually be interesting to explore the connection. Make a good book about on mental illnesses. Not necessarily BPD though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 Emma, You became Emma Just realised!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bored-a-line Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 religion has been forced upon me my whole life i am torn between two totally opposite cultures and i feel totally alone. i have no confidence in my appearance. i think i look like a man. i am alive because of guilt i dont think anyone can ever love me music is the only thing that makes me feel human people (therapists, teachers) have compared me to a robot i never had a real boyfriend, they cant relate to me enough guilt of shaming or hurting my parents controls my life i dont believe in my friends like i used to i would be bulimic if i didnt live with my mother no-one except for lostsoul and one other person knows about my therapy/medication/ need for medication i cant drive, rollerskate ride a bike or swim properly..missed out on a lot of normal stuff growing up i hate feeling like a teenager all the time i have a really short attention span i get sad when i think about how badly i handled college/uni i want to be a musician but i dont play any instruments (duh!) i'm scared of deep water and embarrassed about this. i spend more energy being embarrased than doing things i want to. im embarrassed about being different all the time..i wish i belonged somewhere. im embarrassed about how self-absorbed and feeling-sorry-for-oneself this list is i can never find shoes that suit me i went around the world in 88 days, in which time i visited 11 paradise islands,and took 25 flights! i love planes, they make me instantly happy, they are a symbol for everything thats good in my world i stroked a 3 year old tiger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 extinct, tenby is lovely :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 1)i am only alive because of other people saving me. i have yet to convince myself that when i attempt suicide it is just a "cry for help". i always get bailed out by someone else 2)i left school at 17 after deciding i couldnt be bothered to do my a levels. dropped out halfway through the year 3)i am incredibly emotional and it doesn't take much to make me cry 4)my feet are a massive size 8 and i can never find shoes to fit 5)i am in debt by £3,000 but i'm going on holiday on friday 6)i am almost certainly gonna lose my job when i get back off holiday 7)i am in love with a man from ipswich 8)my biggest regret is losing people i like because of my behaviour 9)i have real bad eating problems. my stomach is fucked from taking so many overdoses and my liver aint too good either 10)i have scars all down my left arm and i am really scared about wearing a bikini because people will see 11)i would love to meet someone special but i really, honestly dont believe any man could ever love me or put up with me enough to stick around. i dont mean that in a depressing way. i just believe it 12)i write a diary almost every day and have filled up 9 notebooks since july 04 13)matt was the first man i ever loved and he broke my heart 14)i find it very difficult to trust people or let people get close to me 15)i often think of running away, changing my name and starting totally all over again. blank slate. 16)i am an obsessive shopper and honestly cant control it 17)i have never told anyone about the shopping until just then 18)i blame my dad for all my problems. he was physically abusive to us and my mum when we were kids. bastard 19)i wish i had more friends 20)i wish i was a stronger person and didnt get so dependant on others 21)i wish i could just walk away from people when i mess up boundaries, but the truth is i can never, never walk away, no matter how much i want to. i end up saying more and more and making the situation so much worse 22)i wish i could speak other languages. i can only speak a bit of french 23)i always wanted to be cabin crew for an airline and have been through interviews for british airways, virgin atlantic and british midland 24)i wish i could move out of this town. right now 25)i am considering giving up work and just getting better properly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
//Nat\\ Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 Shall give this ago 1. I have a dog called Ike 2. I have a iguna called Einstien 3. The iguna is a real evil thing (anyone that wants it can have it) 4. I have two hamsters one called Bobert the other Pete 5. I have only known my fiance Stewart one year 6. I have been in hospital three times and have not found it useful at all 7. I am a trained primary teacher 8. My illness is preventing me from teaching at the moment 9. I have an eating disorder (bulimia) 10. I spend WAY too much time online 11. I got a bike at the weekend to keep stewart company on his cycles 12. I havent ridden a bike since I was a child 13. Im scared of heights 14. I love to cook 15. Apparently medication wont help me at all 16. I have a tattoo (spelling) 17. I have mild dyslexia 18. Due to 17 I have terrible spelling 19. Im finding this terribly hard to do 20. Even though I know stewart loves me i find this hard to accept 21. All I want to do is have a family 22. I know ill make a great mom 23. I dont gete on with my mom 24. My inlaws are like the parents mine where not 25. I really cant think of anything else *sigh* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debs Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 you dont that 1 i was into martiel arts 2 at 15 had abortion 3 that im bisexaul not a lot of people know that one jeasloue possesive iwas a prostitute young got married at 17 7bitchy 8i hate myself violent 9 control freak thief 11 scared of not being liked evan on here im always walking out of the home when it gets to much very overprotective with kids bosy 13 bully hate rasists 14 was good at pinching friends boyfreiend 15 scared of hieghts 16 love animals went to colleage 17 shy cant think of any more my minds gone blank debs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debs Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 god you must all think im a waste of space debs reading my list Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 Not in the slightest Debs. You are a very valued person here and in this world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debs Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 thanks emma love debs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paula Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 debs i spoke to you in chat the other day, i thought you were really nice. and welsh too. you know i love the welsh accent lol nobody is going to think any less of you for being HONEST and GENUINE. you are welcome, liked and accepted here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktodee_27 Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 25 things you don't know about me 1) Shy amongst people in the real world and hidden/scared if I don't know them 2)I have bills totalling to be at least $1,000 (US dollars) in collections 3) i feel i'm the blame for all that happens between people 4) scared of being yelled at 5) scared that I'm not liked anywhere or being told I'm not liked or to go away 6) I'm a born again Christian 7) I don't drive and I walk everywhere. I've never had a driver's license 8) i have about 11 different personalities with my DID that come out randomly at times (so far) 9) i listen to oldies in private sometimes and I'm 26 10) I sleep downstairs on my couch lots since I feel unsafe in my bedroom 11) I'm a packrat and have papers, wrappers, cig packs, stuff I don't need just to keep around in case if I need them someday for something. 12) I kept a pizza box in my room one time in the closet and I couldn't throw it away until 3 months later. For what reason, I don't know. I just felt the need to. Then my old roomate persuaded me to throw it away finally and I did. 13) I have my assistant childcare teaching degree (thru high school correspondence courses) 14) I was in Forensics in middle and high school (public speaking) and was one of the top members on the middle school team then. 15) I was a cross country runner in high school 16) I was very unpopular throughout my whole school career and was continuously bullied early chilhood all the way to senior year. 17) I had a few hip hop friends though in high school and almost joined a gang one time but didnt want to get jumped and bailed myself out with a lame excuse 18) I used to be physically aggressive and get into physical fights with people as a teenager a few times, and when I was first in my placement about 7 years ago and won fights over guys. 19) I was a total grunger in high school and wore baggy pants, long shirts, and short hair that was buzzed on the sides. And, I've had seaweed green hair, bright red hair, blonde hair, copper color hair, brown hair with a blonde stripe running down the middle hence the names kids called me were skunk (for that reason) and guy-girl (My natural hair color is dark brown) 20) I was heavily active from 5th grade and up in volunteering and my senior year I was the runner up with 460 community service hours only from 10th to 12th grade and almost got a scholarship to college to that. Otherwise I've put in many more hours throughout life. I'm out of it for now though since I'm having a hard time right now at this point in life. 21) I haven't done my dishes in a few weeks since I hate doing dishes 22) I always burn microwave popcorn, no fail and its the only thing too. Otherwise, I'm good elsewhere when it comes to cooking and don't burn a thing 23) my computer is going to be fixed whenever PP gets her butt over to my hangout spot to pick up the tower and then, I'll be able to access from home. It's been a few weeks, cmon PP! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr 24) Doing long lists like this exhausts my poor brain cells but we're almost done here. 25) I'm happy that this list is now done since it was getting hard to think of more about me. Phew! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktodee_27 Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 man, what a weirdo I am compared to everyone else............. I've always been a weirdo anyway..... :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beat Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 - i am a feminist - i am vegetarian - i practice yoga and meditation - i have met someone really special, but i am fairly sure i am going to push him away - i love existentialism - i ideolise the sixties (not because they were perfect but because it was transitional) - i adore animals and nature - i used to part of a wiccan circle - i feel a need to be liked by people i can't stand - i don't care what people think of my appearance but i care about whether they think i am an ugly person. - i loathe myself - i love michel foucault - i miss my dad so much it hurts - i love woody allen - i love to learn about subcultural music - i love quentin tarantino - i am obssessed with horror movies - i want to live in the lake district (where i was born) but was always certain that i wouldn't when i was growing up - i love charlie chaplin - i believe that everyone on this site dislikes me - i am a self medicator - i love music and art - i love and hate freud - i used to be a head banger, mosh pit, unconciousness, not good, lol - i love pot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted April 12, 2005 Report Share Posted April 12, 2005 Beat.... I like you and I am sure everyone else does as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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