Who Can/can't Drive?

[fedup!]

Hello my name is fedup! I'm 34....AND I CAN'T DRIVE.

I cadge lifts, pay for taxis, struggle on public transport with bags and bags and bags and walk.

Why can't I drive?? Cos I'm crap at it. I've had so many lessons. Instructors just look at me and say the same thing constantly...'you think too much, just let it come naturally'.

I patiently tried to explain to my last instructor that THIS IS HOW MY OVERWORKED, STRANGE LITTLE BRAIN WORKS!!

I think too much about every. Little. Damn. Thing. I'm convinced thats why I just can't let go.

Also I'm petrified, cannot get to grips with the fact that i'll be in charge of such a scarey machine.

What a wuss. Who can drive and who can't?? Who wants to be my chauffer, forever??? I'm a bit skint but will pay you in chocolate and crisps if thats OK??

So what I'm really asking is....does MH issues prevent people from driving?? Or is it not an issue for some? (In that case, gis a lift, love!) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx oooh PS i've only ever had lessons in a manual car, i'm beyond crap, hate changing gear. Perhaps I need to learn in a manual. Anyone drive a manual??? Is it better?

I want one of those cars that they drive in Bugsy Malone!!!xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[walker]

was too afraid when young -

got married and knew if i could drive i would have just driven right away for ever - so too afraid to learn

i learnt at 38/9, passed test at 40, drove for about a year with hub, was terrified cos concentration so dreadful

like diving a killing machine,

and hub always critical

fear won

its been thrown in my face many times since

esp since been unable to go on trains - very trapped

[Roses]

I love driving. I passed my test when I was about 19 I think and I'm 34 now. But about a year ago I was put on this new med and had to tell insurance, who said I had to tel DVLA and the DVLA took my licence!!!! I now get a free bus pass and hubbie still drives, but it's not the point. I love driving!!! So anyway, when that particular med is reduced I can get it back. They said all I need to do is let them know and they send it back free - AND I SHOULD THINK SO TOO!!! But until then I too am stuck with public transport and two kids to boot! Oh and I live in the NW UK so it rains AAAALLLLLL the time....

[walker]

well at least u get free bus pass

[detroitguy]

Hi Fedup - I would say that someone with mental health problems probably should not drive if their illness presently is very severe. I know my medication and illness affect my driving to some degree, so I try to be extra careful when out on the road. If someone is severely impaired due to their mental condition, they put themselves at risk behind the wheel. Worse yet, they could hurt another innocent driver if they have an accident. If their illness is under control and they drive extra carefully, someone with mental illness is probably no more of a danger behind the wheel than anyone else. Take care - Detroitguy.

[Roses]

I think if you are on DLA and are medically unfit to drive there is a national concessionary bus pass Walker, so perhaps you might be able to apply

[jillv]

I drive, but as I've got older I've got more fearful. There have been times when I'm down right dangerous. This is when I'm generally having a bad time, and I tend to panic. Meds do make me drowsy at times, but I would feel so trapped without my car!

[fedup!]

I wouldn't drive if I was very dep'd...you're deffo right Detroit! But even when I'm on an 'even keel' I just despair of ever passing a test. I just constantly think I'm doing it wrong. Instructors can't understand why I can't do a 3 - point turn one week, for example, when I was fine the previous week. But to be fair, I don't get it either. Would I be better in an automatic? thats what I meant to ask before.

See...I can't even tell the difference hahaha!! Right, so I'm asking properly, who drives an automatic??

I live in the NW too Roses....shall we share a taxi !!

Hope you get your licence back soon hun xxxxxxx

[Roses]

Thanks fedup xxxxx

Yeah an automatic is a good idea. Hubbie's Mam was learning and took like 8 tests to pass but she found it much easier and eventually passed in an automatic. xxx

[*Summer*]

I don't drive

[Villan]

i drive... the only problem i have is that i get nervous when i have to go to somewhere i dont know... but hell... that's why god gave us sat-nav !!!

joking apart - i also avoid driving for work (easy cos i am not insured for work stuff in my car), cricket and social stuff (again easy cos i have a 2 seater with no boot space)

all bases covered then

kath xx

[walker]

when i passed my test i tried driving to work a couple of times, when hub was away, so i could get home for dog during lunch

OMG the stress i was under - the terror of finding somwhere to park when i got back (no spaces in the afternoon)

it was so bad i could barely function all morning and someone had to keep a space for me, and was then exhausted and slightly dissociated all afternoon

tooooooooooooo much

[donnam]

i drive a manual, happy to be chauffeur for choc, not bothered bout crisps just choc etc.

have to say i have been irrational when driving tho, driven after an OD, the same day, and T knew i was gonna, infact she escorted me to car for rest of pills! i didnt see the danger then, i felt ok, i drive on little sleep 2, so u may want to consider before u take up my offer!

[belial]

I love driving! i'm an extremely good driver.

It actually helps me alot when i'm getting really badly depressed.

That's what I do, I drive. Nowhere in particular, just drive.

In the last 6 months i've driven just over seven thousand miles, and thats a scarily massive amount!

It can however be very dangerous too :/ I've almost killed myself so many times in my car when i've been on a down.

So next time I feel shity and fancy a drive, maybe i'll ask you if you need a lift anywhere yeah?

I'm Matt, and new btw. So hi there

[walker]

sounds like a few other people should perhaps not be driving some of the time

it scares me

since it is not just about our own lives but all the others on the road too

[toaster]

i had lessons.....screamed, took me hands of wheel an covered me face why car still in motion

best for u all i not on the roads :blink:

[donnam]

walker i agree i shouldnt have been, but at the time i honestly thought i was safe, can see now i was stupid, but couldnt at the time.

[walker]

sorry

wasnt trying to get at people

just remember one time i drove alone (only ever did about 2 or 3 times)

i drove down this road that i didnt know, kept thinking how easy it would be to just touch the wheel and crash off the side

and wondered why i didnt (wasnt even sui then)

and got home and couldnt remember most of the journey

i know that happens on familiar roads after driving for years - but it was scary, after only just starting

i realised i was not in control

i would have loved the freedom

i did love it

for a very brief time

[belial]

sounds like a few other people should perhaps not be driving some of the time

it scares me

since it is not just about our own lives but all the others on the road too

To be fair I live in dorset so I can find lots of empty country roads when i'm that bad. I haven't driven dangerously since one of my friends got crashed into tho by some ignorant wanker

[Jelly-bean]

i don't drive...... nor does my mother ........... i tried it once or twice on back roads and @ 3am ..... that was ok but as soon as i saw a car coming i would park up and let it go by........... i like to drive mopeds though although i have had two mopeds and two accidents lol but will get another moped in time, justs have to be more carefull,

oh btw first accident was cos both my brakes felled at some time and the other were my fault but was so funny no one got hurt i was on a dirt track wheel spin weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!......... i also know if i do go for car lessons it would be to drive a automatic as i know i don't have the confidence to do manual

[thesloaneranger]

i passed my test when i was 19....at the 3rd attempt! :$ my problem was that i just didnt get on with my first instructor, so the 2 test attempts i had under his tuition were really a waste of time. i suppose its like finding a therapist, and the 2nd instructor i had was fabulous - i passed 1st time after lessons with him. so dont give up fedup.....maybe you just need to find a better instructor???

driving = freedom to me, and it has been invaluable over the last year whilst my depression has been at its worst. whenever i couldnt stand things, i just got in my car and drove until i found some peaceful place to be. i found it also helped keep my mind occupied as i was concentrating on the road and not about everything that was going on in my life. in the last 6 months ive done 10,000 miles, so i guess ive needed alot of space! lol!

im available for giving lifts anytime...just shout fedup! xxx

[fedup!]

Iiiiiiiiinteresting!!! (hmmm. Not sure why I did an impression of a Bond villian just then?? )

Will be going for lessons again in the summer, I think. Can't at the mo, new job woes and pressure etc, think anyting extra will knock me right back. And we don't want that. But I love the ideas of driving = freedom that a lot of you are saying. i can also completely relate to the fear too. hahahahaa Toaster!!!! I've been there!!

But! Will take up all offers of lifts, thank you all very much, and will return the offer once I can fit you all on my skateboard! No, enough negativity. Soon as the day comes and I have arranged my 'You Passed' cards on the mantlepiece I will tootle down to see you all in my new car xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS Hi to Matt the by way! Welcome to the forum xxx

[xkayleighx]

i dont drive, was learning to, did really well and found it oddly relaxing but then doctor put i have blackouts and my provisional got taken!!! but again i have the free travelcard... i get to use it on buses and london underground just waiting for it to come through post :)

[hummm_mabbe]

Hi fedup

I would say that you might have the order of consequences wrong in your first post there. You said you think too much, and thats why you cant drive, and that also you are terrified. I would be tempted to suggest that you think too much BECAUSE you are terrified. People worry - that is, try to overplan and gain a sense of certainty about the future - when they are afraid of the consequences, and especially when they feel powerless to have any effect on those consequences, which may seem huge. Certaonly you have this car, that might hit things, kill people, damage other cars, and especially (and probably the more likely one) incur the wrath of other more confident and aggressive road users. When you are learning, you have the constant threat of disapproval and failure from your instructor. Because of all this stuff, it makes sense that you are going to be paralysed by internal efforts to avoid all these extremely uncomfortable situations from arising. In trying to deal with all of this, you may even 'depersonalise' or drift out of yourself a little. A bit like when anxious in conversation and you cant think of what to say, the same kind of lock up can happen when driving or doing any physical activity. Again its the anxiety thats going to be nobbling you. You may tell yourself that you 'shouldnt' be anxious, and actually put that fear out of your mind - but it may be operating in the background, consuming brain resources and stopping you from 'feeling into' what it is to drive a car.

Fear of driving is something that is apparently quite common in a number of anxiety related disorders. If you wanted to get over it, it would mean directly addressing the fears that you have - because when you leave fears in the back of the mind and dont bring them into the light to see them, they turn into a vague, indefinable anxiety that just cripples you. But when you know what the fear is, it can begin to be handled.

My mum never passed her test precisely because her fear of failing in front of an instructor was too great. She could actually drive ok - it was just that the moment anyone was watching her or assessing her, her performance anxiety took over. Of course she was utterly unaware of why that was, and absolutely not going to look any deeper. Thats how my mum was - sweep it under the carpet until the smell gets too bad. So she gave up on the idea of ever driving, even though it kept her stuck and endlessly complaining that she wished she had a car.

If you decided to try to get over this fear, you may be able to have a few CBT sessions to work directly with the fears that cause you to overthink and which paralyse you. I would also seek out an instructor whose expertise is with especially nervous learners (whether you think of yourself as nervous or not) - an impatient instructor who wants to reduce your struggles to simply "overthinking" is going to be as much use as a rubber spanner. Maybe see if you can find a school that has driving simulators - if you STILL lock up even when there is no real car involved, then its very possibly going to be a performance anxiety issue.

Ooo to answer question - yus I can drive, but dont own a car

Ross

[Elke]

You write that you are afraid of cars - thats wrong! Cars are wonderful machines that take you where you want to go, that give you a sense of freedom. Change your attitude about cars, they´re nothing to be afraid of, on the contrary.

I got my license second time around. I took the test on manual, but then came to Europe where everyone drives shift and honest shift is harder.

Try not to focus/concentrate so much about all the things that you have to put into use in the "inside" of the car, but concentrate more on the road in front of you, the rest usually comes automatically.