Selective Mutism

[Roses]

You are so right and thank you Ross. When you mentioned about me turning it on myself that is exactly what my therapist said at one point. He said that I had obviously glossed over the most important part which was the SH and then when I talked about the circumstances surrounding it that I ended up putting the guilt and blame on my own shoulders. So you are spot on again. OMG all these revelations it's weird but liberating at the same time.

Mike and I did talk and things are a bit better now. It was hard and we both got upset but you are right, it doesn't mean this relationship is broken, just that it is a relationship like any other and has good times and bad times. Mike reassured me that he is 100% fine and expects me to talk about us with my t and that he was sorry if I felt I couldn't talk to friends but he doesn't mind that either. So it was a good chat. I feel very sad for him as we did talk about the "dark years" again when he was gambling bad and I said to him that I think it is something that I need to talk about in t as I am an emotional wreck and am constantly second guessing him and that I don't think it's healthy for me. Again, he was fine and said it sounded like a good plan.

I do feel it was all my fault, if I had been a better wife/mother/friend he would have come and talked to me and not run away to the world of gambling. I feel that because I hurt him it has somehow warped his sense of reality and it is my fault he ended up an addict. I guess I need to look at this.

[canadianbumble]

Hi Roses I stop talking sometimes It's fear for me to become a target of anger.My mum told me when I was a kid to shut up , that I was always talking and she hated the sound of my voice. I didn't speak much from that day.My youngest always says why are you so quiet mummy? when I'm ill. Also many people have told me in Reiki healing that I have quite a blockage in my throat. I spend a lot of time alone so why would I speak, I just forget how to sometimes.I can sing though which is odd which I have been told I do well. hat bercomes a release for me. Bumble

[Roses]

Thank you for your support Bumble... (((((((((((((((((Bumble)))))))))))))))))))))

Yes, I enjoy singing too. I wonder if other people who struggle to talk can sing instead? I'm glad that you have been told you have a lovely voice, it's nice to get that positive affirmation. It makes sense about the throat chakra, I might get my dowser out later and have a little lookie. xxxxx

[hummm_mabbe]

Hi Rosie

Hope this won't sound over simple, but that is very much the mind set of someone who has been abused - the natural tendency to see the self as flawed and so the cause, rather than being an interdependent part of something.

Keep working through, and be aware of that guilt. Maybe try to entertain the possibility that this is your abuse talking, that although it feels totally real, there is a possibility that its wrong?

Ross

[Roses]

And that is the scariest thing of all. To think that all my life up to now is kinda an illusion in some way. That I am gonna change beyond comprehension. My t did say we are not looking a huge changes but small differences but it just feels so BIG and BOLD and CHANGE is like Aaarrrghhhhh..... and then no-one will like the new me and I'll be abandoned anyways *sniff*

Tired now. ((((((((((((((((((((((Rossie McHorsiedressedasbunny)))))))))))))))))))

[hummm_mabbe]

Heee

Now you can see why Im excited about a book called "Letting go of the person you used to be" (even when that person kept you unhappy and stuck ...)

Its less scary to cling to a lonely and cold life buoy in rough seas, than let go just because someone promises you there's a ship over the next crest. The only thing you can do is have faith and swim.

Ross

[Roses]

True, this is true. Thank you. xxx

[toaster]

i just read this again.

'i cant fall of the floor' - thats been my motto for years, even used it in group

i didnt talk for a long time as a child. i would sit for an hour in therpay and not utter a word. now, i go from total manic never shut up talking to total silence. is like u said, its a case of not being able to talk. its horrible. it leaves u feeling horribly lonely, then frustrated, despair, anger.

i dont know the answer, if i find it ill tell u first i promise.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((roses))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Roses]

Thank you so much Toaster. I'm so sorry for your terrible pain. (((((Toaster)))))