buoyantcat Posted July 20, 2004 Report Share Posted July 20, 2004 Hey guys. I really didn't know where to post this. So I just decided to put it here. I guess it doesn't matter anymore because things are getting put in the wrong forums anyway. There's getting to be a lot of people here. It starts getting confusing. Then, it starts effecting me when there are a whole bunch of crises going on. I don't really know how to handle them, and what to say. If people come here for support, I feel that they should offer it too. I just can't take all of this turmoil anymore. It's getting hard. I've got my own crap to deal with. I'm sorry if I've offended anyone. I guess it won't matter anyway, because I think I am going to step out for awhile. I will see how it goes. I gotta work on some stuff of my own, and start finding my interests again. I want to thank you "oldies" that have been here most of the while. Thank you for your help, your support. I wish the best for you, and take care of yourselves. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wabbit Posted July 20, 2004 Report Share Posted July 20, 2004 Babe we will miss you. I hear what you are saying and I agree. I might be joining ya soon. Love ya Wabbit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toadstool Posted July 20, 2004 Report Share Posted July 20, 2004 Sorry you both feel like this. I have enjoyed reading your posts.Would it be any good if you only went in some forums or do they all trigger you? Obviuously you have to do what's right for you. I just wanted to say I personally would miss your contributions. All the best love Toadstool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
befuddled Posted July 20, 2004 Report Share Posted July 20, 2004 You guys are the ones who have made me feel welcome here and I'd hate to be the cause of your withdrawing. I wish there was something I could do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wabbit Posted July 20, 2004 Report Share Posted July 20, 2004 Fudd you arent the cause of anyone withdrawing. Its OK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
befuddled Posted July 20, 2004 Report Share Posted July 20, 2004 Thank you Wabbit. I hope you stick around! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LanieD116 Posted July 21, 2004 Report Share Posted July 21, 2004 this is so strange.... I have the same feeling. I told my therapist today that I used to spend so much time on here reading and learning and bonding with many of you - to the point that I cry for you and think about you deep into the night. My 12 yr. old daughter asks about some of you specifically that we've prayed for - not details - just that you needed prayer. I expressed to my husband the other night that I was getting more depressed - heart breaking for your struggles and that I had been so sad lately and very anxious. My therapist told me today to give this a break and deal with my husband now. That I'd learned enough about BPD to understand a great deal and how it effects different people and now I needed to take what i've learned and concentrate on his needs. I've cut down a lot and limited time to chat really - where you are alive and talking to me and I get so excited to see you all and picture you at your computers all over the world! But how strange that there are others feeling this way - everyone's so compassionate - we have to be careful not to sponge and make other's pain our own when we have enough on our own to deal with and heal from. The site has truly grown - that's awesome! I do miss the intimacy at times too. It takes all day to check all the forums and choose which I have time to get on and support. A breaks ok.... All of you are welcome to email me personally and unload. LanieD116@aol.com Come back though.... or you'll be greatly missed. We're a family here!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twilight Posted July 21, 2004 Report Share Posted July 21, 2004 Sorry to read that but I'm sure everyone understands that you have things you have to work through on your own. You'll be missed though. Take care of yourself and do pop by and let us know how you're doing, especially anytime u feel u need some extra support, we'll be here. Take care, hugs :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Song Posted July 21, 2004 Report Share Posted July 21, 2004 It has been a pleasure getting to know you guys, take care, be real, remember you are not alone. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noname Posted July 22, 2004 Report Share Posted July 22, 2004 Hey all, Can I just say that I don't agree with this at all...i know i've not been here very long but personally I think this site is great and has helped me loads already, and the way I see it; the more the merrier!!! In regards to what was said about not everybody posting, well maybe not everybody feels like they have the strength to try and help others, maybe thier own problems are too overwhelming. I don't mean to offend anyone by writing this ...it's just what I think, Alex xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted July 24, 2004 Report Share Posted July 24, 2004 Please don't leave. I know I have just been listening alot - it's like trying to run into a moving jump rope, waiting for the right time.....please, don't anyone leave. I only just found you, and it means so much to me to have members here who have more experience than I do. I don't have a computer at home so I use the one at work and just popped in today to check the forum. Please don't anyone leave. Verbena Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted July 24, 2004 Report Share Posted July 24, 2004 good job jumping in Verbena.... Now you have to keep posting! bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragdoll Posted July 25, 2004 Report Share Posted July 25, 2004 IM SORRY I KNOW IM A MAIN PERPETRATRAITOR AND I APOLOGISE EMENSLEY MAYBE ITS THE WRONT PPL TAKING THE TIME AWAY. PLEASE DONT GO. ON MY PART THINGS HAVE SETTLED. AND IF NEED BE I CAN LEAVE FOR THE TIME BEING IM HAPPY TO DO SO AND IM SURE WILL MAKE MANY HAPPY ASWELL. BUT PLEASE NO ONE GO. IT WONT BE THE SAME WORLD WITH OUT YOU ALL HERE. MAYBE IF SOMEONE LIKE THIS PERSON DISAPPEARED FOR A WHILE BUT YOU KNOW IT WILL BE FOR THE BEST. SO PLEASE RETHINK IT BEFORE GOING AWAY. RAGDOLL AND WABBIT KEEP ME INFORMED PLEASE EVEN AT 0.29C PERMIN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted July 25, 2004 Report Share Posted July 25, 2004 Hey all, Can I just say that I don't agree with this at all...i know i've not been here very long but personally I think this site is great and has helped me loads already, and the way I see it; the more the merrier!!! In regards to what was said about not everybody posting, well maybe not everybody feels like they have the strength to try and help others, maybe thier own problems are too overwhelming. I don't mean to offend anyone by writing this ...it's just what I think, Alex xxxx I agree with the above , if people would like to leave then feel free, if you feel there are to many forums post in ones you want to the others shouldnt affect you, you can also collapse them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
budgie Posted July 25, 2004 Report Share Posted July 25, 2004 PEOPLE. HAVE YOU HEARD OF DRS? NURSES? SOCIAL WORKERS? PLEASE. Yes I do understand. BPDers are very sensitive. too sensitive for their own good. But do KNOW my friends. You carry your own LOAD first BEFORE you can help others OK. U are neither superman, batman, spiderman, superwomen, the Hulk, watever. You are just you. My friends. Humans. DONT BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF. Come back. U can care and be concern, thats what friends are for. But you cannot LIVE their lives, do u not understand my dear friends? If you try living their lives, that will surely get u down. Believe me. I wish u all the best. This is a great site. Thanks Josh. I am staying. Budgie :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted July 25, 2004 Report Share Posted July 25, 2004 We all know about bpd there is no need to explain as we all have it. Glad your staying! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
befuddled Posted July 25, 2004 Report Share Posted July 25, 2004 Josh, some of us here are not diagnosed and often clueless. I appreciate it everytime details are outlined again in a new context. It lets me sort myself a bit better everytime. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted July 25, 2004 Report Share Posted July 25, 2004 There is plenty of information on the site, forums, and diaries for people that are "clueless" and i would suggest anyone in this posistion sppeks to there pro's about what is wrong or not wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
befuddled Posted July 25, 2004 Report Share Posted July 25, 2004 i would suggest anyone in this posistion sppeks to there pro's I don't have any pros, or emergency teams, or anything like it. I don't live in your kind of world. Nor do I want to. And I do read everything - thats how I ended up here. But hearing it at different times and applied to different situations is always helpful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LanieD116 Posted July 25, 2004 Report Share Posted July 25, 2004 Hey, For what it's worth - I was one of the ones that thought I should take a break from here - not b/c of anyone - not b/c of how wonderfully it's grown - not b/c of anything that anyone did, said, or thought! =0) Anything can be unhealthy if you get too much - that's all - I was spending more time reading on here than I was taking care of the house, ect.... I was sinking into a deeper depression wanting to help you all - that's all.... I have a great respect, love, compassion, and understerstanding than I did before.... and I want so much for each of you - so much happiness and so much joy.... But - I'm staying close - taking small doses and when it gets too sad for me, I push away from the computer. I love you guys too much to leave all together.... *hugs* even though i'm the odd ball out! Lanie <>< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buoyantcat Posted July 29, 2004 Author Report Share Posted July 29, 2004 Hello. I didn't know my absence would cause such a stir. I am sorry to cause any worries. I have had a terrible time the past week or so...on and off. I finally had my first appointment with my "appointed" counselor with this counseling program at my university. It was utmost horrible! I don't like my counselor. It was very awkward. I don't like talking about some things. It just makes me really upset inside. Everything about that session just made things turn upside down. I went into a really bad depression yesterday. I'm doing okay now. I just gotta think about some stuff now. Now, I don't know if I should even see a therapist/counselor now. I don't know why I am trying to help myself. I don't know why I am trying to see a counselor. I can see this all just going to hell... My friend says to follow my heart. I will have to think about what my heart tells me to do now. I'm sorry to ramble. I just felt like talking. And I wanted to let you guys know what's up. I didn't leave because I hate it here. I just got stuff to deal with. But, I've thought about this place, and I think I will stay here and hang. Just don't expect me to be around quite so often. I will try my best to offer support when needed, especially when it is a situation I am familiar with. I hope to talk with you guys soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted July 29, 2004 Report Share Posted July 29, 2004 We all know about bpd there is no need to explain as we all have it. Not very often I disagree with you Josh, but on this occasion I think I need to. I was diagnosed with depression NOT BPD, is this now the same???????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted July 29, 2004 Report Share Posted July 29, 2004 Buoy, You didnt really cause a stir... we just all wanted to say that we would miss you. you have to do what is good for you. i am glad you will be checking in and around. i think you have plenty to say that is worth listening to. we just kinda wanted to let you know that we care... that we are here.. that you are part of us! about your concelor... hang in for a while .... you only met once and the relationship could develope into one you like. i never like my t's for at least 6 months! if you dont like your t after giving him a chance... change. i also find that the more i think i shouldnt be in therapy because it is stiring things up to much........ the more i actually need to be there. ((( hugs ))) bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoe Panda Posted July 30, 2004 Report Share Posted July 30, 2004 buoyantcat: My counselor in Hawaii told me that after attending three sessions you can usually tell whether or not the relationship with that counselor is going to work. My boyfriend at the time told me, "You don't know if this might be the one person who can help you." At the time I had just had a bad experience with a counselor, and though it made my blood boil, I took his advice, swallowed my pride, and gave her another shot. Though I ended up deciding she didn't have the expertise needed to help me, it did help me resolve a grudge that I would carry with me to this day had I not listened to my boyfriend. I'll give you the same advice he gave me: give that counselor a shot. And then yeah, totally follow your heart. =) Welcome back...on a part-time basis, hehe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verbena Posted July 30, 2004 Report Share Posted July 30, 2004 Sometimes it's like you guys know what I was thinking on my way to work this morning! I thought maybe I was just making excuses for my bad behavior between appointments. I only see my therapist once a month at this point, and for the first two weeks, I leave am non-stop leaving messages on his voice mail - some pretty horrible - writing pages and pages and raising hell at home. Then it starts to calm down, and for two weeks I'm just buzzing but now doing much about it, and then I go back. At the last appointment, he tried to validate almost everything I said, and I appreciated that, but I'm glad I made notes about what was said as soon as I got home, because if I don't do that, I quickly forget what we talked about, and am left with only the feeling that he's been in my head scratching around. If I write things down in my own writing, I'm more likely to believe myself later. Again, this morning I was thinking that it has something to do with him, which is silly, because I've only known him for a few months, and I've been this way since I was a child. How amazing that I have learned more about myself from you guys in a couple weeks than I have in all the years of therapy and self examination. I think today will be a good day. Verbena Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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